Recently, I addressed the (recurring) theme of finding balance in our work and family lives, through the health route. Specifically, I was addressing the issue of insufficient sleep, and reminding myself that to shortchange in that area is to shortchange everywhere else.
In my enthusiasm, I penned my personal fantasy formula: BALANCE was comprised of sleep, eat, walk, work.
While not intended to incorporate timeframes or priorities, only hours later did I realize how incomplete that equation is.
Where is the time for parenting? For socializing? For sex?
Bodily Functions?
What about running to the store for toilet paper? What about time to… you know, use it? And dashing around town as you price shop for the best organics or the paper towels in bulk, not to mention gas for the car?
And where is our model for prioritizing, “living in the moment,” and being Not So Crazed as an example for our over-scheduled children from whom we expect moderate and reasonable behavior – at least some of the time?
Crazed, “Busy,” Or…
Crazed? Busy? Convincing yourself that balance is nonetheless achievable?
Here’s the dilemma – not just my own narrow focus (due to lack of sleep?) on what comprises “balance” for purposes of health – sleep, eat, walk, work – but the very fact that there’s so much on our plates, we can’t possibly manage it all. There are only 24 hours in a day, last I heard.
Something has to give, especially if you don’t have much assistance to share the load, and certainly, the load is better borne by two (especially when there are kids) than by one.
But what gives? Your ability to make a living, that may indeed require far more than 8 or 10 hours each day, or your health? The quality of your relationships? Friendship? What if you’ve already re-prioritized, downsized, reconfigured and you’re still running ragged?
Let’s Talk About Sleep
While we might argue that 8 hours of sleep out of every 24 hour cycle is or isn’t needed, surely we can agree that 4 or 5 is insufficient. Let’s even assume 6 hours per night, shall we? What does that leave for everything else? And what if the quality of sleep is poor, interrupted, or sleep cycles are erratic?
No matter. We’ll keep on trucking, right?
Besides, if we sleep 6 we still have a whopping 18 hours of time we can fill! That should be plenty!
Let’s Talk About Healthy Eating
We know we enjoy eating more when we do it as a group. We also know that what’s important is not only portions and frequency of eating, but what we’re eating – and keeping it both healthy and affordable. For the moment, I’d like to focus purely on the time involved. With a family, an adult might need to devote 3 hours of the day to cooking and eating. In my case, these days, when my Man is about, I’ll estimate that at 2 hours, though he enjoys a leisurely meal as a means to relax and savor.
Now we’re sitting at 15 hours, generally speaking.
Let’s Talk about Exercise
I’m skipping to exercise because it’s an easier discussion in terms of time. For some of us, 20 to 40 minutes each day is sufficient – running, biking, walking – easy on the accessibility (if no inclement weather). Naturally, we have to dress for the exercise, get ourselves to and from if applicable, and typically, shower after. Now are we talking an hour each day?
We’re at 14 hours remaining.
Let’s Talk About Work
My work schedule? I admit it’s nuts. It’s usual for me to work a minimum of 12 hours each day, and 4 to 10 hours each weekend day, depending on circumstances. Hey. A girl has to keep herself in shoes.
Seriously, what if your work week truly requires this level of effort to pay your bills and support your family?
Just keep going… until you drop? Setting that issue aside for a moment, can we agree that 10+ hours/day is spent on commuting and performing work, regardless of the quality of performance? Using 10 hours for a work day, we have 4 hours remaining.
Life in All Its Glory… and Tedium
And the grocery shopping? And the cleaning? And parenting? And socializing? And reading or listening to music or the dentist or the unexpected ‘whatever’ – and yes, I’m mixing apples and oranges but it’s all fruit.
The fruit of our labors, or not so much…
Is balance little more than a myth of an unachievable promised land – at least for some of us?
My Real Life
My own reality is this: work = 12 to 14 hours/day, exercise = 40 minutes/day about 5 days/week, eating = 1 hour/day, sleeping = 5 to 6 hours/day – everything else 2 to 3 hours/day, which includes shopping for necessities, relationship, reading, socializing, dentist or doctor, picking up office supplies, cleaning, the periodic “kid” things that arise, and anything else that comes up. When I was actively parenting two boys on my own, they got the 2 to 3 hours/day, generally speaking, and I got less sleep.
This is an American dilemma – a complex one, and not an individual issue though pop culture would tell us otherwise. Rather, individuals are caught in cultural, economic, and political frameworks that we buy into – or simply can’t find our way out of. It’s the hamster wheel on which we’re trapped and spinning, trying to figure out why we can’t quite achieve that “balance.”
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Balance and lack of it is a topic near and dear to me right at this moment. I work best with routine in my life and when something throws the routine out of whack, I feel fatigued and overwhelmed. Lately my daughter’s family has required a lot of me…my down times have been few. My routine…out the window. Each time I think life is back to where it was just a few months ago, more is required of me. What I try to do is tell myself this is just for a short time and she really needs me for this time. I hope I am right. I am still exercising, teaching and freelance writing, eating properly and all that. But, my sleep is not as scheduled as it used to be. SIGH…just as I get that balance, LIFE HAPPENS.
I’m with Pam! Our daughter and her family under roof has completely thrown off my routine. I used to be able to walk an hour every night, but that’s gone. Peanut’s Mama must work past 5pm many nights a week…and with Daddy away at school, so much of the evening caregiving falls to me. Down time? LOL! Do you remember what’s it’s like to live with a 5 year old? And in January I resume my adjunct teaching. Perfect. 🙂 Let the chaos continue.
So on point…trying to get 8 hours of sleep nightly – not gonna happen!
I was just looking at the agenda for the rest of my (work) day (and night)… Sadly, Antoinette, for many of us I believe that’s true. And it will be true until structural changes to our work environments and our society as a whole begin to change. But I do believe the “village” concept could help all of us much more, if we were willing to let down barriers and reach out to each other, and not just in our child-raising years.
Thanks so much for stopping by and reading, and wishing you as many zzzzs as possible!
You knew you were going to hear from me when it came to talking about balance 🙂 A couple of things to remember: the pendulum doesn’t stay put, but continues to sway us one way or another. Balance, to me, means remaining aware of what needs attention, and trying to put (or let) other things be on auto-pilot to give that the attention it deserves. No one’s life is every really balanced for more than a moment. But being aware of it will hopefully mean that nothing that’s truly important to us gets completely way-sided. On exercise: there are other ways to exercise and the time you and your man spend together counts 🙂 Other things that count? I park near nothing and allow myself those moments of walking. (Probably about the same amount of time others spend circling the parking lot, looking for a better spot.) Housecleaning counts, doing some sit-ups while watching TV counts. Sometimes you have to get creative in finding your balance!
All of this is not to diminish your point, of course. It’s not easy. But it is important to remember what’s truly important to YOU (or whomever). Right now, I’m planning an arbitrary day off work to catch up on some zzzs.
Being a workaholic has always been highly regarded in America, but now due to the glut of people all competing for each job no matter how low-paying or tedious, competition has led to fears that just fuel the fires for regularly working over time and then some.
I currently have two part time jobs ( one an office job, the other in direct sales) along with writing articles and coaching clients about divorce and co-parenting challenges.
Yes, it’s my very own “daily plate of crazy” but I seize each day and revel in the fact that I am on my way.