I bristle when the term “mindfulness” pops up — frequently overhyped, overused and applied like a panacea for every emotional ache and pain or societal stressor. Life is a pressure cooker and we know it. But here’s my take: We need more tools in the arsenal than a Band-Aided concept which is now a multi-billion-dollar industry.
Besides, are we sheep when it comes to following the latest-and-greatest “wellness” trend? Are we independent enough to pluck up those principles or elements that work for us, that don’t break the bank, and that offer more than a short-term fix peddled by the latest “influencer” — rather than a long-term positive shift in lifestyle?
Mindfulness? I Get the Concept; Can’t Stand the “Movement”
So you didn’t realize the extent to which mindfulness is big business? Check out this 2018 Chicago Tribune article, which I bumped into just this week. It expresses my opinion far better than I could:
… the proliferation of mindful everything (iPhone apps, triathlons, vacation destinations, weight loss programs, beauty products, mayonnaise) smells like lemmings…
Leave it to American consumerism (and consumers!) to transform a few fundamental “truths” about our overworked, overwrought, hurried and worried populace — our need to slow down — into a sprawling set of commercial enterprises! And then there’s the decoupling of the origins of mindfulness practice to an absurdly wide array of work and lifestyle issues.
The Chicago Tribune goes on, explaining how…
… much of the mindfulness movement has been based on one study, or a few imperfect studies and then hyped far beyond what they ever claimed to show…
This hype has a purpose: transforming what began, for the most part, as a Buddhist religious practice into the cultural juggernaut we are experiencing today.
Sorry (not sorry), but… the notion of scheduling 20 or 30 minutes of mindfulness between emailing, texting, picking up kids, groceries, oh and juggling two contracting jobs (along with a spouse?) — while promoting our latest selfies on social media — really?!? Doesn’t this fly in the face of an already overstretched, overly demanding day, and strike you (like me) as… well, nuts?
Equally nuts (or maybe just sad?) — the need for a class or a course or an alarm or an app to remind us to enjoy ourselves. Or to turn off autopilot. Or just to take a breath!
Then Again…
Okay, so millions of us are sleepless and stressed and straining to do more and be more — maybe to achieve a cherished goal, maybe to “survive” a daily lifestyle that’s constantly closing in, or to sort out an assortment of problems and pressures we’re carrying on our own.
Cue the cries to stop the mad merry-go-round! To help us hop off the hamster wheel! To divine the secrets of navigating complex, circuitous and bureaucratic processes to avail ourselves of once “simple” services!
Right, right. Some of us (non Type A?) will more easily carve out a bit of “self” time, while others may need a nudge in some form or fashion. But what about those for whom reality is so overwhelming that we really don’t have a few minutes unless we move our 4:30 AM waking back to four or earlier?
I can’t help but think of my insane years as a solo mom — more than a decade — raising my boys and working on projects, accommodating overseas schedules and awake all manner of strange hours, envious (and exhausted) while the rest of the household slept.
Sure, I’m an Empty Nester now. Life is less logistically looney-tunes and emotionally draining. Then again, not as much as you might think. Besides, whatever stage we’re in, don’t we still need ways to somehow regroup? To refocus? To reprioritize so we can unwind?
What Is “Mindfulness” Anyway?
Now, we might want to actually revisit the definition of mindfulness — variations on greater awareness of the present moment, appreciation of the little things, fuller “consciousness” so we can focus on what matters — and when we do, are we certain that we really want to achieve this exulted state? Do we realize just how many definitions proliferate out in the world? Depending upon the definition, does mindfulness make sense when we’re cleaning out cabinets, doing busy work for the boss, or making our way through the thick stack of month-end bills?
Right. Not so much.
Psychology Today’s take on mindfulness points out the dilemma of conflicting definitions and misconceptions, preferring to zero in on what is referred to as the more “scientific” interpretation.
Mindfulness is the self-regulation of attention with an attitude of curiosity, openness, and acceptance.
Self-regulation? Really? Yet when you read on, this makes some sense as a means to
… take control of your attention… shift[ing] your attention to an image on your computer screen, to the body language of your friend as she speaks, to a memory, a future goal, or to your inbreath … being open to whatever we place our attention on, being interested and curious of what we might discover.
Okay, so is it just about paying attention? But how in the heck does this help me — or you – with the daily dramas that knock us down? How does this help us slow our breathing, put the pieces of perspective back in place, and get on with enjoying a bit more of life?
Whatever Gets You Through the Night? Um, Day?
Another thought I can’t help but consider: self-talk. I know, I know — some may think of this as affirmations, and affirmations may be part of some “mindful” practices, but I think of it in a broader sense. I think of the negative reinforcement of a critical inner voice, and the ways we can shape self-image and action by altering what we tell ourselves. By paying attention to that. By working to change it. I think of all the “old talk” — I’m too old to wear this or I’m too old to start a business or even something as simple as I’m too old to change my ways.
And then there is the insidious “insufficiency“ self-talk that remains woefully and pervasively female: I’m not good enough, not smart enough, not thin enough, not attractive enough.
How many years – or decades — do we carry those words in our inner dialogue, and while brushing them aside periodically, nonetheless allow them to narrow our set of options?
To what extent does working to alter our inner limiting voice, and reframing what we can and cannot do, assist in opening up a world of possibilities including feeling calmer, stronger, and more able to tackle whatever lies in front of us?
Don’t get me wrong. My disdain for the Mindfulness Industry aside, I am fully on board with whatever flavor of practice or exercise delivers even a modicum of perspective, balance and relief in a chaotic world.
Maybe you box, maybe you bake bread. Maybe you run, maybe you read. Maybe you paint, maybe you pray. Maybe you’re devoted to yoga or a favorite meditation app that seems to do the trick for you.
