Are you an optimist? A pessimist? A pragmatist?
Can’t say I much like labels. And I strongly dislike labels that tend toward mutual exclusivity in the way people slap them on their foreheads and parade about. Or slap them on the next guy, and judge.
Personally, I’m pessimistic about individuals stepping into another’s shoes, and finding compassion, or at least room for doubt. I’m optimistic about my younger son being in a fine mood once the school year is done.
See?
Context.
Labels, Labels, Everywhere…
Why do we insist on categorizing everything? Why do we do it so quickly and so superficially?
How can we forget about context when it comes to human emotion, interaction, or undertaking?
If I’m backed into a labeling corner, I’ll call myself a pragmatist. At least it allows me a little wiggle room – adult assessment of circumstances, likelihoods, accessibility to the daily mood map.
I’m awash in positivity on some scores, and on others, not so much. Doesn’t that sound more like real life? Experience teaches many of us to be pragmatic. But I will say that I have learned to moderate my optimism when I feel it and find this useful.
The Glass Half Full
You know the familiar test – the glass is half full or it’s half empty. Based on your response, you’re deemed an optimist or a pessimist.
Ugh. Give me more to work with! If it’s a tiny glass and it’s filled halfway, I’m still thirsty after my few drops. The damn thing is half empty – I want a bigger glass! If it’s vodka in that container and I need to drive my kids – hello? Pass me a juice box, please. And if I’m not thirsty, isn’t my perception of the glass irrelevant?
Simple tests, simple conclusions. (Simple minds?) Certainly, oversimplified classifications. And without context? No validity.
Our Options? Optimism, Pessimism, Pragmatism… And?
When you’ve taken some hits, it’s hard to believe that things will turn around. You look over your shoulder or hold your breath, anticipating the next wave. The bad break. You don’t see it as pessimism; experience teaches you to hunker down, or at best, to hedge your bets.
When you’re riding the crest of multiple successes, it’s easy to project positive energy. As for what’s rolling around behind the smile? Who knows. Some of us genuinely feel optimistic. Others may carry insecurities that preclude them from fully enjoying their good fortune.
While I won’t dispute that some individuals are sunnier by nature (and others, quite the opposite), I’m not entirely convinced that an optimistic or pessimistic attitude affects outcomes. Relationships? I think so. One’s pleasure in being alive? That, too. But as a critical success factor? From what I’ve seen of the big bad business world (at least), that depends on the context.
Moderating One’s Optimism
Life has taught me to go for it and win, to go for it and lose, and no matter what – to pick myself up, dust myself off, and keep on chugging. The net – for me – is cautious optimism in some circumstances, and my flavor of pragmatism in others. Assessing risk, probabilities, and dividing my time and effort accordingly, among responsibilities and opportunities.
That means investing effort, but not self-esteem. Not in every undertaking.
When I rack up a “win,” I’m thrilled. When I hit a bad patch, some might say “it’s not meant to be.” My approach at this stage of life – learn what I can, and move on as quickly as I can. The former is often easier than the latter.
The Latest (and Greatest?)
In recent weeks, multiple business opportunities have presented themselves. Some were promising but didn’t pan out. Some I pursued with a vengeance, as a function of great fit between the skills required and my particular expertise. I have a few pokers in the proverbial fire, and I work them with enthusiasm, while moderating my optimism.
I’m used to Murphy’s Law dogging my endeavors, and unbridled positivism no longer suits me any more than it suits the reality of my life. This is not cynicism; it is a recognition of what I cannot control as distinct from what I can. And I’m glad of my awareness in this regard, albeit equally aware it is a self-protective mechanism and therefore, part of my resilience.
To some degree, accepting Murphy’s Law (and the unpredictable in general) lessens the extent to which I have emotional skin in the game.
When Opportunity Knocks
Each time I undertake a new challenge, or compete, or encourage my kids to do the same – I hope I am exemplifying moderated optimism.
I consider this approach – for me – to be the right one. I continue to pursue dreams and chase opportunities, my practical side insisting that I not get carried away. This enables me to stay grounded, put my skills to work, all the while conserving mental, physical, and emotional energy.
