One of my kids said to me the other day, “Mom, have you ever tried meditation?” Ah… kids. The things they say, no doubt a consequence of the things they see. In us. “Not really,” I said. “Would you want to?” he asked. “Sure,” I replied, followed by an explanation of how I had tried once or twice a few years back, with little success.
So he gave me a book. I haven’t started the book yet, but I intend to read it cover to cover. In fact, my firstborn exacted a promise that I would.
One of the things that I hope remains true about myself is that I am not too old, too stubborn or too stuck in my habits to learn. To learn something hard. Hard, for me. And now that I have given him my word, I have to make good on giving this a try.
Fortunately, the book sitting on my kitchen table has much to do with philosophy (from what I can tell) as well as meditation itself. I’m guessing that the nature of its intellectual engagement is apt to interest me enough to drag my “contemplation of meditation” closer to actual action.
Besides, since I made that promise to read the book, I will — despite a very (overly?) full schedule of tasks I am (ambitiously?) expecting myself to complete in the next four days. I suspect this will be a good accompaniment to my recent reminder to myself that multitasking is not always a good thing, and that my goal of paying more attention to what is important demands that I not fracture my focus to the extent that is my norm.
Insert huge sigh here, please. _________ (Yes, it is truly challenging for me to slow down and execute on that one-thing-at-a-time approach when it is possible.)
During the same conversation, I had mentioned to my son that walking used to be my meditation. But because of injuries over the past few years, there are periods of time, increasingly so, unfortunately, when that just isn’t and hasn’t been an option. Thus, as he pointed out, alternatives are required.
As for the typical forms of meditation itself, the most I managed a few years back is this — sitting still, feet planted on the ground, eyes closed, and breathing deeply. Suffice it to say… I get restless and antsy doing even that, but when I bring the full force of my (formidable!) will to the process, I can talk myself into slowing down just a bit, then drifting into the inhalation and exhalation more fully… for about a minute and a half.
Right.
I actually do better with a cup of coffee staring out a window (if I can find something worthwhile to stare at that piques my curiosity). Let me be honest… I do better with a cup of coffee, period, for both revving up and winding down. (If you love coffee, don’t you?)
And, I think I achieve some of the effects when I’m lying flat and doing a handful of back exercises that require me to focus on my breathing, to pay attention to specific parts of my body, and thus I am thinking that there may be a meditative quality to those 10 minutes that I ought not to discount.
I generally smile and feel better after. That says something!
There are (of course) a variety of sources on the web and elsewhere that offer a beginner’s guide to meditating, but I find I get impatient reading (or watching) — which is, no doubt, another indicator that meditating could do me some good, or, that the book my son gave me might.
Relaxing in a keyed-up world is not so easy for many of us, and I suspect this has been especially true in the past year for many in the US. The constancy and insistence of noisy (and nosy) media is surely one of the irritants that adds to this feeling. But we also do it to ourselves, something that I am willing to acknowledge.
We are encouraged to bite off more than we can chew (whether or not we can manage to digest it) or at least be constantly pushing the envelope (regardless of the elasticity of its materials). We are encouraged to always be on the move (in some way), and not to rest for anyone or anything when it comes to achieving (barrel on through!). It is ironic that this is often in direct contradiction to our myriad sources encouraging us to appreciate, take time to be grateful, be mindful, and so on.
On a lovely, cold January morning, I am neither in the mood nor up for the intellectual riddle of untangling all the threads of that discussion, but prefer simply to recognize that it is true. We often learn and apply directly conflicting concepts, without seeking (or understanding the need for) a bridge between the two.
Where this leaves me: I have a book to on lifestyle and meditation, with the goal of being able to more fully appreciate what I have and what is around me, as well as more easily freeing my mind of trivialities that are of little importance — minutiae that can spin us off into places we don’t need to be during the course of an otherwise pleasant and productive day.
Other than walking, lingering over a beautiful magazine used to do it for me; I could feel myself slowing down, unwinding, unclenching. That has not worked so well these past months.
Occasionally, connecting to nature — allowing oneself to be mesmerized by a bird plucking berries off a bush or a butterfly fluttering its way to a bud or leaf — can slow everything in me. There is such grace in those moments. But they, too, can be few and far between.
