Just enough cleavage, without exposing too much.
A smooth, round shoulder and the fine line of collar bone – one of the prettiest spots on a woman’s body at any age, and too often neglected.
Dare to bare.
Show, rather than show off. Set the stage for whatever is to come next. And revealing just enough to engage – but not too much – is as important in relationships as in any mating dance.
Icebreakers and Common Ground
When you meet someone new, are you all walls and guise? Might you offer a glimpse into your spirit, your humor, your real life – in order to spark interest as well as to find common ground?
Do you manage to do so without taking it too far too fast – telling all in ways that are uncomfortable for the other person or just plain inappropriate?
Once upon a time, regardless of the arena, didn’t our mothers teach us “less is more?”
Sharing is critical to creating rapport in any situation that calls for cooperation or collaboration, even temporarily. So we observe and listen, hoping for a tidbit we can expand on in some way through questions or stories. Mind you, this isn’t purely about socializing – rummaging through the mental files for effective icebreakers when we’re out of practice, or tiptoeing back into the early stages of dating, wondering how much of our personal trials to reveal.
A recent example?
Not long ago I attended a meeting in which I discovered that my college experience overlapped in years and region with the person I had just been introduced to. I noted the common background, we quickly saw ourselves as peers, the words flowed, and we laughed over enjoyable memories of a time and place distant from where we find ourselves today.
A connection was established. Cards were exchanged. I’m hopeful this will be a pleasant and productive working relationship.
Cleavage as Metaphor? (TMI)
In the example I mention, ideally my metaphorical cleavage baring was just right.
After all, “less is more” does not mean “none at all.” And I love a little cleavage. Don’t you?
I will add that I believe it’s important that we speak our minds and do so clearly. But everything about communication should serve a purpose, whether that’s fun, flirtation, or negotiation. That said, it’s easier to gauge what to say and how to say it – not to mention what to show and just how much – when we’re face to face with our target audience.
Online? It’s far more challenging though it seems so simple. Isn’t that part of the seduction as we continue to use the web as something of a free-for-all, encouraged by a sense of privacy that is utterly false?
Disclosing too much is a national virus these days, whether a matter of attire or describing sexual desire. And of course we get personal in our online writing! We offer a slice of life with others – including those moments that are triumphant or problematic. We anticipate connection, consolation, commiseration, celebration.
Getting to Know You…
I do not exempt myself from having overdone (or underdone); I try to remember to stop and consider, to take a breath before pushing publish or send, much as I would before opening my mouth at a public gathering and knowing (or not) who may be listening, watching, and judging.
Disclosing confidences reflects a willingness to be vulnerable and thus approachable. But “confession” as a communication style?
Not a good idea.
Granted, some of us make our living at speaking and writing from our personal experience. We balance a need for legitimacy, credibility, and some protection for our privacy to varying degrees as we nonetheless seek to connect in ways that form and solidify communities.
I dare to bare when it comes to clothing because I know my assets from my “lesser” locations, and I enjoy the confidence when I use them to my advantage. The effect of occasional exposure is also greater when constant un-coverage is not the norm.
In my intimate life?
Naturally, that’s another matter altogether. And shouldn’t it be?
Communication Styles, Womanly Wiles
The women I know – most of whom are in their mid-thirties or older – have perfected their sense of timing when it comes to turning up the volume on charm (verbally or otherwise), just as they choose their clothing for a day at the office or a particular event. Both are executed with clarity and awareness.
We all have moments when we’re tired, we’re frustrated, we’re angry, and so we vent. But generally, as adults, isn’t it in our best interest to take the five seconds required to think before we speak, or to re-read before sending emails and texts that say too much or say it poorly?
How different is this from those critical early dating rules – attentively observing and listening while seeking common ground – and not a dumping ground?
We certainly walk a fine line – revealing at the right time and in the right way, understanding our audience and hoping for the desired (at times delicious) impact – be it a word here or there, or a provocative bit of leg, a flash of décolletage, or just the barest hint of a satiny shoulder.
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