Will I reach my goals?
I can’t know that yet. But I know I won’t succeed at anything without risk. So I forge ahead, with operational enthusiasm and simultaneously, emotional reserve.
Your Propensity for Pragmatism?
How about you? Where do you dwell on the attitudinal spectrum?
- Are you willing to risk, knowing you may lose?
- Do you see the world in terms of wins and losses?
- Do you approach business challenges with a plan, or plunge in?
- Do you operate in the same way when it comes to relationships?
- Do labels like optimist and pessimist serve any purpose?
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Hey! Who the Hell drank half my vodka?!?
🙂 Shhhh. It’s in my morning coffee!
Yeah, it’s probably really easy to consider oneself an optomist till lots of bad stuff seems to happen. But I also think our own personal energy adds another element to the mix. If we expect not to find good things out there in the world, it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. I want my kids to take risks and expect good things by working like hell for them and not giving up. I find with myself that pragmatism really came more and more with age and experience. Like you said, I have a sort of protective layer along with hopefully a positive attitude, telling myself I’ll be okay even when things don’t work out. I am often amazed at how negative some are in their life’s outlook. I think inborn temperment is a really big factor, in attitude at least, if not sometimes outcome.
I’m one of those people who THINKS I approach everything with a plan, but once it actually comes time for some doing–be it business, relationships, whatever–I suddenly still feel like I’m plunging in without a life jacket.
I think the labels only serve a purpose for the person doing the labeling. Once we have ourselves in nice little boxes, it’s easier to make decisions. as if the labels decide for us. Like “Oh, I’m an optimist, so that glass is definitely half full” as opposed to actually trying to figure out what you see/feel. We just decide based on what we’ve already deemed ourselves.
I think I may have just made no sense. It’s early still.
I think you make perfect sense, Rachel. (Early or not.) This struck me: I think the labels only serve a purpose for the person doing the labeling.
I agree with you.
“And if I’m not thirsty, isn’t my perception of the glass irrelevant?”
Oh my gosh, woman! You crack me up!!!
Must be the vodka in my coffee… 😉
I am not a labels person but am an eternal optimist. I can find the silver lining to almost any dark storm cloud. 🙂
Jeez, Nicki. You need to come visit. I need a perpetual-silver-lining kind of gal around this house… (Don’t forget. We always have the Latvian Suite available, when not occupied by some errant teen.)
Glad to hear pokers in the fire (half in or half out … or all in?).
Like Jane I loved your “And if I’m not thirsty, isn’t my perception of the glass irrelevant? Brilliant.
Does perspective change based on what you’re looking at or where you’re standing?
A friend of mine has used this perspective very successfully … the glass is not only half empty, but it is cracked and leaking. Seems to motivate him.
Excellent, Jim! (And if I look at the poker’s from another angle?) Love your friend’s perspective on perspective!
This phrase you use grabbed me: “moderating my optimism.” Yes, I think that’s what I do. I’m somewhat superstitious, afraid that if I allow myself to be too optimistic, too hopeful, that I’ll jinx things.
I use the phrase “managing expectations” a lot. It’s not something I like, but it’s something practical. Managing expectations at work – not setting yourself up for failure by promising more than you can realistically provide. Managing my own expectations – not dreaming about a $10,000 raise or over-the-top birthday present from husband. I guess I try to tread the ground between pessimism and optimism.
I’m so with you on the labels and oversimplification of everything! I find labels tedious and burdensome.
@Maureen – I also think healthy pragmatism is born of age and experience.
@Eva – “managing expectations” – yes! Ours, and those of others.
@April – I’m pretty anti-label – or did I just label myself by saying that?
@Jane (I’m glad I cracked you up!) – always a good thing on Bravo Thursday… revving up for RHoNY!
For years I thought of myself as a cock-eyed optimist. Then I came to think of myself as a pessimist. Then I realized the truth of what you’re saying here: it’s all about context, context, context. And don’t we need both cautious optimism and pragmatic pessimism to get through our crazy days in this crazy world? Who wants to have one label when we can have both?
