I could chalk it up to fate, to coincidence, or to serendipity. Two occurrences of the venerable institution of Nerdom have crossed my path within a 12-hour period so clearly it is written – somewhere – that I address the subject.
And it’s one I know first hand. The undeniable value of the Nerdy Guy, not to mention the plausible pleasures of dating – or loving – a person with definite Nerd tendencies.
The first instance of Nerd collision in the past day was a comment on a piece at Huffington Post in which a reader bemoaned the fact that more women didn’t give Nerds a chance.
I concur.
The second reference to the Great American Nerd arrived with the fleet fancy of Cupid’s Arrow itself, via an article in YourTango, Four Rules for Dating a Nerd.
The author describes a nerdy guy as follows:
He’s smart, he’s shy, he’s a little bit quirky…
So where do I begin my own treatise on the subject? Do I admit that I was a nerd for years and still consider myself a nerd at heart?
How to Recognize a Nerd
Gone are the days of pocket protectors, and band-aids to hold broken eyeglass frames in place. At least, I think the pocket protectors have found their way to the landfill by now, though band-aid services may still linger.
Yet signs that the Guy Not of Your Dreams is instead a Flesh and Blood (Wonderful) Nerd could include a notable reluctance to participate in the stereotypical activities for his sex. In other words – pursuit of his own (esoteric) interests, an affinity for technology (though that’s increasingly common), and a Style Streak that wreaks of Not Cool.
He’s no slick and manipulative Bad Boy, our Nerdy Gem. More likely, he marches to that different drummer, and sees the world through his own lens. But remember. Part of that lens may include experiences of being hurt or dismissed precisely because he wasn’t the Jock, the Popular Kid, the Go-To Guy for anything except calculus homework and the Butt of All Jokes.
Smart? Yes.
Shy? Perhaps.
Quirky? Definitely.
And as they say, it takes one to know one. I certainly qualified as Gal Geek for decades, and in my truest heart of heart beats the anthem of the Nerdy Girl.
Dress ‘Em Up, Take ‘Em Out?
Of course I’ve personally never been dismissive of nerdy characteristics. If anything, I’m drawn to them. Smart is sexy; shy if not extreme can be inviting; quirky is intriguing as long as it doesn’t include hobbies like taxidermy or collecting navel fluff.
And incidentally, did you know that fluff saving is mentioned as among the Top Ten Strangest Hobbies?
Yeah. I know. Gross.
So those guys are off my list.
An interest in military history right down to a collection of early 20th century miniature soldiers? A knowledge of each war’s greatest strategic blunders?
I’m fine with that.
Able to recite every classic line from Umpteen Replays of Monty Python’s Flying Circus?
Likewise.
A bottle collection? As long as it isn’t baby bottles?
Why not?
You can’t dress ’em up, you can’t take ’em out? Hey! Who says we’re perfect???
Bow ties? Who cares! Oddly retro tweed jacket? Well, I might not introduce him to the boss (or the parents) in that. But you can dress ’em up and take ’em out where they’re comfortable, and in my experience, they’ll keep you fascinated and often, laughing.
Dating a Nerd
Now according to the YourTango article, while Nerdom has been mainstreamed to some degree, it’s important to note the following when dating a nerd.
focus on his intelligence, faithfulness, and other great traits.
In other words, show appreciation. Like I said, he’s taken his knocks in high school and beyond. We all know those scars can run deep, and men can be insecure – just like women. He may require a little reassurance now and then.
YourTango also points out:
To belittle or make fun of his hobbies is to belittle him
Excellent advice! Unless of course we’re talking, you know… navel fluff.
The article ultimately concludes that if you show some genuine interest in his interests, and even better, you share them – you could be on the road to relationship success.
Might I add that any good man will do the same for a woman he’s got in his sites?
The Point in All This
Hey, I’m a believer in a good first impression if possible, but I also think we need to be ourselves with each other. And we need to take time to go beyond externals.
If there’s a point to any of this it’s that Uncool becomes very cool when you connect with a suitable person. Funky foibles can drive you nuts, or rapidly become utterly endearing.
Which way will it all turn out?
No way to know.
But don’t walk away from quirky too quickly. Those good looking meanies? They’re unreliable partners. The Nerdy Guy is the smart woman’s best kept secret. So set aside your preconceived notions, and look inside the heart and character of the man.
You May Also Enjoy
Yes, yes, yes! I love my nerd – glasses and all! And I love him for his faithfulness and dependability. There isn’t an inch of him trying to be cool, but he is confident and accepting of himself. I don’t feel the need to spend hours building him up, we just fit.
I guess I’ve got plenty of nerd in me, too!
Confidence. It’s huge, Missy June, isn’t it? Your Nerd sounds delightful…
As a card carrying member of the nerdy and quirky club, I can tell you that online dating is daunting for us. Most profiles have the standard “I know what I want” checklists along with the conflicting requirements for “bad boy” and “integrity” in the same man so it seems impossible for any man to win sometimes, let alone a nerdy guy. Thanks for bringing this up, it gives me hope 🙂
Batticus! Did you read all these pro-Nerd remarks? Grownup women love nerdy guys. Really. I know those online dating profiles are filled with contradictions (more’s the pity), and popular culture tells us all to want something impossible, improbable, and that we ourselves wouldn’t necessarily actually want. I repeat: Grownup women love nerdy guys!
But check that ‘Strange’ list. If any of your hobbies are on it – and that includes the item “Extreme Pet Grooming,” you might want to consider another recreational pastime.
I met my husband in high school. He wasn’t popular, but he was cool – his best friend was a popular bad boy (guilt by association). My husband is shy and he isn’t a typical macho guy. Before we met, only a few other boys had asked me out. I went out with the jocks that asked, but not the nerds. I wanted to go out with a popular guy or a cool guy. As I got older, I realized that many of the nerdy guys were really great guys – smart guys. Do I feel a little guilty? Yes. After all, I was a nerdy girl!
