Beating back bad habits? I feel like I’ve had a lifetime of practice. And though I’ve never been a drinker or a smoker — no need to wrestle those demons to the ground — I have indeed struggled with self-destructive staples like lousy attention to eating, sleeping, and exercise.
Then there’s that old standby — workaholism. For decades I threw so much of myself into my work life that I shortchanged healthy habits, family time, and “me” time, all in the pursuit of the highest quality performance I was capable of.
My Personal Bad-Habit-Go-Round
Other behaviors I’ve had to swat away, tamp down, or battle outright more often than I like to admit?
Here’s an equal opportunity offender that plagues so many women across a breadth of demographics — emotional eating. While I’ve had decades when I’ve managed this issue, I’ve had other extended periods when emotional eating seemed to monopolize my life. And this issue is exacerbated by gaining weight easily, which sets off a painful, detrimental cycle of self-contempt, followed by more eating to soothe the negative feelings, more self-contempt… an altogether too familiar routine.
Now, I’ll venture one more habit that you could deem dreadful if you like — and some do — though I have found it useful to me. When I’m dealing with difficult issues, I go inward, I become very quiet.
Possibly the mood management methodology of the introvert, this is and always has been my healing habit. Some are critical of this mode of processing emotion overload or letting go of grief. For me, shutting out the world for a bit expedites my ability to arrive at a place of acceptance of issues I cannot control. Often, what appears as retreat allows me to construct new approaches, new goals, new resolve. But from the outside looking in, my habit of choosing quiet time makes others uncomfortable.
Which Habits Hurt Most?
Should I flagellate myself over my bad habits? Should you? How hard should we work to undo those habits that truly are — we all agree — unhelpful, unhealthy, and undermining our dreams?
There is a surprising (and entertaining) amount of “literature” on the Internet pertaining to bad habits we should seek to change. I was amused by this list, Buzzfeed’s 19 Bad Habits You Should Quit Before You’re 30, and while that “age 30” ship has sailed for yours truly, it’s an interesting list. The items included definitely reflect the norms of our Millennials when it comes to device and socializing habits, but we who are older are no less subject to the addictive nature of these (and other) dopamine spikes.
And isn’t that what makes almost anything habit-forming? Isn’t it the immediate hit of pleasure that we can’t get enough of?
Sure, psychological factors come into play — matters of identity, security, coping mechanisms formed in childhood. And yes, there are practical underpinnings as well; good habits taken to an extreme can eventually become harmful.
Among the items on Buzzfeed’s list:
- Ignoring everyone around while on your phone
- Holding grudges
- Obsessing over finding a relationship
- Ordering way more food via take-out than you need to eat
Um… Forty-somethings? Fifty-somethings? Everyone? Aren’t we just as guilty of these bad habits? Aren’t they worth beating back?
Habits Harmful to Productivity
Another list of common bad habits is this, with a focus on improving productivity. It is Entrepreneur’s 10 Bad Habits You Must Eliminate From Your Daily Routine, and let me say, the opening paragraph is a pointed reminder.
Author Travis Bradberry writes:
You are the sum of your habits. When you allow bad habits to take over, they dramatically impede your path to success.
Bingo! For me, that nugget is worthy of copying onto a sheet of paper and taping to my fridge.
From Mr. Bradberry’s list of bad habits:
- Using our devices in bed at night (our phones, tablets and laptops emit short-wavelength blue light, interfering with sleep)
- Checking our phones in the midst of conversations (not only rude, but impairs concentration and consequently, performance)
- Saying “yes” when we should say “no” (Ah… the People Pleaser’s drama…)
- Comparing ourselves to others (which may cause us to hesitate, not take risks, not feel confident)
That last is potentially more damaging than we realize, isn’t it? There’s a good deal more on this list that I find relevant, so pop over and read it.
Most Common Bad Habits
This list of common bad habits points out the (negative) impacts on how we look. (Let’s remember that poor nutrition, too much alcohol, too little sleep and so on wreak havoc with our appearance.) Mama Mia’s bad habit list reminds us of exactly this, not to mention what I heard from my mother a few decades back!
Among these usual suspects:
- Too much alcohol
- Too much sugar
- Too sedentary a lifestyle during the day
- Too much weeknight partying!
That point about remaining sedentary during the day? That’s a big one. For any of us who spend most of our time sitting, we need to remind ourselves to stand up!
A few other common bad habits?
