2014 Update to Best Places to Live, here.
2017 Update to Best Places to Live, here.
Two years back, I researched the best places to live if you’re starting out – or starting over. I covered various ages and stages. But what if you’re at midlife, say 50 or older? What if you’re in full-blown “reinvention” mode?
Let’s face it, many of us are in the “starting over” category, and more than once. We don’t necessarily have buckets of cash at our disposal much less a partner ready to share and support our adventures. You could say that starting out at 22 or 25 puts you squarely in the same situation, but there’s a significant difference – life is generally all about you.
And that’s as is it should be. You’re young, strong, flying the nest or finishing college. You may be plenty scared but you’re taking off all the same, about to gain experience and discover what works for you. As the saying goes, “you have your whole life ahead of you.” It’s frightening – and thrilling!
Starting over after age 50 offers its own set of considerations – advantages, yes – and also constraints.
It’s not better or worse, but it’s certainly different. And it’s about letting go as much as diving in. It’s more than relocation; it’s a process of rediscovering yourself.
Why Start Over at 50 or 60?
So why are people starting over at 50 or 55 or 60?
- You find yourself free and somewhat aimless, as you start over after a marriage ends. We all know that gray divorce is on the rise, and widowhood may strike at any time.
- Your kids have moved on with their lives, and single or partnered, you long for something new without necessarily crossing a continent or an ocean to see your children, or possibly grandchildren.
- You may be starting over in a career or job, which is no longer unusual at midlife. But you will be competing with younger men and women, and you’re targeting a job market with appropriate opportunities.
- Whatever the reason for starting over, along with your additional wisdom often come aches and pains, the expense of doctors or medications, the need for a certain climate, and also, affordability and accessibility necessary to maintain physical health.
- You may be willing to admit that while you’ve always wanted to live on the West Coast or the East Coast – or London or Paris – you have less energy or emotional resilience than you had 25 years earlier. Or even five years earlier!
I’ve been surprised at how often my two-year old research continues to provide some sort of service. Recently, one or two Empty Nesters have popped by to read, so I thought I would update those findings specifically for the 50+ crowd, pull together whatever I could find on the web, and add a few thoughts of my own.
I have a vested interest; I’m no longer contemplating Empty Nest. I’m there.
Unsettled at Empty Nest
Facing those “starting over” questions is tough at any age and in any number of circumstances. If you’re married, you have two individuals to consider, and possibly two jobs, two sets of preferences in what you envision as the next chapter, and ideally, a partner with whom to share the decisions and the stress.
It’s less frightening to start over when you’re not alone, which doesn’t mean it isn’t unnerving.
If you’re single at Empty Nest?
It’s another ballgame. On the downside, most likely you have only yourself to depend on financially. However, you also need only please yourself when it comes to the future. At least, that’s what we think a few years earlier. Let me say, the reality may present differently.
In fact, a recent comment on “Starting Out and Starting Over” states:
I’m… struggling to feel comfortable with this next life chapter without my children… I feel so unsettled and torn.
What is adding to this Empty Nester’s understandable indecision?
Young adult children spread across the US, and a strong desire to live her own life more fully, having survived a bout of cancer.
Resources on Starting Over After 50
Speaking purely of the women I know, we seem to carry the familial care-taking role with us well beyond our active care-taking years. Ceasing to do so – even provisionally – is a challenge. We find ourselves seeking compromise scenarios in which we gain additional measures of whatever we want for ourselves, without feeling as though we’re straining critical connections to loved ones who depend on us.
We hope to settle on reasonable geographic access to family – for them, as well as for ourselves.
So how do we choose potential destinations? If we know what the considerations are, how do we select a place to start over while hedging our bets?
- AARP provides a nice summary of options on Starting Over After 50. It offers its Top 10 Places to Live on $100/Day including Spokane (WA), San Antonio (TX), Roanoke (VA), and Pittsburgh (PA).
- CNN’s Money Magazine offers its list of Top Places to Live (not age-specific), based on financial considerations.
- MSN Real Estate features its 10 Best Places for Starting Over when it comes to housing options.
- If you’re looking to work, from AARP and focusing on 2013: Best Employers for Workers Over 50.
I also suggest that if you’re searching for potential partners, you find demographic data on available men or women in your age range. Google, for example, “Best Places for Meeting Single Men Over 50.” You get the idea.
But keep in mind that you should be focusing on this next chapter in your life – not just a year or two. Think big, or at least, “bigger.” Reinvention may be an overused term, but it’s appropriate for millions of us. This Huff Post piece, hot off the online press, mentions an upcoming PBS Special focused on exactly that!
What’s Next?
I may have mused on what’s next for Hillary Clinton not long ago (and had some fun doing it), and we may have to wait a bit to see what’s next for her in 2016. Hillary aside, most of us are not flush with funds and, simply put, a “misstep” made at 50 or 60 provides less recovery time than the same experience at 30 or 40 – financially as well as emotionally.
The bottom line? When you’re 50 years old and starting over, knowing where to turn, much less where to begin, involves a complex set of decisions.
When you’re considering how far and wide to cast your net for potential relocation, I would certainly factor in your:
- Propensity for risk and your ability to be flexible
- Financial situation (not just now, but 5 years out, 10 years out, etc. – run the numbers!)
- Comfort with travel (if children and grandchildren will be far away)
- Need to make friends quickly; how sociable you are
- Romantic interests (looking to date?)
- Career / profession – whether newly starting or taking it on the road
- Health / medical needs – not just today, but in 5 or more years’ time
- Ability to change your mind – financially and logistically
- Possibilities of a trial period in the proposed location if possible
- Ability to view the new location and life as one where you can see yourself older (10+ years? 20 years?)
Gather Suggestions and Input
Suggestions for how to gather data of your own – that is tailored to you?
Do you belong to any Facebook groups in which members live in the areas you’re considering? Can you ask for input?
Perhaps you have friends or relatives you can stay with for a few weeks, as a sort of trial period without making a major move.
Have you asked your children how they feel about you relocating? Have you factored in travel logistics and expenses, or the extent to which you will tolerate living at a distance from family?
Are there others you can tap for their counsel?
Do you know what you’re good at? What interests you? Where can you pursue what you’d like to learn or try your hand at?
Using myself as an example, both my sons are in college. One will be in the Northeast for another few years and the other, in a matter of months, could be almost anywhere including either coast or Europe.
As to how I make my living, theoretically, a writer or consultant can work remotely anywhere with reliable Internet. Then again, there’s the issue of proximity to service providers I’ve known for years, existing relationships (and all their complexities), not to mention the comfort of what is familiar – especially important (in my opinion) when you’re single and female.
Yes, I’ve made some assumptions in that statement. They apply to me; they may not apply to you. And I might also say that Paris is familiar!
Starting Over After 50 and Single
The woman who commented recently has specific questions. She is ahead of the game because she knows generally what she’s looking for, and she’s soliciting input and feedback. She’s in her 50s, and it sounds like she’s single.
I want a friendly town and smart. Spiritual but authentic. A place with a lot to do but not a lot of neighborhood noise at night. No humidity. No cold. I’m thinking of Silver Lake, CA or Santa Monica.
These aren’t places I’m familiar with.
Any readers who are? Any real world input to provide? Any alternative suggestions?
I could say the same myself; while I’ve lived in Paris and loved it, I’m not sure I want to be an ocean away from my sons at this time. I’m not 100% convinced I could remake my life overseas, though that doesn’t mean I’ve dispensed with that idea; like this reader, I find myself feeling unsettled and torn.
- So for now, do we have input on Silver Lake and Santa Monica?
- Other suggestions for locations that are warm, friendly, authentic, and things to do?
- And if you have some, any details on the social life and the cost of living?
- Have you relocated at 50+ or are you considering doing so?
- What are you learning from that experience?
- Who else is dreaming of Paris or some other far-off locale, at least for a few weeks to soak up all it has to offer?
- How are you managing to balance being realistic with a desire for something new?
Don’t forget to visit To Move or Not to Move: That Is (Not) the (Only) Question.
2017 update to Best Places to Live, here.
Tell Us Where You Live, Tell Us Why You Like It, here, as 50+ readers offer details on their locations (2017).
And… If you would like to share your story — concerns, special challenges, questions, suggestions and successes — and connect with others, please email startingover50plus @ gmail.com.
Images, BigStockPhoto.
Image of Paris Rooftops, Yours Truly.
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I subscribe to Intentional Communities, don’t often check the many emails I get but at first was interested. You can find lots of information about living communes/communities of like minded people all around the US and abroad. Very organized! Not too sure I’m going to go that route. I feel I’d give a lot of my independence away. However, I think it would be great to have an immediate social network.
Regarding Ashland, OR. I’ve thought about moving back to my home state, growing up there, living close enough to the ocean to make a day trip, makes me kind of homesick. Ashland is a liberal/conservative town. Lots of small businesses, outdoorsy, beautiful country. Not much diversity though. Oregon is pretty much a one color state imo. Medford is the largest town about 30 miles from Ashland. Very hot temps in the summer in Medford, not as bad in Ashland. I could have skewed memories since I haven’t been to those places in over 30 years. You can count on Ashland as being more expensive than typical communities to live in. If you want to live in a tent or mobile home near the area, I’m sure you’ll find your place.
There are few ways to deal with the empty nest depression and most of them include – do what you want! My parents had such a hard time after me and my brother moved out and the first year they were really depressed. Especially my mother… Now they are fine.. they moved to a nice village in the countryside and they are doing great! They started to travel and I feel much better for them now! 🙂
Addressing the question of Santa Monica and/or Silver Lake, I can offer some insight. Both are grood places to live, as the weather is great, they’re close to anything related to the arts, education, entertainment and social groups of all types. Santa Monica places you at the ocean, Silver Lake puts you inward, closer to the mountains and Pasadena (home of the Norton Simon museum and Rose Parade) and a bit warmer in the summer. As a native SoCal gal, at 62 I’m looking to leave the State… or at least the area. The population is extremely crowded, its expensive and I really believe it will continue to get worse. Cultural diversity is also interesting and while it provides the opportunity to spend time in many world experiences it can sometimes feel forced. My best advice is… its a great place to visit, but if you’re looking to get away from the noise, this isn’t it. 🙂 It’s big city all the way.
I live near Bethesda, MD.
I grew up here and I want to leave so badly.
It’s incredibly expensive and the traffic is horrendous.
I want to live somewhere that winters are not too harsh and summers lower in humidity.
I would love to be near water (lakes rather than ocean) and a true community feel.
Cool shops, good eating places, a bit funky but not too far out.
I would love to find other women who would like to live together as I feel living alone is way too lonely.
Any suggestions?
Ditto, I feel the same way.
Julie- I am looking for similar qualities in a town but would like to live near a major airport (hour or two) so I can visit family in other states.
I would be interested in speaking with you and Frances about this offline.
Tks
I am 58, a writer and blogger. I have been busy getting settled into my new home in the woods on a creek in AL. I moved off the family farm where I was born a year ago, first move ever, and it’s been emotionally difficult. My husband, 70, has suddenly decided he wants to move to NY, alone, but is willing to wait up to a year to give me time to become self-sufficient. There will be no alimony or savings to help, so I’m truly going to be on my own.
I really want to keep this place but it’s going to be a struggle alone. I definitely would like to chat with you ladies to see how you’re handling all the changes.
Bobbye
I’m in Falls Church, Virginia and feel the same way, Julie. Looking seriously at Portland Oregon. It reminds me of Arlington, only less traffic.
(Another) Julie
Sorry, Ladies. Portland, wonderful as it is, has traffic! Even down south 20 mins down I-5 where I lived for 7 yrs. But Portland has a lot of great “suburbs” to towns all around. If you have patience the driving is beautiful (ocean just 2 hours away with a gorgeous drive from the north and the south).
I am working through my own process as to where I will be (never married) after this “season of life:” taking care of my Mom is over in South Eastern WI. With another winter coming on (and originally a MN girl!) it HAS to be warm. But I have not been able to find full employment in this town and now my Mom needs someone at home with her (which was why I came home 3 yrs ago from glorious Pacific Grove CA expensive), so finances will be a big question. Scary and exciting. Maybe a decked out camper trailer and see the country or find a 50+ community and a modular home. Just making sure not to accumulate anything more than I can find in my car!
You gals are speaking my language!
Almost 50, newly divorced and looking to start somewhere fresh with all the things you listed.
Have yall come up with anything yet?? :p
Goodness Ladies I feel a bit better knowing I’m not alone in my aloneness. I’m preparing to House Sit in Santa Barbara.
