What do you like about where you live? If you’re over 50, what in particular suits you, or for that matter, poses challenges?
Lately, I’ve been back online researching small towns. Not so tiny that they wouldn’t have a coffee shop and little else — I haven’t decided on “village life” — but I am definitely interested in small city living. As it turns out, where I landed a few months back just doesn’t quite fit. That means another relocation is in the cards, and I don’t know where.
Moving is a daunting task. Worrisome. Stressful. Not to mention, expensive.
Much as I understand the value in keeping things upbeat, in the game of “starting over,” ignoring those of us in middle age with serious financial burdens is ridiculous. Galling, really. “Reinvention” is not a lifestyle choice for us; it’s a matter of survival when resources are gone, when all that remains is debt, and the emotional drag of failing to secure paying work feels like it’s killing us.
Or, if the only work you can get is an intermittent, cobbled-together patchwork of part-time, low-paying gigs.
And even that, besides being exhausting, is not enough.
Cue the mind wandering to an affordable little cottage not far from the beach, a cabin fit for a handful of 50-somethings, or somewhere, anywhere, you’d feel less discouraged about your future.
And less alone in what you’re facing.
So here you are. Here we are. I’m asking you to share the details of places you’ve lived and liked (or loved), and whether or not you’d be up for additional contact. And here’s why I’m asking. Because so many of us in the 50+ crowd are scratching our heads. Trying to figure out what we did wrong. Convinced we are at fault. Thinking maybe a move might change our luck. Knowing we have no way to recoup if we miss the mark, or miss it by much. Knowing we can’t yet touch Medicare, much less Social Security. As if the latter, for most of us, is far from adequate to cover even basic needs.
Big BOOMING Voice? Who, Me?
Boomers? Yup. Once we thought we ran the show with our youth, our vitality, our Big Loud Voices. Whatever you think of our “generation,” we made plenty of noise, a fair amount of change, and we thought we’d eventually be able to sit back and take a breath when we grew older.
Not so, for too many of us.
FYI, Baby Boomers were born between 1946 and 1964, which puts us between ages 53 and 71. That means some of us still have years before we can “retire” if we want to, and perhaps more importantly, years before we can access Medicare. Now, to quantify the situation in the US… There are some 41.1 million Americans between the ages of 55 and 64* (13% of the population). Big number, don’t you think?
And those of us in that range — yes, count me in — still want to work, to play, and to contribute productively.
The next age bracket? Another 47.5 million (15%) are over age 65*. And trust me, plenty of people in that Boomer segment still want to kick butt!
However… A growing number of us are divorced or widowed without income, need to work but are unemployed, and are living alone — which is sometimes a very scary (as well as expensive) proposition. We may need to downsize, and to relocate (even scarier). Given that we’ve diligently done our time — paid our taxes, raised our kids, towed the line — you’d think we would have a very loud voice. And use it!
But we don’t. Because we’re worn down. We’re cowering. We’re embarrassed. One of the legacies of losing jobs (and other battles) is this: We’ve internalized a sense of failure because of where we are — seemingly cut off, broke or hurting financially, at loose ends — unable to acknowledge a broader context of economic and social factors at play.
Just how many millions of us are struggling?
It’s hard to get an accurate read on the numbers — after all, if we’ve long since fallen off the employment rolls, we no longer show up — but there’s no question that we’re a growing community, seeking support anywhere we can, not yet organized, not yet part of the political dialog, and everywhere we turn, feeling forced to “fake it.” And it’s worse for women over 50 looking for jobs, which sadly, is no surprise.
Don’t we need to speak up, and keep speaking up? Can we at least talk to each other?
So here’s what I was thinking. It’s pretty simple, really. Information exchange — something that’s been occurring around here for awhile anyway — about places we live or used to live, what we like about them, what we see as suiting a lifestyle as we move into our 50s and 60s, knowing we either wish to or must make significant changes.
We can all use information, right? Something more than the usual data on median incomes and housing prices. That’s important of course, but what we really need is the “sense” of a place. And, we need connections, ideas, community — a way to smile occasionally, to share honestly, to rekindle hope that we can yet settle somewhere new and maybe, just maybe, make a better life for the years that lie ahead.
If we’re telling ourselves there must be a better place to live — cheaper, easier to get around, less hostile to growing old — shouldn’t we do what we can to talk to people about the locations we’re considering?
You’re Doing WHAT?
Maybe you’re 50 and see the writing on the wall. Maybe you’re 55 and telling yourself you’re grateful to be bagging groceries for minimum wage. Maybe you’re 60 and realizing no one will hire you. You’re more than willing (and able) to work, so you must figure something out though you don’t know what — babysitting, dogsitting, housesitting, something — because you have years before you can access Medicare much less a poverty-level income via Social Security.
Some of us can’t find our way back from the layoff, or the series of layoffs, or the medical bills, or the divorce, or the death of a spouse, or the family problems that ate up our savings. We can’t find our way back from each subsequent period of unemployment or underemployment that seems to be the new normal. We may still be supporting kids or young adults. We may be caught between an elder parent who needs our care and our own financial survival.
We need help. Real help. Good wishes are great, but they won’t pay the bills. They won’t give us answers.
Ideally, we’d have a bestie in every small town and city across the country, or in any nation that beckons to us. A friend to give us the skinny on what it’s really like in Arizona or Colorado or Wisconsin.
Overwhelmed in Our 50s and 60s, Still Hoping to Work
If you don’t know why I’m so inelegantly bringing this up, you have only to read the following, and I urge you to spend most of your time on the comments. Pay close attention to the common thread — responsible, caring adults who are lost, angry, frightened, and still hanging on to as much dignity and optimism as possible; adults who, even in their own distress, are reaching out to help others and cheer them on.
Read the 200+ comments here — 50 Years Old and Starting Over: Where to Begin? and the 100+ comments here — Over 50, Unemployed, Depressed and Powerless and the 400+ comments here — Best Places to Live When You’re Over 50 and Reinventing.
I was reminded just this week of the helplessness we feel when everything we try fails. This comment from a laid off teacher is heartbreaking. He’s at the end of his rope, literally, with three children to provide for, and toying with ending it all. He writes:
… I have a home and three children to support but cannot find well paid work anywhere… I have literally written for hundreds of jobs in the past two years – taken applications in by hand and tried every trick I know to just get an interview… It is all hopeless – my past achievements count for nothing and I am left feeling that I have wasted my entire life completely. I now have no money left and am trying to sell the house just to feed the family… I have actually made a suicide plan and begun writing letters to loved ones in advance. We all need some purpose in life – I am bright, educated and experienced and yet there is seemingly no place for me in this world we live in. I am really not sure what to do next.
This is more than heartbreaking. It’s insane. And his is only the latest in hundreds of comments from people in similar straits and not just in the U.S.
Roller Coaster Lifestyle? No Thanks!
When I consider my own roller coaster years — divorce, layoff, and medical problems conspired to send my single parent life down paths that felt utterly out of control — I know the number of times I’ve had to figure out what is next. It’s been a long hard road, more so because I had no family to talk to much less to assist. The ups and downs continue as I get older in a society that crowds us out as we advance into our fifties and beyond. I’m incensed at the waste of it, the inhumanity, the pointlessness.
I nevertheless think it important to distinguish between hardship and tragedy. My bumps in the road have been many, but they are hardships. Tragedy is another matter. Fighting your way through tragedy is a nightmare that makes hardship seem like a day at the beach.