(I recently hung a bird feeder outside within view of my kitchen window. Gazing at cardinals enjoying their feast could do the trick. Will keep you posted…)
Something else that used to relax me: writing, here, whatever came to mind in the morning — quickly. That is something I no longer do in the same way, but I intend to use this platform to do a bit more of it. Those “first thoughts waking” that Natalie Goldberg talks about. No fussing, no mussing, no worry over too much editing or filtering. It is — or can be — a very real, very satisfying exhalation of a different kind.
I am curious. Who out there meditates? Who does an assortment of other activities that may provide some of the same benefits of nudging you to slow down, breathe more deeply, and feed your spirit in a healthy way? As I said, walking does it for me, and to a degree, my back exercises, but clearly, that is not enough. What alternatives might you have found? And how do you deal with the constant inconsistencies of our do-more-with-less society and the need to slow down?
I welcome your thoughts.
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I’ve been practicing meditation for about fifteen years. I’ve been taught by someone in the line of Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, gone several years to classes at Buddhist-run Buddhist temples, and read various books on the subject from a variety of types of sources.
.At heart, meditation is simple and easy. It seems to be regarded as foreign or exotic, but that does a disservice on both counts. I’ve read that most of the main religious orientations have used meditation, and aside from that it is a very useful self-improvement practice. Chanting is meditation. If you have ever found your mind in a rather detached place, such as watching a cloud drift, or staring into a fire, you have had a meditative experience. Being in nature can be somewhat similar. There are forms of walking meditation, particular in directed group situations.
In general, I’ve found books on meditation to make more sense after you have tried to do it on your own. Many books do meditation a disservice, as they over represent how hard it is to do, and they under represent the benefits.
From the meditator’s perspective it isn’t really about how you sit, or what your brain waves are. The main objective is not relaxation, it is to become aware of what your mind is doing and learn to control it, and therefore your life.
The essential practice could not be more simple. Some teachers advocate concentrating on the breath, or the sensation at the nose as the breath moves in and out. Some talk about meditating on nothingness. This is where reading books at the beginning will leave you confused, as the techniques will seem to have nothing in common, especially if the books are from a western writer. Western writers may try to tell you exactly what meditation is. More eastern oriented writers know what words may hinder as much as help, so they may use phrases such as “not this” or “not that”, or “meditation is not what you think”. If you have spent some time attempting meditation before turning to the books, they will make more sense.
The practice of meditation boils down to just this: Sit. Close your eyes. If you are thinking about anything, stop. Be calm. Spend a slight amount of brain activity to monitor your thoughts. If you find a discernible thought, give it up. You will find yourself wondering if feelings are thoughts. They are not. The goal is to be calm, but attentive. If you notice a thought, let it go. If you find yourself trying too hard, stop trying, let it go. If you find yourself thinking about what you are doing, let it go, just go back to watching. You may note some things in the process. Noting is OK, just don’t concentrate on or develop those objects. Note and let go. Repeat. The only goal is to have your mind calm and clear. That is meditation. If you try that as well as the method with the breath, you will find out they take you to the same place.
It is important to note that trying too hard is as bad as not trying at all. There is no such thing as perfection or success. You will do better by not trying to master it. In Buddhism, having expectations for your meditation defeats what you are trying to achieve, which is the experience, whatever it is. All experiences are part of the process. Simply doing it frequently without thinking about it will get you far more than worry, expectations, or judgement. Worrying about it keeps you from doing it. It is said that as little as ten to twenty minutes a day can show benefits.
The benefits are extremely hard to quantify, but neuroscientists are just starting to unravel them. Some of the more obvious are the abilities to be aware of yourself and your actions. I personally believe it enhances the ability to monitor and process large and divergent qualities of information. There is a zen proverb to the effect of “Meditate for x minutes a day, unless you are busy. In that case, meditate for 2x minutes a day”. I’ve fallen off the meditation wagon many times (as is typical), but I do keep going back.
This! (Roberts’s comment) Especially: “Simply doing it frequently without thinking about it will get you far more than worry, expectations, or judgement.” I recommend simply starting and keep practicing daily. The gift is in the regular, daily practice. Start with five minutes daily and increase your time slowly. Or use Insight Timer’s guided meditations to ease into a practice. Also, I meditate lying down a lot due to physical necessity. It’s still effective. Make it work for you! The key is to be entirely still. Then observe any thoughts that arise and let them go.
Great points — you and Robert! But I find all this “be still” business so difficult! Doesn’t come naturally for all of us. That doesn’t mean I’m not willing to try. ?
