I need to lose weight. I need to lose weight not as a matter of vanity, not because my clothes are too tight, not because anyone other than me is saying that I need to lose weight. I need to shed pounds to feel better, to feel like myself, to be healthier. And my formula is this: No. More. Excuses.
Is losing weight in your fifties (or older) harder? Absolutely. For many reasons. But I don’t want one of them to be my own sense of giving up and giving in to “lifestyle” slippage or convenient self-sabotage.
Why Do We Gain Weight So Easily After 50?
So we know the reasons that we gain weight, especially after 50. Slowed metabolism. Menopause. Sleep disturbances. Lifestyle. And by lifestyle, I mean that we may be more sedentary (though that may be for good reason), but we may also exercise infrequently, overeat mindlessly, and not care as much.
In addition, when we’re battling other serious issues, extra padding seems like a non-event. And, we know that some medications do result in weight gain.
Reasons for less exercise? Those too may not be about discipline or effort; let’s not pretend that responsibilities, schedules, money, and of course injuries or illness can be significant constraints.
So here’s the story for me. After my relocation toward the end of last year, around the holidays, when my back, my shoulder, and my hand all slid into the red zone of discomfort — let’s call it “inconvenience“ — it was very easy to feel sorry for myself. Not just that, but it was definitely much harder to shop, to cook, to get out and exercise; everything hurt. Everything hurt badly. I gave myself that as an excuse — an excuse to eat whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted.
Queen of the Yo-Yo Diet
Now, I’m no stranger to gaining and losing weight and worse, the yo-yo diet. But I was a stable size for many years, I felt comfortable at that size, and that was during my 40s and into my 50s. I have struggled somewhat since, but once again in a sane and steady and healthy fashion, I got back to a size I felt good about last summer.
But that move last year? The physical undertaking of packing and lifting and carrying along with one of my sons? Days and days of driving, wretched for my back?
I overdid it. I overdid it by a great deal. And, the emotional repercussions of a major move (and the need to start over one more time), at a stage in life when I thought I would be more settled, took their toll. The blues set in. That’s putting it gently.
All my attempts at losing the weight I gained in these past months? A NO GO. Or rather, a yo-yo. Lose four, plateau, get frustrated, gain back seven. Lose six, plateau, get mad, gain back nine.
Sound familiar?
And eerily, it was almost exactly 10 months ago to the day that I was celebrating, on a Friday, a healthy eating (dieting) win!
Emotional Eating Demons
And, once again, the disorientation of a move was hard. Much harder than I anticipated. And the injuries (pain) have kept me somewhat housebound, thereby significantly reducing the opportunities to meet people.
That’s depressing! And what makes me feel better?
Right. Food. Comfort food.
I am not a drinker. I am not into drugs, even the legal kind. I’m not a wild party animal of any sort. But I am an emotional eater.
As a very diminutive woman, almost any weight gain at all shows. Really shows. And that makes my somber mood worse.
Starvation Is a FAIL, Reasonableness Is a WIN
Unfortunately, the number of calories to maintain my normal weight is quite low, even at the weight recommended at the “top” of the acceptable scale for my stature. And if you take emotional eating + little exercise + little sleep (yes, sleep deprivation and weight gain are related), what you get is extra pounds. Way too many extra pounds for me to excuse away. And stupidly, pointlessly, ridiculously — anything remotely like a starvation diet doesn’t work and I know it!
(Really. When I went that route… What was I thinking???)
Oddly, having dealt with the fat issue for so many decades, and even when I was a perfectly reasonable size, I perceived myself as fatter than I was. Much fatter.
For the past few months, I have viewed myself as thinner than I am. Who knew that was possible? Only recently have I begun to see what I actually look like. Only recently have I dared to get on the scale and face the damage I have done. Only recently have I had the discipline, the determination, the resolve to fight through the cravings and to focus on eating only the healthy foods that I need, staying within the calorie intake that is required to shed the pounds.
And I do pay attention to nutrition along the way to returning to a reasonable weight.
I also remind myself to slow down, to taste what I’m eating, to savor.
That, all that, is what we need to do to lose weight – especially over 50, especially as women — in my experience and my opinion.
What’s a Few Pounds at Midlife?
Why is this so important?
My blood pressure is higher than normal. Enough to worry me. (My “normal” has always run low.)
Extra weight puts more stress on the parts I’m trying to heal (more pain).
Obesity runs in my family. It killed my mother. And I gained weight fast in recent months. It was all too easy.
I am less confident at my current size. I may tell myself (or you) otherwise, but it isn’t true. There is a size at which I am “me” and this isn’t it.
And, well, I do miss my fave clothes. I may love my boas but I don’t want to live in moo moos in my (not quite) dotage — they would swallow me up!
Besides, I could really rock a cute little leopard fitted skirt. (I would wear it with a black top and fab black kitten heels.)
