New Year’s resolutions?
I don’t make them. I haven’t in years. They don’t work, they set us up for failure, and when we find ourselves NOT sticking to the diet, NOT adhering to the exercise routine, NOT finding more patience for our partners or our kids and so on… we often swing the other way.
As for resolutions like lose 10 pounds, read two books a month, exercise five times a week or anything that is quantifiable, aren’t we even more likely to miss the mark unless discipline – and in these examples, time – are an integral part of our lives?
No Resolutions? Then What?
Instead of resolutions, I consider areas of potential improvement and priorities that need redirection. I set goals, but not explicit or measurable targets that I will find myself struggling to attain when the unexpected hits. And that, of course, leads to feeling badly about myself, which in turn leads to bad habits.
What I’m really trying to achieve is bettering my life and my lot – without driving myself crazy in attempting to do it.
Read more, rather than read two books a month?
Sure. That one works.
Pay attention to what I’m eating?
Far better than obsessively over climbing on and off the scale (and resorting to emotional eating if the numbers refuse to budge).
Big Picture Improvements, Incremental Shifts
Better still is understanding broad-based needs that will, in turn, result in both broad-based and specific improvements.
For example, recognizing that I become intensely (dare I say passionately) involved in projects, both marketing and writing, one year I reminded myself to “maintain perspective.” In other words, not to get so caught up in the details of what I was working on that I wouldn’t see the forest for the trees – or for that matter, forget to eat and sleep!
A few years ago, in looking at how my time was divided over the course of the previous 12 months, I set myself the objective of “greater focus” in the year to come.
Other examples include taking more risk, and in general, upping my level of self-care, which was a particularly gnarly problem for me during the years I was raising my boys on my own.
A Recurring Theme: Self-Care
More recently, “balance” was a goal, with a subtext of reminding myself that sleep and exercise were vitally important to offset the long hours that I work.
Looking back, I recognize how frequently the reminders of self-care have been a requirement. This isn’t unusual for women who are mothers, certainly not among the women I’ve known over the years. But I also see progress, though likely not enough.
Still, by offering myself guidelines that are applicable in many areas of my personal and professional life – I sometimes write my phrase on paper which I then tape to a kitchen cabinet – I am not setting myself up to fail. Rather, I am gently guiding myself along a healthier path.
Do This vs. Don’t Do That
One of the elements I have observed in this practice over (now) many years: I choose a positive phrase for a positive action or mindset. My guideline is “do this” or “remember that” rather than “don’t do this” or “don’t do that.” If you ask me, none of us responds well to being instructed not to do something.
On the other hand, achievable, incremental change – without judgment and positioned in a positive or neutral manner – can be helpful in nudging us to better advocate for better selves.
Even with inner dialog, the soothing and encouraging voice is far more motivating than the critic, don’t you think?
Live Kindly, Live Fully, Live Well
This year?
As always, my goal is to live kindly, to live fully, and to live well, which is not, for me, about material things. It is, however, about quality of life and greater security in ways that are fundamental… and yes, fun. It is also about my personal value system, which means getting out of my own head, out of my own way, and giving – in the ways that I can.
Naturally, I have a few items in mind for the coming year. I may choose one or I may choose two. And no, I won’t say what they are just yet, but I’ll keep you posted.
Do you make resolutions? Do they work for you? Have you adopted an alternative practice as you enter a new year?
Please remember: Stay safe! Find a designated driver and if need be, and a designated texter as well!
You May Also Enjoy
In my twenties, I crafted various resolutions and then quickly abandoned them after a few weeks. I keep it simple now – adopting a word of the year. In previous years, I’ve chosen gratitude, compassion and laughter. It offers a focus I could never find with multiple resolutions.
Happy New Year, Wolf. Looking forward to reading your words in the upcoming year. xo
Wishing you a wonderful year as well, Rudri!
I don’t make resolutions either, but I do set goals in much the same way you do.
I wish you a healthy, happy, and balanced New Year, Wolf!
Thank you, Judith! And back atcha!
I choose a word, or two or three that focus on how I want to feel and consider what I can control about that – and try to improve a day at a time.
Yes! Less pressure, more of a daily approach. Wonderful practice, Barbara. (And Happy 2015!)
I’ve given up on resolutions too. I just choose one word to focus my intentions on. I got the idea from Barbara… Above⬆️
This is great. I too don’t make resolutions. If anything, I simply want to live in such a way that when I look back, it’s awesome! (Or at least pretty respectable.) We find that an annual yearbook helps keep things in perspective (my wife is working on the 2014 edition now.) As long as the years continue producing memories I’m glad to share in stories, I’ll just keep on keeping on. (Which I will do in 2015.) (I mean, which I *resolve* to do in 2015!)
It looks like we aren’t alone in the “no resolutions” department! I look back at the year behind me and give it a fair amount of thought and then try and think in what general directions I would like to move towards. 🙂
Bonne Année et gros Bisous!
This is a much healthier way to approach the new year. I heartily agree with all your “no resolution” ideas. I think I just want to survive the next few months. If all goes the way I hope and pray, I’ll consider the year a success. xoxo
I did something I’ve never done before this year. I posed three questions that I want to answer during 2015. For example, “Is it really possible to lose weight and become healthier by making small lifestyle changes?” Seriously. I really want to know if that’s true. So each month, I’m choosing two small changes – one that is a physical/exercise change and the other has to do with food. In January, I decided to use my pedometer and try to beat my average number of steps every day. I also stopped night time eating; closing the kitchen by 8:30pm. I find that making goals but in different ways, adds motivation and in this case curiosity. It’s kind of fun!