But this isn’t about comparisons. It’s recognition that many of you who have commented on the articles I mention have faced devastating life events — serious illness, death of a loved one, loss of home due to fire, the wreckage of addiction or abuse.
And those of you, of us, who have had to deal with an onslaught of the “usual” hardships — illness or injury with no disability money coming in; divorce with its pervasive, damaging ripple effects; job loss for any number of reasons; loss of a home due to financial distress — the physical, emotional, and financial cost can set a person so far back that crawling forward again seems virtually impossible.
There is little in the US to help, we “otherize” those who ask for help, and we treat misfortune like a contagion. Shame. On. Us. We take “self-sufficiency” to an absurd and destructive level, and marginalize those who have fallen on hard times and can’t dig themselves out.
The irony: Whatever our social policies, there are literally millions of big-hearted, generous, wise, self-aware people who will offer their time, their good thoughts, their suggestions, their connections, and as we saw on the Meals on Wheels issue, even their hard-won dollars to help those who need a hand.
A Bestie in Every Port?
Much as I believe that what we truly need is organization, political action, a serious shift in social policies (to do with social security, healthcare delivery, housing and transportation, and even “base subsistence” income in light of a dwindling pool of jobs for a growing population), I also believe that any grassroots effort to connect and share information (and yes, eventually organize and fund) — helps.
Let this be an effort to address a key element that concerns the 50+ crowd in the following way — a sort of “bestie in every port” approach to learning more about locations of interest.
Would you share your personal experience of places you have lived, and a small amount of information about your situation — to give context to your remarks?
Would you, as an occasional or regular reader, include what you’ve liked and why, the types of housing and transportation you know to be available, your sense of the environment’s “livability” and tell us if you would be a willing source of additional details?
And if you need something, if there are questions you want to ask, then do so. About jobs or medical services or transportation or just the feel of a place.
Maybe, just maybe, others will provide feedback and possibly — options to connect.
Even if you don’t wish to offer anything beyond a city and its pros and cons, to share your knowledge would be an act of generosity. As useful as it is to gather data from sites like city-data.com, imagine hearing what it’s really like living in Salem, Oregon or Kissimmee, Florida or Clarksville, Tennessee or Staunton, Virginia. Hearing from someone who lives there now or did five years ago. Hearing more than a snippet about median home prices and median incomes. And since we all experience places differently, the additional information about you, if you choose to provide it, offers vital context.
And please don’t feel obliged to leave your name. Use a first name or pseudonym if you prefer, but do provide a legitimate email address when you leave your comment or there is no way that I could possibly get in touch with you to follow up. And no, I don’t share emails without express permission.
Is this pie in the sky? A do-gooder’s fantasy land? Maybe. But I’m just not willing to give up the idea that people can and will help each other.
And if I look foolish with this idealistic request, I don’t care. I’m smack in the middle of some tricky decisions about my own next steps, I know this would be useful to me (so why not you?), and I understand that there were a handful of things I never considered when I moved. If my experience can help others avoid the mistakes I’ve made, then maybe they were worth it.
Besides, one of the nice things about being 50+ is that looking “foolish” doesn’t matter as much as it used to.
Where Do You Live? How Do You Like It?
Let’s talk about where we live, what we like about it, and how it serves our needs (or doesn’t). It seems to me the focus should be on small- and medium-size towns / cities. Even if we love a big urban lifestyle, that’s cost-prohibitive for most of us here. But if you do live in a city and want to share, please do.
Tell us:
- Your age, marital status, living situation (married / cohabitating, solo, with a parent, with an adult child, with a roommate)
- Places you have lived long enough to really know them (city or town / state / country; how long you lived there)
- What you like(d) and didn’t (climate, demographics, job marketplace, transportation, culture, healthcare facilities, etc.)
- Any other “livability” factors (walkability, activities, friendliness, political bent); don’t forget cost of living, especially the sort of thing we can’t find out online (e.g. rents are easy to find; medical care, less so)
- Include knowledge you may have of TYPE of housing — townhouses versus one-story; old houses versus new construction; buy versus rent; availability of accessible housing, etc.
- Your work situation (whatever you care to share)
- Whether or not you would possibly be willing to help facilitate connections
And if you are in need of something specific, if that’s why you landed here to read, you might want to share the following:
- Your work status — regular employment, one or more jobs, contractor or freelance, steady or intermittent, unemployed or underemployed; remote or on-site; if unemployed / underemployed, how long
- The type of work you do, the type of work you have done or could do; years of experience
- Your level of education (high school, part college, college, grad school, beyond grad school, special certifications, licenses, etc.
- Other specific needs, for example, information on accessible housing and transportation options, something for a child, medical or mental health assistance, part-time or full-time work, counseling, just someone to talk to, a few friends (!)
- Even if you yourself have specific needs, are you in a position to help someone else? With information, suggestions, mentoring, housing or other?
Provide as little or as much as you care to. Again, no personal identifying information will be made public.
I welcome your thoughts, I hope for your input, and please share.
* Source: Kaiser Family Foundation.
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Having grown up in small towns, I’m not sure we’d be happy there. In the bustling city of Seattle (and surrounds) there is so much to do and see. Heck, I have over 20 big bands alone to sit in with! 🙂
Thanks so much for jumping in. I’ve always heard such wonderful things about Seattle, and loved it when I visited there years ago. I wonder… Is it only affordable if you have a significant retirement income, or a significant income, retirement or otherwise?
Are there neighborhoods that you especially like or that are more affordable for those who may be living with a tight budget?
And I know you are happily married guy! Pretty impressive! But any ideas whatsoever of the social life for single men and women in their 50s and older?
hi you caught my attention. i live in illinois i am 53yrs. old OMG rite.i lost my job am broke and want to move to California.
my passion is “MUSIC” like yourself. but for work i am skilled in many different occupations. i am hoping to set up a job preferably in california and just leave taking what little i have.
my personality is up beat positive and am on a “dream cycle” i believe i need to do this. whatcha think?
ps. its always nice to hear ov another Musician doing what they Love.
Best wish;s to you.your reply would greatly appreciated.
Sincerely………..Franki P.
I don’t think we ever knew where you ended up. I know a lot of people were giving their own relocation destinations though, so maybe I missed it.
As for Seattle, it’s a city of neighborhoods, and I may end up there myself. I love it… look up Queen Ann, Fremont, West Seattle, and Green Lake. They all have their own flavor… a trip there to check out neighborhoods would be a good idea. You’ll love it!
Thanks for the additional input, Patty! Helpful.
As for my relocation, I purposely was not specific. Unfortunately, I am not anonymous, and having written online for so many years, I am not without the trolls that can be very unnerving.
That said, I moved from the Atlanta area to the mid Atlantic. I love the region in general, but the cost-of-living even in some of the smaller towns is higher than my research had led me to believe. Moreover, the type of housing that I need, which is one story due to back issues, is in very very short supply. Before my move, I did have a place lined up where everything fit my needs. Unfortunately that fell through a week before my moving date. By then it was too late to start all over, and all I could do was move into anything that was available. (Three stories, challenging layout, definitely a problem with back issues.)
I certainly do have plenty to say about Atlanta and its suburbs, which I will share in this comment section a little later.
Great! That’s actually the reason I was curious where you moved… I am still looking myself (pretty stuck on the PNW but also love the NE) and it would be great to hear the pros and cons of the area where you ended up!
