Success. It’s such a loaded word in this society, and generally, associated with money or recognition.
For some, success is quieter and all about the quality of their lives – family, responsibility, their creative output.
However you define success, it takes work. Hard work.
The people I consider successful are those individuals who inspire me, who reassure me, on whom I can rely. They are people I respect – for the way they lead their lives more than what they may have seemingly accomplished. And always, when faced with obstacles and setbacks, even their inevitable failures, they get up, they buck up, and they keep on going.
Dealing with Disappointment
I was talking to an old friend not long ago – someone with whom I share a very long history and one that makes me smile. We’ve known each other through many adventures and disappointments, and as we were catching up, she commented on my mood.
She asked how things were going, and the way she asked, I suspect she was trying to determine if she needed to tell me to slow down, or instead, encourage me to buck up. She also wondered if I might be depressed.
I mentioned some of what was going well, and likewise, some disappointments I have yet to fully accept and then resolve. I also told her I was very tired.
Fatigue versus Depression
We all know that fatigue and depression are interrelated. We understand that one can feed the other and it may be difficult to distinguish where the originating problem lies.
Depression may leave us physically tired and mentally fuzzier than usual, but so does too much stress, lack of sleep, or simply pushing ourselves to a point of near (or actual) burnout. In fact, many of my friends are caught in a cycle of work that is so extreme as to keep them teetering on the edge of exactly that.
According to this Healthline article, which references a European study:
… patients suffering from depression [are] four times more likely to suffer fatigue. Patients suffering from fatigue are three times more likely to become depressed.
Among the helpers to break the cycle in either case – fatigue or depression – exercise.
My Get Up and Go? It Got Up and Went.
I remember an expression my mother used to use when I was a child. “My get up and go just got up and went” she would say from time to time. But the fact is, despite a lifelong struggle with obesity, she was a high energy woman both physically and mentally. I don’t recall seeing her tired until I was an adult, and more so when she hit her sixties and seventies, significantly impaired by the excessive weight.
I also imagine there were psychological causes in the mix. My mother’s mind was sharp but an increasingly bitter attitude surely took a toll.
My reality at present? When I’m being honest with myself, I feel as if my “get up and go” just got up went, no doubt the result of an extended period of juggling a multitude of tasks – all completed – but now I’m feeling the after effects. Go figure… And I thought I’d put my Superwoman days behind me.
Hello, Spring?
I may not be facing snow drifts at my door, but I’m clear on this: when skies are grey and temperatures chilly, I want to hibernate. I tend to lose my good exercise habits (walking), adding to fatigue, which in turn impacts my mood.
I’m aware that I’ve lost my exercise routine in recent months largely due to an unforgiving schedule. And this brings the issue of fatigue versus depression into focus – at least for me. I know depression; I lived through it after my father died, after divorce and layoff, after losing my home, after Empty Nest.
I am not depressed but I sure am tired, and like millions of Americans, I can’t figure out how to manage some much needed time off. Now that’s depressing, don’t you think?
Bucking Up
Though I have no plans to take a break in the offing, I’m not going to take that lying down! We always have options, and surely my creative problem-solving skills can cook up something. And I say as much recognizing that fatigue can lead to depression (note the statistics above).
I can also resolve that an absence of vacation doesn’t mean giving up on higher levels of energy – and soon – if I’m willing to pay attention, change my habits, and consider how I might work smarter and live “saner.” I can focus on my own definition of success, reassess as needed, understand that I’ve taken on new and additional responsibilities (and pushed nothing off the plate), and adjustments are required.
I’ve been dragging for months – and I know it. How easy it is for women (especially) to do this to ourselves. (My male friends typically don’t; for my female friends, that’s not the case.) But we can always shift and nudge a little, can’t we? Isn’t it a matter of bucking up and stepping up, reminding ourselves that we’re only human, and understanding the importance of a modicum of self-care?
