Green Sweater Surprise?

Green. It isn’t a color I wear. Ninety percent of the time, like many women, I go for black. And if I’m really in the mood for color, as a “winter,” I choose a shade of red, blue, or purple — a pretty cranberry, cobalt, or magenta. As for the many hues of green, they’re lush in artwork, lovely in nature, and flattering against specific skin tones. But greens are ghastly on me. Except…

Coloring Outside the Lines

This year, as seasonal sales offered deals on sweaters, I decided to break from my usual (ho-hum) fare. To color outside the lines, if you will. Besides, green was all that was left when I was looking and I was definitely in the market for something uber-warm.

“What’s the worst that can happen?” I asked myself. If I hated whatever I bought, I could send it back.

With limited choices by the time I was doing my browsing, ultimately, I opted for what was available — a deeply discounted olive cowl from Chicos and a V-neck in forest green from Nordstrom.

When my purchases arrived over the weekend — drumroll please — one of the green sweaters was quite nice on me! (That was the olive.) As for the other, it’s very warm and super comfy. But the color? Not great, not horrendous. Still, for now, I’m keeping both sweaters.

So what’s the point of this minor musing?

Necessity nudges us beyond our comfort zone. Necessity requires us to change.

A Year Like No Other

In my head, in my view of myself, in my years-long post-marriage post-parenting “inner” world, I believe certain things to be true. Given my sallow skin, “I can’t wear green” is among these beliefs. Forcing myself to try something different, to move beyond belief, has delivered a bit of positive change. And in these difficult days, positive anything is a win.

At the very least, this past year has imposed a measure of restrictions on our lives — scrambling schedules, upending priorities, and reminding us that life isn’t as secure as we may have thought. At worst, well… we know how bad it has been. We know the scope and scale of the losses. Too many of us are feeling these losses personally.

Recently, I’ve come to realize that I’ve been grappling with a feeling of powerlessness, the sense that so much is beyond my control that I can’t do anything, not anything, to redirect the path I was on prior to 2020.

So now what? Should I shift my present path? Should I toss it out entirely and chart a new direction? If so, how do I manage it? Am I really as powerless as I feel?

Note that I said a feeling of powerlessness; few of us are powerless in everything. And we aren’t powerless to examine and reshape our thinking and our belief systems.

Self-Examination Is a Useful Tool

As I’ve been doing for a number of weeks now, I’m exploring elements of change that are within my capacity to initiate. However insignificant these attempted shifts in behaviors and beliefs may be, they remind me that I own the power to change myself. And that helps me feel better about everything that currently leaves me feeling small and increasingly invisible.

Among other things, I’m looking back on my friendships and my relationship with my millennial sons. If I’ve mishandled or misjudged situations in the past, I’d like to think that I can learn from what I’ve done wrong. I’d like to do better. And that means changing.

I’m also examining the myriad assumptions I’ve held about who I am and what I bring to the table – my skills, my capabilities, my value — all of which feed into my notions of identity. This isn’t navel-gazing; it’s a necessity. The Covid economy has made it a necessity.

When it comes to my perceptions of myself, anything I can do to ratchet up a more positive attitude by pushing boundaries, even a boundary as simple as what colors I wear, is a WIN. It’s a reminder that I’m not powerless.

Looking Ahead to a New (Better) Year

As a new year approaches, as silly as it sounds, buying two green sweaters feels like I’ve accomplished something! It’s a reminder that I’m not powerless to make small changes, to risk making mistakes, and to feel better about whatever life dishes out in the coming year. And even knowing there will be many more months of the same story that has presented itself since last March — these same four walls, these same indoor-life constraints — with a dash of imagination and a willingness to take a chance, perhaps it isn’t the only story.

I also know this. As long as we are willing to honestly examine ourselves and our options, as long as we are willing to learn, we may create and enjoy more opportunities than we might otherwise expect.

Incidentally, my new sweaters have delivered an unanticipated benefit. They remind me of my grandmother! She frequently wore green of every shade, and her home was decorated in olive and mossy tones. That home was something of a refuge to me growing up, a place of comfort, love, and acceptance. And there’s nothing better than comfort, love, and acceptance when you’re working your way through challenging change.

 
Any small acts of personal power and choice that you are exercising to start the new year? Any major acts in the same vein?
 
Sweater image above via Nordstrom.com.

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