Oh, life’s “little” battles that rear their ugly heads… My battles? Some are old, some are new; all require resolve.
Here’s an oldie that I thought was beaten: the battle of the bulge! And not the creeping two or three pounds a year sort, but the esteem-endangering, self-sabotaging, life-long shadow of feeling trapped in an unhealthy yo-yo cycle.
Weight gain sufficient to damage confidence. Weight gain that sends my favorite clothes to the back rack. Weight gain that leaves me disconsolate. Listen, I never expected to resemble the flat-ab specimen wowing at the beach. All I ever wanted was “normalcy” — feeling good in my skin at an appropriate size for my height — not to obsess, not to be judged, and not to be deemed “fat” by my own (distorted?) inner voice.
Alas! Though weight was a non-issue for more than a decade, that stable self was struck down by stress in the past two years, and for other reasons in recent months.
Give Up? Give In? Diet Again? REALLY?
This untoward and uppity “upward” trend is not a matter of a lapse in attentiveness. (In other words, I didn’t pig out for 30 consecutive days and expect to come out unscathed.)
In fact, those pesky pounds of which I speak are largely the result of ripple effects: An injury sidelined me for several months, pain left me sleepless, and the “whole” had me gaining on my usual healthy meals along with larger portions and more snacking. Another complication: I routinely deal with back pain through rigorous adherence to a home exercise program. The shoulder injury left me unable to keep up with that, which has now returned me to Land of Chronic Back Pain… again, impacting my ability to exercise.
And here’s the skinny on the sorry result: UGH. I’m 17 pounds heavier than I was six months ago! That’s a significant amount on a woman of my (mini) stature.
Incidentally, the relationship between pain and sleep is well established, and pain-related sleep deficits are a widespread American problem. One of the reasons I’m now catching some winks (of course) is because I can get to sleep and stay asleep due to lessened pain in my injured shoulder.
These days, I combine a cup of compassion (from me to me) with a supersized serving of self-knowledge. I realize that fat can satisfy a self-protective purpose, and some of us have a tendency to:
… overeat to self-soothe, overeat to self-sabotage, overeat to self-anesthetize. Fat becomes a place to hide when relationships are too painful to face… Fat helps to cushion emotional isolation. Unfortunately, it also worsens it, when what we really need is emotional connection.
So here’s to honestly owning my current uncomfortable situation, with the hope that I will battle back to a place where I feel more connected to myself.
Speaking of Sleep
For those of us who are routinely sleep-challenged, anything that interferes with zzzzzs becomes a Great Big Battle, old or new. When you don’t sleep, let’s face it… you feel lousy. You look lousy. You drag. You are a drag! And this Time Health report on the benefits of sleep reminds us:
… Adequate sleep is a key part of a healthy lifestyle, and can benefit your heart, weight, mind, and more.
Heart. Check. Weight. Check. And the impacts on the mind?
Try compromised mood, memory, multitasking. We struggle with concentration. Judgment is impaired. We’re more accident prone. As the same Time brief points out:
… During sleep you can strengthen memories or “practice” skills learned while you were awake (it’s a process called consolidation).
Consider this recent article in The New York Times looking at jet lag, insomnia, and mental illness, as it explores Circadian rhythms and the ways your sleep schedule is making you sick — not to mention a real pill to live with!
UGH. Looking for Work.
When you’re unemployed, underemployed, or possibly alternating between one and the other as someone who is “self-employed,” you’re dependent on nurturing your pipeline. That, naturally, is in addition to delivering exemplary results to any person or organization currently using your skills.
It’s not an old battle or a new battle so much as a constant battle — with time management and competing needs — that eventually you grow accustomed to.
In other words, it’s all about eyes open, ears open, and developing leads — then closing the deal. Over and over again.
But what if life takes you out of the game for a bit? What if no matter what you try, you can’t nab a win? What if you’re juggling a family crisis, a medical incident, a legal proceeding or other unanticipated event? What if there is no disability, no family leave, no financial help of any sort and reserves were long ago used up?
What if the market changes and you’re scrambling to retool your skills? What if you’re over 50 and can’t get a foot in the door?
Having lost six months to an injury, and not the first time, this is where I am. New clients are a must.
So what am I doing? Taking a deep breath and a hard look. Identifying new opportunities and current constraints. Assessing skills, evaluating markets, scrutinizing competition. I’m reviewing and expanding my contacts. I’m brainstorming ways to better target. I’m considering the way I communicate who I am and what I do via my professional site and other means. I’m soliciting input on what to update, expand, refocus or spin off, what channels are better suited, whether or not to rebrand, and if so, how.
For so many of us, the promotional and networking noise of today’s “gig economy” is a necessity. This is terrain I understand — an old battle in a new form. But people we respect remain the best possible referral vehicle, so I also ask you to peek here and let me know what you think, if you have suggestions, or even possible contacts. And likewise, if you think I can help you, please get in touch.
The Political Minefield
Surprising new battles?
Relationships are tough enough without fighting over immigration, the economy, and the best way to deliver healthcare. Discuss? Absolutely. Disagree? No doubt.