For these past 2 years, I’ve been staying with my mother after selling my house in a short sale. I’ve also been in and out of under 40 hr/week jobs and ripping thru savings. This situation is slowly sucking the life out of me. I cannot take another year like this…
So now I realize I have to make a bold decision since living with minimal expenditures but also limited jobs in a culturally void region has not allowed me to save! I thought I would be able to save more. And it’s totally not happening.
It’s worth the risk to move where I really want to be: back in Central CA in Monterey or Santa Barbara or further south in Echo Park / Silver Lake, L.A. region. I’m going to house sit in all these areas and look for work. And when I find the right location I’ll rent a shoe box to live in if I have to. haha
At least being around a wealthier community I can possibly find a service oriented F/T position. My needs are minimal. I’ve already downsized to the clothes on my back.
I live in South Jersey just east of Philadelphia; and I’ve never enjoyed being here but had to stay after divorce due to kids etc… I’d rather live in a shoebox someplace with great weather and culturally, socially more to offer.
I am scared to death: to stay here another year and also to leave, so I choose leaving because I think it will open up opportunities I cannot possibly fathom from here.
I am very curious as to what everyone chooses … is there some way to stay in touch?
Its the Blood Moon / Eclipse tonight so maybe we’ll all get a boost of positive energy.
Do some journaling on what you need and require for this special chapter of your lives. I still have dreams…I raised 3 kids alone so I know I can do this. I can do for me what I’ve done for others for all these decades.
Warm regards, Pia Louise
How does one join this discussion and perhaps connect with others as has been suggested? So many of you are speaking my language and along with sharing the same challenges, would love to connect further. I am at that pivotal place and time where a change is pending, yet beyond this, I’m lost. Please let me know how and if connecting is possible. Thanks.
Stay tuned. Working on that…
Same. Want to send an email?
Have you moved yet?
I feel for everyone who is commenting on this website. I am in southeastern Wisconsin and have been taking care of my mother for the past five years. Spending one more winter here is daunting. I am fit and love the outdoors yet not fond of cold winters. It has been extremely challenging in the recession however I have made it through financial murky waters unscathed. I am a minimalist and only in need of a few good friends in a decent climate.
Sally, we seem to live in the same regional area. Not that I hate it here, but I am starting to ponder a move.
Do you have a list of potential locations worth exploring yet or are you just starting the journey?
I am looking for the same.
Hi! I guess I’m writing to all of you as I search on the internet for information on hip small towns somewhat near a city ( a little culture never hurt) with good weather ( western US preferred). I am newly divorced and am rejecting this insipid loneliness that occurs as one loses a layer of their social network. I am 61, degreed, no medical problems, fit, just ended a very lucrative ( but ultimately outsourced) career and just want to fall into a new community where there are a lot of us single women and men starting their next chapter in my age group. Fun, no? There’s so many of us, so this place must exist!!! Of course the usual next natural step is to fall in with someone in the community that you have lived in for many years, but I lived many places as I raised my children due to career and find a pull to leave and return to the western US which I really liked due to my love of the outdoors. Love to hear feedback!
I am in cary nc………..I feel the same
well…………tons of things here…..I moved here 6 years ago …however the dating world changed………period.
I moved to the California Central Valley. Fresno-Visalia area three years ago after back to back layoffs, a divorce and successful launching of two young adults in in Southern California..Sold house at the bottom of the market.
I’m working as a substitute teacher in four districts and the phone rings constantly! I’m renting a 3 bedroom condo for less than $900/mo until I decide which smaller town to settle in. I’m considering Clovis, which has bike, walking trails, and much better quality health care.
When I go back to Southern California to visit my adult children, I can barely cope with the traffic. I am meeting people here through several “over 50” meetup groups. It’s a lot more conservative here, but housing is so much cheaper. I can travel more, Day trips north and south are pretty easy.
Biggest decision I’m facing now is whether or not to spend 20k on getting a teaching credential. School teachers can actually afford a house here in “The Valley.”
That’s inspiring, Cynthia! Thank you for sharing what has worked for you. Very helpful.
Cynthia, I am in Texas and in the same boat as the rest of you. I am so excited to find this information. I went back to college 5 years ago and got my teaching degree. Sad to say I do not make much in this small town. I divorced a few years ago, my youngest is a senior, and I have been caring for both parents . I lost my mom 3 years ago last week and my dad a year ago next week. I desperately want to move but have never lived anywhere else.
I would love to here what is working for other women.
I’ve been divorced for 4 years, been raising my granddaughter since she was 2 days old, she 18 and getting ready for college, I’m wanting warm weather, I want so bad to move to Santa Monica always wanted to, a little scared, I’m 56 and all my children have got their own lives and I want some peace joy and happiness myself.
Exactly what I want to do at 57. Contact me if you’d like I am in MA and have been wanting to be in CA for so long. Have lived in several states but feel the activities and weather of CA would suit me.
April
I was supposed to get married this July. He cancelled it 7 days ago. I’m 53 just graduated from college with an associate degree in science as a respiratory therapist. I would love to just live with a few women my age. Someone to always chat with but have our own space too. I have been trying to figure out where I want to start over. My son is in NH, he’s married. I live in NH. My daughter lives in California. I was thinking of moving out there.
In response to Patty A’s post regarding Marin I would love to talk to you. I just sold my home in Marin and am looking for another area to move to. We lived in Ashland but it felt too small for me and Medford had no appeal for me. I am on Facebook would love to have you as a friend and continue this conversation.
Don’t mean to intrude… Do you mean Marin CO, California?
I grew up there at the top of the hill at the end of the road on Scenic Ave. I left when I was still quite young but the images are ingrained in my brain. That was in the early 60’s when Haight Ashbury was at its height.
We would hike to Mt. Baldy.
My father was in seminary so we missed all the hoopla. Boy, do I wish they had stayed.
I don’t know how long you lived in Marin but if you ever saw theater, my friend, Diane Lloyd, was in it.
Hi, just wanted to chime in with the rest of you ladies and I am so glad this site is out there for the over 50 crowd. My situation currently without getting long and winded is I am currently staying with my daughter in Albany, GA because I was living in Reno, NV for the last 3 years I am originally from upstate NY. I was renting a townhouse with a male friend for the last 4 months, while visiting family in NY he decided to move out. I was not on the lease. Prior to flying out to NY I lost my job and I was getting homesick been out West for 3 years to turn my life around I am 54 and divorced with two grown children. So my belongings are in storage out there and I am planning my next move. I know I have to come back to the East but looking for a place about 3 hours from my daughter and granddaughter does anyone know of any good areas to live in and get my life rebuilt. I don’t have any pets or crazy ex’s in my life 🙂 lol Thanks for all your input.
Are you also looking for another job, Linda? Will you choose where to go based on that, or do you have the flexibility to move somewhere and then find work?
Yes I’m looking for another job, my current plans are I am flying back to Nevada to get my belongings and have a garage sale and get rid of things I don’t need or want. Then drive
across country to stay with my daughter and granddaughter, she is in GA. I don’t like the high humidity and lack of things to do and low pay scale so I was thinking of staying a year and moving to a place more of my liking and affordability.
Like many woman here looking for a peaceful town but live outside a major city so you have
things to do, variety of choices and more employment opportunities. Some have talked about
moving into together and I am giving this some serious consideration as well.
Hi Linda – I have a high school friend (from up north) who lives in Augusta, GA and works just across the border in South Carolina. The thing that I found travelling thru the coastal region of S.C. and N.C. and GA is its so spread out and rural that it would be tough as a single person – man or woman.
But if you end up somewhere near Augusta let me know because my friend Jeannie is lots of fun and single and late 50’s. She knows other single women in the area. Best to you. Pia
It’s tough everywhere, Pia. I read these comments from so many places and I think to myself how hard it is for so many people in so many different locations. All are trying so hard just to get a foothold in something they can hang onto, believe in, work at and feel good about.
Or at least not feel so scared and so despairing.
This, I hope, is some small measure of assistance — a glimmer of hope in communicating with each other and not feeling so alone. And, connecting with good people in the process, which always helps.
Thank you Pia, right now I’m living and working in Albany GA but do not like the area per say. Planning on going back to school taking on line courses and eventually be mobile and work from home or anywhere. Waiting on scholarship funding right now. How are things with you?
Like so many, I think about living somewhere else, somewhere not totally dependent on the ever-necessary car and away from our long, cold New England winters. More urban than my very rural life, offering museums, concerts, cafes , instead of gardens and long walks out my door into the woods. Good public transit, perhaps a university nearby. Not too big, not wildly expensive.
My heart says southern France, my head says … are there places here in the eastern US?
Then my heart jumps back in, with …. but my friends, colleagues, community are all right here with me.
You know Suze, you’re describing where I used to live in the Boston area. I left there many years ago to take a job but also because I just couldn’t take the long winters any longer. It does seem that many of us would like the same qualities in terms of where we would live. Why is it so difficult to find?
Yes, the winters … the older I get, the harder I find them. I’m in Massachusetts, but on the west end of the state, near the NY border, at about 1600 feet in the Berkshires. I tell you the altitude because it means colder than average.
Thinking out loud now, always dangerous in the printed word. Maybe part of the difficulty, for me at least, in figuring out where to live, what to do, with however many years I have left is related to being aware of how very lucky I am, how rich in friends and community my life is … and not wanting to lose the wonderful, good things about it.
But still… sigh.
My son is at BU and he can’t wait to leave the cold haha…and I almost moved up there to be near at least one of 3 of my kids thankfully I did not. Boston did not speak to my soul.
I’m a west coast baby I can’t wait to go back. It’s not perfect but it’s a mindset and attitude.
I’m really freaking out but I feel it’s right for me. I moved to New Orleans and even after Katrina it’s still a mess of a city. And not welcoming at all. I thought inexpensive and a different culture. Lots of tourists from around the world but it goes to show you – moving to a less expensive region is not enough. I think we all have to get used to co-living situations.
We all want our own place but I’ve seen over the years several of my friends learning to house share etc…gives you more options.
I’m in western MA as well. Have lived in VT, NH, MA, CT, FL, NC, WI, NM, NV, AZ and abroad. My grandson is pre teen now and busy with sports and running between my daughter’s during the week and my ex son in law (his dad) on the weekends so gramma time has dwindled down my main reason for remaining in New England.
Julie, Linda and Frances,
I am looking for the same things you girls are! I would love to connect offline with you guys as I am ready to move! I live in Albuquerque, NM. Though our weather is nice, I so miss living near a lake.
This is one of the worst places to live if you are single in your 50’s. No sense of community, poor heathcare options, housing… I am selling my home… Now I just need to decide where to move!! If you wish to connect please contact D. A. Leave a comment here and she will provide my email offline. I hope I hear from you!
Suggestions on locations, anyone??
Barbara
Hi Barbara,
Would love to chat !
Thank you
Hi Barbara I sent you an email did u get it ?
Will you gals plz include me in your discussions about this?
Thanks. ?
Hi Barbara and others–I’d like to hear what you have to say about this. Please let me know how to communicate off-line with everyone. I’m so ready to make a change but unsure about moving to a new place where I know no-one. Timing may be an issue for me as I have a house I’m paying on and don’t really know if I should try to sell right now. I didn’t know there were so many women in the same sort of situation as me. This is a great site. Thanks! Erin
Hey Erin, my name Erin also! I decided to take a chance. House getting listed on 15th, open house on 20th. Have no clue where I will end up! After a long drawn out divorce, 3 kids graduated/moved off to college & Army, I’m stuck on 5 acres with 2 houses… Too much work for me alone. Selling a lot of things, storing some, then I’m gonna take my dog & explore for a while. Have to wait & see how quickly it sells.
Erin–That sounds like a lot even for two people to manage. Good luck on selling your property fast. I’ve been there, done that twice in the past 10 years, and it’s not easy, that’s for sure. Erin
Hi Erin, I too have a house listed for sale.. Its going slowly.. I live in Maryland and have considered keeping my house and renting out rooms.. I feel like I am in a holding pattern, and its getting old. I have been looking at tow behind toy hauler travel trailers, just loading up me, my dog, and my bike and keepin it moving for a while .. A lot of this is out of my hands at the moment…. I am Happy to find this site 🙂 Kim
Where do u live???? What about renting one of the houses??? We should talk….. Brigitte
Hey there!!! I’m almost 50 and lived most of my life in Minnesota taking care of my parents. I loathe the cold winters here.
Holy House Hunt, Batman! Perhaps the Erin’s, Lindas, and Barbara should friend me on Facebook and we’ll see if we can get acquainted a little there sometime soon. So many of us are looking to restart in many ways at this stage…
Hello!
