Relocation. Tricky topic, isn’t it? While promising new possibilities, the decision to move or not when you’ve hit age 50 (or older) can be extraordinarily complex. Deciding to move isn’t the issue; deciding where to move is the sticking point for most of us.
Especially since a ‘wrong’ decision is much harder to recover from than when we’re younger.
Just how difficult is it to identify your destination?
The following words are part of a comment on Best Places to Live Over 50. They certainly apply to me, as they may to you, as a reader named Judy explains her situation. She seems clear on what she wants, organized and thorough in her approach to preparation for a move, and yet she’s stuck (like so many of us).
Judy writes:
What I thought would be simple has been one of the most frustrating experiences of my life…
After clarifying what’s missing in her environment, she adds:
Most importantly, I stay because I don’t know where else to go.
Bingo.
Harder Decision Than We Think?
Are we looking for too much? Why does finding a reasonable place to live as we grow older seem like chasing the Holy Grail? Are our expectations so unrealistic? Finding ourselves relatively free or at loose ends, do we see a 50-something or 60-something relocation as a last shot at happiness? At survival?
What part of the drama is economically based, especially for those of us who are unemployed or underemployed in our existing geographic markets — and hoping it’s better somewhere else?
What if it’s not?
For those who are looking to “start over” at middle age and after — and I count myself among you — even if we are technically in Empty Nest, children, grandchildren and elder parents may tie us to our current location. We may struggle with competing priorities relative to what we want — for example, weather versus cultural preferences, fast-paced lifestyle versus uber-relaxed. Housing and transportation costs are an issue, and likewise healthcare, access needs, and social life.
These are only a few of the considerations. Knowing them is a start.
Where Do You Fit?
One of the most important factors that we don’t typically consider: “fit.”
If you’ve relocated at other times in your life, you know precisely what I mean — how at ease you feel in general in a town or region, or for that matter, in your neighborhood; whether or not you feel like an outsider in ways that grate or wear you down. Typically, when we move at a younger age, we do so for an educational opportunity, a job, or as a twenty-something seeking adventure. In the process, we acquire a built-in framework — classmates, colleagues in the workplace, fellow trekkers, climbers or crew. Socializing, creating a support network, and exploring become both easier and more fun.
We also enjoy the clarity of definable, purposeful roles. We’re busy. We’re part of something.
And as women, we aren’t yet invisible.
But moving without a job, without family or without other framework? Moving because where you live now, perhaps as a single person in a neighborhood of families, leaves you odd man out?
It’s tougher to find that ‘fit’ or to construct it when we no longer have traditional jobs, kids to parent, or schools in which we make new friends.
The notion of fit goes beyond the standard quality of life factors. Fit touches on your comfort, including the ability to find religious or spiritual community if that’s important to you, options to make friends you can enjoy, and I would go so far as to say sharing political leanings. (As in a couple, compatible politics may be more important than you first realize.)
Maybe you don’t need to relocate so much as you’re hungry for a new adventure, a fresh start, or a way to stir things up.
More Relo Questions — Whatever Your Age
Since the discussion of relocation after age 50 seems to continue — and with good reason — consider this post a little guide to the related subjects you will find on this site. And on a personal note, having thought about starting over — and having done it at varying stages in life, including in these ‘middle’ years — I’m right there with you. I am, again, considering this logistically and emotionally challenging subject.
My dilemma, like yours…
Where would I go? What is it I actually want? What am I hoping to find in a new location that I don’t have now?
- Where do I see myself — ideally?
- Where can I create a meaningful existence for the next ten or twenty years? Would it be a better life, and do I have a concept of what that looks like?
- Does it help my decision process if I’m clear on why I want to move?
- Likewise, am I clear on what is keeping me where I am?
- What changes might make staying put a more pleasant (or less stressful) alternative to relocation? Or a more affordable one?
- In knowing what I want, have I adequately considered practicalities like job opportunities, demographics, transportation, healthcare facilities (and state-specific Affordable Care Act options), and cost of living (housing costs in particular)?
- If I have five or six “important factors” in my decision-making, what if I can’t find anywhere that fulfills what I’m looking for? What if I can find a few places that cover only two or three of my six “important factors?” Is that enough?
