Weight. Weight loss. Overweight. These words, for me, epitomize the scourge of life after 50 — one of them, anyway. Weight loss after 50.
As it is, I have decades of experience at fighting this battle, one which I thought I had conquered for good, along with lifetime challenges to do with body image. So it’s demoralizing to find myself here again. It’s also an opportunity — to consider causes we may tend to dismiss, to identify options to improve the situation, and in sharing my experience.
And then there is the tangible and immediate: It’s time I face the fact that I’ve packed on pounds – before I lose myself to an old nemesis.
As part of my Monday midlife makeover series, I’m opening the kimono — not to worry, only figuratively — to where I find myself on the subject of weight, and more specifically, overall discomfort at knowing I’m not the size that feels right for me.
Weight Gain After 50
We know the drill: Expect to put on a few pounds around the middle after 50. But a few pounds is far from 20 in just over a year! And at my stature, 20 pounds is five dress sizes.
To my surprise, this sort of gain is more prevalent than I knew. Apparently some 90% of women between 45 and 55 go up by 10 to 20 pounds.
Live Strong points out the health consequences:
… Weight gain at any time, including menopause, can lead to health problems, such as high blood pressure and type 2 diabetes, but weight gained during menopause may increase the risk of developing breast cancer, while losing weight during menopause may reduce your risk of developing the disease.
A few numbers of interest from my “fat” files?
As an adult, I’ve weighed everything from 92 pounds to 190.
Yes, you read that right. And speaking of 92, that’s on the edge of the ideal weight for a woman of my height and age, with the stated range from 92 to 124. That’s a 32-pound span, which is itself, confusing.
Frankly, at 124, well… I’ll just say it. I’m seriously overweight. I have pictures, but I’ll spare you the details. On the other hand, eight pounds thinner at 116, I’m curvy but appear unexceptional in any way. At 105 to 108, which is my once usual size four, I’m “just right.” There isn’t a bone to be seen at that weight except collar bones and elbows, but I feel good, comfortable, agile.
I feel like myself.
At 92 pounds? That was a gaunt and exhausted me during and after my unpleasant divorce. Some three years later, I was a healthy size four, and I stayed that way for more than ten years.
Weight Loss After 50
So here we are. My midlife makeover. It’s at least as much about holding myself to a healthier lifestyle as it is to spicing up my look, brightening my surroundings, or injecting my professional endeavors with a new burst of energy.
About four weeks ago when I dared to step on a scale, I was horrified to see I weighed 128. Not so bad? Keep this in mind: I don’t hit the five foot mark. And… the doctor’s scale says my scale weighs 4 pounds light!
So here’s what I did.
- I stopped eating meals after 7pm
- I rededicated myself to fresh fruit and vegetables
- A heel injury is beginning to ease, so a week ago I started back on short walks
- I’m working to facilitate more sleep
- I’m trying new methods of managing stress
Most importantly, I refuse to fall victim to the myth that carrying excess weight at this age is inevitable.
Some? I buy that. But ballooning three, four or in my case, five sizes?
Shame on me.
Causes of Weight Gain We Easily Dismiss
My current appearance leaves me embarrassed. I fought long, hard and won — or so I thought — my fight against fat. Thus, you may understand my less compassionate view when I assess my situation.
I’m disappointed in myself. I’m a little bit appalled. And as the saying goes, I have nothing to wear!
I’m also smart enough to recognize that lifestyle is a significant factor. Sleep deprivation leaves us hungrier, and my work schedule is often grueling. It means early rising and late to bed, and even the occasional all-nighter. How do I manage to make it through?
Cookies. Cupcakes. A run for Reese’s.
And all of this combined makes it less likely that I exercise.
It’s also well known that stress is a factor. So if you’re going through a divorce, struggling to pay the bills, slamming into deadline after deadline, or up waiting for your teen to pull into the driveway — it’s unreasonable to think that the body will be immune. It’s just as unreasonable to pretend we won’t turn to food for comfort as well as energy.
These factors aside, to ignore eating issues that get out of hand is to be very foolish. And surrender? That’s not in my nature. Moreover I’m inspired when I look at one of my models of note, an elegant French woman who stands one inch taller than me, and at age 87, she weighs 105, eats everything she wants though she doesn’t snack, but pay attention here — she walks a mile or more, generally every day.