Is Facebook where everyone is getting together to discuss this further? I try to avoid Facebook as much as possible, but would get on there to join in the conversations if possible!
Hi Valerie. More on this soon… 🙂
Hi
I would love to be in this discussion on where to move. I live in Albuquerque and I am so ready to go…how can I connect with everyone?
I too like all of you need to settle somewhere… Where ?.. Anywhere but georgia … Single and in 50s have been in medicine for 40 yrs. Can move anywhere … Hard when your alone on the housing part … Are y’all connecting on Facebook ? We all seem to feel the same way. I’m from Newton mass, but there’s no one there anymore … So no family … Free to go anywhere… The golden girls situation looked pretty fun on TV …
Susan – FB and some other things in process. Drop me a line at startingover50plus @gmail.com.
Erin, Linda, Barbara,
Add me in, I would love to chat about this as there is so much to consider when we have so many choices and time is so precious. Liz
Ladies!! Do you need another Erin in this group?? LOL. I am almost 52 and have 4 more years till my youngest graduates. However, I am starting to seriously think about what is next. Live in MN, which I have never liked. Hate the winters and long for more community and diversity. Would love a beach town that is eclectic. Lots of interesting people from all over. People to talk with and drink wine with and laugh with. I have a home based business so I can recreate it anywhere. Am pretty liberal so don’t want to be anywhere too conservative. No idea at this point where my kids will end up…but need to focus on me when they leave. Probably will want to stay in the US at least until they are settled. Oh, yeah, and I’m single…is it too much to hope for some men where I move???
Agreed Liz. Each of you/us are struggling with similar issues and it’s truly comforting to know I’m not alone even though it surely feels that way.
Wow, everything resonates here with me….I am recently divorced after almost 30 years and 56 years old….kids all grown up…realizingI will be alone for the next 30 years or so…..I have been trying to navigate through all the financial debris and the emotional turmoil….moving away interest me, but I don’t know if I am running away….I have looked at a couple of regions on line that look promising–Tacoma, Washington and Raleigh, North Carolina. I do live in a wonderful area–the SF bay area in California. Great weather and opportunities and I do have a job here and a house. But all my $ is tied up in equity in the house. If I were to move out of state, I could travel, work or not work….etc….
Hi paula….. I live in pacific grove ca and will be making big life changes in a year or two as well….. two kids will be in college soon and a divorce is probably going to happen. I am a 54 year old woman and nervous about it all. Been taking trips to check out areas of possibilities…… We should talk …… Email me would be the best…. Brigitte
If you two both want to be in touch, email me here and I’ll put you two together.
Startingover50plus @ gmail.
San Francisco sounds good too.
Please read! This is a cautionary tale for single women and men over 50, like me, to warn against moving to the San Francisco/Silicon Valley area. Unless you are a retired (*married) multi-millionaire, do not even consider moving here!
I’ve lived here for over 10 years and am trying to save to move away, for good. The average house price is at least $1 million (in a decent area), high property taxes, high sales tax (about 10%), high income tax (IF you can find a job–this is a VERY age biased area — They think “old” is someone over 35!)
I’m speaking from experience. I am an over 50 year old woman that has been unemployed (yet avidly searching for work) for OVER 2 YEARS! My savings are almost all gone; no retirement, no pension. The companies I worked for were all youth-oriented and tech start ups-that, usually in the space of 4 months, would go out of business. I had 5 jobs in less than 2 years. Now the only jobs (For about $12 an hour) I can find are caregiver ones. Very discouraging. But I cannot pay my $1,500 a month rent (That’s NOT for an apartment, that’s ONE bedroom in a house with a bathroom) on the jobs that are being offered to “groveling” desperate “Old people.” (young bosses words, not mine.
Also, given the average age of single men (most here are under 35) and the high gay population (of which I have dear friends), the prospect of finding a single, straight man to date or marry, especially over 50, is about ZERO. I so regret moving to this area; if only I could afford to leave now, I would in a heartbeat.
I am also looking to move from the cold winters in NY. Wilmington NC seems to offer lots. Most of the houses I am looking at are large homes, witch I wanted to downsize. It would be nice to find a great room mate. Would love to talk with some of the women on here..
Hi, I’m glad I found this and hope I’m getting my note in correctly.
I moved to Charlotte in August of 2015, from the suburbs of Chicago.
I moved to help my child who was struggling with school and wanted to move. Big mistake. I read all of the advertising on best places to live. Many of the towns in North Carolina are commercially highly rated.
I’m in an apartment which is not cheap and I’m paying for a storage unit plus have no garage.
I work from home and travel for my job. I’ve not met one person since I’ve been here. I’m miserable and I miss my friends and familiarity from where I lived for 32 years. I’m house hunting and finding the cost of living is not as good as I thought. Housing costs have escalated because so many people are moving here.
Instead of the high property taxes that I had in Chicago, everyone has an HOA fee and sometimes an association fee even if you buy a house. That’s where the money comes from to maintain the community you live in. So in addition to the mortgage you end up with another $399-$500 of these mandatory fees.
One other writer stated that NC and SC were spread out. They are.
I’ve been looking for a smaller community with those cafes, restaurants, access to entertainmemt. I’m not looking for a husband, just like-minded people to hang with. Charlotte is also undergoing major issues with adding tolls to crowded roads providing no relief to drivers and the population is growing rapidly.
I’m 59 and need to work at least another 5-7 years. I’m embarking on my first summer here and it’s been high 80s this week with high humidity.
I don’t want to go crawling back to Chicago but the humidity may be too much for me to handle. There a lot to be said if you have friends and family. You will miss that to live among acquaintances.
Any suggestions?
Elaine
Elaine,
What is the situation with your child? Are you free to move again? Is what you really want – to be back in Chicago?
Elaine…the best keep secret is Barefoot Bay FL. I bought my house for 60K after divorce and with no mortgage I live the most womderful life for $500 a month complete
Santa Monica sounds like a winner.
Il have lived in the los angeles area for over 20 years. I am now 60.
Yes, I cannot believe that I am sixty with a 22 year old, who has to stay in this area for business. I would briefly like to say to those considering moving to Santa Monica or San Fran. not to. Why? At our age we need to be near people that want to make friends and do things together. The areas mentioned
do not meet our criteria. I know. I live here. It is extremely expensive and not a very friendly place to be. I have never felt so displaced, and at this age?
I am a single empty nester with no husband. I can and would like to meet and have a companion but tend to isolate of late. I am renting and my son and I are going our separate ways. He to live with a friend and me, well I do not know. I am packing and do not know where to go as I don’t want to be too far from my son. What a nightmare! People cannot understand my situation. Even though I look young for my age, act young, and keep myself looking young, I have thought of finding a 55plus active adult community possibly in san diego or outskirts, orange county, or even Las vegas where there are many people our age. Where there are activities of abundance. Where I can feel a part of. I am happy I found you.
I hope you all maybe think about my idea. I will hope to hear from some of you ladies. Thank you for being here for me. debbie
I’ve lived in Albuquerque as well and it was hard as I am a water and trees girl.
I too would like to live near a lake and have friends that feel the same way. Please let me know if any of you have found a place to live?
I feel right at home with all of you on this blog. I am an empty nester, no pets, plants, sold my home, my 2 children in college but I am not “old” I feel so energetic. I am starting my own business after leaving my 20 year profession. I am considering a place close enough and desirable enough that my parents, children and friends will visit as I develop my virtual based business. So here it goes….I never thought being an avid skier and mountain climber I would pick this place (especially with the old person reputation)
FLORIDA (not screaming just hoping for it to stand out so you can comment).
I would welcome the opportunity to connect with those who are interested in doing so.
BAREFOOT BAY FLORIDA!!!! visit you will be blown away!
I would also like to connect on Facebook……I lived in Atlanta Area for 35 years~ moved to Nashville Area to help with My Elderly Parents. No Plans to stay here long term….. looking more toward the Carolinas to be centrally located for Kids/ Grandkids!! All of a sudden in My Life….. I feel lonely and unsettled even though I stay busy every day!! Life is just so different now in the empty nesting stages just wanting to figure out who I am at the age of 57 and still full of life!!!!
Hi Brenda, in order for me to reach out to you please contact D. A. and she can give me your e-mail address and we can go from there. I too am interested in the Carolina’s.
In the same boat as all of you!!! would love to be included in the emails/face book communications.
All 5 of my children are all independent, house is sold, divorce final. Looking to settle in warmer climates and begin a new journey.
Please all be in touch!
Tacy
I am also interested in the Carolinas.
Hi everyone! I am also 58, recently retired, single, empty nester of 4 kids.who will be relocating all over the country.. Trying to find new purpose in my life, new direction, and solid people in which to start building a life with.. If I don’t remarry (haven’t met anyone that truly ‘gets me’).. I do NOT plan on riding off into the sunset of ridiculous image that our pop culture suggests ad nauseum of the single lonely, and past my prime, over the hill person that so many people my age have given into… I know that I am capable of finding joy, excitement, compassion and miracles in my life… Maybe those miracles come in the form of meeting some extraordinary really cool women to connect with… Especially those that are brave enough to be authentic and admit their inner fears. I will NOT give in to my depression that says life is over… I am working hard to ignore that little voice everyday now.
Would appreciate hearing from anyone out there that I am not alone in my thoughts and feelings and that others may feel similarly.
Sincerely,
Jan in NY
Would love to chat more on this with you, I am also in NY looking to restart my life.
Thanks
Kim
I too am undecided where to relocate. Live in Manhattan now and love the conveniences, hate the cold, high cost to live and of course hard to meet single older men. Most want the 25 year olds. Thinking of FL, but after hearing about how it is a tourist area, not sure. Would love to share a home or apartment with someone in an area that does not have harsh winters. I find it hard to make friends when a person is older and I find it very lonely sometimes. Want to relocate but don’t know where.
This does seem to be precisely where so many of us find ourselves. Of course if you have the flexibility of not too many financial worries, you have more options. Still, when one begins to do their homework the number of places that fit the bill seem to be surprisingly few.
It seems to come down to people and money. We seek community (people), but must have the means to survive (money).
Some sort of communal living is the logical answer.
I totally get you Jan , I’m feeling all that and more, it’s really scarey, but I’m also excited , I hope you respond , lol , no one has responded to anything I’ve said.
The carolina’s are terrible for work! my sister moved there 5 years ago and is hates it! she since when to florida and is thrilled to death!
Erin, Linda, Tacy, Barbara, and Liz,
I would love to chat with all of you! My daughter is in her third year of college and I am looking forward to starting my next chapter! Not sure how this works but would love to chat with all of you! There was a reason I found this site!
My young adult children have moved a 13 hour drive away. No, I did not see them much before, but the new distance is an eye opener. Makes me question my house and my location… with no real reason to keep either. Wow… what now.
Does anyone have thoughts about Philadelphia or a nice small city in Florida?
L
I lived in Philadelphia years ago, several times, in both the city and burbs. I loved it, but the winters are a little rough.
Many areas in and around Philadelphia. Center city, the Main Line, and surrounding suburbs. Would be glad to provide any information.
Philadelphia seems safer and offers more entertainment options than ever before. It is great to hop on a train or two and be in Center City or Manhattan in no time. Last winter was mild, too! Take a look at Philly.com! I live in Bucks County now but am thinking of returning to the Main Line after my impending divorce.
I have just found this site. I comforts me to know that I am not alone as far as interests, concerns, and desire for community! I taught college before staying home with my gifted/special needs son. Now I need to start over. I am full of desire, but am as yet unsure of my direction.
Leslie
Hello Ladies,
I’m 50 and like the rest of you, I am preparing to ‘make a change’ and find a new place to call home. I live in San Diego County, CA and I know that I will not be able to retire here. It’s just way too expensive and getting worse every day. Yes, it’s beautiful here, but trying to survive is another thing. I’m doing okay now with a full time job in IT and will hopefully be able to find something at my age. I won’t leave my current job until I find something. The biggest thing… finding a place that feels good.
Like you everyone here, I love country but want to be within an hour of city for entertainment and medical care. I have 2 grown sons and 2 grandsons. None that I get to see very often so relocating away from them won’t be much of a change. I can always visit. 🙂
Have any of you here researched Idaho, Wyoming or Montana? I’m kinda looking at places in the quadrant of ID, WY, CO and UT… and possibly northern NV. I’m just starting my searches but thought I’d check to see if any of you have checked those states out.
Would like to connect with you all as well, if anything to get input of your choices and things you found out.