Although I’m working on the answers to those questions, and it strikes me that those last are very important, one thing remains true for many of us: People are the most significant determinants of a “good” life — family and friends.
That said, in the U.S., certainly, money may in fact be the most crucial of all considerations — cost of living, and options for earning.
List the Pros and Cons
It occurs to me that with too many variables, it’s impossible to solve any equation. I need to reduce the number of unknowns, reduce the scope of the challenge, and try something new.
Two thoughts: a list of pros and cons for my current location; a list of pros and cons for my top five.
For all the lists I’ve recommended (and made), believe it or not, I’ve never done this!
But how do I come up with the top five?
For myself, I’ve traveled enough to have a small taste of numerous cities, including in Europe. Maybe I need to take the approach of “if money were no object,” and see where that leads. (For me, big cities, university environment a plus, manageable winters.) But if your list includes places you’ve never been?
Connections, connections, conversation, and connections! It’s so important to talk with people who live in the cities and towns you’re looking at.
What about your spouse or significant other? Does this make the decision tougher? If you’re on your own, is there greater freedom of choice, but also a greater degree of overwhelm? How might the location of adult children or grandchildren factor into the mix?
If this helps narrow down the list, can obstacles like cost of living be addressed with creative logistical arrangements like mini-communities of friends or acquaintances in a roommate situation?
That possibility has been raised (in comments) before. It certainly seems worthy of being fleshed out.
The Importance of Connecting
Connections help to humanize anything we are engaged in, and connections are essential to relocation — especially if we are looking for work. We all know that it’s easier to find jobs or projects or customers when we have personal referrals that we can develop and use to mutual benefit.
One last note: Relocation isn’t necessarily fun and games when we’re 25 or 35, so hesitation, mixed feelings, or outright fear at 55 or 65 seem warranted in my book. All the more reason that most of us would feel better if we were less isolated facing this complex process that is, after all, intended to ease isolation.
It is that isolation, the conviction that we are alone in our search for a decent, meaningful life — at a stage when we thought we would have family and friends to count on — that can be so paralyzing, so destructive.
You aren’t alone. We aren’t alone.
If you would like to share details of your story — concerns, special challenges, questions, suggestions and successes — or connect with others, please email startingover50plus @ gmail.com. You may also find posts on my own 2016 relocation experience of interest.
Do check out the latest comments on the articles and posts below.
The comments — your comments — are critical to the value of this discussion. I have linked a variety of sources in these articles, which I will continue to research and update.
How timely! I’m a 54-year-old Canadian-Dutchie who just relocated from Rotterdam to Manchester almost two months ago, leaving my Dutch husband behind. In short, my Dutch was never good enough for the job market, English-only jobs have been drying up since the economy wibbled back around 2009, and the combination of age and an ever-increasing job gap just made me pretty much unemployable in Holland.
Seeing that struggling to get more fluent in Dutch wasn’t helping Dutch friends being made redundant, I decided to take advantage of my newly acquired EU freedom of movement (and my son’s decision to take a working holiday in the UK) and move to an English-speaking country…
I found work within two weeks…albeit Christmas temp work in retail, but what a boost to my shaky confidence!
But it’s not easy leaving hubby behind…and the fur babies…and basically living like a student again, renting a room in a house, and, having no life and nothing to call my own at the moment…
I do have a blog, but I’ve been working so much, it’s about a month behind…but I was hoping to blog about this exact topic–starting all over again after the age of 50.
We’re still considering moving to Canada to be closer to my parents and my friends, but my husband’s almost 60…and we’ve always had to live paycheque to paycheque. So expensive, so risky…
Looking forward to learning from the experiences of others…and hoping to contribute some wisdom myself…
Risky. That sums it up for a lot of us, Laura. I look forward to hearing how it goes for you both.
Laura
Depending where you go in Canada the job market and economy are better especially in the long term. In the short term the price of oil has and will affect Canada for approximately 2 yrs. That said it is better than the UK and as a Canadian you can access a wide array of social services and free medical care.