Maybe we need to grow up to wise up, Robin. 🙂
stunned at new knowledge on fluff saving……vraiment?
gosh.
smiling in a nerdy, yet pretty, way.
_tg xx
Vraiment !!!
Years ago I watched a clip of a comedian talking about going to his high school reunion. He spoke of being a nerd in high school, not being part of the cool guys, the guys with cool haircuts, motorcycles, and with a bevy of babes hanging off their arms. At his reunion, he found one of the cool guys in a deadend job, overweight, and married to a girl he got pregnant in high school. He like his fellow nerds went on to finish university, got a good job, and was now in decent positions financially. The moral of the story was that being a nerd pays off over the long run. Playing with computers is nerdy? When the business of a multimillion dollar company is just about one hundred percent reliant on a computer system, it won’t take long for the president to figure out that phoning the high school cool guy with the great haircut is not going to keep his business afloat.
Besides, the majority of us nerds do not dress up and go to conventions. Yes, we enjoy the Star Wars movies and can speak knowledgeably about the series but do not necessarily push it by plastering our apartments with movie posters and having supplemental shelf space for the complete set of action figures. We are also well read, can spell the word sensuality, may speak a foreign language (I don’t mean Klingon), and have knowledge of both Germaine Greer and the Kama Sutra. Nerdy? Sounds pretty normal to me. Maybe not cool during the teenage years but maybe just what life is all about when you’re an adult. I do not have my pens in a pocket protector in the front pocket of my shirt.
I’m reading. wb 🙂
I wonder if that’s the first time “Klingon,” “Germaine Greer” and “Kama Sutra” have been used in the same sentence together.
You make wonderful points, Mr. Belle.
Clark Kent is a nerd. Just a quick change away . . .
I am a card-carrying nerd married to a card-carrying nerd. It’s a match made in crossword-puzzle solving, history factoid, book collecting heaven! 😉
A collection of baby bottles? Red flag here too. But a quick change away from Superman? Not too unlike Madame Librarian………..
Exactly, Barb! (I hadn’t thought of that Clark Kent-to-Superman switch! Leave it to the Literary Mr. Pascoe!)
I take umbrage with the trend to denigrate academic success. I gave birth to a brilliant child. I refuse to call him a nerd. Yes, he wears glasses. Yes, he has always excelled academically. OK, he used to bring books to read when we went to the beach. Yes, I once bribed him with the complete works of The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe if he would try out for just one team sport. But he’s funny, kind, loves animals, can bike across country, hikes all over the world, surfs – let’s just say he’s a very well rounded person and does not fit the mold of a “nerd”. He holds a Ph.D. from Yale (and is a very young professor there) and is married to a cool fashionista hipster from the UK who has a Ph.D. (from Brown) who LOVES to watch Gossip Girl with me and shop ’til we drop.
People need to quit attacking brainy types because they’re the ones who created cool things like Facebook and Twitter and the very computer we can’t live without. From a proud, proud mom in SoCal.
Enchanted Seashells – You ROCK!
I thought I was nerdy for a while and probably was, but it had benefits, too. Never a major problem, and sports activity and a girlfriend could compensate for all that. At Princeton it was quite acceptable as a graduate student — it was taken (or mistaken) for brains, which were admired. Now, if I’m nerdy, I don’t really care (Fran tries, hopelessly, to reform me). More likely, I’m now far enough on the fringes that nerdy seems so relatively minor as to be irrelevant.
And of course, this afternoon Fran is at a nearby farm warping the loom and helping care for the alpacas — so sweetly nerdy that she can hardly bear to throw stones.
Our company’s “IT Guy” is definitely a nerd, but one of the coolest nerds one would ever meet! Along that line, one of my favorite shows is Criminal Minds. While Derek Morgan (swoon) is fabulous eye candy, Spencer Reid is the most interesting character on the show. A definite nerd, but can steal your heart in every scene!
Now THAT is advice I would give to my 20 year old self! God knows my mother tried to drum it into me but I wouldn’t listen; I was an insecure girl nerd who wanted to hide beside a Cool (often mean) Guy. So I ended up marrying a hybrid of sorts: cool looking jock on the outside but shy and nerdy on the inside (he had me at “I was really into needlepoint”).
What a delightful combination, Cecilia!
Nerds don’t have pocket protectors anymore, as they don’t use pens. But they always have a wireless device within arm’s reach.
My former partners have been a Nerd (No. 1) and a Jock (No.2). We are all still friends. What stands out, is the Nerd’s gracious, patient manner, and how his self-assurance has grown with time. He will never be attention-seeking or demand accolades, something the Jock has always had, and probably relied on to define himself, as key to his self-concept. If he is not busy being ‘better than someone else’, he is lost.
More good words for the Nerds, Di…
😉
Di, This is too good! Just plucked it from Dictionary.com’s little updates. Apparently, Dr. Seuss invented the word nerd! I didn’t know that, did you?
Hobby list checked, I’m fine, nothing extreme (those poor dogs, that is so sad to see man’s best friend treated like that 🙁 ). All I can say is, based on the online profile contents of women, the vast majority are not interested in nerds (accepting that what is written is what they want). The reality may be different in what women would accept, hence the online disconnect.
I love who I fall for and whether nerd or jock or crazy or stylish it is all in the personality and what attracts me.
I married a nerdy guy. It took me til my 30’s, and dating a string of bad boys and charismatic artists, to see his allure. I never have to question his honesty, motives or fidelity and we share passions such as travelling off the beaten track, classical music, reading the classics and researching obscure topics just because they fascinate us. I guess that makes me a nerd, too.