Empathetic. Don’t we all like to think that describes us?
We’re considerate, attentive, able to show compassion – at least when appropriate. We do not dismiss the pain of others. We try to understand, to put ourselves in the shoes of someone who may be suffering, confused, down on his luck.
But empathy isn’t a given. Examples of that fact are everywhere, and apparently recent research is supporting the (observed?) notion that in general, the rich are less empathetic.
Or, as in this New York Times article puts it, “Rich People Just Care Less.”
Do Rich People Really Have No Empathy?
Psychologist Daniel Goleman writes:
A growing body of recent research shows that people with the most social power pay scant attention to those with little such power…
… the poor, compared with the wealthy, have keenly attuned interpersonal attention in all directions…
The implications for our society aren’t difficult to discern. Income inequality is vast and growing, the greater the (less than empathetic) power players we have in government, the more likely it is that policy decisions are made without the ability to put a human face on problems.
Hello, healthcare? Hello, shut-down, at a cost of $300 million a day?
Lack of Empathy, Tied to Societal Narcissism?
Dr. Goleman points out:
In politics, readily dismissing inconvenient people can easily extend to dismissing inconvenient truths about them.
Well, that’s one way to put it, along with what I might call a prevailing societal narcissism, in which we’ve forgotten the principles we claim to embody in this country – a sense of collective responsibility for our neighbors and the less fortunate. Might anyone recall “Give me your tired, your poor, etcetera?” And indeed, Dr. Goleman mentions Freud’s “narcissism of minor differences,” as he states:
Social distance makes it all the easier to focus on small differences between groups and to put a negative spin on the ways of others and a positive spin on our own.
Empathy, you say?
Right. Those who know suffering are more at ease with extending a helping hand. How many of us have encountered this in our own lives, over and over again?
Empathy as Prerequisite to Generosity
He who has been through layoff and unemployment is far more willing to assist in passing along contacts for his neighbor, just cut in a restructure.
She who has lost her life savings to a single medical crisis is more understanding of the need for healthcare overhaul that addresses systemic problems.
She or he who has been divorced and dragged through the family courts, enriching attorneys and left with years of debt while raising children is more likely to skip the platitudes for the divorcing acquaintance.
Are those who have been through hard times more likely to be generous with others? Is empathy a prerequisite to generosity?
Philanthropy, Empathy
We have examples of the uber-wealthy giving vast sums to “charitable organizations.” That’s generosity, right? The result is good work, isn’t it?
Naturally, the answer is yes to both of those rhetorical questions. Of course, institutional generosity is also good PR, a great feeling (without getting too close to the problem), and generally comes with tax benefits. And no, I’m not discounting the positive results that derive from philanthropy, but they’re of a different sort than empathetic responses that inherently recognize human value.
Cultural Empathy
Empathy isn’t simply about sustaining better relationships with family members, friends, and co-workers. It impacts our lives in more subtle (and potentially hazardous) ways, which is clearly Dr. Goleman’s point. Yet what is it in American society that has gone missing? How have we so decimated and polarized communities, that once reached out and helped one another?
I’ve lived elsewhere and experienced the more “natural” acts of kindness and community that we’re hard-pressed to see in the U.S. Or, more precisely, in many segments of American society.
So how do we regenerate empathy as both value and practice? How do we manage it when our children are little, as we shut down Headstart (for example), as “non-essential,” but keep paying our Congressmen?
The Empathy Gap
Reflecting on the income gap and more, Dr. Goleman concludes:
I fear the expansion of an entirely different gap… Reducing the economic gap may be impossible without also addressing the gap in empathy.
How do we change cultural values? Are we back to one more dilemma of the chicken and the egg?
You May Also Enjoy:
I think the empathy gap is especially marked in our society, which is structured in a way that we are a culture of “me” rather than “we.” There is no feeling that “we are all in this together.” Rather, there is us (the 99%) and them (the 1%).
Thanks for raising so many good points.
Great questions, as always, BLW.