In my area, places to retire are few and far between. They are either horrible or too grand. I never spent $3000 a month to live and eat meals in my home, I sure can’t hope to retire to a place that is that outrageously expensive. $2000 a month is too much. This doesn’t have anything to do with any type of healthcare, just living. I’d lose my animals too. Would that be life? I just want a place to live 1000 sq ft or less, 2 group meals, not menu service and a place to gather for cards or art etc. It doesn’t exist anywhere. I have looked on the Internet.
I hear you on the cost of ‘just living’ and not even healthcare.
Call me crazy but I recently came across 5 women (in their fifties and 60s) living in a very nice colonial mini mansion they shared and shared the cost. There was one extra room for their guests. I thought this was brilliant, as long as you can find 4 other people you can live with and who pay their bills.
This sounds pretty smart for many reasons, Curtis!
I love that idea. Sorta the golden girls. I wonder where to find such an arrangement?
This is all on track for me. I’m single. Kids are grown. Not in the area I live now. I have a few friends. A low paying job in a high cost of living area. Where to go…I don’t know. But I need to decide to stay or go by the end of april. It’s a bit stressful. But I’m trying to be open minded.
CHANGE is GOOD. But to change costs money…………….
This is a HARD CALL………… I cannot advise as I do not know what to tell you to do!!!
XO
Having lived in various cities, countries, and continents I can adapt almost anywhere, but while I feel comfortable certain places, I can say I probably don’t fit anywhere. Is this good or bad? I’m not sure but it is.
I think moving must have purpose. When I moved for a thoughtful purpose it was good. When I moved for a change of scenery or perhaps to run from myself, it was not as good.
In the end I believe life is about experiences and relationships. Hence I would use these as starting criteria to distinguish the current status/locale from another status/ locale.
Hi Ladies!
I am so glad I found this website. I am 54 and single with no kids. I feel like I’m at a crossroads in my life. I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2013 (for the 2nd time!) and really went through the ringer. I have come out of it changed but unfulfilled.I live in Seattle and have a good job. However, I would love to quit and move somewhere warm for at least 6 months of the year. My family lives in the area so it holds me here even though I’m not very happy. I’m afraid if I move out of the area I will be very lonely since I won’t know anyone. Can we all move to a community and be neighbors?!? I think about buying a small place in Palm Springs (love golfing) or somewhere in Arizona or Cape Coral, Florida. I need to work for at least 5 more years so it has to be an area where there are jobs.
Let’s all keep in touch so we can support each other through these changes.
Peggy
The job market in Florida is poor and the pay here is very low.
Please talk to some transplants first. Too much to mention.
Thanks Anon. I do worry about Florida’s economy and the also bugs out there. I will probably stay on the west coast to remain near friends and family. As a single person over 50, I imagine it could get pretty lonely in a new town without any contacts. How do you make new friends at this age. If it weren’t for my job I don’t think I would spend time with too many people other than my extended family.
Entrepreneur and I struggle with this all the time. With one daughter in Florida and the other with no concrete plans (or residence) after her divorce, we often wonder if it’s time to consider a move. So many pros and cons. So, we end up not making any decision lest it be the wrong one. 🙁
Hello, I am 57, single, self-employed and my only daughter is grown and on her own. I’ve lived in Maryland since graduating college and I’ve built my life there (career, friendships, home, leisure activities, etc). Transplanted from So. Cal, my entire family still lives in the Santa Monica area and my daughter plans to live there eventually. My family all want me to move back to LA. So, my question is this: as I approach 60 and I still have my health, does it make sense to sell my house, pack my life up and move to CA where I will have family close by and warm weather but no friends, and have to start over in my career? Or, do I stay in Maryland where I have a secure job, a lovely home and friends, but no family and brutally cold winters? It’s a real conundrum for me. The thought of moving is scary. I would welcome any feedback from others in my same situation.
It’s one thing to listen to one’s family urging one to return home but it’s important to remember they have a strong bias. Thanks in advance!
This is a terrific question, Gina. I could give you my two cents, but it’s “just one woman’s opinion.”
Here are some factors I would take into consideration.
– Do you have savings in case you go for an extended period without income? Can you make it financially without a job?