Thank lots, Teri
Hi Teri-
All of the areas you mentioned, I have considered myself! My daughter is still in college but I am starting to “gear up” for the empty nest phase. I I have been down South quite a bit but it is too hot in the summer for me! I am a teacher so I have some time to travel during the summer. I would like to head out West this summer and explore some possibilities. I am from Indiana. I would like an area where the winter months are not so extreme. I am also looking for an area where it allows for an active life style (ie biking, hiking, kayaking).
Teri,
I am presently in CO, and though I love it here, it is time to move on. I need a fresh start, too many bittersweet memories, and I just need a change. I got in my Mini and drove and drove, and I went to see possibilities. I want a less hectic pace. It is becoming TOO crazy in my city. People are just too stressed out and I just am seeking the friendlier atmosphere it use to be here. Wyoming is just not me, has the wrong vibe…I like parts of UT, but they have weather inversion thing happening and so with allergies, not a good mix. So I am gonna try Idaho. I scouted around and found that it suits what I am looking for. I need OPEN space, building is going on like crazy and it just bugs me that it is becoming congested. They have water, and I can go sailing, :-). I like walking, lots of trails, so that works. Cost isn’t as high. But what impressed me the most, and I think what I am looking for is that people were courteous, and friendly. People are becoming so rude and disrespectful where I am that I can hardly stand it. It doesn’t take much to be kind, ya know. Somehow that is really really important to me now.
Hi Terri:
I live in San Diego as well and thinking of moving to CO. I just visited to scope out areas and apartments. I snow ski and golf and like upscale living, art, music, outdoors, movies hiking. You name it.
If you want to connect please reach out to me through the author of this site using the email blw @ dailyplateofcrazy.com and she will connect us.
Thanks
Nancy A
I would be interested in what you find especially in CO and MT
I have checked those areas out.
Hello I’m 52, married, no kids, no career, and let’s say, thinking ahead to possibilities if I should leave my husband and start over after a seven year marriage so far. Ahem. Anyway, I’ve been living in the “Bay Area” across the bay from San Francisco, for 7 years, and I think it may suit some of you, those who want a mild climate, no real winters, Summer can get hot but it depends where you go, further inland is hottest, but Oakland is usually very nice weather. We also have a lake with boat rentals, some good places to eat and shop, and fantastic day trips within an hour, like NAPA, and various Pacific coast beaches. There’s lots of cultural activities in East Bay and San Francisco, and the entire region. I am into swing dancing, which is very popular here, both lindy hop and West coast swing styles, as well as going to occasional shows in the city. It’s quite diverse, there’s plenty of “hip” stuff especially around Berkeley, Oakland, and in the city. It’s also very good if you happen to be a VEGAN or want to try to be. Although I am not a hiker type, I know that people love to go hiking around here, and cycling is also hugely popular.
A nice upscale city is Walnut Creek (East Bay) which has some nice condos as well as houses. We toured many of the condos there, in hopes of buying one. San Mateo may be worth checking out, if you want to live close to the beach but not on it. I am not too familiar with SOUTH BAY, but San Mateo is supposed to be very nice as well as the fancy town of Palo Alto. My hubby owns a condo there, in fact, as a rental investment, and the downtown is VERY nice with tons of shops and restaurants. It will cost you a pretty penny though to live there. He’s renting out his condo there for 1300, I think, and that is a bargain actually for the area.
By the way, I am originally from New Jersey, so I understand the dilemma of having to consider traveling to visit family and friends. In fact, we were just in NYC and although I am used to it, I am not a fan of flying long distance. I have been considering a potential move to AUSTIN. I have never been there, but it sounds like a cool city with a lively arts scene. I actually get emails from the Redfin realty site on new places for sale there, every day. Most are for three bedroom houses in the Northern suburbs, which look very nice and are reasonable prices compared to where I live now. (The Bay area market is a bit steep depending on where you look, but it can be worth it too). They also have many new condos downtown, which is trendy and yes, quite expensive. Not sure if I would want to shell out over 300k for a one bedroon condo, vs. a quiet suburban town North, but it may be hard to find same there. My hubby also owns two fourplexes in a working class neighborhood in North Austin, which are a very decent price, renovated rental apartments, and I read somewhere that there are many single middle aged women around there. If you were actually interested, let me know and I can tell you if and when he has a vacancy. I am not trying to sell anyone on renting from him, just simply offering my suggestions as to location.
As far as the EAST coast, may I suggest Charlotte, N.C.? I have a senior male friend who moved there, bought a condo, and enjoys his lifestyle dancing there. I’ve never been, but it looked very nice on “The Bachelorette” and sounds safe and warm. Anyway,, maybe for you outdoors enthusiasts, like Kathy, check out the Bay area! They do have kayaking too, by the way.
Hi Debbie – read your post and just wanted to recommend that if you’re seriously considering Austin TX, you should definitely make a couple of trips here to get a feel for the place before making a permanent move.
I’m originally from NY (Long Island), and have lived here 11 years. I am beyond homesick, if I could afford the rents back east I’d be back in a heartbeat.
Seriously think about the things you might miss being in a totally different climate. Town Lake isn’t a good substitute for the ocean, I personally miss the seasons (they do not have a spring or fall here), I miss how green it is back east, things tend to always look dry here (in comparison), and it is just months and months of unrelenting high heat.
Also be careful of those ‘working class’ neighborhoods – a single woman may not really feel safe there. The safety factor can literally vary in a block or two here.
And for anyone looking for an affordable city – this isn’t it anymore, prices continue to get higher and higher.
Just wanting to advise all to make moves with all the information they can gather, preferably by physically visiting first – I moved here without ever having been here, based on a few opinions of people who had been here, one who lived here, and what I researched on the internet. And I have not ever felt at home here.
You make excellent points that EVERYONE should pay attention to: Research must include talking to people who live in your target area whose circumstances are similar enough to make their experience valid for you. If possible — visit!
So helpful, Valerie. Thank you.
Yes, thank you for keeping these posts going! I really enjoy reading them–great insight!! Although I do not enjoy the harsh Midwest winters, I believe I would miss the change of seasons. I enjoy the “transition” seasons the most…summer turning into fall…fall into winter..winter to spring! So many things to consider! Very exciting!
Is everyone connecting with each other through face book? I would very much like to get involved in the conversations, discussions and ideas that these wonderful woman are tossing around. I have procrastinated my move from NJ for too long…….. scared to go it alone. With summer coming to an end it is time no more excuses. It is terrifying!!!!
Tacy
More to come on this, Tacy. Meanwhile, you can email blw @ dailyplateofcrazy.com. Let me know if you’re interested in joining an FB group specifically for this topic.
That is too funny, I grew up in Berkeley and Albany, and it is SOOOOOO expensive now. I don’t see how anyone lives there. You either love the Bay Area or hate it. I left at 16 because it wasn’t my cup of tea. My family stayed there, but I could never see why. San Francisco is nice to visit, but again, pricey. I had family in Alamo, and they ended up moving on because it got too expensive. I just don’t get how people make it there unless you have a very lucrative job.
Hi Debbie…I moved to San Francisco from Austin 2 yrs. ago and if you read my original post here you will see that I do miss it. However, I have to tell you the median age in Austin is around 31 yrs. old. It’s a very youth oriented city with about 200 techies moving in there every day, all in that age range.
Austin is also HOT… and I mean… HOT. As Valerie said, there is no Fall to speak of and barely any Spring. It’s typically 90 in Sept., 80 in Oct., 70-75 in Nov., and 65-70 in December. January and February can have some downright cold snaps…but then again it could be 80 again at the end of February.
Don’t get me wrong… it’s a beautiful city and there is always some festival or race going on (in the heat…), the food is downright amazing, and it’s a welcoming city. I may even move back… but it will be because I miss my friends there and because it’s still “home”… but I will never like the heat or the lack of any seasons.
The last thing I will say is Austin is expensive. Many houses are well over the 1 million mark. I was a Realtor there for 5 yrs… if you want something under 250K then you will need to head to the burbs. Right before I moved I helped my friend find a house. She was in the $220k range and we were looking at 800 sq. ft. fixer uppers in the city.
It’s a great city though, and a good place to do research are on the city data forums. You will get a lot of input from locals there and get to see a lot of photos.
It’s interesting to see this forum and it is great. I currently live in Southern California and thinking of moving to Denver, CO area. I am over 50, single, no kids, a couple of dogs, snow ski and play golf. Any other ladies have any thoughts about Denver or surrounding areas and how it what it might be like to live their being single and 50? Replies are welcome.
Thanks
Hello Ladies,
It seems so many of us have similar life situations. I just want to meet fun people and have fun. Lets start our own town! But seriously… where is a great place to move? Any fun beach towns in Fla.
HIDDEN GEM! BAREFOOT BAY FL…see ya at the bar!
Bob! Are you running for town mayor?!? ?
Hi!
I am 50, recently divorced and almost an empty nester. I live in the metro NY area but want to relocate. I’d love to connect with other women in a similar situation.
Hi Karen,
I live in Queens. I have been considering relocating to California or some other area with a better climate. I’m looking for a place that has things to do but isn’t so noisy and crowded. Having other singles over 50 is also high on my list as well as open minded people. If you would like to connect please let me know.
Hi Cheryl and Karen,
I would love to connect to you 2 women, I am on Long Island and looking to move somewhere else.
Thanks Kim
Kim, send your name and email here, and I will do what I can to put you three in touch.
Startingover50plus @ gmail.com.
I am at a crossroads in my life and would like to relocate, but have NO idea?? I just want to be happy…
I am so happy to have discovered this dialogue on making a move/lifestyle change in our 50s! I felt very alone in m situation before stumbling upon this blog. I am 52 and want/need to make a move from Iowa. I’ve lived in other large cities in Midwest but moved home to take care of elderly parents. Now that they’re gone, there’s nothing here for me–thus, no reason to stay. Warmer sounds great—Florida? Just spent a week in Los Angeles are and very expensive and small/tiny apts/homes for your money. I will also need to work wherever I go. Has anyone considered Phoenix? Kansas City?? I’d love to connect with all of you. Please let me know how I can join in this discussion group.
Kindred spirits! I accidentally located this blog and was fascinated to find that there are so many women in our 50’s and 60’s with the same questions, challenges and situations as mine. I am a Florida native that can’t wait to leave the state! The weather (hot and humid), cost of living (high), lack of employment opportunities for those seeking professional positions (unless you want to make $9.50/hr at a theme park), available men (haven’t found them after all these years), traffic and of course, the tourist, are a few of my reasons for leaving. Don’t get me wrong, Florida is a beautiful state if that’s where you want to retire.
I am 61, single with no children (only two of the four legged variety), cared for my mother in my home for 17 years and retired after 40 years with the same company. I have been searching the web to gather information on how to select the best retirement area and have been disappointed in what was s available. Was hoping there was a tool that you could enter all of my “wants/criteria” and it would spit out suggestions. Unfortunately, I haven’t had any luck finding anything like this. I’m betting that many others have done some research as well and wish there was a way to capture and organize the findings. Would love to continue with this topic and connect for further conversations. Thanks!
I am in Nashville and considering moving myself, had thought of Florida but it is very hot there. Has anybody ever lived in the Georgia Marietta area? My daughter’s moving to Colorado and I am feeling just like I know no one in Nashville, very difficult to meet people, not sure about jobs in other areas, and being single it’s a bit scary.
I’ve lived next door to Marietta, GA (Roswell) for ~20 years. Originally from outside NYC. Atlanta’s pros and cons for our age group as I see it are: Pros: good overall weather, lower cost of living/taxes, healthy job and housing markets, access to airport with direct flights, nice parks, proximity to Atlanta, diversity. Cons: urban sprawl, younger demographic, rush hour traffic, hour drive to mountains/lakes.
I find myself driving 10 miles into Atlanta to galleries, museums, speakers at Emory Univ., etc. Works for me for now but am always looking for a more walkable area with fun and culture.
Has anyone actually made a move yet or done some major research that they would care to share?
I agree with Theresa, lets start our own town!!!!! Has anyone thought about the Caribbean or something of that nature? Any advice would be wonderful.
Yes I have thinking about the Caribbean ! Live in Ohio, have a great career, 59, divorced, sick of the weather, ready for a change. Been thinking when to make the move. Have a son that lives overseas and a daughter here both in their 20s. Probably a 2 year plan. But who knows. Keep in touch.
Same here. Looking to move somewhere warm and cheap! I’ve never been to the Caribbean before but it’s not out of the question. My concern is my elderly dog.
Can you give me any insight on cost of living, jobs, etc. there?