From my own experience, try these: complaining, focusing on the negative, and getting stuck in analysis paralysis, which I see as a variant of insecurity and related fearfulness.
And what about relationship choices? To what extent is our tolerance for enduring destructive relationships a matter of habit? Can we remember that habits are patterns that we repeat. They are learned. They can be unlearned. And that includes all sorts of destructive patterns we absorb in childhood, as we repeat our parents’ mistakes in our own adult lives.
How Long to Break a Bad Habit?
Kicking unhealthy behaviors to the curb is hard, but not impossible. However, the Rx requires a bit of patience, and naturally, there is a distinction to be made between addictions and unhealthy habits, though certainly there is overlap.
21 days to change a habit? Not quite, we’re now told. As explained in this article on changing habits from Science Alert, referencing a small 2009 study:
the time it takes to form a habit really isn’t that clear-cut…
Right, but… I do know I kick my sugar habit in roughly one week. I do know I reset my exercise habit in approximately the same amount of time. As for other, more entrenched, more psychologically conditioned bad behaviors?
Ah, yes. Not so fast!
Breaking a bad habit and then forming a new positive one, it seems, is far more variable. It may take months or more (which makes me feel better about my troubles tackling tough behaviors).
Science Alert continues:
Experts agree that there’s no typical time frame for breaking a habit, and the right recipe is going to be a mix of personality, motivation, circumstances, and the habit in question.
Recipe for Success?
Clearly, what we’re trying to change is a key determinant in understanding what it will take to succeed at the change. And getting it done.
Who we are as individuals — our personalities, our support systems, our circumstances — also factor into our success or failure in redressing bad habits. And possibly more so, certainly for me, the motivation to make a change. This is particularly true when my behavior is well entrenched, long held, and convenient to rationalize.
- Do you find old bad habits creeping into your routines when life gets more stressful?
- As you’ve grown older, is it easier or harder to knock off a bad habit?
- What habits — to do with health, socializing, work life, family life — are you looking to renew or reinforce?
- When it comes to beating back a bad habit, what works for you?
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When I’m in a fight with one of my kids or my boyfriend or work is bad, I have a harder time sticking to a diet and not carbs to make me feel better. So a lot of this is all about stress and needing something to make it better even if it doesn’t last. Also, take out or drive-thru is so much easier when you’re in a hurry or it’s late and you’re hungry or tired. And it’s kind of addictive with all the salt and fat and sugar.
Many of us relate to those behaviors? I know I can! I’m not a spontaneous person. Don’t call me on the spur of the moment and suggest we do something “now”. I won’t go, even if I have nothing pressing and your suggestion sounds pleasant! It’s just not going to happen. I’m a planner (big time), whether I’m planning a holiday gathering, or redecorating a room. So, when it comes to reversing bad habits, I make a written plan, a specific strategy that I can refer to everyday. If I’m changing my eating habits, I write a meal plan, then shop for the ingredients. Whatever needs changing gets a written plan of action, something I can reevaluate and alter as necessary. Too many thoughts and emotions that flood our brains during the course of a day can easily sabotage our best intentions, often to the point of not remembering what those intentions were. Those plans refocus me…pull me out of those destructive tendencies. This helps me keep the effort alive, even if I stumble at times.
Habits can come in the form of bad and good.
“When it comes to beating back a bad habit, what works for you?”, you asked.
I think it was the Dr. Joy Browne talk radio show in 1990 that introduced me to the rubber band snap on my wrist underneath the palm of my hand to stop an unwanted thought, action or behavior that I wanted to change about myself as a way of taking responsibility. It certainly worked for me! Now keep in mind this is a light snap not an intense snap to punish, but more as a reminder to myself that was something that I wanted to change about myself. I have used this technique for 30 years for a matter of a few weeks to a couple of months, off and on, for a variety of things that I wanted to make a change from something that no longer served me well.
For creating good habits, a technique that I used was a reward requiring a box of gold stars and a paper calendar. I don’t know who was chatting up that advice, but it worked for me! You can probably guess that gold stars would be placed on the calendar charting success creating a vision of gratification of doing good. This technique also helped with the issues of replacing food rewards or spending rewards that my mother had taught me as a child which no longer served me well. I no longer have any stars in that box, but replaced it with a pencil handwriting star for great, check mark for good and an X for do better next time. And still I use this technique on occasions.
Has anyone else tried these techniques?
The rubber band snap – yes! I remember that. Haven’t done it…
Lists / checkmarks / other rewards are always good, I think.