– What is the market for the type of work you do in So Cal? (Factor in the inevitable ageism in many industries/jobs.) can you do it there as well?
– To what extent can your family help you make new friends once you move?
In my experience, it can be extremely challenging finding employment at 50+ depending on your profession, local market, network of contacts. Self-employed may be easier, depending… Also in my experience, making new friends over 50 is a real challenge, especially because you’re no longer dealing with other parents and schools, or, if you don’t work in an environment with peers with whom you can socialize.
That said, I can certainly understand the appeal of leaving the cold, long winters and living close to family. No small thing.
How long before you would take retirement in Maryland? Can you factor that in as well?
I hope that others will comment with their own experience if in similar situations. Stop by again, Gina, and please keep us posted!
Gina~Just my opinion, but I’d wait until I retired before I moved. You don’t want to be looking for a job at this stage in life.
Last year I decided to pack up and go live overseas, after my daughter moved into her own apartment. I had been studying websites about expat locations in Latin America and with no work or no boyfriend/spouse I hopefully hit the road. I wanted to have a quality lifestyle on a cheaper budget and so I took off.
I traveled back east to see my family and old friends for about a month which was so wonderful, reconnecting and living a life of leisure. I jumped on a plane headed to Mexico City to study Spanish and had plans to visit San Miguel a few weeks after that.
Mexico City was fun but was challenging living in a dorm with a lot of people. We were a diverse group by age and nationality, but living in a tiny room with noise was something I hadn’t had to deal with in a long time. Still I made friends with a woman who was my age, her husband was there on business, and she and I did some tourist things. I also hung out with the young people in my class, going to museums and dinner but I also spent some time alone since no one had the same interests as me, (I wasn’t bar hopping with the 20 somethings till five am.)
I moved on to SMA with another friend from school, a young Australian woman who shared an Airbnb with me. I wanted to meet the older expats but waited till she hit the road before exploring that scene. I was disappointed by SMA, there wasn’t much to do there, it was a lovely colonial town but most people seemed to want to do charity work, go out for drinks or dinner and just be retired. I am 57 and the crowd was much older than me so I had a hard time relating. Plus, I felt lonely and missed my friends and family back east – thank god for wi-fi and FaceTime calling because I was feeling pretty scared and alone.
I also went to language school there but found the class to be populated by couples or men who were there with local women so there wasn’t much of a social outlet for me. I spent my days at the pool at the Rosewood Hotel, which was a great bargain, chatting with some expats by day and went to a few events by night. It was company but I didn’t feel any companionship there so I moved on to the next place – Ajijic where I was lucky enough to find some company and a house sit.
Again I found myself a little bored, the community was older albeit friendly, but they really were retired. I had a car and wanted to travel but most people were happy just to mosey into town, have coffee and call it a day.
Next I went to the beach again – easy to connect with people – not as easy to “connect”. The stock market was tanking and I realized I missed my home and I wanted to work.
My old apt which I have lived in for 5 years had doubled in rental price and I was panicked that I wouldn’t be able to get back in. I found a much smaller place and a job as a teacher (hired 1 day before school started – and now I know why they couldn’t get anyone to take that job).
So here I am living in a very expensive area – SF – because I don’t want to start all over but can’t find work I love.
I still think about driving around the US this summer and visiting towns that might work for me, attending local meet ups and staying at airbnbs to get a feel for the place. I want to blog about it.
I also have family in Nashville and the cost of living there appeals to me.
So we will see what happens. I lived overseas as a teenager, took a year off to travel at 29, but at 57 I was not as flexible or comfortable with being out of my comfort zone as I expected to be.
I guess you live and learn. I had planned to return to the US in November for Thanksgiving, but only lasted till late August and was lucky to get back and land on my feet.
One more thing crossed off the bucket list for now.
Wow! My hat is off to you, Stuck Here. You took a risk so few would take at any age. Brava.
So what sort of job would you love? Do you know what it is or what it might involve? The ‘starting over’ issues can be so overwhelming, but knowing elements of what we like / want / need is a great beginning. And you have the advantage of having tried some things, so you can also use the process of elimination.