Belly Fat Begone!
The New York Times supplies stellar encouragement on the subject of midlife weight loss, as Ask Well (Blog) addresses weight gain for menopausal women. In fact, an increase in activity and a change in diet can accomplish terrific results. Referring to two reputable studies, the first specifies:
… women in the diet group… were three times as likely to have lost weight…
And in the second, we see the same:
… [women in the diet and exercise group] saw greater reductions in their waistlines, and they were more likely to have remained at or below their baseline weight.
The abdominal region being the most likely to attract those extra pounds, and worrisome in terms of health risk, the Mayo Clinic’s discussion of belly fat offers an excellent explanation of causes and impacts, and recommends adjusting diet, moderate exercise, and working for a slow and steady loss of extra pounds.
Concerning the measurement for women at which we have cause to pay attention — a 35″ waist or greater (and that’s exhaling, not sucking everything in) — yours truly comes in at 34.75″, which is a little too close for comfort.
As for my weight loss regimen these past few weeks? I’ll spell it out tomorrow. It’s heavy on the fruit and veggies, but includes my favorite proteins.
Women and Body Image
So what if I’m over 50 and a size 12? Is that really a big deal?
Of course not, except… What if I keep gaining? What about that borderline middle? What about the strain that extra weight is putting on my back? What about the fact that I feel lousy about myself, that I look in the mirror and see my obese mother? That is the true challenge for me to address.
When I don’t feel like myself in my body, when I flash back to the pain my mother felt in her troubled life, when I see myself becoming a person I don’t recognize — I’m less likely to feel good, period.
Confidence plummets, I don’t go out, and withdrawing from my social self is a throwback to adolescence and childhood. It’s a replay of the shame I felt when the adults watched every morsel I put in my mouth, and pressed me to lose a few pounds.
No one should be made to feel “less than” over body shape or size.
None of us should be shamed or belittled over appearance, and certainly not a child.
And those voices we internalize?
It’s hard work to banish them. We may fight their effects periodically throughout our lives.
Now. That little woman sitting in a red chair… Yes, that’s me, 18 months ago at size four and 108 pounds. See? Not skinny. Healthy. I miss that woman, her comfort with herself, her confidence. I look nothing like her at the moment! And that is my makeover goal — alignment of who I am with how I see and present myself. I needn’t be a size four, but something in the middle of my height-appropriate range would be oh-so-much-more “me.”
At Home in Our Female Forms
I will always be a curvy woman. I’m thrilled to be a curvy woman! I have friends who are considerably taller and are fit, self-assured, and stunning at size 14. It’s about health and well-being, and feeling at home in our bodies; what the French refer to as bien dans sa peau.
But consider this. When we can’t stand getting naked and glancing in the mirror, when we’ve neglected our eating, when we’re caught in cycles of sugar (especially) that result from stress, overwork, and lack of sleep, when we can’t wear the clothes that reinforce a pleasurable sense of self — don’t we feel as if we’re somehow slipping away?
Perhaps this is more true for those of us who were once significantly overweight; I recall my discomfort as a size 12, 14, 16 and larger all too clearly. The years of knowing myself fitter, flirtier, and lighter on my feet are such a contrast and brought so much delight. I’m simply unwilling to say goodbye to that me.
Halfway between the 92 to 124-pound span, the range for my age and height, is 108. It’s a realistic target, and it feels like “home.” However, it requires a 20-pound weight loss. From where I was a month ago, at 128? I’m down seven, 13 to go but plateaued for the past week.
What do I anticipate next? Patience, persistence, and I hope — a one-pound loss per week, then holding it there.
50 and Fat? Not for Me
I adore the freedoms the fifties bring. I know my own mind, I know what I love, and I care less about what others think. What a relief! But that doesn’t mean I don’t care at all, or that I don’t recognize the value of maintaining one’s appearance. How others see us is important. How we see ourselves, even more so.
