We all know we’re bombarded with messages morning til night – aural, visual, textual, contextual. Does all this social chatter encourage us to divulge too much – not just in public forums – but with each other, in person?
Do you consider what is appropriate? Do any of us even know what “appropriate” is anymore?
I think many of us do, when we stop to consider. We retain a sense of propriety even as some of our boundaries are expanded – reasonably, and in ways that benefit us.
Others?
We’re lulled into a false sense of security and openness. This may be acceptable in some venues, but shouldn’t be carried into our real world lives.
And I worry for the generation that is growing up online. Do they understand the ubiquitous nature of the information they’re sharing so casually?
Social Media: Too Much Information?
What constitutes TMI (Too Much Information) in “real life” may seem just fine online. Depending on the circumstances, of course. But sometimes TMI is simply TMI.
Can you recognize when you’re oversharing?
- On a first date, do you spill your guts?
- Do you hurry through vital statistics, before you have a sense of a person?
- Do you expect personal disclosures that generally only come with time and proven trust?
- Do you share your partying exploits online? Pictures on Facebook? Streams of tweets?
Recently, in an email exchange with a casual friend, I wrote about a particular situation I was in. Then I paused. I considered the context. I deleted 75% of what I wrote and then felt better. I stopped long enough to filter, which is very easy to forget to do.
Before Send, Submit, or Enter: Take a Breath
Sure, I write daily. Sure, I write whatever comes to mind or piques my interest. Naturally, I write about experiences I’ve lived, tweaking as I see fit. I am especially careful when I say anything that may impact my kids.
I write from my life. Note that I said from my life – not a diary of events or a blow-by-blow transcription of conversations. Tell all? I don’t think so. I hope I know when to say STOP. To take a breath. To ask myself – is that something my kids would want me to mention? Am I breaching their privacy, or the privacy of someone else, or stepping over a boundary of my own?
Sometimes, we share appropriately in online spaces. Women in particular enjoy discussing in ways we might not in real life. This exchange is important to us – it is often the only opportunity to raise critical issues and air them, without judgment. This permission to share provides a safe haven for learning and for community.
But how does it alter our perception beyond social media? Do we lose the guidelines of propriety that are different when dealing face-to-face? Do we implicitly expect greater openness of others, that isn’t realistic beyond our virtual venues? Have we lost the allure of a little mystery?
Social Media Pros and Cons
While I don’t worry about my own Twitter or Facebook usage (I enjoy both in a limited and specific fashion), and I write daily as others might run two miles or meditate, I know many who express a nagging feeling that they’re participating in social media at the expense of other activities.
Sometimes, it’s a matter of how long they’re spending online. Sometimes, it’s a vague worry that they’re saying too much.
The advantages of social media platforms are obvious – ease of use, speed, global connections and insights we wouldn’t encounter otherwise. And… it’s fun!
The cons? Equally clear. It’s distracting. It can become addictive. We stumble into over-sharing. And might we add narcissism to the mix? Or is it only the appearance of narcissism, covering a profound and pervasive cultural loneliness?
Consider Longer Term Privacy Issues
No one can say whether or not your social media habits are fitting for you – except you.
Still, do we stop to consider the longer term privacy issues? That we might reveal something today that can hurt us next month, next year, in three years?
There may be no predicting what that is and no avoiding some of it, if we’re to enjoy social media’s benefits. But wouldn’t a small measure of discretion be advised?
I wonder what sociologists will say over time about our Internet habits, and how they’ve changed our face-to-face behaviors, our capacity and expectations in human connections – our patience, intuition, clear communications, body language. And in the meantime, who is to say that your hour on Facebook is so different from mine with an old movie on cable? Or chatting cross-country with a friend on the phone? Aren’t we both seeking a way to tune out the day’s grind? A means to reach out, in a way that is personal?
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I believe most of us, those who are “mature”, are reasonably circumspect in what we say and what we keep private. There are parts of my life that are mine and you just don’t need to hear about them. I worry sometimes, however, about the younger people on Facebook. And maybe Twitter, I just never go there. There are things posted and language used that I think would be better kept at home. But that’s me, an old fogey.
“Or is it only the appearance of narcissism, covering a profound and pervasive cultural loneliness?” This pulls at me somehow. Beautifully put.