Money is an issue for me now because it was so costly to make the move back to Austin.. so I will need to pad my savings before moving out of here again. Luckily I am committed to work here until December and working remotely as I do, gives me some time and the flexibility to make some additional income on the side.
Three stories must be a huge challenge! I’m not sure you can do it, but it might be great if you could pick out some cities that seem like they might be a good fit and go spend a couple of weeks in each one before making a decision. That’s what I would love to do…not sure I can swing it, but it’s a thought!
FYI – One of the things I am totally considering, still trying to evaluate in more detail, is sharing a living situation with someone. I love the idea of communal living as we get older. But it’s much like finding roommates when you’re in college, a good fit can make or break the arrangement, especially if you work from home as I do. And, the nature of the housing would have to be such that privacy can be had, as well as sharing common areas, conversation, costs of course – and maybe a little fun!
I am definitely considerably north of where I have been living for 20 some years, and while I admit it has been a pretty mild winter, I’ve also been surprised that the cold such as it is hasn’t bothered me the way I thought it would. I’m not in a position to deal with five or six months of winter, much less shoveling, but three months? I’m really OK with that. And knowing what kind of climate you’re okay with is a big step in the right direction.
And that idea of targeting a few places and then spending time there? I think that’s the best of all worlds if possible. All the more reason that if any sort of “safe” connections could be made through posts like this, for any of us, who knows …
Hello, DA! I’m not yet 50, but am very interested in how you felt you may have miscalculated regarding your current location. My husband will soon be 50 and we don’t intend to move in the immediate future, but we do consider where we may one day “land.” I would really value your considerations and regrets.
Meanwhile, I love Knoxville, TN. For me, outdoor spaces are critical to well-being and I love our proximity to “city life” as well as the mountains. Granted, our “city life” is a much more tame version of the larger metros. In truth, I preferred living even closer to the mountains in Maryville, TN (a suburb of Knoxville) where I lived prior to my second marriage. It was simpler to find and connect with others in community there.
Cheers,
Missy
Knoxville and surrounding areas. Great! Thank you!
As for my relocation miscalculations, I guess what you could say is that I didn’t account for Murphy’s Law. There was no way I could foresee that my housing would fall through a week before my scheduled move. Everything was literally set to go, when the elements of the deal changed (yikes!) – and that left me scrambling…
Add an injury, and a few other Murphy’s Law items, and things start to get complicated when you are in an area where you don’t know anyone, you’re starting over with doctors, and so on. (Sigh.)
Hi D.A. I will be divorced by the summer and as my house is for sale I’m exactly in the position of trying to figure out where the future lies and what it looks like. I’ve been a contractor in the corporate world for many years, but it’s not something I can or want to keep doing so my goal is to create a location-independent business online so I can consider living anywhere with a good healthy vibe and community.
Places I’ve lived for substantial periods in Canada are Montreal (hometown), Toronto, London, Vancouver, Whistler. In the US I lived in Houston and know Davie and New Port Richey, Florida fairly well (and don’t recommend them). I’ve been living in London England for the past 14 years.
I don’t know if it’s useful to speak of Canada or UK as the focus seems to be US-based places. Similarly, as I’m Canadian and British, while I would love to live in certain places in the US I am limited as to my eligibility to work. I considered other places in Europe such as Spain and Portugal, but Brexit will be removing the reciprocal rights British citizens used to have as part of the EU. I would be happy to help anyone who wanted to know more about places in Canada or UK though.
Great input, Jan. And yes, thank you for including Canada and the UK. There are many readers of this blog who are located outside of the US, with Canada, the UK, Australia, and New Zealand, being among them. So thank you for being willing to address some of those regions if people have specific questions. I hope some of the individuals outside the US who have emailed me or left comments on the posts I mentioned will get back in touch here.
If you care to share, I’m very interested to know what sort of location independent business you are considering. That is certainly ideal for some of us who have been working on a contract basis for sometime, and are perfectly accustomed to the discipline and needs of working remotely.
And if there is any other type of information that you yourself need, please don’t hesitate to ask. I will add that following divorce, starting over can be both a blessing and a challenge. The busier you can be, in my experience, the better. Wishing you all good luck and again thank you so much for commenting.
Toronto, Canada.
Then again, in how many places have I lived to make an objective assessment? No matter where you are, it all comes down to finances. If you can afford it, life is easy, if not, well… I retire this year and for me, the looming question is not what am I going to do with the rest of my life, but how am I going to pay for the rest of my life. Whenever my company has held a seminar on pensions, retirement, etc., invariably there has been a Q&A during which the presenter has asked about staff plans for the future. I’ve always raised my hand and jokingly explained that I’m hoping for an early and fatal heart attack. Anybody know where I can pick up an application form to become a Wal-Mart greeter?
All the best to you in your world.
Quite so, Mr. Belle. It does indeed all come down to money. There is a quote I recall from Cat on a Hot Tin Roof. Maggie (the cat) is worried about her hubby’s inheritance and says: “You can be young without money, but you can’t be old without it.”
True that.
But I do hope you come up with something other than a heart attack. Your friends south of the border would miss you.
Loved the Walmart greeter comment because for years I always said I’d sign up for that myself. Now that I’m in retirement just haven’t been able to pinpoint where I’d like to live. Sold house and most of possessions and staying with brother for last 6 weeks. Feel so welcome here but Atlanta traffic scares crap outta me and 2 flights of stairs to my bed and bath can be a real problem in time. Offer from nephew to set up tiny house for me in Alabama near him is interesting and it’s in a small town so traffic issues go away and he swears no stairs. May visit for a week to see how it feels.
Well, I just turned 60 and even though I do look much younger, my age is a fact along with the fact that I spent my life well into my 5os raising a family and being the wife to a man who only worked and travelled for work always. I went back to work four years ago, but I am quite sure that the only reasons the lawyer hired me for his firm were that he knew me from church, liked the way I looked and spoke with my European accent in this small Arkansas town.
I ended up living here because of my then husband’s work-related move. He now lives in Texas and I am sticking it out here because of said job as I am quite sure no one will hire me once this job is over. I have performed well at my job, and even though the pay is poor, I have a lot of responsibilities and variety in my day-to-day work. The lawyer is older and I cannot imagine this to last for much more than two years, but we shall see.
I moved from my large marital home to a two bedroom condo, and I live on a greatly reduced budget, but I manage all right. I was the one leaving the marriage, but it has been a revelation that even though I now live alone, I am not lonely anymore. The loneliness that was my marriage will keep me from ever getting married again, or even live with someone… other than a dog, maybe.
The livability of my current state? Small town Arkansas is not for the faint at heart, and I mostly keep my head down and my mouth shut. Thank God for the Episcopal Church here or else I would feel that I am on a different planet. :)) In short, I will not stay here after my job ends and will reread the threads mentioned above for some wisdom.
The relationship that I thought had much potential does not. The same red flags that I have been trying to ignore keeping rearing, and another man who does nothing but work and pursue his own interests, albeit with great charm, is not what I need. A dog would be much less trouble.
Wow, this article caught me in a chatty mood. I realise that I have some unpleasant tasks ahead of me, but I also do not want to sound downtrodden. I keep those thoughts for 3 a.m.
