Some days, no matter what you do, you’re out of time. You multitask and your arms, legs, even your hair follicles – the whole kit and caboodle – it’s all insufficient. Maybe Murphy’s Law kicks in – no more than usual, mind you. But the fact is, you’re caught. Squeezed. Really squeezed – all deadlines […]
Eggs. Baskets. Now what?
Here’s your task. You’re in a big room. It’s filled with the usual – chairs, tables, lamps, books. Your mission? Get from one side to the other and back again, carrying a dozen eggs, in or out of their carton. You have your choice of two baskets, along with bubble wrap and a few other […]
Dead Uncle
I do a double-take. He looks so familiar, but I can’t place him. Fifty-something. Wild curly hair. Animated and grinning. Given that I’m already miffed – and rushed – I let it go, continuing to my car. “Miserable morning,” I mutter to myself, adjusting the heating pad beneath the backs of my legs. Turning over […]
Spinning Your Wheels
There are times your goal is visible, and it seems, just out of reach. If I can push myself a little longer, you think, and so you do. You push. Hard. You develop a habit of pushing yourself that becomes the routine of your mornings and your afternoons, the standard transition into night’s long hours, […]
Monday Morning Complaint Department: Grand Reopening!
Come on. Admit it. You’re happy for the opportunity to vent. Freely. To bitch a little. Or maybe a lot. To know it’s okay. But first, a digression. I was wondering about those who complain frequently. I pondered the moaning-groaning personality type – if it’s a personality issue – and what it takes to reinforce […]
How to get a sexy loaner… car
“We see this in the elderly,” he says, working intently on his paperwork. He’s 25, maybe 27. Excuse me? “The elderly. They don’t drive their cars enough. So the battery is compromised.” I know it’s early. I know I need coffee. I know even Christian Dior didn’t help much this particular morning. Do I look […]
Coffee stains, aches and pains, when it rains. . .
Don’t cry over spilled milk, right? What about coffee? What if it’s the last of the coffee in the house, you had a terrible night’s sleep, and you desperately need the caffeine, the comforting heat of the cup, the aroma, the rich taste? What if it spills all over papers, electronics, and more? Then can […]
Looking forward
I am looking forward to having food in my fridge and a filled pantry. It’s been nine days since I last shopped; I’m down to one Lean Cuisine, one frozen pork chop, four microwaveable soups, and two yogurts long past their expiration dates. I am not looking forward to visiting the supermarket this morning. It […]
Monday Morning Moaning. Complaint Department is Open.
Monday, Monday The staff of the Complaint Department has been on sabbatical for a few weeks. But – it is Monday. And who likes Monday morning? Who doesn’t have a complaint or two or three? Who doesn’t want – or need – a place to bitch? What better time than when we’re all dragging – […]
Bad news, a martini, a moment
The voice startled him. “I have bad news,” he said. This, in the wake of the recent loss of his sister, and a friend, and another battling a life-threatening illness. He must have felt his entire body stiffen at those words, though they were uttered by a waiter in a family restaurant, on the first […]