It’s that time of year.
Darkness comes earlier and the temperatures are falling. It’s worse at night than during the day, but it’s creeping up on you – the loneliness – especially acute as the holiday season approaches.
Maybe you love this time of year, but you miss the way “it was” or you long for the way the media paints family and romance; you’re alone, and feeling the weight of the upcoming November and December festivities without the requisite partner, parties, and possibilities.
I adore the holidays! But I certainly know what it’s like to be lonely – on your own, in a marriage. Loneliness is more acute when expectations run high, when media reinforces what family “ought to” look like, when you’re not feeling at your best physically.
Holiday Blues?
Personally, I look forward to the holiday season. I don’t enjoy seeing decorations go up on the first of November, but that aside, I’m humming along to jingle bells, running recipes through my head, and hoping I will still fit my jeans when all is said and done, and we turn the pages of our calendars to another year.
But it hasn’t been so long since the holiday season meant putting my boys on a plane to see their father – on one of those alternating schedules that meant their packing and grumbling, and yours truly choking back tears. I’ve also had years when I’ve loved shopping for gifts, but the budget was so tight I couldn’t help but recall happier and easier times, though possibly through rose-colored glasses.
I was disheartened by what I thought I couldn’t provide, and worried that my kids would suffer as a result.
These days, I look forward to having the people I love around for part of the holiday season at least. My days of the blues are gone – for now – but I’m aware of how hard this time of year is on many.
Tips on Beating the Blues
Psychology Today points out that overloading our schedules (along with our expectations) can contribute to feeling down.
In “10 Tools for Dealing With Holiday Depression,” we’re reminded to pay attention to basics, like
- exercise and eating right
- getting enough sleep
- not taking on too much
And if we’re separated from loved ones, whatever the reason, we should acknowledge the feelings and not pretend we don’t miss those who are no longer a part of our lives.
Seasonal Affective Disorder, SAD for short, can also be a factor. So be sure to get enough light!
Perking Up if You Fear Feeling Down
If you’re feeling blue or if you know someone who is likely to feel down this time of year, consider planning ahead and making sure you have activities, or quiet time you’ll really enjoy, or include others in your traditions.
Here are words around the web on loneliness, isolation, and perking up when you’re feeling low – columns from around the web, and some of my own.
A timely reminder, D. I am lucky to have much family to spend the holidays with; in fact, my own issues at this time of year stem from not having enough alone time. So it is with a nod to your wisdom that I read your suggestions about remembering the basics, especially the one about keeping some open space on my calendar.
Enjoy your weekend!
I am the exact opposite. This time of year is exhilarating to me. I love the holidays…I love the time change… candles in the evening…holiday music…cooler weather clothing…Starbuck’s red cups…
I guess because down here we have so much sun…so much heat…that it often affects my mood and gets me down. But this time of year is a boost for me. I understand it can be difficult for others and for very good reasons. But, I am one who hopes to spread a little cheer!!
This post is just in time for the time of year when the holiday blues are about to hit!
The holidays do not make me feel blue. I enjoy the holidays whether it’s just me and my husband, or a gathering of family and/or friends. We have done it every which way. I’m even okay spending a holiday by myself.
Family Expectations: The feeling that gets to me during the holidays is stress. And I hate to say it, but there is only one person who causes that. It is my mother. She misses what was, when I was a child – when she was a child. We lived in a community with all of her family and some of my father’s. They lived there all of their lives, so the holidays were busy with lots of visiting and entertaining with family and friends that my parents had known since childhood and remained friends with all their lives.
My parents divorced. My family is spread out. We don’t all live in one place. But, more importantly, my family is a big mess (years ago allegations of sexual abuse split the family even further apart than geography will do), so it is impossible to revisit the days of holiday’s past. It seems to fall on me to be my mother’s holiday source of joy. That is too much pressure for me.
I have started singing Christmas songs already 🙂
Have a great weekend! My grandchildren are spending the night!
Oh Rob. Families can be so tough to deal with. We assume the fairy tale, and it’s rarely true.
Wishing you a wonderful time with your grandkids!
xo
It’s remembering days of old that are hard. And it’s a lot of pressure, like you say, to have the Norman Rockwell pictures. I love the holidays, as you pointed out you do, and let go of any expectations for them to be other than they are. Which are still rich, as always, if we focus on that. Thanks for the pointers and links. I’ve shared them on FB – timely.