Your ideal job / lifestyle at this stage?
And thanks so much for sharing all this. Very cool, and likely very helpful to others who stop by and read.
Glad I found this website, article and the comments…guess I’m not alone. Although it feels like it more and more these days. I don’t know where I fit in anymore. I’m 59 and still stuck in an unproductive cycle of getting jobs I hate, quitting them and in the interim being a Sub Teacher. I feel like I’m living someone else s life. I’ve lived the the Los Angeles area most of my life. Then moved to NC in the 90’s and raised three boys with a husband I’m not longer married to. Almost five years ago a relative invited me to try Cincinnati Ohio (my birth city) and on a dime, (that and a horrible almost brawl with my roommate another empty nester) packed everything I owned in my car and 9 hrs later my residency began. I’ve been wanting to leave since I got here. I don’t believe I fit in with this culture. I’ve met several wonderful women who I’ve form special friendships with, the one saving grace about being here. I want to move, But I’ve moved back and forth to NC and LA. without the framework I had before ( husband and kids) and felt and feel alone and lost. I have close family in Los Angeles, my son and his family…I had a falling out with his wife and it’s clear the only communication with them surrounds my 3 yrs old grandson. I’m grateful that despite our differences we all want me to me a part of his life…but is that enough for me to go back live in that expensive market? I am starting over with little to no means. My youngest son is a wonderful aspiring pianist finishing college in Maryland. I find myself wishing for the life he has in terms of his life and work being music related and his love life/experiencing young love…a distant memory for me. I have had success working on college campuses before,and spend time looking at jobs on college campuses thinking I should do this again. So which state do I pursue this? The rub always in the back of my mind is that burning desire to have a life as a professional singer…which is what I’ve always wanted to be, but have difficulty sustaining, pursuing…had some personal success but have not given (in my opinion) everything I could to keep it going. So here I sit reading the other stories of people my age search for the right or next best move for their life. One thing I do know is that I don’t like the way society thinks we’re washed up! I’m just getting started again 🙂 I must figure this out. I will figure this out. My life depends on it.
It does seem like we reach a point where we no longer have, as you say, a framework to guide or assist us in every day living. That framework is something we generally take for granted. So we go back-and-forth, much as you have explained, in trying out different locations or at least trying them out in our minds. There are no easy answers, but perhaps it is less frightening knowing that we aren’t alone in this. At the very least, perhaps there is some consolation in speaking to each other.
If you would like to join a few others on this topic, in ongoing conversation, drop a line here: startingover50plus @ gmail.
There is so much to consider when moving. Weather — I wouldn’t move anywhere that was humid; not to mention that humidity is not good for us when we are older (60+). And coming from 50 years in Southern CA, I wanted a place that didn’t have a lot of earthquakes — or tornadoes — hurricanes — anything but a mild change of seasons, and I found the perfect spot. Medical Care — I moved to a city and a state that have bad medical care. [Dental isn’t bad. Eye care is pretty good too. But there is ONE GP for every 1000+ residents (can you believe that); and gerontologists are non-existent. BUT I moved to the only place in The US that has LOTS of things for seniors to do. Also, there are various types of free transportation, for disabled and 60+, even door-to-door. ALSO, seniors can eat, free of charge, break and lunch, Monday through Friday; and if transportation to the dining halls is a problem, they will send a van for you free of charge, and take you home again. BUT, with all that said: if it hadn’t been for the earthquakes, I might not have left Southern CA. Certainly, even after 11 years, I am still homesick. It was my HOME. I don’t have 50 years left — 🙂 — to make another place feel that much like home. Not to mention that I had long-time friends in Southern CA. So my 2 cents — not worth much, I’m sure — is: unless you’re really miserable where you are currently living (and do make sure it’s not just yourself you are miserable with) and/or you can’t afford to live where you are currently living, “there is no place like home”. The grass is rarely greener on the other side.
Those last sentiments? Having just relocated, and now dealing with the ongoing detail oriented changes required, particularly relative to replacing even very basic medical care, I couldn’t agree more. And that concept of home?
For some of us, so much more important than we might think.