I could totally spend the summer in any number of lightweight jeans, especially my absolute favorites, a sassy cobalt color (and size 6).
I Miss My Clothes!
I miss more than my cobalt jeans, I miss all my skinny jeans!
I miss my silvery gray Elie Tahari pencil skirt. (I’ve had it for more than a dozen years, it’s still impeccable, it has delicious slits on both sides, and it’s sexy without trying too hard.)
I miss a whole section of my closet with color — fuchsia, red, Wedgewood blue. (I love my classic button downs in blue — I have two from Foxcroft, one from Talbots, and a black one from Talbots as well — and none of them fit.)
Oh, I have the sweetest little tops and cover-ups I bought in Paris a few years back — not trendy, quality fabrics, beautifully made — they’ll never look dated.
After all, don’t I need cute clothes to wear with all my shoes? Don’t I need some bodacious black wardrobe option (among my gazillion bodacious black wardrobe options) to wear with my new stripe heels? Or a fierce fitted pant suit like this one in the hot pink room, in my closet, but nowhere near the size I am?
(Hmmm. If I could wear my wardrobe faves, would I be interested in dating again?)
While it’s fortunate that I work from home (and can live in loose t-shirts and shorts), that too is a no-no when it allows for denying weight gain!
Accountability… and Healthy Salad!
If I have spoken of my style slump — and I have — this weight gain is certainly a major factor. Not. Much. Fun. And… what I’m telling myself: No. More. Excuses.
That bears repeating: No. More. Excuses.
So, this is as good a place as any to hold myself accountable. Now that I have started with a new physical therapist – I am reserving judgment on his effectiveness until I have been there a few times – I am hopeful that I can kick chronic pain down a few notches and again, no more excuses even if they are, to a degree, reasons. (They’re reasons for less exercise, but not overeating!)
And, at the PT facility, I’m using their scale to chart my progress. I have been working hard on this for 10 days now, I have lost 3 1/2 pounds – not a lot, but I’ll take it – and while I have a good deal more to lose (I don’t dare say how much), that’s progress.
Slow and healthy. Fruit, veggies, salads (I love my kale, spinach, and oooo, a good bowl of beets with a drizzle of vinaigrette). And for protein, for me, it’s grilled chicken and once or twice a week, a hard-boiled egg.
Beyond that — organic oatmeal, dried apricots, and for a splurge, unsalted organic popcorn.
And of course, water, water, water + walking, walking, walking (on the days I can). And portion size matters!
Dieting Is Hard, Healthy Eating as a Lifestyle Is Easier
I’m not going to sugar coat this process. It’s frustrating. It’s slow. At times, it feels like torture. And pain does make it harder. The fact that eating something good (sweet) — comfort food — takes my mind off what hurts for a few minutes has been a factor in my grabbing for whatever and ignoring the consequences.
In the past, I would make healthy homemade soups (filling and delicious), but I can’t just now (can’t chop or lift the pot). However, that leaves many tasty nutritious options. And my physical inconveniences have been too easy an excuse for too many months to order whatever I want.
I know how to do this. I don’t need to be a size four, but over a size eight? I’m not me. I feel (and look) “thick.” And for my height (I really am teeny-tiny), at the top of the range of “normal” (before hitting “overweight”), I am, in fact, a size eight.
I want to recognize myself when I look in the mirror! Sure, aging of course, but still – me.
I cannot give myself excuses any longer, including the fact that I don’t sleep enough or that I need to go through physical therapy first or that “I’m older now so it’s okay.” It isn’t. Not for me. I know I’ve eaten badly for months. I have yo-yo’d. I haven’t had my usual discipline. And part of the discipline is more writing. More writing for fun. More writing openly and honestly and without overthinking. More writing here. Better a plate of crazy than a plate of cookies, right? (And I have done; have you noticed?)
And I must follow the advice of the proverbial Nike ad: Just do it.
Motivation Is Important
Here are some of my other bits of writing on the subject – writing on healthy eating and body image that I, myself, have returned to over the past few days to remind myself that I can do this, to remind myself of how I have been successful in the past, and to lovingly look at the rack of clothes that I can’t wear right now as a sort of motivation.
When it comes to the carrot and the stick, I always do much better with the carrot.
My motivation, besides feeling better and more confident, as if that weren’t enough?
Pictures of myself at a size that suits my stature, like the one above.
Fashion magazines! Dream designer outfits that I love! (Oh, the suit I saw on Instagram. Christian Siriano. Gorgeous. I would wear it in a heartbeat. This is sooooo my style, when I’m the size to wear it, even if not my lifestyle!)
What else motivates me?