As for growing older, I like who I am becoming, the person, at this stage in my life. Still, I have every intention of reclaiming a better, healthier, more comfortable version of myself while remembering that physiological changes are inevitable, medications can make weight gain unavoidable, and the pain of injuries or other conditions can make exercise a challenge. Nevertheless, proper eating and better sleep habits will take me far in fighting weight gain.
Will I ever see size four again?
That’s not the point, but this is. I love feeling feminine, I love fine fashions, I love the energy I have to chase my dreams when I’m bien dans ma peau. These days? I’m not feeling it. Not even close. I suspect that some of you are in the same boat.
I know this is a recurring issue in my life, one that seems — feels — exacerbated in my fifties. But I also know I can do better. Much better. And I know how much it means to me.
So I’m channeling my stays in France when I ate well, walked much, and never gave weight a second thought. Even a very recent séjour saw me enjoying wonderful meals — la bettrave (beet salad) and macarons, remember? — and not gaining a single ounce.
I’m also relying on resolve, discipline, and a closet full of beautiful blouses and perfectly fitted pencil skirts. That in itself is ample motivation. And I’m picturing my 87-year-old role model, who is the epitome of French style. I look at her and I know this: There’s nothing unusual in desiring or owning confidence, strength, and femininity at any age.
I’ll keep you posted on how I’m doing. I welcome your suggestions, experience, and related comments.
Visit the next in the series, Midlife Makeover: Old Talk, Fat Talk. And check out the midlife makeover series in entirety.
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Don’t be so hard on yourself! Yeah, easier said than done because I’m just as cruel to myself.
But hormones will affect us at this age…I managed to maintain pretty well the same weight (give or take 20) throughout my adult life. And then 10 years ago perimenopause hit, combined with stress from moving overseas and not adjusting as easily as I would have liked, combined with Zoloft. For the first time in my life, I’m — to put it bluntly — fat. And for the first time in my life, I no longer have a tiny waist with big hips. I’m just an apple.
So hard to adjust to. So far I’m healthy, but I feel so damned old…I was able to walk off my weight back home in Canada, but somehow I can’t make a dent here.
Rooting for you! Hopefully, in moving back home later this year, I’ll leave some of the kilos behind. 😉
Thanks, Laura. And keep me posted on how you do, too! (I was very encouraged by the articles that say it is possible to reduce, but we need to set different expectations in terms of how.
Oh man. The eternal battle. I exercise almost every day and almost never eat all that I want, but clearly eat more than I should, as I am ten pounds heavier than my ideal weight. (A weight I have maintained before.)
However, whenever I start to get down on myself for gaining weight, I think about my husband’s mother, who is a malnourished 119 lbs, 5’10”. She is thin because she gets most of her calories from alcohol and I guess she gets too drunk before she ingests enough calories to gain weight.
Still, she has asked me more than once what I weigh – 143 at 5’5″ – and then replied that she weighs only 119, as if she has won.
I want to tell her, “Yes, but at least I can get up out of a chair without help.” I try to remind that I am strong and healthy and ten extra pounds are not the worst thing in the world.
Gold digger, this is a wonderful reminder that it really needs to be about health. Part of that health is also well-being, which includes how we see ourselves.
I read somewhere that after the age of 20, the average man puts on 10 lbs per decade. I haven’t, but that’s only because I have a genetic predisposition to thinness. I feel for women, but I’m glad I married a tough woman who doesn’t dwell too much on her genetically given plumpness. After the doctor told her that her dieting was going to kill her, I begged her to ease up. She did and 20 years later, approaching our 60s, we are so happy. Gawd help us if either of us were in the dating scene again though. My friends there have told me stories that demonstrate the brutal nature of man.
I do think it changes, Jim, when you’re back on the single scene at midlife. There, realistically, women can find themselves significantly challenged. And even a moderate amount of extra weight, it seems, is one of the “elimination from consideration” factors.
You and Susy are such a wonderful reminder of how good things can be, and how well some marriages do with the years. (Thank you for that!)
I, too, was an overweight child — enough so that the doctor put me on a crazy diet (no lunch!) at age 13. Since then, like you, there have been times when I’ve been heavier. The last few years, however, I’ve been pretty stable. I attribute that to regular exercise, but also—and I think that’s the one thing you didn’t mention here — I don’t “diet” or think of a change as a diet, I think of it as improving my eating habits. When people view it as a “diet,” it has a beginning, middle and end, and when it ends, they often revert to old habits and back comes the weight.