I’m 68. I think you’re much younger than I. But even so, after I arrived here (in Albuquerque, NM — talk about culture shock, by the way!), it took me years to really get oriented. I’m much too old now to try it again. Besides, I was sick for three years, and I spent those three years researching every state in The US and every major city in every state AND foreign countries, like Switzerland (cost prohibitive); England (almost as bad as The US); Germany (lived there once — don’t want to live there again); Italy (somewhat cost prohibitive); and various ‘ex-pat’ towns in Mexico and South America — NO THANKS to Mexico and SA. I am telling you: there is no better place to grow old, if one is basically North American, than Albuquerque, NM. And, yet — I miss Southern CA. After a few trips back, it dawned on me that I miss the Southern CA of 40-50-60 years ago. It truly was Paradise (and that is not just my faulty memories). Now — it’s not a great place to live, even if one is rich. But it’s a fairly nice place for vacation. 🙂 I wish you well in your transition. If you don’t want to answer — that’s fine. Truly. But I’d like to know where you moved from and where you moved to. Might be more info than you care to divulge, and that’s fine.
Thank you for your good wishes, Fran, and likewise! Your comment leaves me with the Thomas Wolfe title floating through my head — “you can’t go home again.” Some of us leave a place where we grew up, or a place where we lived for a period of time, and thoughts of returning (or actually returning) can’t possibly pan out. We aren’t the same. The place isn’t the same. And even if it seems unchanged, our life experience has broadened and we may no longer fit at a different point in time. (I dare say I miss Cambridge, Mass of the 1980s, a place I enjoyed living for years, but perhaps what I miss as much is the young, energetic, hungry-to-learn “me” in that funky, academic-leaning place. A place, incidentally, that I fled for a new job elsewhere, and to get away from all that winter!)
It’s interesting that you considered very specific spots abroad. I think a number of us do so. You cast a wide net in your research! Very impressive.
As for my transition, it has been complicated (seriously stalled) by an old injury that moved into the red zone. I literally have been unable to unpack boxes (for months), much less pursue all the activities I had planned in this new region in order to resettle. Then there is the slow process of getting medical records sent, finding a doctor, finding a way to get to the doctor, and so on… Things we take for granted when we’ve been living somewhere and have physicians in place, not to mention people to drive us if we can’t manage that ourselves.
Happily, an old friend is coming to help out through the holidays. I am wildly appreciative (and looking forward to a few more boxes unpacked).
Really like your posts – they reflect a lot of what I’ve been thinking over the last 3+ years.
What a difference a couple of years make. Back in 2015 when I first read your article, I was happily single again, with a challenging job that I enjoyed tremendously and a promising new relationship. Well, my little law firm will close its doors in March, which will leave me unemployable in this backwards village. And that aforementioned relationship is certainly not what I had hoped for. I will do a lot of catch-up reading on the subject this weekend. With a glass of wine or two. :)) So far, the only thing I do know for certain is that I do not want to live out my life here. Mind you, I have moved a dozen or so times over my long marriage, so one more time does not frighten me. If only I knew where to.
I’m truly sorry your employer is closing its doors. And of course sorry your relationship didn’t work out. It’s hard.
Figuring out where to go next really is the challenge. I’m there (again), too.
Cornelia, I am also sad to hear of the ending of the law firm employment that supported your livelihood. And I understand the disappointment of relationships of which we hold dear and yet learn that we must let go. Both are heartfelt; difficult and challenging. Endings are also beginnings. I wish you good health and success in your transition.
Lost as well. Researched every state and Mexico. My only son in LA, I came here because I miss him so much I cry. Now here, for 6 months on his couch, with health issues, it is a struggle to find my own place, meet new friends, can’t think about a job right now, and spending my savings. Good the weather is nice and just going window shopping gets me among people and not isolated. My home state just awarded me a housing voucher! So I need to decide soon. Is going back east is best? I have few friends there now. They didn’t help me when I was really sick a few years ago. Neither did my man. Thus my ex.! I was isolated in long winters.
Now tired, feeling old and depressed, trying to bounce back from horrible break up, and the illness.