Though I do agree there seems to be a great lack of empathy, I’m not sure it’s unique to American culture. When Hubby and I traveled France and Italy, we encountered countless individuals literally brought to their poverty stricken knees on the sidewalks, and everyone was passing them by. We put spare change into cup after can after basket until we realized the magnitude of the dilemma, and recognized that we’d never make it out of the country with out shirts on, if we continued dropping coins into every collection plate… We traveled the US extensively and have never encountered such disparity, which leads me to believe we have a large population of empathetic communities taking care of one another…
That said, there does seem to be a decrease in the numbers of people who are involved, and I definitely agree with Judith, that we are seeing more and more people caught up in the “Me” mentatlity versus the “We.”
What so many of us fail to realize is that our giving doesn’t have to come from burgeoning bank accounts. Empathy comes in many forms. My daughter won a Girls’ State interview because her answer to the question, “How do you describe charity” with this something like this: “Giving doesn’t always have to come in monetary form. It can be an action as simple as noticing an elderly person reaching for something in the grocery and offering assistance.”
I, myself, have a elderly widow for a neighbor, someone who is on a fixed budget. About once a month I fill a bag with toilet paper, paper towels, tissues, and an occasional Bath ‘n Body Works’ Buy-one-get-one-free scented bath gel or hand soap as a little treat. We’re on a very tight budget, but when I can, those are the types of things that run through my mind. They’re small contributions, but ones that make a difference in the life of one person…
In addition to encouraging the “We” mentality and setting those examples, sometimes we can also share the knowledge that our charitable contributions can be small…
Judith beat me to it and Annah Elizabeth’s response also expressed what I was thinking. I remember growing up in a “We” society and now it is a “Me” society. I really feel that the rise of social media and the splintering of interhuman contact is a big part of the reason behind it. And also–we move now more easily than before so being a part of an extended family or community is not necessarily a given.
There has been a homeless man parked out if front of our building for the past few months and I can definitely say that the wealthiest people always ignore him, it is usually those that look as if they are under duress themselves that don’t…
Call me a simpleton – but I may have an answer at my post today – lightly addressing the topic. I DO think it has to start at a grass roots level – to foster a feeling of community. And yes, I’ve walked the streets of Italy and seen beggars literally on the ground with cups held outward like Judith mentioned above. It’s one reason I tend to lean Republican – because I’m so in favor of State’s rights. The federal government and the machinations of DC are so huge and seemingly impenetrable and lobbyists so strong and powerful – that if we don’t start at a State level we (at least I) feel I would drown in any attempt to make a dent or difference. Let’s start at home and work our way outward from there – like the proverbial pebble’s ripples on the water.
You certainly give a person a lot to think about! I agree with Annah, empathy and caring has to begin at the grass roots level. And that is strengthened by a sense of belonging to a community. Places where I’ve lived have banded together in many forms to help those less fortunate. A school collected coats, clothing etc for a family having financial issues and anonymously dropped bags off on their front porch. The kids came to school with the biggest smiles… dressed for the weather. Last summer I detoured into a grocery store and bought food/water/dog food for panhandlers who said they were traveling through town, obviously without much money. Our church provides extensive programs to help children of incarcerated parents, those recently released from prison, single moms and other economically-depressed communities with donations of time, money and resources.
I think it’s too easy to want to assume the government will provide everything people need. Those folks in DC seem to be the furthest away from the reality of their populace. As the saying goes…”charity begins at home.” May we all become more empathetic to those less fortunate than we are.
Heather, you make a good point and a malady quite common. I call it “afraid of the poor people” phobia. It is becoming more of a problem.
DA I think Americans do give a lot of money but your point of empathy and related acts is on target.
As far as rich v middle v poor and empathy I think it is a mixed bag regardless of demographics.
I do agree with everything that’s been said but I can’t help thinking of the work I am currently doing on myself. I am a 53 year-old woman who spent her life being too empathetic and generous (with friends , family, on the street…) and I am slowly realizing that my feeling had more to do with me being on a guilt trip from childhood, for many obscure reasons that have to do with religious conditioning and family history.
I do not wish to suppress my empathy for people but need to further develop my self-esteem, respect myself more and gradually replace the guilt trips with genuine empathy.
Sabine