Would love to live near some like-minded women without any self created DRAMA.
I would move to this new town of like minded women:)
I have also thought of the Caribbean life.
Thanks Kim
Kim, Lisa B, Kandy, have you girls moved yet? That town idea in the Caribbean sounds very interesting. I was there 32 yrs ago so not a good judge. But they had to ration water, and very poor cultures when not in the tourist towns and rough roads, dont know about health care and what about hurricanes? Let me know what u all think.
YES I did the research and it took my 2 years to have my house build in BAREFOOT BAY FL.
this is a community where you own the land, so no rents after! There are a thousand things to do and I could not be happier. In fact I showed this to 10 friends and they all live there now also! HIDDEN GEM of FLORIDA!
Kindred spirits indeed! I m 58 years old, and I live in a small town in Colorado. I would love to connect with others and brainstorm great places to move. I would love to live near the ocean, in a smallish town that has nice neighborhoods with Coffeeshops, great places to meet up for drinks, book clubs, etc. To live an interesting and enjoyable life, with good friends.
Tacy, I have thought of the Caribbean, but haven’t got very far in looking. Like others have said, it feels scary to do this on my own!
I like your idea. Somewhere near the ocean.
What about Washington state? So many wonderful hikes and walks to do there. I am thinking Olympia…it sounds like heaven.
I live in virginia and I am 52 yr old black female. I lost my 22 yr old son due to hospital neglect in 2014 and I have no desire to work anymore or be in this USA. I’m just totally empty…I would like to backpack and just never return…I have 50 thousand dollars which isn’t much but is better than nothing… my first destination is Spain to do the 500 mile Camino walk to try n clear my head which I plan to take 90 days doing it… Then by the finish of that my plan is to go to the Dominican Republic and continue to find my way for I am lost… I read these stories here n I say just go for it for that’s what imma do…I wish you all on a great new journey n god bless you all.
Shirley, I don’t know how you manage through the loss of a child under any circumstance, much less what you mention. I wish there were words of comfort I could offer. It sounds like you have planned something that promises to be an incredible experience. Who knows what new avenues and doors may open for you, and those whose lives you will touch. I wish you well.
Shirley,
I know there are no words that can comfort a mother that has lost a child. I can’t say I blame you for not wanting to return to the US after such a horrific experience. You sound like an incredible, strong spirited woman and I wish you safe travels and much encouragement on your life s journey. I have a strong sense that you will have some great experiences to share with others and leave a lasting impression on all those you encounter. Adios…..
Shirley, I am so incredibly sorry for your loss and I think i would feel just like you do. I admire you for the healing journey you are about to take. I wish you the safest of travels and that you find peace and love along the way.
So is there a current (2015) list of best places to live for singles in our 50s? Here’s me: lost my job 2 months ago, apartment lease ends (or renews.. this is one of many decisions I NEED to make asap) on Jan 31, 2016, rents in NJ (approx 45 min – 1 hr from bridges and tunnels to NYC) are tough. Factor in less than maximum weekly unemployment benefit. Even before I lost my job I was absolutely open to moving out of NJ since I find it’s not an ideal place for single women my age with no children.
I’ve been job-searching daily, I’ve been applying for jobs all over the US, figuring I will have to move where the jobs are. Then I switched it up a bit, and started searching first for livable cities (sites such as areavibes.com), and once I come up with a few cities which seem appealing, I then hop onto indeed.com and the like, looking for possible jobs in those cities.
Yet here I am, after a google search meant to narrow things down/make the life-change search more targeted, I googled ‘best cities for single women age 50’, and this was among the links. I’d appreciate any suggestions/advice, not necessarily for starting over at 50, even just for starting.
Hi Lisa. One of the reasons that this subject continues to be commented on even after all this time is because of its importance, and the number of us searching for a second chapter (or third or more) that makes sense, and allows us to make a living.
Personally, I believe there is no single ‘best places to live for over 50-year-olds’ list. How could there be? The criteria that each of us will have can be broken down into similar factors, but our choices will of course be different, as our skills, preferences, family situations, health and so on will all be different. Therefore our answers are not the same.
That said, the ability to gather information about targeted locations seems vital. Discussion with people who have lived in different areas is, in my opinion, helpful with regard to cost, various ‘livability’ (quality of life) factors, transportation, jobs, housing and so on.
Continue your thoughts and let’s see what we can come up with.
Thank you D.A. I was really just going to wrap up with wishes for more scoop on livable cities for women 50+ years, including the variables you listed, i.e. cost of living, jobs, housing costs, etc..
I noticed some of the comments were posted by women who are from NJ, so some of you don’t need me to tell you this in an expensive state, with little to no walkable cities/towns, and not a whole lot of easy access to outdoor activities for anyone with a city wish list including active lifestyle options. And I keep seeing cities such as Portland, Seattle, Denver, and Austin turning up on lists.. but after a bit more looking into online, they tend to seem loaded with a younger population, sort of 20s – 30s (at least closer to town or in town, rather than outskirts).
Best of luck to all seeking the next chapter.
BEST PLACE: FLORIDA…why?, because Florida has a extremely large single population of over 50 people. You will not find more 50yos anywhere else! I was there 2 weeks ago and meet so many woman in 2 weeks that my head was spinning! it is divorced 50yo HEAVEN!
Greetings all,
I feel many kindred spirits here, so here goes. I will soon be 51, empty nester of three children, single with one elderly dog and I am miserable with the current state of my life. I stumbled upon this site and feel exactly the way most of you do. I grew up in Midwest and I have always hated it, the small town, horrible winters, struggles with making decent money, closed minded, so I moved away to Portland, OR to live somewhere beautiful, different, more liberal thinking and most importantly to be near my younger brother whom I had much of the same interests in common with. That was about10 years ago. Not only did I love the city, I loved being near the coast, mountains, other beautiful destinations within close proximity. I lived there for nearly 8 years, loved it, then sadly, tragedy struck when my youngest brother, whom was one of my best friends in life was killed. He was only 39 and I still have not been able to pull my life back together. I stayed another year but the area was just too depressing, everything reminded me of my brother, so I decided to leave the area. I stupidly quit my good paying job to come back to the Midwest to be near daughter/ grandchildren and now feel trapped in a life that I hate! Living in an old apartment, not working. All I do is worry day to day how I’m going to be able to survive here financially, don’t have much to do except care for my old dog, watch re-runs on television and babysit. I’ve gained/lost/gained weight adopting this horrible lifestyle, became steadily unhealthy. I miss the routine of work, life balance and visiting family on occasion. I live in a small town with nothing more to do. I used to love being able to afford travel, going out dancing, hikes, being fashionable, trendy (without stares like I’m from another galaxy), going to funky thrift stores, or coffee shops, hearing good live music, seeing shows, socializing once in a while, and LIVING LIFE, but that does not exist here. It’s just not the same vibe. I’ve been in culture shock, everything is so spread out in the middle of corn fields.
Although I cherish my time with my grandkids and I am thankful I have been able to gain a close relationship with them, something is missing, ME! I’m getting more depressed by the day by staying here. My other two children live far away and thankfully have their own lives.
I recently just signed another lease here as I had no other plan and I am regretting it every moment of every day. I look in the mirror and no longer see the vibrant woman I once was. I feel like I’m just existing, I’m living like my life is over, waiting for something to happen. I want to get in my car and just drive away, but to where? And how do I explain to my daughter/ grandkids? I know it’s my life, although I feel sort of selfish to just pick up and move away but I don’t know how much more of this life I can take. It’s draining me emotionally, financially and spiritually. I miss the West Coast, just not all the rain, I hope someone can give me some good advice, on where to go. I’m not rich, but I’m planning to get back to work ASAP. I was in the salon/beauty industry for years but need a change from that if possible. I need a change, period, and fast! I’m even willing to break my lease to get out of this mess. FYI, I have sought professional mental health treatment but, as you know that only goes so far. This life is so NOT ME! HELP! HOPELESS IN THE MIDWEST.
Lisa, I recently had a talk with one of my sons, now in his own life, about notions of home, cultural ‘fit’ to an area, and thoughts about relocating. I wanted to know what he thought should I, finally, seriously entertain a move of my own… To where, I don’t know. (Like everyone else who leaves comments here?)
Two little light bulb moments. First, my son just wants me to be happy, to feel good with my life and where I am. (It isn’t selfish to want your ‘life’ back after spending 20 or more years taking care of a family. Wouldn’t your daughter understand that? Have you talked to her?)
My second light bulb monent… The constant flow of people, women especially, who leave comments here. They… we… have this in common: We want to feel like respected, contributing, valuable members of society regardless where we are located. Our challenges have much to do with isolation, reinforced by lost jobs, departed spouses, and financial fears exacerbated when facing life changes alone, those changes tougher as we get older.
Community… Hell, friends that don’t judge… that would make a huge difference.
Sure. Geography matters. But filling our lives with people we care about who care about us, and lives of meaning — that’s what we’re really seeking, in my opinion.
You aren’t alone in your fear, frustration, or periodic hopelessness. I don’t know if any of this helps, but maybe it will, even if only a little.
Hello D.A.,
Thank you so much for taking the time to read and respond to my post. I’m blown away by all the posts of other women who have the same fears and frustrations as I. What an eyeopener.
In response to you asking me if I spoke with my daughter, yes, I have mentioned moving out of the area, and, as your son, she says she wants me to be happy, although, I know she and my grandkids would not be thrilled about the move.
I suppose you are right in the fact that I should not feel guilty about wanting to live a different lifestyle and not conforming to a life that I dislike.
Geographically speaking, you are correct, wherever you go, there you are. Without some type of support network of people to be around who I love and care for and that also care about me it would be depressing. It’s a tough balancing act, all the feelings and emotions that control our life decisions.
I need to realize as long as I am still here, I can continue to contribute, even if just as a mom, grandma, daughter, sister and friend. Who knows what tomorrow will bring?
A recent trip to New Orleans, with my long time dear friend, showed me that being around other people once again with similar interests and such, made me feel free and alive for the first time since my brother’s death.
I know it is possible to create a life that suits your individual likes/dislikes, if you really have the wherewithal, desire. I’ve been my own worst enemy these past 4 years, choosing to isolate after all that occurred and it’s been ages since I have felt like a respected, contributing member of society since I haven’t worked. It’s all been so overwhelming and paralyzing and tough to get motivated again.
I’m striving to no longer feel guilty, fight through the fear of the unknown, and look forward to creating a “different” life. I sincerely thank you for your advice, and yes it was helpful to put things in perspective and realize I’m not alone.
Still deciding if moving is the best solution. Considering NOLA if anyone has knowledge of living there versus Pacific NW. Thank you and good luck to all others attempting to start a new life also. Thanks D.A.
Lisa B, we are diffently on the same page girl.
Its been a while since I have checked out all the new comments on daily plate. WOW! As others, I am so ready for a change. I’m still “stuck” in the Midwest as of now but have been considering solo RV ng around the US. Thoughts?
Hi Lisa B. If you get this let me know how you are doing. Im in Overland Park Ks and i too feel like u. Im older than u but im going to sell this house very soon and im moving to be near an ocean. I like Florida and I like California. I also like Delaware but they have winter there too just like midwest. Lets talk. Ill try to figure out the gmail site and look for you. Hope u are doing ok.
I too stumbled upon this site and felt relief reading the comments mostly because I really thought I was the only person going through this time! Boy was I wrong. Although my story is not as sad as some it still is just a heartbreaking time and seems hopeless and overwhelming. I have heard all the suggestions over and over but once you get in a rut you just spin in circles trying to figure out how to get out of your situation. That is where I am at. Stuck in my head. Miserable and frustrated.
My story is much like a lot of you. I was a single parent all of my son’s life, but now he is 27 and is on his own with a wonderful, successful life. Up until a few years ago, I had a fantastic career, raised my son and put him through school, bought a nice house, etc. So then I got laid off not once but twice, the last time at 51. At the time my dad was becoming very ill, so I pulled up stakes, sold almost everything and moved to help my parents. The first day I knew I made a mistake. Looking back, I wish so much I would have kept my house in Denver and rented it out so I could move back. I still am mourning that loss and can’t get past it really. But on a good note, I have been a huge help to my parents and feel good I could be with my dad in his last days. He has since passed away and now I am still here ready to fly.
I have found a full time job where I am now with decent benefits so it hasn’t been all but I don’t make much money and there is no future, not that I intended to stay long term. But I am still trapped. My mom is in good shape although elderly and has a huge support system, so now is my time to get my life back on track. Easier said than done. Guilt and family drama add to the stress of my situation. I now realize I have been out of my line of work for almost four years and finding it hard to get noticed in my old job world. So where do I go from here? This is where I am stuck. That is where I made good money, what I knew. I know I can get a job pretty much anywhere in any industry but with not as much pay. So that leaves a lot of places to try out.
