If money were no object at the holidays, do you know how you would spend it? What sort of holiday gifts you would give? Would you be cooking up all kinds of wild schemes and scenarios for the people you love to wow them? And would you be going for the wow “stuff” or the wow “experience?”
I admit, it’s difficult to imagine myself in that situation, which doesn’t mean it isn’t fun to dream. But the “if money were no object” question is similar to the “when we’re rich” hypothetical, which is also something I rarely indulged in, though my ex definitely did.
Hmmm. Does that explain why I’m not rich – at least not in the ways of oodles of moolah in the bank, yachts docked at a second home in the Bahamas, or designer duds in my 1500 square foot closet?
Oh wait. 1500 square feet. That would be my house, more or less.
Now, as I’m not known for my obsessive neatness (ahem), perhaps I do indeed possess a 1500 square foot closet after all. Of course, there is no couture hanging off the armoire doors nor bagged in the inner sanctum where my shoes are (in fact) boxed and protected from dust. However, there are books-a-plenty and funky art and that makes me feel rich.
But I digress.
If money were no object, I’m certain my significant other would love a new car. Some sort of hybrid or electric number, in his favorite vehicle color, either hunting green or deep burgundy. His car is nearing 10 years old and he (wistfully) peruses magazines and ads with an “if only” look in his eye.
That indulgence aside, here’s what I would give my closest friend if I could wave the proverbial magic wand and make this happen for her, and dare I admit, I wouldn’t say no to the same:
- The peace of mind that comes from a regular income and money in the bank to cover bills, medical care, one trip a year to a locale that beckons, and all the books she might like; this is akin to deciding what makes you feel rich and how much money it takes.
- Similar to the above, a home that is bought and paid for. More than likely, this is the home where my she is living today, but I would wipe out her mortgage and other debts accumulated as a single parent, and during the difficult years of economic downturn.
- The ability to grow her circle of friends. Making new friends over 50 isn’t easy, but we all thrive from the dynamic interactions of discovering new people. Money and time make it easier to get out, and pursue an activity of interest like a cooking class or participating in a book group.
- My continuing respect, affection, curiosity, emotional support, loyalty and love. Those cost nothing whatsoever except a small amount of time, well-developed intuition, and attentiveness when it counts. Shouldn’t we all be providing those everyday gifts to the people we care for, live with, work with and encounter?
Too little frivolity, considering this is a wide-open wish list?
Maybe so. But worry will eat you alive, and frivolity is hard to conceive of when you live in pain or stress or with a family member who is battling personal demons, and of course, if you’re constantly braced for the next onslaught of bills. On that note, if money were no object, once I had taken care of the necessities to alleviate financial worries for my dearest friend, whatever I had left, I would give away.
I have never aspired to wealth; I aspire to the freedom of financial security, then to be able to give myself fully to those I love, and to reading, writing, supporting the arts, traveling, teaching, listening, learning. I aspire to make a difference in the lives of others. It isn’t very fashionable to say as much, but that is my raw, unvarnished truth, which is the gift I give to all of you, today. And this: For too many years, that sense of safety has eluded me, and most of the women in my immediate (albeit small) circles. How diminished we feel as a result. How dwarfed our capacity to contribute to our communities as a consequence. How much more we could be – for those closest to us and for others.
The benefits of relieving that stress would be the greatest gift I could give to a friend, just as it would be for me, or for any of us who live in these particular shadows.
I would also love to inhabit a world where the income inequality that continues to grow is stopped in its tracks. I would give money to schools, to community organizations, anonymously to individuals. We say that money doesn’t buy happiness, but the truth is, it buys a great deal more access to health, not to mention to the sort of foundational education every human being ought to consider a right. And I cannot help but believe that a literate and healthy country is a more peaceful one – for all of us.
To me, these are principles I was raised with and they seem simple to apply as individuals, setting limits on acquisitions (which doesn’t mean not fueling the economy and making some), and quite possibly setting no limits on the extraordinary experiences that make us more interesting and happier people. And that includes those experiences (also good for the economy) that range from coffee and drinks at our local hangouts to exotic journeys abroad. The “wow” of experience over stuff.
Surely, these experiences of connection and exploration make us better lovers and spouses, better parents and children, better friends and neighbors, and better citizens of our countries and the world – all of which should set the bar very high.
Last, as money is no object, I know my best friend adores turquoise. I would happily spring for a spectacular piece of jewelry for her such as this, Ippolita’s Rock Candy Mini Lollipop Pendant necklace, in turquoise and diamonds. (What’s not to love?) You can view it on Bloomingdale’s site. As my friend is much taller than I am and very fair, she could carry this off beautifully, paired with classic diamond studs. She would feel gorgeous (and she already is), and more importantly, treasured.
Isn’t that what we hope will be the result of our holiday giving?
Please visit Marsha at Splenderosa to read the other wonderful writers taking part in this group event, musing on the subject of what they would get for their mothers, best friends or significant others “if money were no object.”
