Who isn’t susceptible to beauty? Who doesn’t have their own definition of what that means – especially when it comes to appearance or physical type?
I can’t say I pay much attention to beauty contests, to pageants on television, to tots in tiaras or adult women hoping to claim a crown in an attempt to turn it into a professional future.
But how could I not notice the discussion around Ms. Nina Davuluri, the Syracuse, New York native of Indian descent, who became Miss America 2014?
How can we ignore the hateful remarks made about her, or rather, should we ignore them and pretend this latest indication of prejudice does not exist?
Look at the pictures of this woman. Personally, I find her exceptionally beautiful. But that’s really not the point. My definition of physical beauty need have nothing to do with yours. My definition of opportunity, fairness, “normalcy” for that matter, ought to have something to do with yours – if you’re an adult with anything resembling common sense.
Judgmental on my part?
You bet.
Since when does the premise of diversity and equality include only certain groups?
Ah yes. Since always, though slowly… slowly… slowly… some elements of the mainstream have come to accept a broader range of the population, or at least they claim to. Yet we still insist on the young, the thin, the tall, and more often than not – the white. These are our “standards of beauty.”
On a related note, I’d like to mention the images I use on this site. There are many days when I spend an hour or more searching for a face, which may be more than I spend putting the words on the virtual page. I struggle over this; my time is precious.
But I want this place, this venue, this haven for free flow of ideas, discussion, and writing to represent the world as I see it – and as I would have it. This is my home of a sort, and reflects the manner and mindset in which I live, where all who are respectful are welcome.
I may spend 30 minutes or 60 minutes madly browsing (and growing mad), only to finally give up or settle for something that is adequate, simply because I’m out of time. Or, I get lucky and find the diversity I’m looking for – or close enough. That diversity represents America – and – a broader readership than the US, something of which I’m very proud.
So let me ask. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find images of women (especially) in their 40s, 50s, and 60s? Or women who are not skinny, or who are heavy and are not posed chomping into a burger or holding up a piece of chocolate versus an apple?
Any idea how hard it is to find images of Asian women or Indian women to use as illustrations?
I use one photo service for my images at Daily Plate of Crazy, and I’m happy with the service. But the difficulty in finding diversity remains. Certainly, it’s representative of a broader cultural (and media) issue, no doubt tied to stereotypes and, of course, to markets and money.
Let’s just say, relatively speaking, my choices are slimmer pickings in the anything but young-thin-white category and in particular, Indian, Asian, full-figured, and “older.” There’s some “image opportunity” in that department, don’t you think?
What else do I have to say on this subject?
A writer I respect tremendously tackles this topic in “On beauty and looking American” at Only You. She describes what it feels like to be petite, thin, Asian, and thereby “different” in a country that continues to place a narrow universe of options on the pedestal of beauty.
I don’t know this writer personally, which is to say that we’ve never met. I am clear on the following: she’s highly talented, thoughtful, accomplished, and exceptionally well educated. She’s a wife and mother. I imagine her family considers her all these things and beautiful as well.
I strongly recommend you read her thoughts on beauty, on what it is to be judged by your looks, to never feel as though you fit in.
Certainly, race and ethnicity aren’t the only circumstances by which prejudice and disrespect persist in this country. “Fat” remains unacceptable, especially for women. Short remains a challenge, especially for men. “Older” – however you define it – is a perilous obstacle, unless you’re positioning yourself as older for a purpose.
Sure, we’ve made strides in some areas and more so, some regions. But we have a long way to go, as this recent example of Ms. Davuluri reminds us.
What if you woke tomorrow morning in a different body with a different skin color, hair color, stature, shape? What if you woke 25 years older? How would your life change in our “land of opportunity?” Ever wonder?
Maybe you should.
Open your eyes. Beauty comes in many variations. More importantly, it really does blossom from the inside out, from our actions, our competence, our achievements, our compassion, our giving, our creating. Does any of that have anything to do with boob size, skin tone, the shape of your eyes or wrinkles on the forehead?
We can do better.
So much better.
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Thank you so much for ALL of this, D. I am in tears reading your post. It’s been a hard week in good and bad ways, with the Miss America issue and a post I read this morning judging Julie Chen’s decision to undergo plastic surgery to look more “white.” It is tiring to be angry about race. I wish I didn’t have to feel anything. I was always the kind of girl who didn’t want to be upset at these things, to rock the boat, to make other people uncomfortable.
I have always noticed the photos that you choose for your posts, and I’ve always appreciated what I knew to be huge and thoughtful efforts behind their selection. Your insightful words along with your on-line friendship have meant so much to me.
Thank you for calling attention to the so many ways in which our standards of beauty don’t make room for everyone: the short men, the middle aged and more senior, overweight women, and on and on and on. I hope the conversation keeps going.
And thank you for your beautiful words, C. And the ongoing discussion, which is so critical.
Relevant: The Dangers of Hate Propaganda
Very sad, Cathy. I agree.
Wonderful post…she is stunning and I am so glad she won…I also was excited to see so much diversity of various types in this year’s contest. I was a judge for the Miss Texas pageant one year, long ago, and it was such a pleasant surprise to meet so many intelligent women in a beauty contest…they are not all shallow and merely into their appearances. I am weary of the hate comments. I just do not understand people who spend all of their time on line talking ugly about others. I do not get it. This is a sad commentary of the times we live in and there are days I want to shut off the computer and not turn it back on.
This subject makes me want to stick my head under the covers as I wait for my stomach ache, heart break and nausea to go away.
I thank you for writing about this. I love beauty in all it’s forms. I wish for the day when the whole of a person is celebrated, and the heart and mind are prized for their beauty as well.
Physical beauty is mostly based on luck and genetics. When I was a little girl, I remember our rabbi talking about inner beauty in one of his sermons. Its time we focus on the whole person as Jan says, and on our own inner beauty, power and intelligence. Think about how much further that can take us! I agree: we can do so much better.
I hadn’t read the Twitter comments yet until I linked through from your post — appalling.
I did notice from the earliest days when I started reading your blog that you are careful to choose photos that reflect diverse backgrounds and ages. I’ve always appreciated that! You’d think the world would be a little more aware of just how diverse our nation is, but here’s an example that’ll make you wince. I received not too long ago a postcard from the university where I attended graduate school on a “minority fellowship” meant to increase diversity in a largely Caucasian campus. The card was meant to solicit donations from alumni — and it pictured an all-white cast of students holding letters that spelled out its message! Somebody goofed when they were putting that shoot together …
Goofed… I’ll say, CT… In these times? Very, very surprising.
Yes, yes, yes. Beauty comes in different shapes, colors, heights and ages.
I appreciate a beauty that can be discovered, that isn’t in your face – in women and in men. An inner energy, passion, sensuality, kindness, intelligence. That’s beauty. And men who don’t see me because I’m in my 50’s, frankly don’t interest me.
So there.
Barbara, I’ll second all of the above!