I would really enjoy getting away from snow, but I have lived in Colorado my whole life so don’t have a clue as to where a good place to live and work would be. California is too expensive and populace but appealing, and Arizona and northwest coast nice, too. Since I am single and not really looking for anyone, I have to afford housing on one income making it necessary to make good enough money, which is a challenge.
So like a lot of these writers, I fantasize about packing up and just driving somewhere, anywhere, especially warm, just to get my inner peace back. I haven’t had that in over two years now. I just don’t know where to start. I apply for jobs back home in Denver but it is hard to job hunt remotely. That is where I called home and worked for years. Now most people would think I am crazy to want to get out of the little resort town I live in now. It’s absolutely gorgeous and a super nice place to visit. However, the cost of living is crazy, healthcare 2X+ the national average, rents impossible, and super isolated. That is what I hate the most. Being so far from my old friends and the world I used to know. I am grateful though. I used to be successful and happy and had my own life, my own rules. I want it back. Why does it have to be so hard?
So here I sit. Plans all written out. But I don’t know where to start. Temporary housing in Denver or wherever is super expensive too. But probably easier to get a job once you are in a town that you want to be in. I can’t imagine it being any different than me being a struggling single mother with no money and a kid but it seems much tougher to do it at 55!
Reading back my post, I realize I have it better than a lot of these writers. I just want my life back and am grabbing at anything that will help me figure it out! I have found it very therapeutic to write this post! I am so unhappy right now at this place in my life and can’t wait to be the girl I used to be. I got the life sucked out of me on these past few years but I know it is supposed to be part of my life journey. That’s what I have to believe. Something better is coming. I have an awesome son who is super excited to see what this year brings for me. I just need a few more people to believe in me like he does and then maybe I will believe in me too!
I would love to join a discussion group of some sort to get some realistic comments.
Layoffs, single parenting, family issues, aging elders… just a few of the life events that can be an extraordinary challenge hitting at midlife.
Stay tuned for more on connecting and discussing…
Thank you for your response. Was a nice experience writing my thoughts here. Hope to learn more from others and move on with life.
Wow….so glad I found you girls! I am 54 yrs old and a mother of 4 boys. I’ve been divorced for over 4 yrs now. My youngest son will graduate high school this spring and I am desperate to sell this big house and move somewhere else. Even more desperate to find single friends and have some FUN!!! I currently live in southeastern PA. Not a bad place to live but really need a change. Would love to connect with some of you on here and form some new friendships….can always use more of them 🙂
Dear all: What a refreshing (albeit painful) site to find. I was cruising the net this morning looking for “the best places to live for an older woman” when I stumbled across this site. After having family and friends treat me like I’m slightly demented (already) for not knowing what I want to do with the rest of my live, it has been a relief to read that all of you are, in some way, experiencing what I am.
I am 62, single due to divorce, and I retired 2 years ago to “redirect” my life. What I thought would be simple has been one of the most frustrating experiences of my life. People around me resist the idea that I want to do more with the next chapter of my life, as do educational institutions in this area. None of the colleges, universities, etc., are geared towards learning for older adults. What a waste!
My frustration has led to my compiling a list of “wants” in the near future. How to accomplish them is another question:
1. I think about selling my home and moving, constantly. I’ve had the house appraised, interviewed 3 realtors and readied my house for sale, but I don’t know where to move to, so here I sit. I would like to live somewhere warmer, although I like the seasons. I would like to live in a place where I can walk to a coffee shop, bookstore, grocery story, movie theater, etc. I don’t want to live in a noisy area like a big city.
2. Why do I want to move? Because I live in an area geared to families and couples, there isn’t a coffee shop, bookstore or grocery story within walking distance; medical care is sub par; the climate can be horrific in the winter and every time I sign up for a class its cancelled because they don’t have enough participants.
3. Why I stay: I actually like my house. The surrounding area is peaceful and quiet and I am centrally located to my siblings and my mother who is 88 years old, although the closest sib and my mother are 4 1/2 hours away in Cleveland. I am familiar with the area. Chicago is 90 miles away, but the drive is getting old, but at least its a City that has things to offer. But most importantly I stay because I don’t know where else to go.
So, what’s next? I have always lived my life on high gear, and I often ponder whether my discontent is due, in part, to not feeling comfortable with taking time to become more contemplative and “self” centered. I’ve spent all of my life doing for others and now that I have “me” time, it feels odd, like wearing a pair of shoes that do not fit right. Frankly, I don’t know how to do this, there are no “guide posts” and it seems selfish to say “I want more.” The good news is that it sounds like there are a lot of you out there, like me who are also being thoughtful about these issues.
I look forward to your comments and suggestions.
Hello ladies-
What an interesting discussion everyone is having here- I randomly came upon this thread after yet another fruitless internet search where I tried to once again locate some possible ideas for a move from a place that no longer fits to one that might become a permanent and happier home.
Now in my 40s, I am originally from a large city in the midwest, but loathed and almost died from the harsh winters and many family tragedies and deaths including a extremely difficult break up in my late 20s. My dream was to move (escape?) to the west coast, and I did so over a decade ago, to Southern California. Initially, things went smoothly, and I ended up with stable employment, married, with a home and pregnant- for about 5 minutes.
Two miscarriages, a separation, two layoffs, a foreclosure and a divorce later, I have been unable to find any sort of sanity, peace, safety. stability or success in any areas of life since those blows despite non-stop effort to rebuild. I am highly educated but due to severe insomnia and PTSD and that has steadily worsened I only have been able to find part time jobs (have three of them now).
My friends have mostly moved on to other places as this is a very transient area and it seems to make them uncomfortable to be around a person that has had nothing but bad luck and loss despite constant efforts since 2008. I have no family so my friends are extra important to me and I cherish the friends I do have and am always trying to make new connections and think it might be great to live on a property with other people for support and friendship- but how to make that happen?
Currently, Southern California is overpopulated with an awful job market and low wages, sky high rents and mortgages, traffic jams everywhere (it can take an hour to go 10 miles) tons of flaky, shallow industry people and an obsession on materialism as well as an awful drought that is hurting agriculture and the ecosystem. I’m done here as the last 7 years have been nothing but bad memories and disappointments, but I need an affordable, down to earth, progressive, artistic (I write, paint and play music), culturally interesting, non-religious area that does not have much of a winter but has a lot of singles instead of families. A place I can rent a little house on property, have gardens and room for dogs and cats. Does such a place exist? Oregon? Colorado? New Mexico?
If there is a place to connect via facebook or another location, please include me in it! And thanks for listening. I relate to so many of your stories here. Good luck to us all!
Hi Violet. Thanks for joining the discussion! You’ve certainly been through a great deal. That search or “sanity, peace, safety, stability, success…” — so many of us are struggling to find some little piece of it, thinking (for 5 minutes?) that we have it, and then it’s gone and we can’t seem to grasp it again. You aren’t alone! And a place to go where you can build a decent life seems reasonable as a goal. For women especially, if we aren’t paired off in some traditional way, it can seem (and be) terribly hard. The kind of place you describe sounds great! (The affordability issue is often the stickler, but likewise, “singles” as you say.)
You might want to pop by here for some additional discussion on this topic, and to connect initially.
Violet
I suggest you look into Austin, Tx. It is a college town (home of the University of Texas) and our state capital, so it has more youth and progressive influence than any other part of Texas that I know of. Texas winters are not bad compared to the rest of the country. Summers are hot, though, and spring and fall are just little blips that you can only notice in retrospect. Another poster here commented on how, for her, it was too youth oriented, but that works in your favor.
The state, as a whole, is conservative, however, and the degree to which that is increasing is one of the bigger reasons I would like to move. But aside from being the Capital, the city is quite liberal.
You might also think about the Montrose or Heights areas of Houston (my current location). These are our alternative and progressive neighborhoods. They probably encompass much of what you are looking for with the notable exception of not being terribly affordable, as they are inner-loop. Garage apartments should be easy to find in these areas though.
My husband is 81 y/o, I’m 68 . He’s is able to do a few chores like folding clothes, and dishes, but that’s about it. I’m not able to keep up the pool, the house, most of the yard work, errands, taking care of 4 dogs and 1 cat. Our adopted daughter just moved out this year, when she turned 18 y/o. I know change is coming, and have started preparing our house to sale, but it will be slow.
I don’t know exactly what we’ll do when we move, but I know we don’t need a house because he refuses to allow me to hire help with housework, yardwork, or maintenance and upkeep.
Any suggestions?
Thank you
It is comforting to hear other women in similar situations to my own. Thank you for this page. Does anyone have any thoughts on Burlington, Vermont or Portland, Maine for single older women to arrive alone? I know the winters are long and cold but I am interested in affordability and a non-conservative bent. I wish I could move to the west coast but it seems like an enormous undertaking to figure it out from scratch from all the way here in New York. I am underemployed as an interpreter, a year away from a Masters Degree in Social Work, flying through money on the incredibly high cost of city living. I will be 50 in March. No children. 2 cats. No family at all. A few dear friends. A life as a well traveled artist and a poor planner. I went back to school with the idea of wanting to help others. I feel a little foolish now that I am approaching 4 years back in this country after decades living a carefree life abroad. Shocked at how difficult it is to make new friends. I too wish I could gather every person who has posted on this page into a brand new circle of friends. I feel pigeonholed by the intense ever present ageism that is invisible until you hit a certain age. Totally unsuccessful at internet dating and have stopped trying. I would like a lower cost of living, some access to culture and of course a job. My shortlist includes: Burlington, Portland Maine, Boston, maybe Rhode Island?, Philadelphia? Or is this my long list? Feedback is appreciated. Thank you!
Michelle, I can relate to you in theNO family part,.. I am from the northeast,.. Outside Boston which is expensive. I myself have been looking into the areas you describe,Portland Maine I have not been to have been reading about it recently. Looks snd sounds beautiful. Rhode Island can be expensive too… I’d like to take a trip to Maine to look around though, yes must have some culture. Outdoor cafes. I liked the looks and sounds of the Seattle area… But I wouldn’t know where to start. The state is split in half,.. Half desert, half coastal rainy and very snowy. Seattle area I think is where Microsoft company is I believe, if you have been to Maine yet let me know. thanks… I think we need our own community is right.
What a cool site!! Found by accident also! My situation: 57, divorced, raised 2, when my son graduates college in May I am OUTTAHERE! Live in Peachtree City, Ga; family oriented town south of Atlanta. Great place to raise kids and great outdoor lifestyle but not much for singles. 45 min drive into Atl can get tiring. Atl has a terrible single, over 50 male:female ratio. Looking for somewhere that I can be near snow skiing and the beach (if possible), with lots to do, and a major airport for travel. Was considering Co. I know I would have to give up the beach lol! Any suggestions?
I’m curious. What do you do for a living? Is it something you can do anywhere or have you early retired? Glad you’re finding this ongoing discussion useful.
I am currently working as a NICU nurse. No retirement plans yet!
Just smiling. I’m familiar with the general area. Couldn’t agree more about the single woman predicament… But what’s not to love about the traffic? 😉
Okay… Any suggestions for Terry?
Who can comment on Colorado?
Love Colorado.. Denver, Golden.. Boulder.. The mountains are great.. The people are from all over. I used to live there in the early 80’s. Lots of good memories.. Job opportunities.
Colorado is beautiful, very health conscious, but cost of living can be high! I have family there now, used to live there, have visited regularly to see my elderly mother.
I have a fantastic idea for all you wonderful people! Lets all book a cruise with royal carribean at the same tine so we can all get to know each other, share our experiences, commiserate, laugh and feel hopeful again. Anyone interested?????
Jan
I would Go on that cruise.
Hello ladies. Just found this blog by accident, looking for a new place to retire. Divorcing after 36yrs! Been a stay at home all these years. I don’t have the slightest idea what to do….still living in our house (together) Help!
I know this post is old but omgness this is me…been together 40 years, married 32 years. Been a stay at home mom all these years as weill and have no idea what to do and we are still living together in our RV while we are finishing our torn apart house that we are remodeling. Hope your story turned out well!
Yea i would be. Ive never gone on a cruise, little frightening.
