I don’t know where blockage is born or why it’s harder to deal with at certain times more than others. I imagine fatigue has its fingers in this pernicious pie, as try as we may, we cannot accomplish our clear-cut goals; we cannot finish, or perhaps we cannot start.
Writers may know these perilous periods well, but I think we all experience moments like this – times when we hesitate, we stagnate, when our motivational juices dwindle or dry up, and we’re as parched as the proverbial creek bed in a drought.
We cannot seem to get the job done.
My nemesis?
My dreaded foe?
The days and nights not of the wrong moves, but no moves at all.
Spinning My Wheels
There are times when the stack of bills is so overwhelming that each envelope takes on potency, filled with the emotional ferocity of fear, and its companion, easy anger. The bills sit until the last minute, when finally, I open them, dig out my checkbook, and plunge in. Painfully.
There are times when the blank screen refuses to respond to my attempts to corral an idea into verbal form – to lace it down, to tighten it neatly, to get it done. Perhaps it’s as simple as a two-paragraph email, as straightforward as the final edit on an article due, a rapid rewrite of a resume to be reshaped for the hundredth time.
There are triggers. There is paralysis. Energy is depleted by stressing, worrying, and avoiding.
Getting it Done
And then I remind myself that when the cost of not doing becomes greater than that of doing, we rise to the occasion, we rally resolve, we negotiate with nerve or dare our desperation, we fumble for the positive voices hauled up from the depths of some deep discipline – all to shove us from inaction into action.
And we do it.
Whatever the “it” may be. Whatever effort “it” requires. Whatever the elusive emotional demons we must battle to get “it” done.
At last we achieve the ability to spring into action at the glorious chime of the starting bell, or the grueling but welcome final push to the finish line, and preferably we perform sufficiently to stay in the race – the relationship race for those we love (and ourselves), the professional race (so we may continue to earn and to contribute), the emotional race so we eke out another week, another day, another hour of self-esteem by beating back the evils of stagnation and all their symbolic soup of reasons or rationale.
We get on with things. Yet it’s an inexplicable struggle.
Life, Midlife, Undercurrents of Inertia
Lately, I’ve been fighting inertia.
Lately, I’ve been fighting discouragement on many fronts, though not all.
Lately, I’ve made progress in some areas – oddly enough to do with significant life changes – while stumbling over seemingly simple tasks. And I don’t know why.
I am experiencing empty nest, and growing accustomed to it. I am undeniably at midlife, and increasingly fine with what that signifies. Will I be fine with it in two years or in five?
I can only focus on the present, already confronting midlife marketability issues, dealing with that invariably angst-ridden mixed bag. And I am stuck, strangely stuck, though anxious to move ahead.
I am resorting to an old standby: Just do it, just do it, just do it. But the effectiveness of that particular mantra? May I admit – less than usual?
Change is an Odd Companion
While it may be to my benefit to examine the triggers – sometimes, behavior itself helps change behaviors, and it’s as simple (and complicated) as that. But what if you live alone? Isn’t one of the challenges (downsides) that there is no one to nudge you, to encourage you, to guilt you into healthy action? No one else (like children) for whom you perform at your peak?
I recognize that emotional stagnation (for me) is tied to change – its acceptance in some areas, and reluctance in others. Fear is at play, of course. And perhaps a dose of (feminine?) self-sabotage. So I’m searching for my adult admonishment, the knowing voice of reason in my head – the coaxing, cajoling, coercing if necessary – as the cost of inaction bares down on the fear or effort of action.
- Ever find that you are stuck when faced by seemingly simple challenges?
- How do you find your “get up and go” – for dating, for work, for family, for your passions – when your usual motivations seem to have gotten up and gone?
- What do you do when your “positive” voices lose their powers of persuasion?
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Yes. I find myself stuck quite frequently. Lately, I mess around on the internet not getting anything accomplished because I can’t muster up the energy to do something I really love to do: write.