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OMG, Wolfie, what a stunning post you have written for us today. I feel completely silly for writing what I posted. Of course, your list of THINGS are all the right things, and a list to which all of us subscribe. We just don’t do it as you do. I will do something today to make you proud, I promise. I won’t let you know, I’ll just do it, and then I’ll feel better. You rock, my friend! Would you consider running for office?
Merry Christmas
Oh Marsha. It would be fabulous if you would give to something you believe in. The gift is at least as much to us, in the act of giving.
As for yours truly in politics, let’s just say (as I grin), I’m much too direct, much too sentimental, and frankly prefer the power of the proverbial pen. But I certainly know a few people I would love to see in the political arena, with broad viewpoints on the world (the result of their years and their experience), curious and creative minds, and deep wells of knowledge that would help them solve problems and make good decisions.
If only if only if only… And in the meantime, I loved your post! (You always tempt me when you flash leopard. Does that make me a wolf who cannot change her spots?) 😉
Happy holidays, Marsha! xo
I agree with MARSHA!
STUNNING……………
I hope your BOYS come home for the HOLIDAYS and your significant other KNOWS how to SHOP for YOU! If he needs a clue……. have him contact ME! I think I know what rocks your boat……… SHOES!
MERRY MERRY CHRISTMAS!
XO
Contessa, You always make me smile. (I think I saw a shoebox tucked among my significant other’s things… but shhhh, don’t tell him I saw it.)
I agree with Marsha and Contessa, a truly stunning post. Peace of mind. Yes. And, for me, a warm house filled with both of my sons — the first Christmas since 2011 they both will be home. What more do I need?
Sounds perfect, Judith. xo
Financial security is such a freedom that is so often under appreciated or under rated… What a gift and this is truly a wonderful piece of writing…
I always think to myself how cleverly you manage to say what I am thinking… how I read and nod along… Such generous words D.A… Thank you… xv
The perfect list… Christmas is a time for family and friends, reflection and, hopefully, peace.
… a little indulgence is OK but, it seems to have gone a little too far these days.
You always do very thought provoking posts and they are a delight to read. Wishing you and yours, a wonderful Christmas, filled with love and togetherness. XXXX
This is wonderful! I love your gifts. They come from the heart and are priceless!! I hope I have #3, aspire to have #4 and am working hard to ensure #1 & #2! You express yourself so beautifully. Reading you is a delight.
xo
This is beautifully written and you exress so well the pain that we probably all know, faced with a loved one who is suffering for whatever reason. What you describe is more than a gift to be purchased it is a magic wand to be waved …. if only
Sharon
x
Beautifully written and full of wise words that will make me think all day. I agree with Sharon, if only those with good, generous hearts could be given magic wands to make things better for people they love and the causes they care about. I would certainly give you one!
Thanks for the gift of your words, I will carry them with me this season. XO
Yet again – thoughtful and provoking. And – needless to say – so perfectly written!
What else can I say (in my imperfect English – grrh).
I had some little problems with this month’s post. Thinking about all the misery and refuges in the world, people who have not even a roof over their heads by now. And we are talking about gifts and money….
However – thank you for your post!
Warmest greetings from the Périgord – from Europe where we are very close to all “boat people” in these days, people who had to leave their countries, looking for a better life and future.
Karin
I’m so glad you mention those outside our own countries, Karin. It’s so easy to close our eyes, even temporarily, to all that we have where we are and all those who are seeking a better life for themselves and their families by leaving their homes. (More Americans should read the foreign press; it might be helpful for putting things into perspective – good, bad, and everything in between.) Happy holidays to you and yours.
What a gift you have given each of us with your thoughts today – thank you so much for sharing. Like you, I do not desire wealth for the monetary sake, but would relish the freedom (even mental freedom) it could provide.
As I read, I couldn’t help but remember that the seemingly negative experiences of my life have also offered gifts: resiliency, compassion, empathy, connection and clarity. I’m not sure I could possess these with the same vigor were I not compelled to do so through challenging days.
I wish you well and I pray for contentment and comfort during the holiday season. I’m grateful for the online gathering place you have created.
Wonderful post, and so much to think about. YES to financial security, as opposed to wealth. YES to greater peace of mind and shaking off some of life’s stress. YES to doing whatever we can to alleviate suffering in the world, and advance equality (including economic).
I agree those gifts that you would like to give your friend sound great to me. Really, I would be happy to receive them. These are things that are important.
Financial security sounds great as well.
I think another great gift would be the sense to know that my children are going to be taken care of in all ways. Talk about a reliever of stress.
I am so sorry that I am late to this but am so grateful that I didn’t miss it for your writing on this subject is so beautiful…and important. I especially love that you would give away what money you didn’t need. I don’t often do the “if I won the lottery” imagination game but gifts for my loved ones is always what thrills me the most when I do…and yes, they are all of the practical kind.