Love this site. I live in Ohio it’s cold and snowing. I dream of warmer weather. I’m divorced, have 2 adult kids who have lives of their own. I dream of starting a new life far from the cold winters here in Ohio. I’m 54 and ready for a change. I lost my home, went through bankruptcy thanks to my ex of 30 yrs, but I’m not giving up. Life is way too short to be angry. So I’m looking for somewhere warm.
A place where I can meet new friends.
Hello everyone, I came across this page by accident, but I’m glad I did.
I live in a very small town in northwest ga. It’s like going back in time, and I don’t mean that in a good way. I’m 48 yrs old, recently divorced from 16 yr marraige, my child is grown and away from home. It’s just me now… I’ve spent my whole life taking care of others – spouse, children. Now all of a sudden it is just me. I have never traveled much, (would love to) in fact I’ve never even driven on the interstate. I was always the passenger.
I have never liked this area but life and circumstances have kept me here. I have always wanted to live in savanah ga, I love the laid back feel, so many things to do and not a lot of concrete. It’s rich in music and close to the water. I tell people that music and water are my xanax’s in life. They bring a calmness to my life. I know I’m going to do this, but I am so at a loss of where to start.
How do I find a job without the ability to attend multiple interviews? Where do I start? I know I want to live in the historic district, I’m looking to rent a small place. I haven’t seen savannah pop up in any of the best places to live. Can anyone give any insight as to what it’s like to live there?
Thanks in advance for any advice.
Debbie, If you want to get in touch with others on specific topics, drop a line here please: startingover50plus @ gmail.com.
Meanwhile… Who may have lived in Savannah? Who can make suggestions for that particular marketplace?
And Debbie, What is your previous work background? Types of activities you like to do or are good at?
Thanks for stopping by, and let’s see if we can get you a bit of feedback.
Wow! I think I wanted to respond to each and every one of these posts!
I just turned 50, my kids are grown, and I can’t stand where I’m living but have no idea where to go from here. I have lived in Iowa for 13 years now, and contrary to popular belief regarding mid-western friendliness, people here are horrid to outsiders! I was born and raised in California. It will always be home, but due to the cost of living and the overcrowding, I don’t believe I care to return.
Due to a series of bad relationships and a lot of awful luck, I have found myself very much alone in life. There is truly nothing here for me and I feel myself-a once happy, vibrant, athletic, healthy, and positive woman-slipping into a place where I wonder if the best years of my life will ever happen, or if I’m doomed to live in this frigid (climate and human) place forever. I realize staying here is not an option for me to be happy; but then I get frightened that if I leave, it might not be better wherever I end up…or it could be worse.
I deeply long for the sense of community that is missing in my life. Searching for the place that is affordable so I can live an actively. I have gone too many years being alone while surrounded by people and am ready to love where I live again!
If nothing else, this site has given me hope that there are still people out there looking for the same thing I am, and perhaps one day, you will be my neighbor. I’m all in for starting a community in the Caribbean!
Glad you stopped by, Trish. I think many many many of us are searching for that sense of community.
So what kind of work do you do? What parts of the country have you considered so far?
D.A. Wolf,
I am not rich by any means, but through hard work, much penny-pinching, and a couple of sound investments, I have an income that will sustain me anywhere I move…within reason. I work random jobs here and there mainly to get out of the house, be around people, and for traveling expenses. So the job market is not my biggest concern.
I Have considered North Carolina, Colorado, Oregon, Arizona, and of course returning to California is always in the back of my mind. It seems everywhere I think of, there is something huge that keeps me from going. I know I would be able to overlook a lot if the sense of community was strong and I was able to enjoy the outdoors for more than six months out of the year.
You have done so much in just helping a lot of us realize we are not alone. Have you considered a facebook page or another form in which your readers can connect? Your really hit a nerve for so many!
It sounds like you’re in a good position and frame of mind to start a next chapter somewhere new.
As for a page or other means to connect, it’s coming soon!
Meanwhile anyone who wants to connect with others on this thread or the threads of related articles, please drop a line here: startingover50plus @gmail.com.
And thank you for the good words!
Trish you are not alone because I am as alone as you with nowhere to go .. No family .. Stuck in the mtns of Georgia, needing to escape. Asheville is BEAUTUFUL, have been there once,.. We should all take a cruise and get to know each other .. Maybe help each other somehow. You are not alone Trish… We are with you… Drop me a line if you decide on the carolinas… (Leave a comment here and it will be passed on). I too thought of calif but I think would be unaffordable alone … In comparison the carolinas are more doable. Hang in there .. We are here, Susan
Hello ladies,
I bailed on LA because the traffic and expense were just eye crossing. I found a great place to live, that I knew nothing of before– North County San Diego. Specifically, I live in Fallbrook, a town about 15 miles inland and on the border of Orange and San Diego counties. Friendly village, lots of people over 50, easy to drive downtown (1 hr) for entertainment/flights, etc and 90 mins to LA.
I moved in 2012 when a bout of construction in my LA building drove me to find a summer rental. I’d been to San Diego as had a friend in Carlsbad. The guy I rented the guesthouse from was a realtor in Fallbrook and he took me around to see some houses, just for fun. To my astonishment these giant houses with pools and trees and yards were way cheaper than my condo in LA. Weather is gorgeous and traffic, to me, is low to normal, not teeth-gnashingly frustrating.
So I moved down (my husband still works/lives in LA during the week) and I am writing/shooting for a living. I grew up in NYC, lived in Chicago, then LA, and was tired of cities– this area has many small towns, each with their own vibe. You can be in the beach towns like Encinitas, Oceanside, Carlsbad, you can get more reasonably priced housing away from the beach, in towns like Vista and San Marcos. Its a calm, easier pace than what I had the first 50 years of my life, and that’s working out great!
Trish, you might want to check these areas out if you have some $ and are fairly mobile. many people rent our guesthouses and granny flats here. It’s not LA or SF, but it is pretty and there is a variety of housing choices. 🙂
Hope this helps someone. 😉
I can so relate to this… It’s the sense of community I am missing so much! It’s hard at this age to build that, I think. I had it in Austin so that’s why I am considering going back. I moved to the SF bay area (just past Sausalito) two years ago and although the people are very friendly here, I just haven’t been able to build that feeling of community and “home” here.
Patty, I’m so glad you jumped into this discussion, which is (fortunately) ongoing.
May I ask — What are some of the ways that you tried to find / create community after you moved? So many of us are trying to figure out how to do this — why it works in some places (purely logistical? purely demographics? regionally cultural?), and why it doesn’t.
DA… Just saw this. The first thing I did was get on meetup.com and sign up for groups in my interests. I went sailing for the first time in my life through a meetup group and I am now good friends with the owner of the sailboat and made great friends with another girl on the boat who is 50 and single. We now hike a few times each week together. That same group does limo wine tours in Napa and Sonoma so I went on those and met other bay area ladies as well. Meetup has book clubs, dancing meetups, happy hour meetups, movie meetups and more. It’s a great way to meet new people.
I think the other thing that helped is that I have two dogs and hike with them a lot or walk my neighborhood. All of my neighbors would be out walking their dogs, too… so we’d start talking.
Volunteering is also a great way to build community. Look into your local humane society, or whatever area of interest you have and find ways to volunteer..the local theater society, etc.
I love it here, now. I am 61 yrs. and I grew up in Wa state traveled to Mt to watch my Grandkids as kids were DR.s and busy. I just moved to a over 55 community which I love as all is included in rent and so much to do or not, your choice. Land is flat, not at all like Seattle, WA so I walk everywhere, movies, coffee shop, shopping and restaurants or enjoyment. Weather is, not raining, Seattle, but cold, mediocre, hot and windy, all fine. People super friendly and virtually no traffic, yeah! Lots to do here, movie night in Theater room with free popcorn, heated pool, indoor, and hot tub, exercise room, computer room with espresso machine, free, garden plots, pot lucks, buses for grocery trips and much more, internet, cable tv, water and garbage….. One bill, love it.
Where do you live, Linda?
Thank you D.A. Wolf and all of you who are courageous and authentic. I found this site, as many of you, while googling where to live. I see this isolation and feelings of anxiety about what is left/what is next as a problem for so many women! I want to find a way to make community happen for us. Please add me to your new site D.A.. And I’ll join you all on that cruise 🙂
Sounds like a plan, Liz!
It seems I stumbled across the perfect site as I’m going through this very dilemma! I have lived in Alabama for the last 14 years and sooooo ready to get out of here, my grandson is the one thing that has kept me here but I’m ready to move on and he can visit me and I can visit him.
Having a limited budget keeps me from certain places and I’m ok with that.
I need the water…..ocean preferably, at least close enough to drive to. I love South Carolina low country…..stationed at Parris Island and fell in love with it there. I love Florida but I have a Pit Bull which also limits places available to me.
Anyone in the low country or close to water that would be a great place to live?
I lived in Austin for several years and LOVED it. I still love it, but I’ve had a case of wanderlust for a long time and after a divorce in 2011 I started reading blogs by people who sold everything and moved. In 2014 I did just that… I had an opportunity to move to San Francisco with a friend and since I work remotely I can live anywhere, so I literally sold everything, loaded my dogs in my SUV and left.
I am 54 yrs. old…some of my family thought I was crazy and weren’t too happy about me being so far away…but I needed to do it. Now that I’ve been here two years though, I am unsettled. It’s no doubt a beautiful place, and I live in Marin County where there are all of these beautiful small towns like Sausalito, Mill Valley, etc. It’s a hiker’s paradise. And yet…I have not been able to make it feel like home. I miss Austin and all of my connections there. I miss the food and things that are familiar. I love Austin and didn’t leave because it’s a bad place to be. It’s a beautiful city with great culture, but I do get tired of the heat. I love being outdoors and the weather here is amazing, but it’s super expensive here…and again, I just haven’t been able to make it feel like home. I haven’t been able to build the sense of community here that I had in Austin. I’m sure the fact that I work remotely has something to do with that, although I am a very outgoing person, so it’s not like I’m shy.
I need to make a decision by September so I too, am struggling. My current job may be going away this year too, so I need to consider another career…it’s overwhelming! Do I go back to Austin, do I dig my heels in here and stay, do I go to Oregon (looking at Ashland or Portland) or head to Seattle? I love the topography of all those places. I am so glad I found this site today…it’s nice to know others are going through the same situations!
I am 57 and have lived in VT, NH, CT, MA, FL, NC, NM, NV, AZ and WI. I’ve driven cross country alone with my dog numerous times. I’ve always returned to the northeast as my daughter and grandson are here. However, my grandson is a preteen now and so busy with sports, at his moms during the week and his dads on the weekends. During the summer he visits his other grandparents in TX and my ex in WI. So our time is fading aside from trips for ice cream. I’m currently in western MA and between the winters and the humidity it’s enough. I’ve lived in Vegas with 118 for 22 days straight yet summer hasn’t even begun here and today it is 98 + humidity, It’s exhausting. I have thought of doing a seasonal split even with a camper or maybe a little condo someplace warm. I love water and trees the beach etc. CA would suit me fine but it is expensive and friends that do live there are planning to move out of state due to the cost of living now that the empty nest has occurred. Would love to hear from others.
Same boat! I’m 55, live in a suburb of Nashville, but getting restless. My only grandchild is almost 11 and between his mom’s, his dad’s and all the other family I don’t get to see him as much as I thought I would when I moved here 4 years ago.
Growing up in Indiana I have no desire to go any further north (weather). Nowhere close to retiring, so landing a job is a must before moving.
Would be nice to be able to connect with other women in same situation.
What a lifesaver this blog is. I’m amazed that I am not the only person feeling so many of these things. Whatever serendipity or Grace occurred to bring us all here, I am so appreciative! I’m 50–how did that happen?–no children, no husband or significant other, one elderly cat of 21 years. I’m currently on the west coast of Florida, which is awesome and impossible for varied reasons. It’s great if you do not need a livable income. The beauty is undeniable and I can handle the heat for the most part, although I do miss spring and fall. The job market is heavily based on a tourism/hospitality/retail economy, and other jobs follow suit with low wages unless you are specialized. Housing costs are disproportionately higher for renters here. My lease is up in a couple of months, so I need to make a decision. I’m thinking of heading to one of the following: Jacksonville area or Pensacola area–still in Florida, but better job market in Jax, better rental rates in Pensacola; South Carolina–Beaufort to Charleston area–coastal. St Mary’s GA area, near Jacksonville, but more laid back or Savannah area.
Has anyone lived in/near any of these?
Also, I have been thinking of tiny houses, RV living, or any other alternative means that would allow me survive. I’d love to go on this cruise everyone is mentioning, but can I bring the cat???
So great to meet all of you.