I’m so glad you stopped by to read and comment, Cornelia. I was hoping you would. I was wondering how your experience was going these days. Thank you so much for sharing with us. And I do hope that the comments continue, and will provide good information on a variety of locations. I’m sorry that the relationship which held potential for you did not pan out. Sometimes, being on our own, is so much better than being in a couple where the loneliness is palpable.
On that note, I will come back and offer some observations on Atlanta. There’s no question that warmer climates hold a lot of appeal as we grow older. And for some of us, they always hold a lot of appeal.
I’m 54 and have lived many years in Denver where I grew up, then relocated to Phoenix for 10 yrs then Columbus, OH for now ex-husbands career transfers.
Denver and Phoenix’s home prices are much higher than when I lived there so don’t think I could move back there now as single mom with 3 kiddos-youngest is 19 and at state college here in OH. After endlessly looking for paralegal jobs here after divorce in 2008- I started my divorce guidance business and still do that plus work in real estate as a buyers agent on a team plus hourly transaction work P/T there.Even with these 3 positions I struggle as clients come and go and the real estate market here has turned sharply in favor of sellers the last 2 yrs with bidding wars on each new listing. Last weekend I wrote 2 high offers for my buyers and lost both by more than 15K higher offers from other buyers competing against us. I do enjoy being entrepreneurial- however its been by financial necessity not by choice!!!
Thanks for joining in, Nancy Kay. You are indeed keeping busy as always, and a lot of us can empathize with the entrepreneurial track by virtue of financial need, not explicit choice. Housing prices seem to be a consistent challenge in places many of us might like to be, places with transportation and health facilities not to mention the potential of making a few friends and getting work.
Hello. It’s times when I really feel so alone, redundant and purposeless (which is the affliction of so many at our age) that your ‘daily plate of crazy’ becomes my daily plate of inspiration. This baby boomer grew up in South Africa, married and acquired the picket fence life. A career as a stay at home mom and supporter of my other half’s career – it was just the way it was. I worked between picking up children but jobs and careers are not the same. Nine years ago we re-located to London to give our children British passports, from luxury lifestyle to rented box. Recipe for fractured lives. My ex left and went back to South Africa, I stayed for my children. Now I live between Cape Town and London and belong in neither, one is a better lifestyle, the other, my family. Finding work seems elusive, despite degrees as age is liability regardless of what is said. So, my dilemma is where to live, and how to make a living where I do. How to start a career at this age! From being the centre of my family’s universe, I am the problem of what to do with. Living alone is new, and frightening, finances as real problem but I do believe we are made of stronger stuff and giving up is not an option. Thank you for being honest, having a voice and being there. You are valued.
Divorce definitely takes its toll on many of us, and over time on our finances in ways we never anticipate. I couldn’t agree more with you about what you say, that a job is not a career. Even if you do have a career, at a certain age you start to be squeezed out. All that aside, maybe we can come up with some suggestions.
Are you looking to stay in the London area? And how many more years do you have to deal with children?
One of the reasons I chose the general region that I did for my relocation a few months ago is because it is closer to one of my children. My kids are young adults but still too young to be settled in any one area, much less to have their own families yet. However, To be within a few hours drive of one is a whole lot better than being a 12 to 14 hour drive away. So the issues when families are spread apart, and mine certainly has not spread across continents at this point, is a big deal. For us and for them.
So what kind of information might be useful for you? And thank you again for the good words. I truly appreciate them.
I was born in NYC and raised 35 miles East on the North Shore Of Long Island and have lived here my entire life and I learned that I was more cosmopolitan than I thought I was. Metro NY with all that it offers in the way of culture, entertainment, professional sports, cuisine, financial and business advantages, shopping, education, and ethnic diversity along with the fine beaches, boating, and golf on the island, and the magnificent beauty of the mountains of upstate NY made it difficult for me to leave. Is it perfect? No. Is it for everyone? No. However I am a product of the Northeast Establishment and that made me who I am, shaped my personality, and certainly put me on the “Fast Track.”
With my father’s business, we were an international family growing up with, in addition to our Long Island home, a home in Europe and then a home in the Orient. We traveled extensively abroad. I enjoyed and appreciated the good fortune to be able to do that but understood it could never replicate what we had in Metro NY. In over 50 years of working for 3 companies in sales, I traveled through all 50 states so I feel that I have seen what is out there.
I received a good education, served in the Army in Vietnam, married and raised and educated 3 sons, worked very hard, and am now retired and spend most of my time pursuing the ever elusive single digit index on a Golf Course or traveling to visit my sons and my 4 grand-children. I’m healthy and fit but I understand that if that should change, I could be forced to move to be near one of my sons. I know that will be difficult to do. They live in Charleston, SC, DFW, TX, Ft Collins, CO. I’ll hang on as long as I can.
Reading D.A.’s Blog tells you that she is also a product of the Northeast Establishment. She is cosmopolitan. She must pick the right place to live. “You can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear.”
I’m curious, Ron. Ever been laid off? Ever been unemployed for an extended period? With mouths to feed? Medical bills? That narrows the housing locations / options significantly. It’s less about fit or choice than $$$…
Sounds like you have some decent options should you need to relocate. You’re very fortunate. (Though I certainly understand why you like where you are.)
D, Yes. I was laid off with one of the companies after being with them for 12 years when the company was acquired by our largest competitor. (Don’t need 2 people for every position) Believe me I am no different than anybody else. I had a son in Colgate and I was in a JAM!! It was very tough! Lots of pressure! NOT fun! I am not embarrassed to say that I sold shoes and underwear in Macy’s, drove a limousine for a Funeral Home, picked up and transported dead bodies for the Funeral Home, Raked leaves, waxed cars, and sold swimming pools (Commission Only) for nine (9) months. I told my wife that I had to get enough jobs to earn the amount of take home pay that I was earning when I was laid off, in order to keep the ship afloat! I did that and I am proud that I did that. Nothing in my family’s quality of life changed during that 9 months with the exception of much anxiety! I had to switch to COBRA Health insurance which is a KILLER to say the least! I was raised in an affluent family BUT, I was an adult and responsible for my family and it was understood that there was no bottomless pit full of cash to draw from when the going got rough!! I totally understand what being laid off does to a person and what goes along with it!! It took me 4 years because of the college tuition to get back on track after I placed with another company.
It seems so much easier for men to find paying work, at better wages, than it is for women. Or maybe I’m just so old that the times have changed and it’s really easier for women than it once was?
I’m originally from New York and lived in the Caribbean for 20 years. Two years ago I relocated to Tampa Florida. It’s not been easy. I was an executive administrator in in a leading Off Shore law firm and since then I really haven’t been able to find steady work, so that’s really been a big issue. I’m now 61 and don’t anticipate being able to find steady work, proper healthcare, or the means to really support myself properly.
Please only answer as much as you wish, Joyce. But what kind of living arrangement are you in now? How was Tampa in terms of cost, housing options, transportation and so on? And how are you managing to live?
What sort of connections would potentially be helpful to you, other than the obvious, i.e. steady work? Are you considering going somewhere else or considering trying to find a roommate?
WOW!! Part of me really wants to respond (which I did)…the other part feels that I am not worthy! My life is not all that remarkable. I will be 58 this summer, (feel like/probably act like I am 10+ years younger) and my husband is a few years younger than I. We are DINKS, perhaps mid-level income at best? We both have great jobs, his pays much more than mine yet I wouldn’t trade my job for anything. The culture cannot be beat…YET I cannot help but wonder what would happen if I were to lose my job. In fact, I DREAD thinking about that! At 58, I became a manager for the first time ever (better late than never?) How long before a millennial takes my spot…someone that thinks in the ‘new age” way, who is quicker on their feet but does not have the experience I have however they think out of the box. I guess I choose to not think about that because I keep doing my best.