Bravo to you for trying to get to the root of the problem, which I suspect is the stress, lack of sleep and recent inability to walk on that sore heel. I suspect that you are gorgeous at any size, but I totally understand having a size where you feel your best and the most like yourself. Keep us posted!
Ticked off your points, saying to myself, yes, yes and yes. I’m in my mid-60s now and my metabolism has slowed even more. In the past 6 months, have lost 23 pounds and have 15 more to go. I can do the water and low-fat/high-fiber, calorie-controlled diet thing until I’m blue in the face. I remain stuck on the scale—until I add the exercise. I am now walking five miles an day and, finally, it is changing my set point. The remaining weight is starting to come off. I just must keep the hour a day exercising up if I want to see those scale numbers move. I am beginning to feel good about my body again. I was 130 (32 years ago) when I was married and I think 140 is a very realistic weight to aspire to.
Congrats to you on all your hard work!
23 pounds! Wow! That’s fantastic. And five miles a day. You must feel incredible (and happily tired) with that level of exercise. Congrats to you, and maybe your remaining 15 and my 13 will nicely coincide. So glad you stopped by. Solidarity is motivating.
GORGEOUS YOU!
YOU are on the WAY BABY!!!!!!!!!!
I hear SO MUCH ABOUT WALKING………which I do not do only if I am SHOPPING! ITS KEY……………
I like the not eating after 7pm. GOOD ONE!
I too am in this same category except I am TALLER! But the pounds have come out of NO where these past few months………… according to the doctors scales I have gained 16 pounds too! I exercise almost daily. I have found I just canNOT eat what I want…… ANYMORE!
124 was my wedding weight…………….I was skinny.
Cresting at 178 TODAY!!! That is a 54 pound increase which makes me LAUGH as I gained 53 pounds with each pregnancy! HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE………….?
Keep US POSTED on what YOUR doing and I will TRY and follow………………….GREAT POST!
XO
Whew. Well, you know that I am right there with you on everything. I gained at least 20 pounds in the past year. My Mom gained a fair amount when she was perimenopause but I think that it is also all of the stress that is ruling my life right now. As we have talked about, it can be such a Catch-22! If you are struggling with depression or anxiety (or both as I am), then excercise is the number one thing to help you feel better and yet I often feel too crappy to do anything. And then am mad at myself, won’t look at myself in the mirror…and last night I nearly cried when I put on a maxi skirt after a long day and all I could see was my huge belly sticking out. I changed back into the pants I had on. Living in France, I am not merely considered really overweight but I am no longer treated as if I am remotely attractive. As I have said before, you can be any age here and still be sexy but fat? No way.
So, I loved reading both your piece and all of the comments here. There is a lot of compassion to be found. And inspiration! I will be cheering you on and reading all of the attached articles to see if maybe, just maybe I might be able to lose a little weight too.
Bisous,
H
Body image after 50 is tough, isn’t it? Since I retired two years ago, I’ve been battling what I call “slippage”… tiny imperceptible (at first) changes in weight and/or middle resulting from my more relaxed lifestyle. I was a high school teacher, and I didn’t realize until I retired how many calories I burned just by standing at the front of a classroom waving my arms around directing 30 teenagers, moving around from group to group of students, running up and down long halls for supplies, forgotten notebooks etc etc.etc. It’s hard to replace those in the run of my day now. But I’m working on it. Especially the burgeoning middle age middle. I told my husband I was calling my new plan “roll reversal.” Thanks for the good advice and helpful links.
I’ve let my weight creep up in the last year and I’m pretty annoyed with myself about it. Not eating after 7 is a great idea. I know all these things help…why am I so reluctant to do it? I know I’d be much happier, 10 pounds lighter!
It’s sooooo much harder at this stage, Jennifer. I think that’s part of why so many of us find ourselves here. We do the same things we did 10+ years ago to reduce, but it’s slower, which erodes motivation. And I don’t know about you… but that’s when I have to really turn up the discipline. (Not so easy either!)