I have explored places in CO, Az, CA yet didn’t meet many people or find housing. I miss the trees of New England. Wondering how long to give it a go. Can I make a go of it here? Give it more time? It is hard being poor, in debt, and not able to work. Should I go back east? They finally are giving me a housing voucher in my home state. That is the big reason to return. Maybe trade my car in and buy a small School bus to turn into a tiny house and live in that as I can’t afford rent any place as my disability keeps me from being a dependable worker… chronic fatigue and pain and now thinking clear is hard.
I tried for months to rent a room, calls, emails, interviews, I gave up…and no one wants a 56 year old lady (I look young, pretty, fit and hide my pain fatigue well) who can only pay 500 a month for rent. I found this site a few years ago and now again! Love hearing your stories and reading the article today.
Invisible disease (chronic fatigue, fibro, so many others) can put us at such a disadvantage in some ways; we look entirely fine, and of course we have pride so we want to keep a positive face and that positive face is necessary to get work, but behind the smile is so much discomfort. Your situation is not easy, but it’s certainly possible to figure something out. I’m glad you stopped by, and I’m sorry for my delay in responding.
Depending upon your ability to do physical work, or even what so many others would not consider physical work, something like dog walking for an hour in the morning and an hour in the afternoon, do any of the ideas suggested to Dharmendra work for you?
Not too long ago I met a woman in her 50s who was absolutely managing to pay her bills by running a small dog walking business. I think she had 6 or 8 dogs she walked regularly several times a day during the weekdays for people with a traditional work schedule. She was doing just fine with that – certainly not getting rich on it, but able to cover her bills. Would you be able to be a companion to someone who is older? Or a driver? No, not Uber, but a driver to someone who perhaps no longer drives. Or someone who reads to the blind. These are just ideas off the top of my head, and I don’t know if any of them would work for you, but sometimes we need to brainstorm with people we don’t know and consider ideas we may not have before. Who can you talk to?
As for deciding where to live, I think this is one of the toughest decisions there is when you don’t have much in the way of financial resources. This is something I personally have struggled with, and I am struggling with it again, so I do know how challenging it can be. Giving you the benefit of my experience, and it is just my own experience, dealing with the cold if you are alone can be extremely difficult, especially if you are not feeling well or you are not physically able to deal with it yourself in terms of snow or getting around. I think there is a great deal of value in having people or even one person around who cares about you. It does get a little bit harder to meet new people and make new friends once you’re no longer in the traditional work force or driving kids back-and-forth to school or meeting other parents or in a more settled neighborhood.
I don’t know if any of this is helpful. But you can drop a line here if you want to be able to connect with some other people going through some of the same issues. startingover50plus @ gmail.
I wish you well, and please do stay connected even if just here so that you have somewhere you can talk about this issues, and we want to know that you’re doing OK.
Thank you for the suggestions and the kind words. Very true that we put on a brave face, out in public, when dealing with the chronic conditions. It is draining.
Nice to be understood here. Thanks
Let me just add something, from my experience. I think it is hard to meet new people almost anywhere, potentially, especially if you are not feeling well, and you don’t already have connections there. So if you were thinking of going back to New England, but you don’t have people there any longer, you might want to weigh what it would be like there with no one you can turn to even for casual company, though you have a housing voucher, versus staying with your son.
It is unfortunate that your son is in Los Angeles since that is a very expensive area to be in. But very fortunate that you have him! After all, even to have one person who loves you nearby can be a great deal.
Question: what kind of work do you think that you could do, even not feeling well? Is there a kind of work that you could imagine doing from your sons apartment for example, even if only temporarily?
Are you able to get medical care of any sort where you are? I know it feels lousy to feel lousy.
I too was thinking the same that if there is no longer a support system (family or friend) in your home state, and you have already been living with your son in his home that is to me a huge value of a support system.
As far as housing vouchers, it is my limited understanding that it would supplement a percentage of the rent (not 100%). You will still have rent payments along with all living necessities. If this is a Section 8 Housing Choice Voucher, it is federal government funded though administered via state that you lived when applied. It is my understanding that Housing Choice Vouchers are portable which means you carry them with you no matter where you go in the country. For example: You can take a voucher you received in Vermont and move to Kentucky with it. Perhaps that voucher would be acceptable to apply to your son’s landlord. Perhaps call your administrator for the voucher to see if this might be a possible arrangement or not.