I have an incredibly supportive husband, family, friends, you name it! How long will that last? Lord knows! I ride my husband’s ass about being/staying healthy and the like. He listens…sometimes. With all that said…there are times I feel alone. I am sure that is on me because I don’t really fit into a demographic….if that makes sense. I pray, when the time comes, I can roll with the punches /make it happen like those that I have read about here. We are covered, insurance-wise, for now but for how long?
Neither of us has major medical problems yet, other than my stuff, which is nothing dire: hormones, failing knees (thanks, Mom & Dad!), among other issues, he does have a few issues. What scares me the most is hoping that he doesn’t end up like his father who suffered from Parkinson’s like symptoms and spent the last 6-7 years of his life in the nursing home, basically wasting away. If that is the case, I have about 20 more years left with him. 🙁
We live in a suburb of Fort Worth, near the DFW airport. People think we live in Collywood (cuz we are surrounded by McMansions) but we actually live in Collyhood. We live on a street that has several homes built in the early 70’s (slowly being bought up and torn down to make room for more McMansions). Ours was built in 1970, one of the first ones in fact. The home needs ALOT of work but we back up to a green space that is to die for however comes with the coyotes, fox, bobcats, etc. We closely watch our cat. We have our own little paradise smack dab in the middle of the ‘burb. Small town in the middle of big town. While I grew up in North Central Iowa (miles from anything metro)…there are times I don’t think we are far enough south yet I wouldn’t trade this area for anything. We are 10 minutes from some of the best grocery stores in the area, shopping, GREAT restaurants, pro sports, shows, etc., you name it! I love it here!! If you ever want to visit, feel free to let me know! I am sure it is hotter than most would like but I do not mind. You would be hard pressed to find fault with this area…as long as traffic does not come into play…much! 😉
I grew up in a small town called Mill Valley in Northern California. IT was fine…… growing up.
I lived in SAN FRANCISCO…… HATED IT as young adult. Apartments too dark and old. Now it is MORE expensive than NEW YORK I HEAR! I loved ITALY……… we lived in the country of TUSCANY and if I had had it my way we would still be there.
MY Neighbors up the hill are moving to ARIZONA because they cannot afford to stay here……. I hear you do not go outside in JUNE, JULY and AUGUST. The rest of the year MALLS and shops are open LATE at night because its cooler……. you can NEVER TURN YOUR AIR-CONDITIONING off because things will melt if you left for a few days!!!!!!!! HOW MUCH DOES THAT COST? Plus, they now will have a pool to run…. another cost? Houses take MONTHS TO SELL THERE……….. THE realtor was astonished that my neighbors sold their house in two days!!!!!!!!!
I have always thought THE CAROLINA’s would be a good place to live……. don’t ask me WHY!
What about SANTA FE for YOU in NEW MEXICO? ARTS, STYLE……….. I have no idea about housing!
Look up a town called SALINAS, CALIFORNIA…….. close to CARMEL and MONTEREY….. it is becoming revitalized. SAN FRANCISCO two hour drive North. South you have SAN LUIS OBISPO and PASO ROBLES……. BIG HUGS!
XO
A lot of great info here, Elizabeth. Thank you! By the way, since I am a devout East Coast girl, I think the Carolinas have a lot of appeal, too. My major issue with them however, is politics. And when I think about this last election cycle, you can probably guess why.
Thank you for writing about this important issue, D.A. The comment from the out-of-work teacher IS truly heart breaking.
I’m 63, a single woman and I retired last year from a long career in state government. My home was Madison, Wisconsin for over 40 years. It’s an affordable place and has good medical facilities but it’s the Midwest and felt small to me.
My only child lives in Cambridge MA. So, I moved to the Greater Boston area to see if I could make a go of it here. I like that Massachusetts is a liberal state, a Commonwealth. There are jobs here and many possibilities but the cost of living is high. I supplement my modest pension by working in retail and own a small condo in Waltham. Public transportation is excellent. I wanted a more urban lifestyle in a bigger city–exposure to different cultures, ideas and creative expression. The idea of co-housing seems nice but I think it depends on the fit of the personalities living together. Recently read an article about women in a retirement community in England who live long lives by dancing everyday. Even though I’m getting older, I still want to sing, act in plays, tell bawdy jokes, do all the little things that make life fun. Let me know if I can help. Take care.
Native Texan here. Have been in Houston thirty seven years. Am early sixties, married, home owner. Also have knowledge of San Antonio (eighteen years) and College Station (five years). Am also somewhat familiar with Dallas, Austin, Tyler, Baytown, Beaumont, plus generic rural Texas.
I thought about trying to say a little about big city and small town Texas (there isn’t much in-between), but the topic got out of control quickly. Instead I’ll be happy to answer questions on the blog or privately.
Robert, I am looking at Texas as a possible place to relocate. I am an administrator in education and although the cost of living in Texas is fairly low, the salaries for educators are considerably lower than many other states. Do you know why? Any thoughts about a young, single 50 something considering a move to Texas? I am looking for a town or city with community and activity. I am not a big city person, but I don’t want to be in the middle of nowhere!
SM –
Can you give me some idea of what size community you might be interested in, and your interests/leanings, teaching focus, etc? Texas has a little bit of everything, but with so much variety you do have to be selective. Texas tends to run conservative (although not exclusively) – small towns being more so while bigger ones are more diverse, but again this varies by region. Ask D.A. for my contact info if you would like to converse privately.
On the educational question,- I don’t know the answer off the top of my head, but there are several educators in my family, including one out of state, so I can do a little research.
Hi Robert,
Finally getting back to you!
Size of community – I would say medium size community. If it is too small then you run the risk of the lack of things to do, restaurants, art , etc. I am thinking that if a city or town that offers things is within an hours drive…
I love art, the outdoors, hiking, riding horses, playing tennis. I love shopping in small independent boutiques, so if those are in a reasonable driving distance that would be good. I am more on the casual side. Although I like Dallas, I am not that fancy with makeup and clothes.
As far as diversity, it really does not matter. I live in the DC area and the rat race and diversity is a bit too much. I lean to the right.
Education- looking for a position with a good school district that pays well. I have my Ed.S in Administrative and Leadership. I also would be open to working for a company in their training and development. Still curious as to why teaching and administrative jobs run low in Texas. If you could do a little research. I cannot seem to find the answer.
Overall looking for a nice community, people are active, and friendly. Having some fun. Can afford to buy a home or town house and just set some roots down.
Looking forward to hearing from you!
Thanks
SM
First, to address the public school pay question- To put it plainly, the pay is low because public education is a low priority in conservative Texas. Although this has been true for years, it is especially true given recent more extreme leans to the right and an accompanying preference for private schools.
On places you might like to live – Based on your criteria, there are many places that might work. The outdoorsy elements are easily met, as much of Texas would qualify. Boutiques and art(s) will be more location-specific, although still achievable with either research or travel. I know you said medium sized cities, but since you mentioned Dallas, I will mention the big ones too. I imagine all of them would be less frenetic than DC, and will have all of what you want either in town proper, or in the case of horses, outlying areas. An hours drive from any point in even the largest cities will get you to nature. I’m also assuming from you currently residing in DC and your desire for interesting shopping that there is such a thing as too small, or too primitive.