You are so much more clear than I am on these issues that I hesitate to comment, I think I did because …. no shame on you! In my experience shame isn’t an emotion likely to end up in a productive place. So far as body image, age and weight … being well over 60, it doesn’t get easier, but I do think truly giving up the idea of “forever young” helps me to find a more comfortable mindset. I try to keep the weight off for cycling, which I so love … and have read that all bodies have a “set point” and the most effective way to maintain a weight is regular exercise and that moderate exercise is fine. Oddly, so many people make pointed comments to me about how I shouldn’t pay attention to weight, or being fit. Dumb responses all, from whichever perspective!
Insightful. Thank you, Suze.
This hit home, especially for me just recently. I just made it over 50 and I’m now at my highest weight ever. I swear it just crept up quickly in the last couple months. And the belly fat? Annoying! It’s funny that I quit bread and pasta entirely 3 years ago and I walk many miles almost daily (not to mention the gym and other activities). I, too, now have just upped my vegie and fruit intake. In the meantime, I just keep telling myself, the more weight in my face, the less wrinkles I have.
YOU MADE MY DAY. Just returning from a very depressing shopping trip where I was confronted by the reality of my 51 year old body at 120lbs. I am so very tired of feeling this way. I miss my 105lb. Size 4 body. This post came up when I googled “How do I lose 15lbs. at age 50?”
Not only are our numbers exactly the same, but your attitude and resolve to choose differently for yourself are inspiring. Every word you have written could have been written by me. I am going to click through your links and form a plan. I have the good fortune not to do much emotional stress eating and I could live easily without sugar. For me, it is a matter of exercise, consistency, and lifestyle choices like sleep deprivation and stress. I am clicking through your links. So grateful!
Thank you SO much for your honesty. I came home feeling tragic and now feel the possibility in front of me that I might not have to resign to carrying this extra weight for the rest of my life.
I’m so glad, Zoe!
Let’s hear it for, as you say, “exercise, consistency and lifestyle choices.” Will you stop back and let us know your progress? (My LBs have crept back up as well, and when you’re petite, even a few of those babies make a noticeable difference. And a buddy system can be a big help!)
I am so hopeful now looking at your blog, I became desperate, seeing the weight creeping up, I do not eat a lot, some days only coffee but when I go through your blog knowing there is so many women with the same problems. Thank you for all your insight, I know this will change my life because we talk the same language.
I am over 60 now and most of my weight gain has been in the last couple of years mainly due to a change in lifestyle. It is much harder to be active and since I do not have anyone to impress I am not really concerned except the extra weight is detrimental on my knees. It really is much harder to lose weight at this age but It is worth a try at this point since even a few pounds can take the stress off my knee joints. Thank you for your help in this.
You know what really helps, at any age? To accurately monitor/be attentive to every single thing you put into your mouth, completely, and your activity. Paying attention to whether or not you are sleep deprived and any medications that may be adding to weight gain are also important. It is definitely not easy, that’s certainly true. But it isn’t impossible either. We just may need to attack the challenge a bit differently and be more patient.
As I approach my early 60’s, it is more difficult to be active and as energetic as I was 10 years ago. Along with aging, those aches and pains in places, that in past times, there were no places, are making me more immobile also. I really enjoyed the reading here because it help me greatly.
Thank you so much for this article. I showed it to my Mom and she really appreciated it. I especially liked you making women aware of the fact that sleep deprivation can affect their weight. Both my Mom and I struggle with sleep deprivation and insomnia. It has directly affected both of us when it comes to weight. My Mom is over fifty and she says that maintaining a healthy weight has become even more of a challenge for her. I am not looking forward to that but I appreciate the community you have built here with like-minded women. My Mom and I have tried lots of things when it comes to losing weight and maintaining a healthy weight. My Mom is currently on lean meats and leafy greens diet and leafy greens diet. We do cheat occasionally lol. She has lost 17 pounds over the past year and I have lost 20 but we are still working at it. Something else my Mom swears by is a red tea cleanse. She does this once every two months she seems to like it. I wish everyone luck and much success in their weight loss and maintaining.
At the age of 46, I recently found out how difficult it is to lose weight at this stage of a woman’s life. The fluctuation of hormones are really to blame.