(Looking right now at our baby robins as their mom brings them something she just plucked from the grass. Heads up, mouths open. Optimistic. She drops her payload down one tiny gullet. Optimism reinforced for one. Pessimism for the others…)
“Pragmatic pessimism. Yes. (Hard not to feel good looking at baby birds, or baby anything.)
I’m not a pessimist but I play one on TV. What I mean to say is, I often put on my “pessimist hat” just to tone down my expectations and keep myself living in reality. And I bet you’ve never met someone so risk-averse as me. Never take me to Vegas if you’re looking to bet it all (unless there’s a glass of vodka involved, maybe). =>
Ok. No Vegas for you! (Paris Lingerie Tour instead?)
I love that you’ve turned the glass-half-full idea on its ear by exploding its context. Context totally matters. Similarly, when someone asks me what my favorite ___________ is, I can’t really give a reply. “It depends,” I say. Because it always does, as circumstances are never exactly the same.
“It depends.” Yes. Most often the appropriate answer!
I hate labels, unless someone’s calling me a hottie or something like that, in which case, go right ahead.
I am an eternal optimist though, not because I’m buying into the whole affirmation “The Secret” crap, just because it makes me feel better.
Mostly, I have learned to have much more realistic expectations of things, and when I’m feeling like I “deserve” or want more, I look a little deeper to try to understand where that’s coming from. A lot of times, it’s from pressure by outside sources — what a relationship is “supposed” to look like, etc.
All that said, if my vodka glass is half full-empty, here’s what I say: “Bartender, another round, please.” 😉
I was distracted yesterday and didn’t read your entire post (please forgive me). Now that I see your post and mine about losing out on the teaching position side by side, I pause to really think about your question. And my answer is…beats the heck out of me. As an optimist, I can accept the rejection knowing I was good enough and truly believe something else will come along. As a pessimist, I think the outcome was probably inevitable, and if I hadn’t gotten my hopes up, I wouldn’t be so disappointed. The pragmatist in me says, “pick yourself up, suck it up and move on.”
As for your glass-half-full analogy, if it’s mainly water, it’s half full because water (although necessary) is boring. If it’s mainly RUM, it’s half empty because you can never have enough rum drinks. Throw in a slice of pineapple, a little coconut cream, plant my butt on a beach, and I’ll be the eternal, cock-eyed optimist!
Happy Friday! When’s happy hour? 😀
I’m with you Lisa! Wherever you’ve got the rum and the beach to park our butts on. Hey, I’d be happy with beach and sleep. Happy Friday indeed!
I’ve usually thought of myself as a pragmatic idealist.
Good questions. I usually go after whatever I want with gusto. Sometimes I achieve it, sometimes I don’t. It’s hard to not look at it as a win/lose proposition; in our culture, the sports mentality has taken over everything. That’s what I hate about opposites, about black/white thinking. It usually gets you nowhere. My studies in Shadow (ala Jung) and midlife crises have shown me that the path lies in recognizing and accepting the tension of the opposites, the concept of paradox and of dualities, about moving toward AND instead of EITHER/OR.
I know some don’t believe in it, but the Meyers Briggs Temperment Indicator has been useful to me in understanding myself. I am an INTP, a female INTP, which is exceedingly rare. Intuitive and Perceiving, I can usually see the big picture and see where it leads (ten steps ahead of everyone else), and am able to comment on the wisdom of taking that path. Unfortunately, when I am working with Sensing and Judging types, who focus on the details right in front of them and focus on strict rules (small picture), I am usually perceived as a pessimist. I’ve learned that it helps to explain my reasoning, step by step, which usually helps others better understand my comments, which are ultimately about saving time and finding the better path.
Ok, I’ve rambled on enough for this comment. Thanks again for a thought-provoking post!
Pragmatic Idealist… good one! Hmmm. Myers Briggs. That whole issue of testing. Another post…
Oh, you can have the vodka… can you pass me the Tangueray?
Gooooood luck!