My recommendations are primarily in south Texas with a couple in central or west Texas. I’ve excluded East Texas, which I’m defining as east of I-45. It is broadly called the Piney Woods area and has a Dueling Banjos feel (probably not the place for an educator from DC).
Some possibilities:
First, since you like Dallas you might consider the bedroom communities of Arlington and Hurst – all part of the D/FW Metroplex, but less materialistic. Everything you listed should be within an hours drive. I didn’t much like this part of the state (drab, cold, and just didn’t “feel” right to a native South Texan) but many people obviously do. You might also enjoy Ft. Worth which is more down to earth than Dallas.
Very different from the above (and the rest of Texas) is Austin, the only city I would prefer over Houston. Feels like part of California. State capital, home of the University of Texas. Boutiques, music, arts, outdoors (lakes, parks, hiking, biking, bat watching), and the most beautiful cityscape I know of. Extremely environmentally oriented. City motto – “Keep Austin weird.” I love the energy and vibe, although the traffic can be as bad as the larger cities. At Christmas, groups turn out to decorate the trees alongside the major roadways.
Although Austin is technically in what we call Hill Country, that title better belongs to San Marcos, New Braunfels, Wimberly and others. San Marcos is dominated by the local university. San Marcos and New Braunfels were originally the rural homes for people commuting to Austin and San Antonio but now form an almost seamless corridor between the two. Individually they may be smaller than what you have in mind, but since it is only an hour drive between the Austin/S.A. limits, any amenity or population density (rural to city) you could want is available. Both resemble the geography and culture of Austin, especially regarding nightlife. Wimberly is something of an artist/old hippy/big city retiree retreat. Beautiful terrain, as is all of this area. Would probably have to work in Austin.
Fredericksburg, Kerville. Fredericksburg has gone from being an interesting weekend getaway from San Antonio to being an outright tourist destination due to it’s German heritage, boutiques, country charm and promotional efforts. Is still a nice place for those retiring from bigger places, and is within driving distance of reasonable employment opportunities. Kerrville is more of a retirement community, but is still laid back, has a lot of charm and is within driving distance of professional employment.
West Texas – If you don’t mind rather remote cities with a New Mexico feel, you might like West Texas. Miles and miles of nothing but farming and ranching. Icy winters. The main candidates here are Amarillo, Lubbock, and Midland. Amarillo, near Palo Duro canyon, is becoming a very popular mid-size city. Lubbock has Texas Tech University, is the second most conservative city in the state, and is notable for its wine and cotton production. Midland is dominated by white collar jobs of the oil industry and seems to have a variety of natural and cultural attractions.
San Angelo and College Station/Bryan. Both college towns. I completely enjoyed College Station forty years ago. It has grown by leaps and bounds in the interval. Obviously dominated by the university, but is large and sophisticated enough in its own right. Many go intending just to get an education but never leave because the culture grows on you. I’ve spent time in San Angelo on vacation and thought it was a beautiful city.
Houston – my favorite, because you can do almost anything here (OK, skiing would be tough..). Very culturally diverse, one of the most in the nation. Plenty of arts and cultural activities. Good mix of professional and blue collar. Heavily auto oriented, with
accompanying traffic problems, although we’ve made some efforts at mass transit. Boutiques – definitely, in certain parts of town. Could be a food lover’s paradise if that were their hobby. Hot and humid in the summer. One to two hour drive to the coast, depending on where you live.
San Antonio – I was spent my childhood here but couldn’t wait to escape as it seemed drab
and tired. Since then, there has been tremendous expansion to the North, where things are modern, thriving and congested. This makes a stark contrast to the rest of the city, which is stagnant in all manner of development, with a great disparity in economic mobility. Although it is coming into its own as a big city, with much inward migration, it still feels provincial. The newspaper is dominated by the endless local political squabbles, crime, lurid stories and cultural news, while national events and trends get scant attention. Heavily Hispanic, several military bases. Pretty mild weather, although it is hot in the summer.
That it, SM! I hope you find this helpful, we have quite a variety to offer.
Robert, You nailed it in every city I concur and agree.
Another item to also consider is cost of housing and living relative to skill set you have to offer for available job computing.
SM mentioned he/she leans right (I think) and Austin leans left and real estate has skyrocketed to almost unattainable as a single person, for partnered and both full-time worker, it’s manageable
I too thought Arlington or Fort Worth, might complement your personality of what you describe about nature, natural and horse country.
Best to you on your search!
60, married, Seattle and have lived here most of my life. Live in a small but lovely house with my husband. My 1 year post college daughter is here, too, and will be for at least the next 6 months. Rents and house prices are going through the roof here right now. Beware! The traffic is pretty horrific, too.
I cut down to working 4 days a week when I married 27 years ago, then cut back to 3 days a week when my daughter was born. I have a sort of on call position with a local Hospice as a visiting nurse. At the end of my career now, the pay is pretty good and I can afford to work about 2 days a week in order to do some other things that are important to me – playing violin in an orchestra, vol work and leading a bereavement group. I occasionally enter juried art shows.
Sometime in the next year my husband will retire, we will sell this house and move to Port Townsend, a seaside town about 2 1/2 hours (including a 30 min ferry ride) away. There is a superb co op grocery, farmer’s market twice weekly, an old fort that hosts music and writing events, the sweetest county fair I’ve every been to, several community orchestras, LOTs of music of every kind, art walks every month, Victorian festivals, garden tours, a Carnegie town library and a large county library as well, mountain and ocean views just about everywhere — our dream town. We’ve lived there twice before now as well and still have very good friends there.
The flavor of the town is important to me. There are generations of families, mostly employed by the paper mill (the wind blows away from town), mostly conservative. Then there are the hippies who moved there in the 70’s and stayed – mostly artisans, carpenters, musicians, massage therapists. There are the people who run huge Victorian B and Bs and on weekends the town is packed with tourists. (We just stay away from main street.) And then we have the retired folks who choose to move to a place with some culture (opera simulcasts at the restored theater, community theater, music concerts) as well as being sort of near the big city. I found that after I moved there the last 2 times, I stopped going back to the city.
We will buy another house. Planning also on moving my mother there to assisted living. She will be less than 10 min away from us. Good health clinics for basic care and a hospital in town.
So much thoughtful, detailed, helpful information, Lunaboogie. Thank you!
Thought I’d add a few other small cities/towns I’ve encountered.
My daughter went to Williams College in Williamstown in NW Massachusetts. TINY town. BUT – if you live there, you can audit classes at one of the most prestigious colleges in the country. (After sitting in a few classes, and being blown away, I wished I could go to college all over again.) There is the Clarke Art Museum (one of the top 10 art galleries in the country, a little known gem – a whole room of impressionists, for instance), MASS MoCA the modern art museum is about 15 min away, and the music and fairs and farmers markets and sustainable agriculture is pretty wonderful. I haven’t lived through a new England Winter, or Summer, but the Berkshires is a lovely area. Oh, classical music and theater festivals nearby in the summer. I’m tempted to live there myself. (For weavers, 40 min away is Vavstuga, a Swedish weaving school. I was lucky enough to take a week long class there last year.)
AND it’s close, very close, to Vermont. I’d be happy to live there, too. Only a 3 hour drive to Boston or Maine.