Putting on a little makeup in the morning before I sit down at my laptop. Even earrings… a story for another day…
Listen, I’m not bashing my body. Really, I’m not. I firmly believe that we need to value our bodies, to appreciate what they do for us, to find a range of sizes and shapes beautiful. I’m not trying to be someone or something I can never be. This is about being — if not my “best” self, my better self. And that would feel pretty damn good these days.
And one last thing. I’m dying for Sue (at High Heels in the Wilderness) to style me! (We have a plan. And getting back to a size eight or so for that little entertainment is a terrific motivator for me.)
What about you? Any battles of the bulge that you would like to share? Have you found that you need to shed a few pounds — five, 10, 25 — for reasons of health rather than vanity? Or have you stopped worrying about any of this as long as your physician says you’re fine?
I welcome your thoughts. (And if you enjoyed this post, please do share, and join the conversation!)
Miu Miu leopard mini-skirt, courtesy Saks Fifth Avenue. Black button-down, courtesy Talbots.
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31/2 lbs in ten days is good…it’s great! I say, don’t worry about the daily or weekly weigh-in too much. Focus on sticking to your plan, and let that be your goal. Like quitting smoking, rack up the days, weeks and months instead of looking at the larger picture.
Sticking to my plan is always the goal for me. I am sooo afraid of that yo-yo thing that I don’t even try to get back to my old 135 lbs anymore, let alone 125. Ha. It’s all about the healthy diet and fitness plan for me. When I’m healthy (back and hip wise) I focus on trying for 300 minutes of cardio a week.(walking, cycling, etc.) I track “my numbers” as Hubby calls it. And add up at the end of the week. I can’t tell if I’m more fit, that’s too subjective, but I can count the minutes and give myself a pat on the back when I meet my goal.
Having said all that… I am not an expert on anything except what works for me. It’s just that years of teaching kids taught me that goals have to be easy to measure and should be motivating. And I think that the weigh-in is NOT always motivating for whatever reason.
Wise words!
My mom had a friend who was, I suspect, about your height. I remember her telling me that at her size, Mrs. Small (really, that was her name! Her husband was also “small”) could feel the difference if she just gained a couple of pounds. That aside, losing 3 1/2 pounds in 10 days sounds like a big win to me. I struggled with my weight when I was younger and even with a younger metabolism, I could only lose 1-2 pounds a week. When I got discouraged, I would remind myself that my only alternative was to stick with it if I wanted to lose the extra pounds. You probably know this, but it is about developing eating habits that allow you to maintain your ideal size, rather than a temporary ‘diet’ if you want to keep the pounds off. Anyway, I’m glad you aren’t beating yourself up, taking a pragmatic, matter-of-fact approach is the best way. One day at a time and all that…..xo
Yes, yes, nodding. But the support and reinforcement is good to hear. (Four pounds is a dress size on me. Sheesh.)
(Mrs. Small! Really?)
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Sounds like you’re right on track with 3.5 pounds in 10 days. I changed my eating habits on March 18th after seeing my younger son’s wedding pics. I’m down 21 pounds. I believe in you and know first hand how conscious you are about eating healthy foods. I also know how much chronic pain gets in the way of that. I have faith in you to meet any goal you have for yourself. Good luck!
21 pounds is great! Bravo! (And thank you for the positive energy.) xo
Because I had breast cancer in 2004, my doctor cautions me about yo-yo dieting. Evidently it’s bad for your immune system and leaves you open for unspeakable things to seize control. Also women carry more estrogen around their layers of midriff fat which can leave us more open for estrogen positive breast cancer. Grrrr… Something always causes something else. No kidding! Don’t you sometimes just get tired of hearing that? xoxox, B
I didn’t know that, Brenda. Good counsel. xo
Pounds lost slowly are more likely to stay off. It isn’t just one and done; being thinner is a way of life–of finding comfort that isn’t caloric, of moving enough, of eating reasonable portions. Here’s what my French friends do:
–portion control. Never have seconds. Diets that have you measure everything are above all to teach portion size. Eating very slowly helps.
–no snacking. Actually, my French friends never snack. Food is eaten maximum four times a day: breakfast, lunch around noon/12:30, snack at 4, dinner at 7 or 8.
–eat like a king at breakfast, a prince at lunch and a pauper at dinner. My friends tend to have soup (winter) or salad (summer) for dinner, whether dieting or not.
–no alcohol. My friends aren’t into “diets,” or avoiding certain foods. They will keep cooking with butter. But they will have a glass of wine when out with friends on the weekends, and that’s it. A glass is about 200 calories — if you drink that often, you will gain weight.
I, too, would like to lose the extra weight that creeped on during menopause, and am trying my friends’ method. I lost 5 pounds over several months, but with visitors lately and lots of fancy meals) I fear I am putting it back on.
It’s funny (and maybe not surprising at all) — every time I lived or stayed in France, I ate incredibly well and either lost weight or stayed the same. The culture certainly reinforces responsible eating while, at the same time, encouraging its pleasures.