Maybe, along with any of these or none of these, you’re working on defeating the inner voice that puts you down and shuts you down. Maybe you’re reminding yourself of past victories, however small, to fuel the persistence to take on new challenges. Maybe you’re telling yourself that you’re strong, smart, brave, and unequivocally, unarguably, indisputably more than “good enough.”
This last? The critical voice? I struggle with it. Always have. But I’m unwilling to give in to it for long, or to give up the good fight to stomp it out once and forever.
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I think mindfulness has gone overboard. There are times when the last thing I want is to be F-ing mindful. Let us count the ways: cleaning house, anything in the garden, exercising, doing any kind of distasteful chores, including grocery shopping, laundry, ironing…..I have to have a podcast on and be immersed in learning about something interesting or I just can’t take it.
There are times when, yes, I am mindful. When I am with my kid, my phone is forgotten. Ditto when I’m with friends. I live in a semi-touristy town (let’s face it, all of France is semi-touristy except for the parts that are extremely touristy). I see people on vacation, sunning themselves at café terraces, each absorbed by the black mirror in front of them, paying not the slightest attention to their companions nor to the carnival of humanity parading by. WTF? I suspect I would blow up if I were visiting with a friend who was too busy with her phone to talk to me. But my friends don’t do this. I have chosen them well.
As for the mindfulness industry, I say “pfff!” Not interested. Not buying. I buy only fruits and vegetables these days anyway. They’re all I need. No clothes, no gadgets, no “products” (of which I have a stock that I’m using up), and no apps for things I can do on my own, be they exercising or meditating.
You really have to swing a trip here, D.A., because we need to sit down with a bottle of wine and set the world straight.
Yep. Yep. And yep. (Nous sommes tout à fait d’accord.) And I like that last idea beaucoup – that’s for sure. ?
YES! LETS GET HER ON THAT PLANE!!!!
With YOU
I guess I don’t mind the mindfulness pitches so much because I know what it means in its original context of Eastern spirituality, or at least as close as you will get in the west. I can relate nevertheless as I have the same reaction to how some other aspects of Eastern spirituality are culturally appropriated. Actually, in my experience, the problem is they are misappropriated. I think any deep subject loses its meaning and/or looks comical when it is propagated by those who can’t or won’t see the depth, but speak beyond their knowledge.
If the concepts in the post are representative of the mindfulness industry, I think they missed the essence. In my mind (disclaimer) mindfulness is not taking self time, or curiosity, openness, or acceptance. Self-regulation and paying attention are getting close but with an important caveat – It is not about trying harder or changing your behavior in the moment, it is about developing mental capability – Investing the time when you have it in order to build functional and coping capability going forward.
I would compare mindfulness to the mentality developed by a combat officer – enhanced situational and self-awareness, the ability to stay calm under pressure while dealing with multiple and unexpected factors, the ability to think in multiple dimensions at once, and an automatic, constantly running train of mental analysis on how he is doing on all of those fronts and how he might correct. Would those abilities ever be useful to a harried mom? Or anyone in the modern world, for that matter?
But it isn’t something you just do. At first it is a practice, a discipline, first developed in downtime. Over time you function more effectively, a gift that keeps on giving. It isn’t something you can ever be perfect at. Someone told the Dali Lama that he must have perfect mindfulness. He said that wasn’t at all true, but he is aware of his awareness so he catches himself much quicker when he loses it.
Thanks to Robert for his thoughtful response.
Mindfulness and meditation can and is used in therapy settings (where I was introduced to meditation). I also sporadically attend a local Buddhist temple that includes the practice of meditation. And I’ve used a non-religious guided app for meditation and attended a couple of therapist-led mindfulness seminars. These practices do as much as they “undo” IMO. Or as Robert puts it (if I may), it isn’t something you just do (one more thing on my harried list of things!), but rather it is an awareness and purposefulness. It’s a space to get off the hamster wheel. It’s helped me put the brakes on negative chatter in my head and negativity in general. Given the current climate we live in, that’s been especially helpful. That these concepts are exploited by the market (is ironic? is unfortunate? isn’t all bad?) doesn’t diminish how helpful meditation and mindfulness have been to me personally. I’m not a great practitioner, but find myself returning to the concepts even if it is just inhaling a deep, calming, life-affirming breath.
I AGREE……. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!
XX
Oh, I figured out long ago there is no way to do all the things we are told we are supposed to do, all the things that people feign being horrified that people aren’t doing enough of. The reality is there are only 24 hours in a day and most of them taken up with surviving.
So we are supposed to exercise most days a week, cook healthy food from scratch regularly, practice near daily relaxation like mindfulness meditation for 20-30 minutes a day, maintain enough social connections we see regularly, maybe journal regularly to deal with our psychological stresses. And that’s the health part and it could already take up every spare minute one has. And then we are supposed to keep up with the latest developments in our career field, follow current events and politics and be active in them so that one is a good citizen, read a book a week, I don’t even know …
And this nonsense seems to be coming at us all the time, it’s the cultural zeitgeist. But most of the time we have to pick our battles, either because they are the most necessary battles or just those one enjoys most (if one likes the gym and hates meditating …). I have always experienced good results with meditation when I do it, but I lack discipline for it, and do experience it being hard to make time for.
Quite right, jrs. In a perfect world we would all be superwomen and (supermen), the superheroes of our own lives), able to pull off all of these “healthy“ activities that we would, of course, also enjoy. Then again, there is the real world in which, if we are lucky, we can put in practice a few of these principles (to our advantage), and glean some good from them.
Maybe the reality of our status as “superheroes in our own lives” is to do the best we can on any given day, for ourselves and our families and our greater communities, and not beat ourselves up for all that we aren’t doing.