Asheville, NC. Yes, NC, but honestly, it’s on the liberal side there. and the ART!!!!!!! I remember being so filled up with beauty and ideas and inspiration I thought i would burst. Indeed, I spent parts of one day crying because I was so happy. The Blue Ridge mountains are the backdrop, and the walkable arboretum is charming.
Victoria, BC, Canada. Many retired millionaires live there, but it is a very livable, bikable city, on the water. I’ve always felt I could live there.
Ever considered Hawaii? The Big Island has a ton of variety. Kuai is slow and laid back.
Fabulous info, Lunaboogie. Again, thank you!
I’m 55, newly widowed, and have lived in CA all my life. I really couldn’t recommend CA as a place to start over, especially if you are struggling financially. I have lived in many of the most expensive areas of SoCal, including Laguna Beach, Santa Monica, Venice and I am currently living in my home in north Santa Barbara county, and all these areas are wonderful, but $$$. I am likely to move soon from my beautiful home because I have been trying to find work in the area and it just isn’t happening. The other areas I mentioned are all youth-oriented, and I wouldn’t even bother with looking for work there (and it makes no sense to trade in my mortgage payment for an equally high monthly rent!).
One observation I will make (and it is strictly anecdotal, based on friends’ experiences) is that it is easier to find work if you are over 50 in more traditional, conservative parts of the country. I have had up close and personal experience with the job markets in the Bay Area and LA/OC and through the stories of friends, and many are giving up on CA and heading to TX, where they have many more opportunities. In CA, they seem to worship youth over experience. You should see some of the job postings–they are embarrassingly childish, talking about partying work environments and they only want rock stars applying to their jobs. Some require you to have a LinkedIn profile. I refuse to put my resume out there for the world to see! Guess I’m old school…
Anyway, I have decided that I want to be near either my best friend and her family in the Central Valley of CA, or live near my daughter and her little family in the Augusta GA area if I can’t find a decent job where I live now. I may end up bagging groceries, but at least I can have family and friend support nearby, and I think that will be very important as I age.
I’m going to reply to myself after rereading what I wrote, and say that I’ve decided to “age in place”, as they call it, and get a couple roommates. I am exactly one hour north of Santa Barbara, one hour south of San Luis Obispo, and the thought of giving up this weather and natural beauty is unbearable.
There are jobs in the surrounding area, you just have to jump in and work at it. I’ve actually made a few valuable connections since I moved here two years ago, and finally told them I am looking for work, so now I am getting some help.
This is a very nice community, somewhat sleepy, but there is a lot going on in the University towns, and some of the most gorgeous scenery in the world is everywhere you look.
That being said, if anyone is interested in joining my “Golden Girls” arrangement, LEAVE WORD HERE or email D. A. at startingover50plus at gmail. A number of us have been discussing 50+ living arrangements and related issues in a private FB group, including roommate/shared housing options with other 50-plus women. It’s very exciting!
What is the shared cost to live there and what exactly comes with residing there?
I have a 7-yr-old Pomeranian companion dog, quiet, loving, my “must have,” who would accompany me, as well as my few pieces of furniture and numerous boxes of memorabilia.
Hi Gina,
I also live north of SB. Interested in what has transpired in this past year of growth and life. Also, interested in the FB group you mentioned.
Hi D.A., As you know I am an occasional reader and enjoy your essays as well as your blog community. Yes, the process of relocation is a tremendous undertaking and even a move to another housing situation is emotional and physically exhausting at over 50. Last spring, I almost took the leap of courage and faith to relocate again. And yet, I am still here. That was an “almost.”
While I am sure that this location would not appeal to you at all, it might appeal to one of your readers. So here is the scoop!
I am 58 living solo with 2 small dogs, never had children and my extended family is not close. I keep in touch with a few long time friendships and an abundance of acquaintances. I reside in Corpus Christi, TX for six years, yet I have been traveling to this area all of my life as one of my vacation spots as a native Texan (Houston and Austin area). I relocated at 50yo from Denver, CO area after 12 years as a result of dissolution of a 6 year marriage. In Denver, a great place to live with all of diversity of nature and activities, I happily met my second husband when I was 43, healthy and established working as an Executive Assistant at a corporate office and I owned a patio home with my small dog close to my workplace, with no debt other than a small mortgage, with a great amount of equity.
At my age now, 58yo, I like the climate mostly because it does not snow and winters are short. I like the constant mix of the warm sunshine, puffy colorful sunrise and sunset clouds, mild overcast days, lightening rain storms, and never really knowing which way the palm trees will be blowing in the wind. I enjoy the starscape and the watching of the moon. I love that variety of emotional spontaneous weather.
The City’s job marketplace is reliant on tourism industry being on the gulf coast. Although, there is a good bus system in place, a personal car for transportation is a must. The only time there is heavy traffic is the typical, 7:30am and 5:00pm or a major accident occurs or holidays as tourist flood to beach or bay vacationing. One must avoid those in an incredible hurry. Otherwise there is virtually no traffic at all.
The culture is a Mexican heritage with lots of festivals and fundraisers depicting 85% of the 350,000 population for the area. It is a midsize bi-lingual city, by no means a small town or large urban city. I am white, non-bi-lingual. There are very few Black, Asian, Native American Indian or other. Adequate healthcare facilities are available, but too few doctors. There are three well established assisted living communities for 55+ yet all expensive. That future option is completely beyond my financial means.
As far as “livability” factors such as beach, bay front, downtown walkability, activities, friendliness are all generally good. Unless you are a politician, most people do not engage in political discussions. Yet our politicians argue with one another constantly. The cost of living varies drastically from the widespread poor, some homeless, to the extremely wealthy which is uncomfortable and uneasy to witness, yet completely American. There is an overload of restaurants. Movie theaters offer a low cost outing.
This city began growing in the 50s so older age homes are in the general inner circle of the city with streets in disrepair and million dollar homesteads along the water bay front. In the 70s the canal homes started developing as highway infrastructure and bridges causeways were built. Recent years brought developers for the cookie cut homes and some builders for custom and vacation homes for winter Texans, short term and daily rental properties.
Although I worked insanely hard at the search for work, I faced cycles of rejection and failure for 4 continuous years, I have not been able to work in gainful employment because of health issues; and so I live minimally with expenses using my savings. I feel anxiety and depression, yet grateful at the same time that I meet basic needs. I own a one level small patio home, utilities, car, insurance, food for me and my two companion dogs. Difficult uncontrollable expenses are the windstorm insurance required, HOA fee and property taxes, which all three increase every year.
D. A., I must add that this is the strangest place that I have ever lived. I think it is because of the tourism. I would say about 1/3 of the people are full time residents, 1/4 travel here for business during the week, 1/4 travel here for winter, and then the rest come for weekend or holiday vacation days.
So the first question is usually, “Are you a local, or here for business or enjoying a vacation?!” At times it looks like a ghost town and then times very busy with people. For locals it can feel very isolating. I hear it quite a bit from all ages and all genders. I often ask locals, “Why do you stay?” The answer is most of the time, “Family.”
I absolutely know that I am not alone in this challenge of aging and the world as it is: good and bad is a absolute known. The key is acceptance of what is, relax in the daily moments, as life is a continuous evolution of change. Pay attention, take those moments of watching that butterfly flitter through the air, then land to rest on the gorgeous flowers. That brings our spirit back to our center, love, of our essential self of who we are; living, beautiful beings. You are you, no matter where you reside.