Maggie says
Thanks for the reminder that we all need to take better care of ourselves, and that we do have options. I do think it’s easier, however, to engage in self-care when we are merely (!) fatigued, versus depressed. A simple walk sounds like a great idea — it’s forward moving, yet you choose your own pace — literally a ‘step in the right direction’. Walk, talk, rest — a few of the best four-letter words I know. Hang in there – Spring IS coming!
D. A. Wolf says
And thank you for stopping by and reading. “Walk, talk, rest” – sounds like a good formula to me! Wishing you an early Spring as well, Maggie.
Robin says
As you are aware, I do not work outside the home at a job that pays money. But, moving four times in four years? It stressed me to my limits. I walked miles when we lived in the city. There was always something new to see and familiar faces in the neighborhood. We moved to live near our grandchildren. The suburbs are not as friendly as the city. I have found myself very unhappy and fatigued.
Truthfully, there is nothing fun about walking in the suburbs. It couldn’t be more boring. I recently bought some yoga DVD’s. They are called Yoga for Beginners and Beyond. I set up my mat when I go to bed. When I wake up, I turn on the DVD and do a little yoga. It can be as short as six minutes or much longer. I am a beginner; still learning the poses. I found it is a great way to start my day. I also added some meditation apps to my phone. It is a good way to take a 3 to 4 minute break during the day.
I’m not much for “bucking up”. Maybe, I misunderstood what you were saying. I am in full agreement and favor the idea of taking care of yourself.
Curtis says
Meditation apps … I never thought of that. Are any them good?
D. A. Wolf says
I agree with you on the energy (and walking) when it comes to the city, Robin. So much more interesting – for some of us, anyway.
Four moves in as many years? That’s an incredible amount of stress. Can’t imagine!
Heather in Arles says
I loved this post (as always your honesty is amazing DA) and Robin’s response as well. A little goes a long way and starting yoga is an open book. As someone who suffers from depression, I know that it is a Catch-22 cycle with fatigue: if only you can be active, it will help you feel better but within depression you can’t find the possibility to be active…
Susan Bonifant says
When I’ve been in that lethargic state (always the winter months) I say one thing to myself which is “move”. Move when I don’t feel like it, move for five minutes, move to finish a small task, but MOVE. Sometimes, I can jumpstart a better energy level, but at least for the time I’m in motion, I feel better. Just move. It has also helped me to abruptly change scenery (part of moving) and just get someplace else where the mind must step up. I don’t know if that helps, but lethargy can bring all the systems down a notch if you don’t resolve to, as one friend puts it, “fake it til you make it.” This post spoke to more than a few people, I’m sure.
D. A. Wolf says
Thanks for this comment, Susan. I hadn’t thought of the word lethargy, but it applies. And your right, it seems to drag everything else down. “Moving” is excellent advice – even if only a few laps around the home office!
Robin says
These were all free Android apps. I like them. I use at least one of them every day. Buddhist Meditation… The Secret to Happiness and Success… Meditation Words (has bell and ocean sounds as options) – it also has a variety of meditations, including Christian, Buddhist… Another one is called Take a Break – there is an audio guidance meditation and another one that has some simple stretches you can do at your desk (they also have some too purchase). If you use an iPhone, there is a good one called Calm.com. You can put that on your laptop, too. It will have an Android version.
lisa says
A wonderful post to remind us to pay attention to our mental and physical health/needs. Physical and mental health are so closely aligned…and essential to overall good health. Sometimes I get really tired of *bucking up* and simply want to retreat and sequester myself away from everything. Rarely does that happen, but I can’t help thinking it from time to time. It’s obvious to me that we can’t *buck up* unless we have the mental and emotional strength to do so. That seems to be the defining difference between the people who have the resolve to survive and those that are willing to succumb to the abyss.
Kyle says
When I moved to England I was given some great advice on how to keep sane despite the (often) miserable weather. My friend told me to get the appropriate foul weather gear and walk outside every day. It worked there and I’ve kept to it this horrible winter. Regardless of the temperature or elements I force myself to get out in it – even when the dogs refuse to come with me. I practice yoga too but being outdoors is what clears my fog. I’ve lived through depression and although being outside isn’t the cure, it certainly helped me cope.