Tummy tucks. Neck lifts. Lid tweaks. So many cosmetic procedures on the menu. And my question is: Does cosmetic surgery make sex better?
Once upon a time, I mused on this very topic. Cosmetic surgery, as a theoretical means to improve your sex life. But I wasn’t actually expecting a response. I was, at the time, dismayed at the prevalence of procedures filtering down into EveryWoman’s evolving view of possibility and necessity.
Cosmetic surgery is no longer solely for well-heeled society ladies of a certain age or Hollywood stars or even our pop-culture “Real Housewives.”
Tummy Tighter Makes “Bedtime” Brighter?
I find myself curious and interested to revisit this subject, particularly after watching several episodes of the reality show, Botched, which I only recently stumbled into.
So what do you think? Does a tummy tuck improve your sex life? Does it make you feel more confident when you slide under the covers with the person you love? Is any cosmetic procedure ultimately an issue of giving a person their confidence back if it’s gone missing, and thereby improving the quality of their sex life along with the quality of other aspects of daily experience?
Now, I haven’t had any cosmetic procedures myself… which doesn’t mean I haven’t reached the stage where I recognize a droop here and a waddle there, and I nurture a few fantasies of waking to skin unaffected by gravity. Still, I would welcome feedback from those who have taken the plunge whatever the procedures, even as I admit to my own mixed feelings on the subject.
Mirror, Mirror on the Wall…
Intellectually, I believe we should all age gracefully and gratefully, accepting the natural signs of time on our faces and our torsos. On the other hand, I certainly know what it is to look in the mirror and begin to see my mother, and not myself. Worse, I know what it is to feel (even more) judged by appearance (in general) and dismissed because of it. That is likely to occur more frequently as the years roll along, particularly in certain professional and social settings.
I am also aware of the critical importance of projecting our best selves — from the inside out — which includes the competence and “can do” attitude that some people seem to radiate, no matter what.
However, when the outside is not in harmony with the inside, the disorientation can be surprisingly intense.
We all know there are additional causes for concern.
What happens when a spouse begins to look at other women more frequently? What happens when a woman begins to lose confidence in her sexual self as gravity starts to take effect, and no amount of diet and exercise is making a difference? What happens when a woman finds herself single again in her middle years after marriage ends, and she begins to look for suitable partners? And if she wants a partner her own age or close, how does she compete with those 10, 15 and 20 years younger?
The Catherine Deneuve “Tweak”
One friend of mine had a few procedures done with terrific results. I hadn’t seen her in a while and when I did, I thought she looked fantastic — rested, and excited about life as her children were heading off to college. When she told me she had “work done,” I was genuinely surprised. She pointed out where I needed to peek to see the telltale signs, and then she told me how much more energy and sexual interest she had — and attention from men — since her surgery.
Still, as she was quick to add, she is financially secure. Dropping 20k on elective surgery wasn’t a problem. Moreover, she no longer works for pay, and thus to be out-of-pocket for a month or longer was also affordable.
Remember: Surgery that removes you from your routine isn’t just about the initial outlay; it requires additional disposable income in the period that follows, and even assuming no complications, the ability to take time off while still being able to pay your bills.
All financial considerations aside, the success of her procedures reminded me of the way the stunning and talented Catherine Deneuve seemed to age so magnificently. Whatever tiny tweaks she had along the way, they were subtle and splendidly done, without trying to erase every trace of aging.
Comfort in Your Own Skin
I knew another woman some years back who, after a tummy tuck (following children), found her sex life rejuvenated. Again, I understood the perspective. I also understood that she had someone to care for her, and to care for her children as she healed. Although she had to foot the bill for the surgery itself, she had a salary and benefits to provide some amount of disability during the period of time that she took off. Likewise another acquaintance, who opted for a breast reduction and lift, not so much a matter of “competing” in the romantic realm, but to finally feel more comfortable in her own skin.
What do the so-called “experts” say on the subject of cosmetic enhancements and improved sex life?