Barb
I’m shocked that so many women find themselves in the same thought pattern as myself. I just turned 60 and moved to Florida from NJ 3 years ago. It is not what I expected and find that most people are married and/or seasonal. It is so humid here which makes my hair a problem. Finding a great stylist is also a BIG problem. Making money may be possible here if one works from home for an out of state company. Jobs are not desirable here for an educated woman. Telemarketing seems to be the only gig in town. There is no sense of community here unless one is involved in condo associations and golf course communities. I am thinking of accepting my aloneness, moving somewhere where I can garden and own a large dog. The reality of living alone and being alone is frightening. My kids are grown, still up north and find me to be a thorn in their sides. Finding a suitable and sober man in my age bracket has not been a fruitful endeavor. I am going to listen to my heart and seek out a North Carolina possibility. The government there has made policies that are attractive to we that are close to retiring. Getting away from a tourist community in Florida is probably a good idea.
I just found this website and am in the same boat as everyone else here. I want and need a new beginning, to start over, move to a new town…but where? Please add me to connect with everyone.
Add me to this list also if there is one. I live in Northern Ca. and am looking to move somewhere around San Francisco or perhaps as far south as San Diego in the future. It seems to me if we all put our like minds together we could come up with great ideas that would give us the ability to explore the area and make some great connections.
Add me to the list of single 55 year olds looking for a fuller life. I have been living in South Florida (Boca Raton/Delray Beach area) for 25 years, raised 2 daughters and run a successful yacht charter business. A nice lifestyle. If you are single this is not a great place to meet men that like doing anything outdoors. If you can’t handle the heat and humidity – again this is not a place for you. Sense of community is hard to grasp unless you are in a 55+ community. I will be buying a small RV and start my journey to find a nice place to live 1/2 the year. I love mountains and ocean so I think California – North San Diego or Central coast. Does anyone know any active adult communities, with great walkability, ocean & hiking close?
Anyone who has any questions about this area in Florida – I would love to help. Lisa
WOW!! And I thought I was the ONLY one who couldn’t find the ideal place to live! I live in Texas, and have all my 63 years. I live on a farm; my nearest neighbor is 1/2 mile away; Dallas is an hour’s drive; and the nearest shopping place to me is 24 miles away. I tell people I have to travel 24 miles one way to get a gallon of milk. I am widowed and have one dog—NO children, brothers, sisters, or any one left in my family. I could move anywhere in the world I wanted to, but don’t know where that would be. So sad to have that kind of opportunity and not know what to do with it. I hate the heat and humidity in Texas!! Every summer I ask myself why I’m STILL here! The winters aren’t bad, but it’s the summers that are horrible. I’ve thought of every place that anyone has mentioned in all the comments and have learned a lot from you all; such as the weather, touristy places, expenses, etc. I think the best bet would be to move to the Caribbean, but make sure it’s a US owned island, or you may lose any retirement you have in foreign banks. I know WY and MT are beautiful places as I’ve been there—but how about those long, cold winters?! The older I get the colder I get it seems! CA is way too expensive, and FL is way to overly populated with retirees. Really, what is the answer to this quiz?
I find myself wondering if we of the 50+ set should start ourselves a few well placed towns! (We ought to be certain they include younger people of course, but with ample population in our age demographic so we don’t feel like outliers.)
I wonder if you read this, Becky, on WHERE to relocate, rather than if, which underscores the very issues you express in your experience.
I am curious what you do or did for a living, and, ideally, how you would like to spend your next productive 20 years…
No one has mentioned Delaware. We stayed a week in Rehoboth loved it. Ive been looking at double wide mobile home near the coast. They look promosing and u do get the seasons and the ocean and there are 2 bays and national parks and u can get to bigger cities if u want. I do like people and love people watching so the tourists dont bother me. My problem with leaving Ks, my son refuses to move. He has a couple friends here when they arent in college. But im in trouble, 2 house pmts due and cant figure out how to catch up on everything. Jan 3 alimony checks so wish me creative juggling finances!
I also am in the same boat. I am 57, widow, and I now live in San Diego. I find it very hard to find that sense of community here. The weather is perfect but the prices of everything is so high that I am moving. The problem is where. I am looking on the east coast…I thought of Fairhope, Alabama where people from everywhere live but it is a small place and I am told that traffic is now terrible, tons of tourists.
Also looking in Charlotte or somewhere like that. So hard to find the right place for me. I am outgoing and creative. I am also an artist so I can go anywhere really…I just want a sense of community, a safe place as well. I need to move in 2 months, as that is when my lease is up.
I am thrilled to find this — a great relief to know so many of us feel the same way. Almost 50, no kids, divorced. I am a teacher, living in VERY expensive Connecticut for most of my life. It is time for something new. I, too, am seeking a place with a sense of community and a little culture. Though I’ve been researching a LOT,I need help deciding where to go. Anyone have thoughts on Nashville? What about NC or Virginia? Looking for slower pace, not a lot of traffic, so my thinking is a smaller town outside a city/tourist area. Please add me in to your emails.
I lived in CT a long time. The standoff-ness was difficult for me. I finally found my dream fan by myself when I got FIBROMYAGLGIA. my life was over.
I miss New Engand’s Beauty. There are better bargains! Vermont!
I am 50 and interested in moving from chicago to a warmer climate and someplace that has lower crime statistics as well as having affordable housing. I just returned from Charlotte and absolutely fell in love with it. I have to have at least two professional sports teams and air transportation nearby. I want to live in the near downtown area. I have a teenage child that will be going to college soon. Because I am taking care of my elderly parents this won’t occur now but in a few years. I want to start planning my escape now. Any thoughts on Charlotte would be appreciated particularly the chances of finding a male companion. Thank you.
There are communities called co-housing. Everybody owns their own house. Some houses are built so that you can rent out the downstairs if you want the cash.
The property is owned by everybody.
People who live here do so because they want to live in a community but they want their own space, also.
There is usually one community room for everyone. People share tools, etc. Generally, they have shared interests.
Why can’t this group think about that? It’s an idea, anyway…
Meanwhile, how about if we know of a nice place to move to, we write a little blurb on it. How else are we going to find out about nice communities?
I am in Chicago now. My dad was dying so I moved here. Bad idea. I regret it. Nothing keeping me here. Very stressful.
I have also lived in Nashville. If you are an extra religious Christian, you will fare well in Charlotte or Nashville. They are a little more progressive than they used to be. First question a neighbor asks is “What church do you go to?”
There are places like Vanderbilt University which is an oasis from the religion. There are beautiful parks, many festivals, and the musc is the best!
I’m glad not to be alone in this. I’m 51, single, no children (not by choice) and live in a nice suburb north of Atlanta where being an older single female makes you an outcast. My neighbors have made me feel this the most (I was even asked why I live here since I don’t have children. Some women can be so cruel.)
Otherwise, where I live is a nice place, everything I need is within 2-5 miles and the area is growing fast. I think about selling my home and quitting my painfully boring job almost daily. But where would I go to find a safe place to live for less than I pay now? I’ve thought about selling and buying an RV or Streamline Sport and traveling around the U.S to try to find ‘the place’ where I would enjoy living and fit in, but parking at RV sites cost as much as my mortgage (and then there are mechanical issues to consider). My thoughts continue to loop on this matter: 1) Sell and go on an adventure and risk being broke, or 2) Remain safe, secure and in an unfulfilling job where I am now. It seems there has to be more to life than option #2.
I LOVE the idea of a cruise or trip for us all. Wouldn’t that be fun?
You’re definitely not alone, D. I only wish I had some suggestions to help. I will say to you what I said to Brian (on another post) — 51 is still pretty young! But do consider that if you quite your job, you may have a tough time getting another. Looking for work over 50 is rough, rough, rough for many of us. (Read this if you haven’t already.)
As for the “safe place” concept, you’re not alone there either. But I think it’s hard to feel safe anymore, anywhere. So what is it — really — that would spice things up? More friends? A better social life? Moving to an area with more activity / more single people?
This has been great reading! I, too, have toyed/fantasized with the idea of selling my home and finding my “tribe”. For now, I am staying in my home in Abingdon, VA. I am 2 hrs from Asheville, NC; just over an hour from Boone, NC (check into Boone, Banner Elk, Linville if you are interested in living in the NC high country) and 1 1/2 hrs from Roanoke, VA. All interesting areas. Abingdon is a pretty little town, but rural and the job situation can be abysmal due to the prevalence of low paying jobs, but the area is growing (i.e., lots of new shopping developments) and there are professional jobs. There is also a housing community called Elder Spirit here, you can also find it on the web and it is an interesting and progressive idea.
If you love the idea of an eco village lifestyle, look into Floyd, VA. There is also Smith Mountain Lake in that area, and Charlottesville, VA is a lovely area. The Blue Ridge Parkway is accessible all around here and has amazing hiking, scenery, wineries, arts and crafts, etc.
Something I want to point out about NC….HB2 is having an impact. Just do a bit of research to make sure it does not impact the quality of life you are seeking. By that, I mean that some companies are cancelling or stalling on expansion plans, the arts scene is being impacted, and so forth.
I am originally from Alaska, and lived for over 12 years in the Seattle, WA area. I left in 2001; the cost of living was skyrocketing (most blame the Californians that moved up) and the “freeze” was (and still is, from what I read on Quora) real….that is the attitude Washingtonians have toward transplants. It is absolutely gorgeous there and I miss it still, but SAD (seasonal affective disorder) kicked in and I moved across the country. It is often gray and misty, although the summer weather is beautiful when it cooperates. Winters are fairly mild but damp, and I found the damp cold much harder on me, it settles in the bones!
I have visited the NC beaches, from the Outer Banks to the Emerald Coast to the southern beach towns such as Topsail Island and Wilmington. I enjoyed them all, but would hesitate to live there as they are such popular tourist destinations all summer long – making the traffic frustrating, beaches crowded, etc. I go before Memorial Day and after Labor Day and love it. Most of the areas rely on tourism and I believe the off season months would be difficult for sustainable employment.
I have also been to Beaufort, SC and really liked it. But some of you Northerners may find what I did….it smells “swampy” and the humidity can be unbearable. It gets worse as you go south! Same with Charleston and Savannah, SC areas. I have never been to FL, as I imagine it would be just too hot.
I want to sell my 1200 sf rancher and built a “tiny” house (500-600 sf) somewhere, and I believe it will be in this general area. So I think this conversation is worth continuing….why not buy 5 or 10 acres and find a way to build ourselves a community of tiny houses that we can afford to live in without huge mortgages, with some amazing outdoor living areas to share and plenty of garden space. Just that simple, fulfilling, caring and sharing type lifestyle that we all seek!
For the immediate future, I am looking for someone to home share with me for a very reasonable $500 a month. If you are thinking about relocating to this part of the country, it may be a viable option for somewhere to live (fully furnished, all inclusive on utilities, so just put stuff in storage!) while checking out the geography. I need it to help get by while working part-time and back in college, so if it is something anyone wants to explore further please post back.
I’m about 5 years away from being able to join you on 10 acres in my own tiny house. I currently have a 12 year old and a 14 year old. But, your words give me hope. I believe that community comes right after water, food and shelter. I love Abington and especially if it were to grow a bit.
Kirsten (Charlotte NC)
Hi everyone. I found this site while surfing and it seems all the women share my concerns. I’m 62, divorced for years and my last “baby” left home in 2014. I was miserable. I live in NY, got a house, a good job but now with the empty nest, I am ready to hit the road upon retirement. all my 3 sons are on their own and I am considering being with one son in North Carolina. I visited Charlotte recently and loved it but my autistic brother, 56, lives with me and that’s where I draw a blank. What do i do what do i do what do i do..I also love FL which don’t tax pension and Social security but again what do i do when my brother doesn’t drive (you gotta drive everywhere in FL”), has little social skills but needs a home too. I am so confused. But happy I found this site. If anyone has any ideas, let me know but NC is my first choice and it will keep me close my grandkids and son.
Why did it take me so long to find this site? Like so many of you, I’m alone, discontented with where I am, and wanting to start over. I’ll be 60 next week, widowed 8 years, and my children live on the coasts. I’m in Minnesota (can we talk about cold and snow for 6-8 months a year?), where the Minnesota Nice slogan is as hypocritical as it gets. Like so many other family-oriented places, if you’re single and weren’t born and raised here, you’re out of luck. I’ve been here over 30 years, but now I’d like to be closer to the East Coast children (Manhattan and D.C.). Where’s a good place to live in the mid-Atlantic? I want culture, walkability, volunteer opportunities, and reasonable access to a major airport. Any suggestions anyone?