The Type A Personality?
Easily wound up. Intense. Competitive.
That’s me. (Are you surprised?) And I will add: for the Type A personality, “relaxation” doesn’t come easily.
This morning, I was reminded how true this is. I found myself in the car on a routine errand that turned into one frustration after another. My blood was beginning to boil as my carefully constructed schedule was crumbling, there was nothing I could do about it, and with each additional slowdown – I wanted to scream!
Then I heard the voice, which is theoretically the Inner Voice of Reason.
The Inner Voice of Reason. Uh-huh.
“Just go with it,” she says.
But my 10-minute errand has become a 30-minute fiasco and I’m still sitting in traffic… thanks to new construction on a road I take daily, a fire engine and ambulance blocking the street at the next turn, then Mack trucks and delivery vans, crawling along at 10 miles below the speed limit.
(Even now, hours later, I’m telling myself: Take. A. Breath.)
“Relax,” the voice counsels. “It’s not the end of the world.”
But to me, being Type A, that’s exactly what it feels like – the end of the world – though I know better, of course. If only I could get my body to stop responding like this is a major drama.
I check the time again. An hour and 15 minutes behind… and counting.
Hangry: When We’re Hungry, We’re Quick to Anger
I’m stuck in an enclosed space, and I’m angry. Hangry if you must know. I’ve been up since early morning, I’m incredibly hungry, and hunger makes everything seem worse.
I want to let out a scream. (It seems to me I’d feel better.) But I don’t let out a sound. Instead, I bang my hands on the steering wheel and naturally, that hurts.
Which brings me to my senses.
Ah yes. Little Miss Type A, fired up at feeling unable to exercise any control in my City of Nasty Traffic. Noting the growl in my stomach, I am moderately consoled. This, I presume, is why I’m overreacting. Eventually I will arrive home, eat a bite, and feel better.
If only I weren’t quite so “Type A,” I tell myself. And then: “I’ve got to learn to relax.”
The Type A Personality
When I first moved south after living in the urban Northeast (not to mention, Paris), I used to joke that I was once a Type AAA, and relocating had mellowed me. I still moved quickly, worked quickly, spoke quickly – but less so.
Funny?
Not really. True?
Definitely.
If you’re wondering about the Type A Personality, Simply Psychology provides excellent insight, which sadly fits yours truly to a T:
… very competitive and self-critical…
… without feeling a sense of joy in their efforts or accomplishments
… the presence of a significant life imbalance… characterized by a high work involvement… easily ‘wound up’
… seem to be in a constant struggle against the clock
… try to do more than one thing at a time
How about we stop right there, shall we? I feel like I’m looking in a mirror, and yet…
Taking a Detour
Once my original errand was completed (at last!), I glanced at the clock in the car and considered the traffic again. I decided to take a detour – I was pointed in the right direction – and I went to the Farmer’s Market. It was an item on the schedule for the next few days, I was already late according to my own plan, so what was another 45 minutes if it would buy me more wiggle room over the weekend?
And… I might actually enjoy myself.
What I can’t predict: more traffic tie-ups, more construction, more delivery vans. But once I enter that remarkable space filled with colors, textures, and aromas, I can feel my limbs lighten and my mind let go of the “shoulds,” as I am able to begin to experience pure, sensual pleasure.
I pluck up zucchini, yellow squash, purple eggplant, Roma tomatoes – I’m planning on ratatouille – and then I have my way with the red potatoes, the button mushrooms, the Vidalia onions.
Isn’t it glorious when you can pick through produce – squeeze it, smell it, and imagine it in your recipe?
I move on to the herbs: fresh thyme, feathery dill, basil to make the gods weep! Next it’s the breads – all organic – and amazing. Sourdough and artisan loaves, ciabbata and multigrain, hearty pumpernickel and rustic baguettes.
Breathing, Assessing, Reminding… Relaxing
My ride home was uneventful, though stalled again by clogs that are unusual at the hour I was on the road. Despite being hungry, I reminded myself that I was “almost there” – home, where I could eat, take an Advil, get to work, and feel more in control.
On my return, while stuck behind more trucks, vans, and other obstacles, I was calmer – yet wondering what I might do to make relaxation more “natural” to me.
I know that I need to do a better job of managing stress — this isn’t news — but as the Type A description points out, that isn’t as simple as The Idiot’s Guide to Deep Breathing. And yet, there are places where I seem to unwind. For instance, at the food market, anywhere I can people-watch, and yes, if I am so fortunate as to make my way across the Atlantic to Paris, the worst aspects of my Type A stress simply fall away. And not just when I’m en vacances.
But I’m not in Paris.
So what can I do given where I am, where my life is, and all that is out of my hands – as it is with any of us?
Tips on Relaxation, Standard-Style
The usual tips and tricks for relaxing?