Consider this from Real Self:
… A study from the Aesthetic Surgery Journal called “Better Sex From the Knife? An Intimate Look at the Effects of Cosmetic Surgery on Sexual Practices,” found that cosmetic procedures can greatly improve your sex life. 95 percent of women who took the survey reported improvements in body image regardless of the type of procedure they had undergone. What’s more, 80 percent of breast augmentation respondents declared an improvement in sexual satisfaction, while 50 percent of body patients reported an enhanced ability to achieve orgasm.
Of course, we need to recognize the source of the study, not to mention the limited number of participants and rather narrow scope of its design…
Are “Enhancements” and “Refreshing” Necessary to Compete?
It’s no surprise that an increasing number of women are looking to reconfigure, to renew, to refurbish… or simply to “recover” what they can.
But what about those women without the health, the logistical support, or the financial means to “tweak” to level the playing field? It seems to me that this is potentially a serious and significant issue when facing ageist attitudes in job searching, and making the pressure to “freshen” a matter of perceived (and possibly real) competitive necessity.
I don’t wish to judge either side of this debate; I understand both. I imagine I will understand even better as I grow older and face greater ageism in trying to attract clients. And likewise, in the future, should I find myself hoping to date.
- Your thoughts on cosmetic surgery and less invasive procedures?
- Your feelings about the lack of level playing field for those who don’t have the funds to foot the bill — even if they wanted to nip-tuck?
- Your feelings on the increasing pressure to be youthful in order to get or keep a job?
- How is the issue of cosmetic procedures different from something like brightening your teeth or dying your hair?
- What message are we sending our daughters and likewise, our sons?
Staggering Statistics: Good? Bad? Troubling?
While Botox and fillers may be surprisingly common these days — increasingly, lip enhancement as well — starting at a very young age seems, well, disturbing. Here are a few statistics you might find of interest:
Some 219,000 cosmetic surgeries were performed in the 13 to 19 age group, according to the American Society of Plastic Surgeons (ASPS), in 2010, and there were some 236,000 procedures in this same age group in 2012.
As for whether or not cosmetic surgery yields a better sex life — my two stories hardly support any affirmative hypothesis, though clearly, for these two women, the renewed self-confidence brightened many aspects of their lives. So is sex improved as a matter of enhanced self-confidence? Does that mean we are denying the visual aspects of arousal and pleasure that may come from a “prettier” or more youthful appearance for yourself or your partner?
Of course, watching a show like Botched can be horrifying, not to mention a cautionary tale. And any of us who have cruised Google images or seen the cruel mockery of some of our most favorite actors after cosmetic procedures — Meg Ryan, Renée Zellweger — know how a woman is attacked if the public doesn’t like what she’s done to her face.
Beauty and Youth as Female Currency — Still?
I can’t help but think of this as the lose-lose proposition for many women, particularly those in the entertainment business. But it certainly spills over from media of all sorts into the mindset of women in general as the double or possibly triple standard persists — the requirement to be beautiful, thin, and young.
This last feels especially wasteful: To age and continue to create, to contribute, to give, to engage, to love — these ought to be honored as great gifts. Yet millions of women in this society, and I count myself among them, will feel pangs on loss and possibly fear for their ability to make a living as well as enjoy a love life as age shows its inevitable hand. It seems tragic that we should so dismiss those gaining in years that we — women — feel we must hang onto youth at all cost if we are to maintain our “value” and our livelihood.
As for our sex lives, as it is, we may be dealing with a libido rollercoaster at a certain age, which, if we’re fortunate, evens out as we find our rhythms again. But will there be a partner to turn to who will embrace our maturing beauty that radiates from within? Is that a nice concept for pop culture consumption, but utterly unrealistic without that diet, that low lighting, and the cosmetic tweak if we can afford it? Who doesn’t want sensuality and passion to be part of any stage where we may find ourselves? Who doesn’t want the physical and emotional connection that comes from the spark between partners? Who doesn’t at least want a shot at it?