I think carefully about the details I share here and online elsewhere. And I know the difference between a sudden falling in with someone and the deep roots of a developed friendship. But, I wonder about how much is too much.
I stay off the grid when it comes to Facebook and Twitter since when dealing with any new technology, one has to ask where are the economic incentives? For Facebook, selling your personal information, your friend connections, and your interests is how they provide what they provide for “free”. If you are a corporate giant, wouldn’t you pay for precise individual targeted demographics ala Facebook interests rather than the old school age-based demographic studies? I still don’t understand how Twitter pays for its servers since there is no online advertising; my guess is advertising tweets are randomly injected into popular feeds for disciples to consume or there is value in knowing the network of “followers”? In essence, contributing to these social networks means that you are earning money for them in exchange for a medium for advertising your life moments; I’ll pass on that “opportunity”.
I’ve been online since the late 70’s back when you needed an acoustic coupler on your phone to have a 300baud (30 bytes a second compared to 250,000+ bytes/s today 🙂 ) connection to a BBS (bulletin board system). Online communities are fun and there is a lot to learn from other people but luckily I learned young that everything in the online world is essentially permanent and you should contribute with this in mind (I have technical postings from university in the 80’s that are still searchable in Google 25+ years later!). If you assume permanence and traceability back to you are true and post accordingly (not the TMI route), you can contribute to online communities without real life embarrassment or problems.
Thanks for your feedback – Carol, Kate, batticus. (Staying off the grid – yes, I know what you mean.)
Meanwhile – pop over and read this great handling of one’s Twitter habits from Christine – at Coffees & Commutes. (I have forgotten where I read this!) Twitter Detox.
I have always, my entire life, been a bit of an -‘over-sharer’ for lack of a better term. WYSIWYG- what you see is what you get. I don’t believe that I cross any lines. I hope I don’t.
It has worked well for me on the dating front. Although I may not share all on the first date, I find that not holding pertinent information back has served me well.
There are definitely safety issues one should watch out for but I don’t think that sharing is bad.
@NAS and @Kelly – I think we are online – in some respects – who we are “in life.” Being open and direct can be so much easier for people to deal with! I think what we have to remember online is simply that whatever we write is on a public forum – and retrievable, among others, by potential employers (or potential dates). And as you point out – that means we have to remember those safety issues. (Something it’s too easy for our kids to forget.)
Thoughtful post. I think I err on the side of oversharing, but I did so even before social media took off. Now, instead of my partner having to listen to me, I have a whole new network of ears (eyes). I do try to keep it light, but sharing is my catharsis.
We’ve become a transparent world. Blame Gen Y, the Millenials and Facebook. Today’s consumers demand corporate transparency and it seems that personal space is not longer sacred either. I believe total transparency is a mistake. Baring your soul and airing all your dirty laundry is appropriate within an inner circle of friends or a partner, but to the world? What is to be gained from that? I’ve been asked to address a college lecture class on social branding. I’m starting with “clean up your Facebook page!” And ending with “nothing is EVER deleted from the Internet!” Share responsibly. 🙂
I bet we could all benefit from that lecture, Lisa.
I suspect that we are in the stone age of “social media,” and while I find our corner of the blogging world to be a valid and authentic expansion of the way I experience “community” in an increasingly connected world, my hunch is the the meta-message: that we are all connected, is only beginning to be assimilated. We will know that real consciousness change has occurred if, and when, the world is less marked by the sort of indifference and cruelty that is born of individuals truly believing that they are not connected, much less deeply in the human situation together with, ALL their fellow humans. While I realize that this sounds naive, in the actualized world at present merely potentially promised by a mature era of social media, this would actually be self-evident rather than dreamy. Until then…
Hmmm…well you know where I am with this issue. And at the same time, I’m torn. I’m torn because I can see value in all facets of the equation. Sharing, not sharing, limiting, using. It’s all a matter of perspective. I’ve struggled with the evolution of my online persona, and with the complexity of the issues I’ve divulged. I still struggle. There are days when it all feels right and days when it doesn’t. I suppose that’s just mood. I’d love to talk about this more, because I’m genuinely interested in this topic!
Insightful post BLW. I also struggle sometimes between what I say online and how I truly feel. There are some places where I won’t go because I believe you have to keep a part of yourself private. Sometimes though I want to divulge, because this online community is so comforting with its advice, insight and level of conversation. Just like all things, I guess its trying to find a balance. . .