Now now. You knew I couldn’t resist a story like this.
The Huffington Post offers a report by Debra Ollivier, exploring the phenomenon that French women over 50 have more sex than their American counterparts.
At least, so says a study conducted in 2001, and followed up by recent questions from Ms. Ollivier, described in her column.
Go figure. French women have more active sex lives. But I could have told you as much, and without a study.
Oh, Those Fabulous French!
No, I don’t have a representative sample, but my three decades of experience with the French afford me confidence in my opinion. And part of that opinion is this: The French appreciate differences in the sexes. American culture, in contrast, does not value what is womanly.
And the many definitions of womanly, sensual, sexual, beautiful – are not dependent upon a birth certificate.
I grant you I have my particular bias. Before I married, I dated French. Since my divorce, I’ve generally dated French. Though he’s lived in the States for years, I am currently dating a French-born man.
And his sensibilities are most definitely French. Among them is his absolute appreciation of woman – as a person of individual qualities, and as a fine (albeit differently expressive) mind. He savors the delights of discussion, the je ne sais quoi that women exude through a subtle gesture, or the hint of something brewing – in a smile, or the look in her eye.
Have American women forgotten the importance of small signs signaling admiration? I know we’re tired, but what if the weary American woman considered “giving” a little more in these expressive ways, to “get” a little more in the sensual return?
This isn’t an issue of who floats your boat, or what gender or package he or she comes in. We all want to be appreciated for our whole selves – at least, when seeking sexuality within a relationship.
And the notion of relationship is key.
The Distraction of Attraction
We all prefer certain physical types. Some of us are attracted to great pecs, a cute butt, a nice rack, a big smile. But when we love someone, don’t we start to hunger for whatever features and foibles they possess?
And what about confidence? Isn’t it sexy? Is confidence the French woman’s secret weapon? Could not loving ourselves be that part of the problem?
As to our crazy schedules, and our “real lives,” of course they intervene! Especially when we hit midlife. Along with jobs and kids and domestic duties, there’s the touch of arthritis in the knees, the less than acrobatic stretch of those great gams, and the awareness that a 50-year old body is not the same as that of a 20-year old. But the preoccupation with the physical? Isn’t that to our detriment?
Sure, some worries are greater; others are diminished. But a desire to engage with a partner is something that seems more prevalent among the French. In fact, Ms. Ollivier notes that French men and women in midlife are more likely to engage in relationships rather than hook-ups. And isn’t quality of relationship (and trust) critical to most women when it comes to getting naked?
Apparently, Ms. Ollivier is of the mind that midlife engagement need not mean the end to erotic encounters. (And who am I to dispute that?)
Dare to Bare?
There’s planning for sex, there’s planning for love. There’s also the realm of the erotic, and eroticism isn’t a dirty word. It’s an audacious, playful, surprising, and delightful dip into aspects of the sexual arena.
Stop judging what that means. Stop assuming what is entailed. Stop thinking you’re too old! How you define the erotic encounter is up to you – but maybe you could ask your man or woman what they might fancy. And then give it a try.
What if you planned a lost weekend with your loved one? If you can’t get away, maybe you can create a bit of the magic spell at home. After all, if not daring a little at midlife – when?
As for the hot (news) flash regarding French women over 50, I find it reassuring – and motivating. We all have times when we’re not in the mood or we’re physically unable to perform as we’d like. But then there are those other days – and nights – when we can view each other as entire entities, with bodies that reflect fully-lived lives. We can share affection, remind ourselves to activate the sensual and sexual side, and do so at any age – avec plaisir.
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From the Huffington Post article: “French women have a keen sense of the brevity of time and immediacy of pleasure.”
Live for today because yesterday is gone and tomorrow may never come.
– anonymous
As for confidence…
“Nothing makes a woman more beautiful than the belief that she is beautiful.”
– Sophia Loren US (Italian-born) movie actress (1934 – )
Comme toujours, ma chère Mademoiselle Loup, il me fait plaisir de vous lire. wb 🙂
Ah, Sophia. Magnificent.
Confidence IS sexy – and you need it to feel sexy (in my completely unsubstantiated belief). If a woman has that, the world is her oyster.
Confidence… and maybe, some hot shoes… 😉
Hmmm…and so here we have sex for us older folks. Good.