Hi there. I am a 57 year old woman and have lived in NYC since I moved here on my own at age 23. I enjoyed living here for a long time, even though I have usually had to struggle to make ends meet, but I am not enjoying it anymore. When I moved here, I was young and came from a family that was very poor. I looked at NYC as a place full of opportunities. Now I see how unkind this city is to older people who do not have lots and lots and LOTS of money. Everything is so damn expensive. I’m pretty scrappy, but my resume is a hodgepodge and I only have an Associates degree. I started college for the first time at age 45 and was working toward my Bachelors when it all got derailed by my separation and divorce at age 50.
I’ve had a lot of ups and downs in my work/finances and personal life. I was unemployed when the economy was very bad, and there were no jobs. I came very close to being homeless until a friend helped me with a loan to pay the back rent I owed. Eventually I got a job in retail and worked my way up to Manager, and got [mostly] back on my feet financially. Then that store suddenly closed last year and I am working as a P/T Asst Mgr. now – I occasionally do some freelance market research work as an independent contractor, but basically I’m back to struggling at age 57. I have to say I am exhausted, burned-out, and lack any motivation to look for a F/T job, but if I stay here I need to make more money.
The only time I could afford to live here was when I was married with shared expenses and bank accounts! I think that sucks. NYC is hell for a single person who isn’t wealthy. I don’t have any relatives to bail me out or guaranty my rent, like so many young people who come here now do. Rents have skyrocketed and the only good thing about my apartment is that it is cheap in comparison (though still a lot for one person to pay IMHO). I’ve had roommates in the past but am not looking forward to doing it again now (it’s only a small 1-BR apartment, so I’d have to rent out the LR). During this past year, I had to admit to myself that living in NYC has kicked my ass and I started researching other places to go.
I did some researching and compiled results from about 50 different “best cities/small towns” lists and asked questions at various online forums regarding certain places that ranked high in affordability and seemed to match other things I was looking for. I looked at Maine (I love it there) and other places in New England, upstate NY, Pittsburgh, Madison WI, Minn./St. Paul, Omaha NE, Ann Arbor MI, Cincy OH, Columbus OH, and a few others.
I love the East Coast and being near the ocean, so the Midwest doesn’t really appeal to me – BUT Omaha and Lincoln NE always come up on lists for low cost of living and decent salaries. However, Omaha is apparently plagued with gang activity. So, I never could figure out where I would want to relocate. TBH, a great many places appeal to me to visit, but not to put down roots and live.
So, finally I decided to live a nomadic life and convert some kind of vehicle for living in. I will sell everything I own in order to get started doing this. My plan is to travel the country to find seasonal and temporary work in places that appeal to me, and to run a business with an online presence that I can manage from the road (still researching what type). House-sitting/care-taking and selling crafts at fairs and festivals are things I can do as well. A nomadic life is the only option I’ve considered that actually excites me. I thought I could move to Omaha for three or four years just to save some money and then move on, but I wasn’t excited about it. Moving is an expensive undertaking.
So many people are adopting the nomad lifestyle now, young and old. There’s a large community of nomads doing it, and they are very supportive of others who want to do it, too. Blogs, forums, and videos with useful advice and how-to’s for nomads are in abundance. I think I can make it work.
61yr-old, single (divorced 4X) woman, a native of San Diego, CA, now living in Barstow, CA due to finances.
Going from my past life of having a 5 bedroom/3 bath home with a 10 person hot tub I could back float in, in what was almost Paradise weather to living in a 300 square foot studio in The Mojave Desert (I rented sight unseen) has been quite a challenge. The desert is not for the weak and is a real trial.
Barstow is small town. It’s nice to not have to fight for a parking space at the grocery store, but many people here seem to have no qualms about trashing the environment. It grates on me to see everything from candy wrappers to used diapers at almost every place I go. My home in the subburb of Rancho Penasquitos was NEVER like this.
My home in San Diego was lost through the process of a very ugly divorce. It seems as though, now, a person has to be very wealthy or on public assistance to live in my birthplace.
I’ve been single for over 5 years now. It is not my preferred state of being, however. I’ve heard through the grapevine that there are more single men over 50 in Northern California. Is that true?
I have a married daughter with 3 of my 12 grandkids still in San Diego that I get to visit ocassionally. I’d live in San Diego or Mountain View, CA in a heartbeat if it was affordable.
I am 53, divorced (my ex-husband, then Significant Other passed away Feb 2016), live alone with 3 cats, plus one feline outside, with his two friends. I have no children, and I wanted it that way.
I have lived all over the US, courtesy of the US military: Virginia, Kansas, Oklahoma, Alabama, North Carolina, Washington, Texas, and now Wyoming. I grew up in California, and that’s where my family still lives. Apparently, I was the only one who got the wanderlust gene.
I did not like living in the South; the humidity and the mentality I could not deal with—sorry, I’m a daughter of the West, and I’ve found myself happiest living out there (be it Washington or Wyoming). I live in a small town, population 2500, and I like it. It’s almost like I’m incognito, because no one really knows me here. I’m too busy with work to make any real friends in town. I really feel like an outsider, but everyone here is friendly and will wave to you even though they might not know you.
I live in a small cottage house; a 1 bedroom, 2 full bath, with an attached 2 car garage. I was really fortunate to get this place though I have to commute to work. That can get difficult during the winter, but my work allows me to telework during snow days.
Speaking of work, I work for a government agency where we do lots of fieldwork. This keeps me active and feeling young. I really enjoy my work in that part of the time my office can be in the mountains or on the prairie.
I am not in a relationship at the moment, and I’m okay with that. When I lost my S.O. nearly two years ago, it was incredibly difficult to get out and meet new people. It’s still that way, though I think maybe next year I will try and put myself out there. After a couple of failed attempts, maybe it’s time to move on.
I hope to retire one day; for awhile, I wasn’t so sure that I would be able to. I don’t know if I’ll still be here in Wyoming, but I know wherever I go, it will be somewhere out here in the West.
I have read good things about Wyoming – the people, community, and the many activities. Would you talk a little about the winter. I too enjoyed living in the West. Also, you mention you have lived in Alabama and Texas. Any positives there?
We joke in Wyoming that the winters here last 9 months; they can be brutal–the snow can stay for days, and the wind. The word ‘wind’ is a four letter word here, don’t utter it at all! This is the first place I’ve lived where I have seen snow blowing horizontally, then looking up and see blue sky! lol Seriously, you have to be a hardy soul and be prepared for the winters here. The highway patrol recommends everyone carry a survival bag in their cars in case they get stranded or broken down somewhere, and depending on where you’re at, it can be hours before someone can get out to you. Trying to get somewhere in a snow storm (and I have before) can suck. That’s why I prefer to stay at home and hunker down when it snows.
As for Alabama and Texas, I did not enjoy living in either state. I wasn’t there for very long any way. If you enjoy warm weather, then yes, they are good to live in, though I would say that Texas is more interesting and has more to offer, I think, than Alabama. I guess it just depends on what your interests are.
Does anyone have current (2018) experience or information to share about Roswell, NM?
D.A.,
I wanted to let you and those who regularly share comments that I have closed my email and internet account as one more to expense less. I will be available by cell phone or cellular text. I think I have you my number years ago. If you want it again or Robert, just let me know. I’m not sure what time grande will pull the plug.
I’ll keep reading your blog! It’s been my pleasure.