Like millions across this country, I feel as though I’m watching the destruction of our American experiment. I also recognize that others have the opposite point of view, or a more mixed impression of the events taking place. For those who feel as I do, we’re battling on many fronts every way we can — marching, sharing information, petitioning, emailing.
Wherever we are politically, we may feel emotionally raw defending our positions. When we’re emotionally raw, it’s easy to lash out, to name call, to skip context, to skimp on facts. It’s easy to make those who disagree a lesser human, an “other” with no regard for the values most dear to us.
Standing up for irrefutable, verifiable facts is a fight I believe in. Standing up for the humanity in all of us is also a fight I believe in.
We don’t need to fall for distractions. We don’t need to shout over the web. We don’t need to belittle each other. We don’t need to obliterate friendships over political divides. I’m not chiding; I’m simply reminding myself: The more civil we can be in our discourse, the more likely it is that we’ll listen, possibly learn something, and eventually understand each other’s points of view. Not necessarily accept, but understand.
There’s nothing paltry, petty, or “little” in this battle. It’s big. It’s difficult. It’s a battle we can work to win.
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D: Health is important. Work is important. Politics? One of the enjoyable things about reading your Blog is your tendency to wisely avoid Politics. Smart move. In today’s world, you have to assume that whatever you say or write on this unpleasant subject, you are going to offend 50% of the people who listen to or read your words. Why bother?
I’ll think of today’s offering each time I watch Marie Osmond for the 1000th time with her “Good-by Belly Fat.” I mean…..ENOUGH!! LOL
Personally Ron, I wish I had paid more attention to politics throughout my life. When we are crazy busy with jobs and partners and children, in particular when everything seems to be going reasonably well or at least not terribly, it’s very easy not to pay attention to politics. Or that used to be the case for some of us, a scenario that I now look back on and consider a luxury that millions of people never had. I suspect that some of those millions of people are among the voters for Mr. Trump.
If I have paid greater attention in the past 10 years or so, it is because I began to realize that everything is related to politics, whether we realize it fully or not. And without question, my everyday life as a single mother (and now, even more so) has been directly impacted by political activity that either hurt or helped (my kids and myself)… or the absence of political activity to help — at a local, state, and federal level.
I think it’s very important to talk about politics, and to inform ourselves. It isn’t something I choose to do here on a regular basis, though I am certainly doing it more often than I used to. I only wish I had the knowledge and patience to write more elegantly on very specific social, economic, and political issues. I do what I can on that score, always looking for a personal hook in order to bring the “human” element into that discussion. My point really had to do with the way we carry on these discussions – with respect, and not dismissing each other. I know so many wonderful, big hearted people who have different opinions from my own. And I try to remember that.
There are reasons for everyone’s point of view. I think greater understanding of those reasons is the only way we will get to core issues and deal with them in better ways for more people.
Now about that Marie Osmond ad… You made me laugh! ?
Thank you for expressing your opinions on all of these issues including politics. Why bother? It is very important especially in this political climate to speak up. I believe more conversations are needed not less.
I don’t know what your health problems are but shoulder and back pain I am very familiar with. Here in Texas we have a name for soft tissue damage doctor. Please google “Airrosti” and see if this method can help you. This has really saved me from long term pain from injuries to my shoulder and neck. Airrosti is not a cure but can be very helpful for long periods of time to ease the pain from old injuries. I can go a year or more with out pain until I aggravate the area again. Two or three visits to my Airrosti doctor and I am good to go. I am sorry you have been in so much pain you can’t sleep. I hope you can find some way to ease this pain.
Thanks so much, Vicki! My back and shoulder/arm issues are due to separate causes, but dealing with one makes it hard to deal with the other… (sigh). PT worked wonders on my back a year+ ago, though I was having serious problems with rotator cuffs/shoulders at that time, but insurance wouldn’t allow me to be treated. (See why politics matters?) The inability to get medical treatment was certainly a factor in what happened about 6 months later — something called “frozen shoulder.” It’s treatable (and hooray, I’m making good progress!) — but it’s slow, PT is expensive, insurance only covers a very limited portion… and so there you are again (healthcare)… politics matters! (I had one shoulder / arm badly frozen, and the other was part way there. Not only couldn’t I sleep from the pain for 2+ months, I wasn’t able to properly dress myself, could barely drive to get to the doctor, and so on. I was “speaking” all my writing for nearly 5 months. I’m back to typing again!)
Incidentally, it’s worth noting that women are more at risk than men (for frozen shoulder), especially those of us over 40, and it is very common.
I’m off to Google “Airrosti” and thank you again! 🙂
You have been through the wringer as my mum would say. Glad you’re back to typing. Hope improvements continue. About the weight thing. Despite all we tell ourselves about how it shouldn’t matter it does. Hard to keep the old self image positive when you lose control of fitness and weight… through illness, chronic pain etc. I admire how you are able to make a living as a self employed person…. where there is no coasting without consequences. Hang in there, kid. ?
Thank you, Sue. You’re a sweetheart.