They include meditation and exercise of various types. For some people, deep breathing may be enough to “center” themselves and gain significant benefit when otherwise feeling stressed.
Some use reading – isn’t that lovely? – but that assumes that you have time to read and by definition, the Type A feels so pressed that she is likely to determine there is no time to read!
Music? That’s big for some. The man in my life unwinds to the Rolling Stones and The Doors, but as it is, he’s decidedly Type B.
Tips on Relaxing for Type A Personalities
So what exactly can the Type A do?
- Yoga. It works for many people. (I need to look into it.)
- Daily walking. Fresh air, movement, a dose of nature – the mind can work if necessary, while unwinding.
- Storytelling. Being on the receiving end of a great story is, for me, enthralling. So how do I incorporate this into my routine in some way?
- Laughter. This means touching base with friends more often, finding perspective, and letting go. Easier said than done, but oh so good.
- Writing. This one used to center me most pleasurably. Typically that means writing by hand in my journal. I’ve taken up that habit again to see if it yields positive effects.
I did come across these stress relief techniques, and while I’ve tried them before (to no avail), I need to give them a shot again – in earnest.
Certainly, when I make a point to give to others, I get out of my own head and stress diminishes. However, as soon as I’m back in my home where I work, I’m in all too familiar High Stress Turf once again. Frankly, I’m open to suggestions.
Any of you Type A’s out there – might you share what helps you to truly relax?
You May Also Enjoy
Seriously, you would ask Type A’s to tell you how to relax when we have never relaxed in our lives. I’m so Type A that my back never touches the back of a chair, I’m always upright, straight as an arrow and ready to rumble. Then again, red wine helps. So does a really good movie, drama & intrigue only…no horror movies, no chick-flicks, no sit-coms. I love The Blacklist because I cannot figure out what’s happening next. The Good Wife bores me now. And, I loved the book & movie Atonement. Type A’s need food in the car, shelf stable food. And, lots of fresh air. Gardening does it for me. Nothing else.
And, I AM serious.
You got a grin out of me, Marsha. The trouble with asking the Type B’s (like my gentleman friend) is that they truly can’t relate to what you’re talking about… They can relax sooooo easily. (With or without the red wine.)
Food in the car. That’s a good point. Fresh air. Right. Gardening? (Are there pictures on your beautiful site?)
Wow, I’ve been told by 4 people this week that I just need to
Loosen up & let go. I knew I needed to, but then I didn’t know how too. Searched the internet & found your article. I’m so glad to know that there are other people that are “intense”, “aggressive”, not capable of relaxing or having fun. My only fun and time when I can relax is on my horse. I ride dressage and sometimes even get too competitive with that. My horse picks up on my anxiety and then I must achieve mind over matter for her sake. She’s the only thing that keeps me going & understands me!
Every single time I go for a massage they tell me how tight I am…it is always the same. I have not truly relaxed in years. But weight training has helped. For me prayer always helps. And I think I may join a yoga class this summer and give it a try. But believe me…I completely understand! I don’t get angry like I used to…but I just do not shut down…I keep going, and going, and going. I will keep checking back to see if anyone gives us type As a new idea!
RED WINE ditto……….
ITALIAN music……. like the IL DIVO GUYS……… listening at a loud level. Not too loud.
Telling yourself there is nothing YOU can do about it so people watch while you’re in the car.
If it doesn’t get done it doesn’t get done. If you’re lucky you will have tomorrow!
I am definitely not Type A – more like Type C for cheese! 😉 But I do think that yoga would help you – but not just any yoga. Generally Type A folks do better with an active asana practice like Ashtanga or Kundalini rather than more posture driven styles like Iyengar (which can also trigger the perfectionism glitch). And hot yoga is a favorite of two other highly driven ladies that I know. I would recommend you start always in a class for any of these!
Just a thought. Email me if you have any questions…
Bisous,
H
I lived as a full-on Type A personality until coping with the acute phase of a personal tragedy that lasted nearly two years triggered a collapse…physically, emotionally, spiritually, professionally…completely. Fortunately, I had strong support and survived. Now, nearly 15 years and a lot of hard work later, the inside of me has recovered from that collapse, and rebuilding my life is well along (but always will be a work in progress). A key difference is that now, while I can bring on and, in the short-term sustain, my Type A self during the now-very-rare instances where professional or personal demands require, my temperament, and my baseline pace and outlook, are definitely no longer Type A. I remain intense but no longer am driven. And life feels much, much better than ever: fuller, deeper, and at the same time much less volatile. While I very much appreciate having Type A superdrive available when needed (as long as that is very rare), it proved not to be a sustainable way of living for me. Just one person’s experience…
Have you just described a day in my life? o.O
Seriously though: have you read The Hormone Cure? How the author (Sara Gottfried MD) explains stress hormone curves and all is immensely helpful.