Confidence is one important aspect. I would say that real confidence must be based on some reality of one’s life. Knew one lady that was “confident” that fat is natural and thus fat is fine (and so was she). That confidence did not turn me on. Confidence should be earned/deserved.
On the other hand, folks are way too manipulated (and made to feel inadequate) by American culture and media promotions (particularly the business of artificial youth), and that can really mess things up. To the extent that the French can avoid that, HURRAH for the French.
You’re hitting a few worthy (and different) issues, Paul.
First off – Yes to actually speaking of sex among the “old” folks, as you say. (We do it, we enjoy it, and let’s hope we continue with both for many years to come.)
But I have a bone to pick with your remark about the seeming incongruity of fat and confidence. Some men like a woman who is round or “big,” but we live in a culture that frowns on that flavor of womanhood. On the other hand, we can likely agree that obesity is a significant health and quality of life issue in this country, and with sweeping impacts. So there’s what you might deem fat, what someone else might consider delicious, and what is dangerous, health-wise.
One of the things I’ve come to appreciate among the French men I’ve known is their candor and ease in discussing their preferences. Whatever they may be. It certainly makes everything easier – and allows for more diversity, including the confident woman who is “comfortable in her skin” – whatever that may mean to her.
I’m with you 100% on our obsession with manufactured artificial youth. Eeeek.
Likely we are on the same page but differ somewhat about what we mean by the words “fat” and “round” (it would be a matter of degree). In any case, if said woman had found a man who actually likes really fat women, I’d be fine with her confidence in that relationship. But being confident that obesity is “natural” is where I take exception. And as you intimated, what this is really about is a HEALTH issue. Health (appropriate to age and conditions) is sexy. Letting your body go is not.
I’m with you on this, Paul. Thanks for stopping back to clarify.
Meanwhile – did you see this? A real woman with a real body! I love it!
Why do you use a photo of Catherine Deneuve in her twenties to illustrate an article that references women over 50? And the other photo shows another young woman whose breasts seem (to me) surgically enhanced. Even the “real woman with a real body” is probably under forty, and has a beautiful face to accompany her lush proportions.
It seems to me that your illustrations rarely comport with your mission to celebrate authentic, mature womanhood…
Joyce, You raise a very valid point. I spend what time I can looking for appropriate images, those that are available through a free service I have access to, and those available for reproduction via Flickr and the appropriate Creative Commons License. To your point, it is far more difficult to find pictures of women (or men) in midlife, short of affording an expensive service to do so, or spending even more time than I already do.
I already had the Deneuve picture; I used it (and the other) in the interest of saving time.
Like most who write online, I incur expenses doing so (not to mention my time), but I earn no money by providing my content. If that changes, I will certainly look to provide more images that would be suitable. As for authenticity and celebrating women as we are – I hope that even if you don’t care for the images, you hear and feel the reality in my words.
And by the way, I do love the image of the size 12 model. Clearly she’s under 40. That image was absolutely relevant to the issue of perceived fat, raised in the comment by Paul.
A final note, Joyce. I used Catherine Deneuve because she is French. If I can locate a “free” and usable image of her that is current, I will update the article to include it. She is still stunning. She is also fuller figured, naturally. And French actresses in general keep (more of) their lined (interesting) faces since that’s typically more welcome in French culture than here. I fear that’s changing, and hope it doesn’t.
Russian model on your link hardly seems plus size to me, but more like my wife might have appeared some years before I met her (except wife in better physical condition). After work, she would enjoy running from the sauna into the snow bank and them back into the sauna again. Or strapping on her skis (and nothing else) on a sunny winter day (this was Canada) and going along the cross-country trails near her community. If my Viking Woman (as I call her, now that she’s letting her reddish blond hair grow long) had been like the skinny model in link, she’d have frozen to death.
I couldn’t agree more, Paul. To me, she isn’t plus size whatsoever. She’s healthy and “average” size, if she’s a size 12. Last I heard though, size 14 may now be our average, despite all the buzz and photoshopping to the contrary.
If only we still saw size 12 as beautiful. It’s dreadful in my opinion that a 12 is now considered “plus.”
For the record, let me say that Catherine Deneuve would be fine with me at either 20 or 50.