I know when we are not feeling well it is vey difficult and maybe unmanageable to even take the step of a phone call to look into such an idea. If that is too much for you, I completely understand from my own situation. And that may not be something that you can or want to attempt.
But I agree, having even one person (even a son) to help you work through life is a huge blessing.
Perhaps taking responsibility of the domestic duties and errands for him would free some of his time to rest, recoup and work his job. I am aware that a lot of families co-habitat for financial reasons and they emotionally, physically and financially support each other as a unit.
Good points and suggestions, TD. Thank you. I hope “re group” will return and see them, and tell us what she is deciding and how she’s doing.
Thank you for the ideas and replies. I tried to get the voucher ported. It is a HOPWA voucher and they won’t transfer it. I have been HIV+ for 25 years. Doing great as far as labs go. The toll of the meds and a life time of hard work just caught up with me. The clinic is good and trying to help.
“Going home or re group”,
Very smart of you to look into the type of voucher that is an option for you to use, even though you learned it does not transfer. Every one’s specific challenges vary so great that there isn’t a one solution fits all.
That’s great news that your labs are looking great! Yes, meds and dealing with limitations take a huge toll on us, especially because people we love and most people in general do not have the insight to be capable of an open discussion, unless they are or have experiences with similar situations. Sometimes shared ideas, information of what hasn’t or has benefited can assist others with their own challenges that triggers a direction toward a positive resolve. I wasn’t clear if you went home to use the voucher or still with your son as building a new support system, sorting out options? I hope to hear from you again!
I am still on my sons couch in his efficency apt. My fatigue is bad. Dr wants to change meds. Perhaps it will help with fatigue and pain I have.
Yesterday I thought I should try harder to find housing through the social services and hiv services here but have filled out many many applications and housing forms (even before I came here) and nothing had come up. Then today I think I should go back to the northeast soon and get housing with the voucher. Get my things out of storage and start over there. Weather will be getting better in a month. I would be alone back home. Just a few, 2 friends, now. No family.
I read of the plight of single women trying to make it on their own. Good health and bad, young and old, and social security leaves them not enough. Waiting 4 or 5 years for low income housing. I probably should go back and get a place with my voucher. The economy is bad for renters and single people that earn 1200- 1500 a month cant save anything to buy. Being single in America is not good.
Heat, food, a car, electric bills, insurance. Not everyone can work a higher paying corp job. $10.00 -$15.00 cant make it. Most jobs are less than 40 hrs a week.
Politicians in DC drag their feet and every state has an opiate and housing crisis… My son may move to northern CA end of summer, what to do? Spoke with counseling the other day about my fear of leaving him. I cry just thinking about it. I have to find strength. There are no womens support groups! This is LA! Most are men at the clinics. Was told there was no funding. Where are the women? Stigma, working, families, no time, too far to travel, Lost in the cracks. No support. So sad we fend for ourselves. No wonder I am lost and depressed. People are not ment to make a go of it alone. Women should not be left without resources for safe sanitary housing. I am educated and not a drug addict and I cant maneuver the system. How those less than me must suffer worse. Shame on the government. They can spend on the military, new planes and ships and bankers /corp leave the country in disarray. No pensions anymore. Workers pay into a 401k to be at the mercy of wall street. That didnt work out so well in 2008. So many lost everything. Oh. My!
I.am wanting to move too. I have hated where I live since I moved here 20 years ago – to live near a sibling who soon became a crack addict, now an alcoholic. But i settled into a good job, with a pension ahead. I have been retired for 2 1/2 years now, and for at least a year have been here only because of inertia. I am 65, I have social security and a pension, so I do have money coming in. But I am just plain scared. For all the reasons the author gave. But I think it will only get harder, so I need to gather my courage and move somewhere – but where? No one else seems to know, but I know no one else has the one right answer for my life!
I look at various states cost of living. , rents, crime, politics, weather, jobs, wages and services.. I read TX is the worst for nursing home care..