Haven’t heard of it, no… But I’m off to peek at your ‘stress in progress’ …
I really love the book. Always wise to take such oeuvres with a grain of salt *but* a lot of important info there. Mainly cortisol, but not only. Also about planning your day around stress peaks and then working towards relaxation, oh, so delicious, makes so much sense! (And still here I am, 20 minutes past eleven, still online… Gack! *rushing, waves bye-bye*) 😉
Sweet dreams, Nath!
Well, considering it’s 6:30 am and I’ve already locked myself out of the healthcare website for too many frustrating attempts to unsuccessfully login and currently searching the internet for tips to deal with this all too common reality I am thrilled to read this post! I’m relaxing a bit with the understanding that there are others also living like this and I’m not alone. Thank you!
My attempts at relaxation have usually come after some sort of break with reality that have led me to do/say something entirely stupid, that I later regret and wish desperately I had more control over. Funny how the Type A strives for more and more control – as if that’s the answer to everything. I currently suffer from tight muscles from stress clenching in the shoulders and have been prescribed some yoga and stretching to help alleviate the pain. This is really helping, but not helping me deal with stress as it comes, only after the fact. I too like to read, watch movies, unfortunately eat – which leads to weight gain and then shaming for lack of self control. Yes, control again …
I was an artist when I was younger and have tried recently to take a sketch pad and pencil and draw a little to take my mind off things, but being Type A I was a tad critical of my diminishing skills. Is there no hope for me? 🙂
At any rate, I am comforted by your post and the comments of others who similarly struggle with hunger, traffic and punctuality as I do. I’ll be sharing this post with a friend of mine as well!
Forgive me for this, Tina, but I have to chuckle at your first observation. I have purposely avoided the healthcare website until I’m lulled by turkey (or lulled by something)… knowing that if I lock myself out I’ll be muttering and pacing and stressing…
I’m sorry you’re one of the many (of us) who struggles with relaxing, struggles with pain (and other stress-related issues), and remains triggered by things beyond our control.
I don’t know if this will be any consolation, but I have a very NON-Type A friend whom I’ve watched over many months wrestling with stress more and more, precisely because of an onslaught of issues to deal with that were entirely out of her control but impacting every aspect of her life. In a weird way, I came to understand that while some of us may be more predisposed to respond (with difficulty) to what we cannot control, it isn’t only the Type A who does so. Life can get so maddening, so wildly frustrating, and so crunched that we can all find ourselves stressed to the max and the worse for wear.
I wish you peaceful moments with your sketch pad (an excellent idea), and a happy holiday. (I’m trying not to stress over everything I have to do, what others expect of me, what I expect of myself, and the desire to “go fishing” despite the reality of holiday-time & work. Sound familiar?)
Hi Guys,
Great article, nice to feel in company with so many and not in a private internal pressure cooker driven to achieve/ control without even knowing what the end goal I’m stressing about reaching or not is.
I went to get petrol/gas this morning and stressed that it was not the cheap day, like $2 extra would have me pushing a homeless trolley on the street for failing to get the best price yesterday – the shame and disappointment!
I’m 60 y/o and have always been a type A guy.
A few years back i got rid of most everything and took a moto to mexico with intentions of staying for a very long time.
Travel is one of my great loves.
Right smack dab on the beach in the Yucatan… true paradise, cheap, etc.
I slowed way, way down.
After 2 months I became bored.
I also scared myself by slowing down so much.
It was so nice to be there, but I wasn’t mentally/emotionally geared for such an extreme change…. at that time in my life.
I rode back to the states, took some time to regather myself, and then started another business where I work 7 days a week.
It’s all been my choice.
I know how to stop my mind from being so busy, but I choose to let it run right now.
When it’s running wide open and following some kinda plan I put out, it’s close to being on a high, and it’s addictive.
At some time, I really, really would like to stop this… to quit this drive….
Can you share how your able to master the mental machine?
Im 30 and running at mach speed. Juggling alot of new sudden adult big responsibilities that i fear i could fuck up. So im kind of torn between really accepting who i am and taking responsibility to eradicate my harmful character defect numero uno.
Which is better? Being a Type-A that earns six figures, meets her lady-friends in Vegas annually for Power Shopping (min. 10K in shoes, perfume, etc.) OR being relaxed, non-judgemental, entry-level worker, fluffy body (c’mon..you KNOW what THAT means).
Sorry, I won’t beat myself up for being Type-A. I CANNOT relax by these definitions. I relax by making it happen!!! We’re gonna die from something anyway. As long as I am not harming anyone, keeping my promises, staying thin, making 6-figs…then let’er rip. I will stand before God and ask, “Can I get another ride? That last one was funnnnn!!
Now You go “relax”. I like being tight, feels good. BTW have you seen the So Kates? Google “So Kate”: and brace for impact
Magnesium can be a big help for some. I’ve read some interesting bits about the ketogenic diet too for anxiety and stress