NO,
I don’t get meditation either…….let me know if a light bulb goes off for YOU!
I do PILATES REFORMER for an hour three times a week……..THATS my SLOW TIME.The drive there and back and during…….it’s basically the old BALLET exercises lying on your back so no CARDIO!
I LOVE IT but it is expensive.
Magazines have LOST the ALLURE they once had……………for me too!
XX
Our oldest also meditates as does my husband. I found the Headspace app (yup, there’s an app for this), which is free, to be a great way to get started — though I haven’t yet made it a regular habit. Hear’s to building even more healthy habits in the new year!
Yes! I stumbled across meditation, guided imagery and yoga in my teens during the 70’s.
My mother would send all of us, kids, to our bedrooms shortly after our family dinner together. At the time, I thought all homes operated in this manner and thought nothing of it. Now, I have a better understanding that she wanted her time to be with her husband, freedom from children, and time for herself, especially during our teen years which seemed to be especially difficult for her. As well, it taught us all how to be alone and comfortable within ourselves, not a bad thing at all.
I had a radio and came across a station that intrigued me. At the time, I did not know what it was that I was doing or what it was called; and I didn’t share my discovery with my mother from fear that she might disapprove. I continue on that journey of discovery throughout my adult life, even to this day.
Robert’s explanation is awesome and I’m quite envious of his depth in meditation, especially the classes at Buddhist-run Buddhist temples.
Alison is right on as direct in a few words that one could summarize meditation. “The key is to be entirely still. Then observe any thoughts that arise and let them go.”
I also use audio technology (CD’s) with visual and inner dialogue for physical and spiritual healing. You may find a lot of podcasts technology nowadays.
I lay down on the floor or the bed with purpose. I do not sit or lay on the couch (but one could). I do not set a time, but take as long as my body, mind and spirit guide me.
It’s not to be confused with quite relaxation time which might be spent sitting on the patio watching the birds, nature, or morning rise with coffee or sunset with a glass of wine or floating in the hot tub. I take time at least one hour daily, mixing the relaxation within the week as not to become routine into oblivious boredom. It’s my time for slowing down within nature.
Yet, I take time for all of these avenues equally as important to my nurturing of the self.
Almost every night as 7:30 pm, I have a routine to quite the chatter in my mind. My bedroom is painted dark cobalt blue and I use a lamp that I have place a blue light bulb to soften the space next to my bed. I listen to relaxation music for about an hour (1 CD of which I have a large collection). Even my oldest dog heads to the bedroom at 7:30 pm before me. On the nights that I choose to have company or a tv show, my therapy dog nudges me into our relaxation routine.
If 5 minutes is difficult for you, you may want to try drawing an eucalyptus & spearmint pure epsom salt soaking bath to relax your body in while practicing your meditation. I sometimes do this right before I plan to sleep. It’s a lovely way to transfer from day thoughts into night dream state.
I hope these ideas help you in some way. It is very sweet to hear of your son’s quizzing suggestion including a book. Would you mind sharing the title of your son’s recommendation! There is always more to learn. Be well ?.
You are probably doing very well in your own right, TD. Although I feel very fortunate to have had access to the natively-run temples (and a specific teacher), there is nothing like repetition and you have a few decades head start.
I second your request for the suggested book.
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Once you get going, also, the experience of your interior is satisfying and engaging in itself. Not to think about but to feel and to be.
I signed up for a meditation class recently so it will be interesting to see how it is taught and whether I can learn a method and apply it; in the past, I’ve used the techniques from a meditation book called “Sit Down, Shut Up” for relaxing before sleep when my brain is in overdrive; even the basic relaxation method from the book helps with getting to sleep so for a non-spiritual person like me, there is real value.
Always so nice to hear from you, batticus, and happy new year! I will have to check out that book. Stop back and let us know how your class goes.
My meditation class finished this week and I have to say it was very illuminating. My class was just after work so each week, I would rush home, change, and arrive at the yoga studio to stretch and mentally settle down. We did some poses for the first half of the class and then for the second half, we would settle in to meditate. I take it that meditation is different for everybody but I would occasionally feel (and “see” with closed eyes) a warm glow combined with a relaxed feeling. It was an ephemeral sensation because my science-based brain would wake up since this was something new and interesting to observe only to have it go away. Once the novelty goes away, I can see that accepting that feeling would be a net positive in my life so I’m glad I took the class.