On more than one occasion I have taken exception to our preoccupation with chasing after our own happiness, not to mention what I have referred to as the Happiness Industry. In part, I find it ludicrous to pursue happiness as an American “right” absent a right to health or education.
All politics (of humanism) aside, perhaps the pursuit of happiness unsettles me because it appears to be the pursuit of material abundance, rather than seeking a state of contentment. Or, too often it is the pursuit of contentment that is heavily dependent upon the acquisition of stuff.
Can we agree that abundance ought to be about something more? That the chase for material goods or money above all else is a temporary fix, a goal always shy of satisfaction, and a moving target?
This time of year, we are hoping to feel abundance – happiness, if you will – overflowing in our seasonal spirits and present around our proverbial hearths. We shop, we decorate, we bake, we travel, we clean, we anticipate; we paint the pictures of scenes we imagine to represent the pinnacle of familial achievement – children gathered around a twinkling tree, couple and friends smiling graciously from the couch, gifts with shiny bows heaped beneath the aromatic fir.
I would suggest that this Rockwellian image is very nice, though I might prefer my recollection of the famous O’Henry story, “Gift of the Magi,” that tells of love and sacrifice, or even the moral lessons, now seemingly so innocent (yet no less classic), in Frank Capra’s “It’s a Wonderful Life.”
In thinking of my own holidays ahead – one college kid returned to the nest just last night and the other to arrive in a week or so – I find myself distressed that my seasonal spirit has gone AWOL. I feel lacking in abundance in the ways that count: an abundance of time, an abundance of good humor, an abundance of energy – all of which are dependent on an equally absent abundance of sleep and, dare I add, bucks.
Yet as soon as my son walked through the door, a bit of holiday spirit re-entered the house along with him.
So I make a mental note to keep it simple but to honor it – this spirit of the holidays that for me is essential and familial – with a tree to be purchased in the coming days then decorated quickly, a bowl of ornaments and greens sitting by the front door, and an old folk art Santa on the mantel flanked by three or four pine cones plucked up from the backyard.
I have few gifts to wrap; they sit in two modest shopping bags in my disorganized closet. The budget will not allow for more. Consequently, there will be no bountiful “heap” nor any particular material abundance. There will, however, be the pleasure of good food (that is bounty indeed), both boys home (once they are), and their childhood friends in and out, most of whom are young men I have known since they were six or seven years old. That irritating and joyful traipsing has, in fact, already begun.
There will be laughter and conversation around the kitchen table as we eat – not only on Christmas, but each night before and after – along with the annoyance of my disappearing car keys, the return of the overflowing laundry basket, tussles over the thermometer in the living room, and the pleasure of cooking for and with both sons.
These are moments and memories in the making: These are gifts.
When it comes to the objects we exchange at the holidays, I have little recollection of who gave me what or when, but a warm sensation of family on any occasion when one or both of my boys are at home. The exceptions: I recall a scandalously decadent book on high heeled shoes from one son, a Top Chef cookbook from the other, and most precious of all, untold works of art (and craft) at the hands of each: paintings, prints, pottery, drawings, cards, constructions.
All of this brings me to Abundance Without Attachment, which I hope you will read, as Arthur C. Brooks explores this topic.
The formula for a good life… abundance without attachment… The assertion that there is nothing wrong with abundance per se is entirely consistent with most mainstream philosophies… In the realm of material things, attachment results in envy and avarice. Getting beyond these snares is critical to life satisfaction.
Mr. Brooks shares the ways in which we can increase the likelihood of experiencing abundance, the first of which is very familiar to me – experience over “stuff.”
He offers a simplistic nod to those with financial constraints, writing:
For those living paycheck to paycheck, a focus on money is understandable.
While he gives short shrift to the very real economic fears that bear down on millions, and not just at this time of year, there is much to be appreciated in his article – if you can set aside your cynicism at certain cited figures that dismiss the realities of income inequality.
Meanwhile, I remind myself that our small home is overflowing in many of the ways dearest to me, most important of which is the grounding, healing, uplifting and reassuring abundance of unconditional love.
My personal challenge, when my boys are absent, is to find this same love for myself, regardless of whatever else may be happening in, on and around my watch.
I urge you to go, read, and glean what you can, in your own pursuit of abundance.
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Curtis says
I think that Thomas Jefferson’s “pursuit of happiness” has somehow morphed into a notion by many that means a right to accumulate wealth and “stuff.” That is what happens when people do not understand the historic and philosophical basis of a right and apply it pragmatically to suit their desires.
At the end of the day (and like a broken record) I say life is all about experiences, people and relationships. Stuff may fulfill fleeting desires or emotional needs, for a moment. Then stuff lacks value or the ability to satiate the desires or needs. Only purpose, the pursuit of purpose, and achieving milestones on the way to that purpose supply true and lasting happiness that a material “fix” will never provide. That is what Jefferson understood and what modern American society seems to have forgotten.
So while finances may cause concern in the immediate moment, they are not as important in real and long term happiness that comes from the pursuit of happiness and purpose.
Missy Robinson says
I love your description of “Moments and memories in the making…” These are so important! I am trying to teach my three little ones (age 6, 8, 10) that the trip to the Midwest AFTER Christmas is part of the gift of the season, even though it further limits the number of tangible gifts under the tree. The older gets it, in his own immature way. Thankfully, there will a some things to unwrap this year but I’ve always saved up the “needs” throughout fall for holiday surprises. Yes, that includes undies and socks in the stocking, along with toothbrushes and a bit of candy. Many of my peer parents think it’s crazy that I consider these a ‘gift,’ but I do think it helps my children see these items as having more value.
I hope your season is full of warmth with your sons.
Barbara says
A redefinition of wealth, for me, has led to a new sense and appreciation of abundance. Time. Peace of mind. Love. Freedom – in degrees. Health. The non-pursuit. The slowing from a run to a walk to, when possible, standing still. Going to the article link now. Thanks D.A.
Barbara says
D – I had to stop back in and comment on what an excellent article that is. Amen, amen and amen to the three pronged attitude toward abundance and real Christmas cheer. I thank you for the connection.
Jennifer says
I’m still struggling to find my Christmas spirit this year. The gross commercialism of the holidays has recently left me feeling very flat. Popping over to read. Thanks for the food for thought. You always inspire.
Jennifer says
Wonderful article! Thank you for directing me to it. I do try to collect experiences, rather than possessions. I’m a slow learner so heading back for a reread.
Madgew says
Wishing you the best holiday filled with compassion, joy and love.