Beyond one’s livelihood, given that divorces are taking place older, and men typically go younger in their choices of romantic and sexual companions, is it any wonder that women are seeking any way possible to stay in the game?
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THE VINTAGE CONTESSA says
I would NEVER even touch BOTOX or fillers or anything else on that FIX IT PLAN.
I CAN ALWAYS TELL when they have played around with it!YOU SEE The TELL TALE SIGNS a mile away!
I always WONDERED if WOMEN realize WE the public can TELL oh she has had a face lift or BOTOX IN the LIPS. I think THAT LOOK looks WORSE then the sagging chin, boobs or whatever they have had done.
I FEEL SORRY for these women who spend all this money and look like walking ZOMBIES! Would you want to jump in bed with a STIFF LOOKING SCARS BEHIND THE EARS GAL……… Let those wanderers (MEN) go find the youth……….. GOOD LUCK with that! Bet they cannot COOK or multi task like US MATURE BABES with BELLIES!!!
Get an ANIMAL much better to cuddle with!
That’s my TWO CENTS!
XX
Cornelia says
I never had anything done and doubt that I ever will. My face has held up well over these 59 years, and for that I am thankful. I will admit to teeth brightening and getting rid of those damn brown spots on my hands, but that is as far as I will go. My stomach is not what it used to be, but I have had three children and that is my life. Part of me can understand the desire to recapture that youthful attractiveness especially in the competitive working/dating environment, but upon thinking it through I always arrive at the same conclusion that it is a bit sad when one cannot accept ageing as part of living as a matter of fact.
Angela Muller says
This is definitely a worthy topic, and my appreciation to the Contessa for her honest comments. The double standard will forever reign. The reality that an ageing, obese man with a bulging belly is still shopping for a woman with a flat one shows no signs of disappearing from the universe. I do believe a tummy tuck can assist a woman in enjoying sex more, if only because she will focus less on her appearance and more on the activity. And, certainly, the status of the relationship in question has a lot to do with a woman’s feelings about herself; those in stable marriages versus those seeking new relationships. The ideal is feeling confident and comfortable with the man you are with…no easy task! Sometimes it is preferable to get a pet!
D. A. Wolf says
Thank you for jumping in on this one, Angela. I wonder if some hesitate to comment because they don’t wish to talk about the procedures they may have had. Of course, that’s an assumption on my part. But I’m a little surprised there haven’t been more comments as I don’t think this is a black-and-white topic — not even for those who, like me, believe that we should not be driven toward cosmetic procedures as a matter of competitive “necessity.”
I do understand the psychological struggles of seeing oneself grow older. As I recognize these challenges more and more in myself, again, I am surprised that so few will acknowledge them.
Angela Muller says
I think most of us (women) can comment about the facelift, botox, lip plumping procedures easily enough, but discussing being naked in front of a man (new or old) with our ageing bodies, sagging breasts and less than taut tummies is a very real vulnerability and painful to explore. And why not? We are constantly bombarded by media advertising encouraging us to look more like Jane Seymour and purchase our monthly delivery of “Crepe Erase”. I don’t have the answers, and I’m not sure “mind over matter” works.
D. A. Wolf says
Thank you for your honesty, Angela.
Sandra Sallin says
Oh boy, what would I do? First of all I would never have Botox or fillers. I’m afraid I would not recognize myself. I’ve had about 25 skin cancers removed from my face, so I do not need more surgery. If I had guts maybe I would have had a breast reduction. If I’d had tons of skin hanging over after a pregnancy maybe I’d have a tummy tuck. I’m saying maybe because I’ve had too many surgeries for necessary operations so I don’t know if I’d have more.
You very realistically point out that it’s not just the surgery, it’s the recuperation, the healing etc. So far I’ve had none of these but I wonder. I know women who have breast reductions and tummy tucks at the drop of a ???? They also have face jobs and Botox, etc. Do any of them look in the mirror? I don’t recognize some of these women. But truly, it’s such a personal decision. Maybe the answer is what ever gets you through the night.