Strangely, much of my inactivity is due to guilt. If I do x, then I won’t be doing x, which often paralyzes me. I get it. Completely get it. I mean the unwritten, or half-written e-mails, the blog posts, the resume, so many things. All trying to get my attention, but part of me saying–sorry, I can’t, I’m busy. Doing what? Nothing, really. I am perpetually mentally driving in a round-a-bout, unsure of when or where I will get off.
… perpetually mentally driving in a round-a-bout, unsure of when or where I will get off.
Perfect image, Amber.
Wow. You describe the past year of mine to a T(ea).
It is hard to get up and get moving when you feel as though getting up will not change or help us get past the inevitable stresses. A favorite mantra of mine has been ‘Keep on keeping on.’
It has served me well to step into the sunshine. Be it Winters sun or summer, let it warm your face, your soul. Helping others is another way to re-light that fire. It reminds us (when self-worth is waning) that we can still make a difference.
Having my kids dependent on me helped me keep on keeping on through my divorce. It was a tougher struggle when they were grown as I have gone through unemployment. I hope you are able to keep on keeping on.
@NAS – Bruce at Privilege of Parenting (http://privilegeofparenting.com) once wrote – giving is the cure for not having. I think he’s so right. It does get a little tricky though at certain points. It’s nearly impossible to “give” when you are depleted – but I think most of us have emotional reserves that are deeper than we realize. Financial reserves? Physical reserves? Another story, of course.
Precisely my thoughts. Sometimes of emotional, physical, or financial one of the three may be available to help with the others.
And when all three take a hike at the same time? 🙁 Time to invent a fourth, I suspect… with a good strong back!
Yup, been there a lot myself recently. I have been frantically busy, so in a sense I have been ‘doing’, but entirely without motivation or joy. Everything seems like a chore, even things I would normally get pleasure from. It’s very much a ‘what’s the point?’ sort of mindset. I KNOW that things like yoga and meditation help me through these phases, but of course I’ve been avoiding them as well …
Nice to have you join the conversation, Tiffany. Why does it become so hard even to pursue those things that we know could help? Trouble, thy name is apathy…
When I feel like that (and let’s face it, sometimes life IS hard), I exercise. I don’t know if it’s mental or chemical or the music on my IPOD, but that’s the thing that helps me face the Not Doing. It sounds simplistic, but there’s something about the physical that assists with the rest of it. At least for me. Maybe we are just simple creatures in a too-complex world.
Wolf Pascoe recently shared a Rilke poem with me (“The Man Watching”/http://bit.ly/aB0kp9) that seems resonant in the face of such turbid stagnations that we all face in our own ways amidst the urgings that beat against our own “worried windowpanes.”
What we choose to fight is so tiny!
What fights us is so great!
If only we would let ourselves be dominated
as things do by some immense storm,
we would become strong too, and not need names.
I pass this sentiment along to you in the spirit of becoming unblocked through caring and connecting, surrendering to whatever gathering storm just might bring love and healing for all we truly know.
BLW, I find myself coming to this place often and relating all too well with you (this is good for me). In the middle of a crisis (big or small), mothers intuitively become champions for their children — strength comes from giving to them and for them. And what then, when they leave the home? I wanted to say something to give you even a tad bit of motivation…perhaps, if we cannot find the motivation in giving to ourselves or anything that quite fits the children bill, then we continue to give to them — physically there or not. You have been the best you can be for the boys all these years, struggling to keep it together on your own…perhaps you continue to be the best for them and as simple as that idea is, maybe…just maybe you’ll discover that push again 🙂 You have a community constantly rooting for you, BLW 😉
Thank you, Joy. For possibly the best words anyone could say to me right now.
Dark chocolate and wine. That’s it. Works every time. 😉 That and re-reading Joy’s comment. xoxox
I have a half glass of red wine in the evening at times. No chocolate in awhile though. Maybe that’s the problem…
Sometimes doing nothing is wise. Sometimes it’s OK to be stuck. I think, like you said, it is about change. Or about feeling powerless in the face of change (I am speaking of myself here). You are so wise about yourself and I learned so much from reading this!!
Just know you won’t be stuck forever. Be kind to yourself while you are here. xoxoxo
I say I want a million things. But what I think I really want is peace.