I imagine a few of you do this… brag about your age, or at least speak the number proudly whether you’re 25 or 65.
But I suspect that more of you own your age at 25 than when you’re over 50, depending on the context in which the question may be posed.
For that matter, hesitation to tell the truth about your age may begin creeping in by your mid-forties.
I also wonder how many of you have lied about your age, depending on the circumstances.
Or would you prefer that I call it “fudging?”
A recent New York Times story caught my attention, as the writer acknowledges the age bias in contemporary culture, while suggesting that our aging population should stop playing the numbers game.
Embracing 60
In “Embrace Your Age and Conquer the World,” Peggy Klaus notes that she celebrated 60 with some trepidation, concerned with what others would think about her, among other things.
Aware that there’s nothing new in this phenomenon, she explains:
Sometime between 50 and 60, I’ve found, people tend to stop publicizing their age.
She also writes:
I want to propose that we over-50s start to own — even embrace — how old we are. With nearly 80 million baby boomers alive today, we have the numbers to tackle ageism.
And I think that’s a fabulous sentiment!
Ageism in the Workforce
However, Ms. Klaus concedes that this isn’t so simple in the real world, as she offers her own experience:
… there are legitimate reasons for boomers to be cagey about their age. In social situations, we fear that people will treat us differently. And in the workplace, age discrimination is very much alive.
She goes on to relate the stories of friends – highly qualified – whose job opportunities dried up in their late 40s. Let’s think about that for a moment. Anecdote or not, who among us doesn’t know someone in similar straits? Who doesn’t know someone over 50, unemployed, and struggling to find paying work?
While I applaud Ms. Kraus’s spirit, and I wish we were all in a position to discount age, focusing instead on what each of us brings to the table, this isn’t our reality. Who hasn’t made judgments based on someone’s aging appearance, much less the year of their birth?
How Do You Eradicate Bias?
Whatever the “ism” – ageism, sexism, racism – how do we stamp it out? Sure, we can legislate against discrimination but that’s only a partial solution, and in the case of ageism, it’s extremely easy to get around. Ms. Klaus is quite right that we need to alter our thinking, our perceptions, our culture.
But how do we do that with media bombarding us with products and services (and surgeries) to keep us “young,” not to mention the message that younger is better? How do we balance the need to compete with the desire to fully own our experience and yes, our age?
How do we change that bias so we may go about the business of living, loving, and earning our keep – regardless of our age and in an economy with too few jobs?
Growing Older With… Or Without… Money
Is bragging about (or admitting to) one’s age realistic – financially?
What about those who are in the job market and looking for work at 50+? Or 60+? Or in and out of the job market as contractors, freelancers, or “portfolio” workers? What about those women in the dating market, where age is very much an issue, certainly online?
- Would you brag about your age? If in your 50s? In your 60s or older?
- If the answer is yes, do you have a secure job, money in the bank, and a life partner – that last, if you choose to have one?
- How might the picture change for you, if you didn’t have at least the first or the second in that list?
- How might the picture change if you’re recently divorced – “gray” divorced – and about to enter the dating pool?
- Are you in a profession in which age is a serious deterrent to continuing to earn your living?
Aging Attitude, Aging Defiance
I certainly agree with this: Given that Boomers are 80 million strong out of an American population of roughly 300 million, the potential for impact is enormous. And let’s face it – Baby Boomers aren’t willing to exit the stage quietly. Among other things, they’re both desirous of and in need of continuing to work past “traditional” retirement age.
If not bragging about one’s age – or shouting it to the rooftops in defiance – what alternatives might facilitate a more respectful presence?
What might work – beyond self-confidence or the surgeon’s scalpel?
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I’ve done 2 radio shows recently and in both I intentionally led with my age. 59. Even more than when I was younger I feel the need to be clear about my age. Single, self-employed and female, with graying hair –yes there may be times when ageism enters the picture. I believe being unashamed and comfortable with my/our age can diminish some of the power of discrimination.
Yes, I’ve lost jobs due to age. And, I’ve encountered men on dating sites who want younger women–but that’s just the way it is. Nothing that we can do about that and giving in to the lure to fake it isn’t a viable answer. So, I totally agree with Ms. Klaus. For me it’s a matter of ignoring the media and keeping it in perspective-not a valid indicator of who I am.
I will be 61 in October 2013. No fudging; that’s up there. But I’m lucky; I have a job and can continue to work. And here’s the amusing part of the story: my boss is 67 and there is no mandatory retirement age.
If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, the corollary may be that age is in the mind of the beholder. To a twenty-something, I am sure that I am “old” or appear “old.” However, I am still lucid (no comments from the peanut gallery) and I like to think I can hold my own. It does, though, amuse me to no end to think that when that twenty something is my age, I will be dead and long gone. Ha ha.
Life is out there. Let’s live it to the maximum. Who cares about age? I’ve never forgotten a saying I heard a long time ago.
“We all go through life once. We can go kicking and screaming, but we’re going to go through this once.”
Just some interesting observations about age:
When I was about 15 pounds over my current ideal weight, comments about how young I look for my age stopped. Now that I have lost 10 of those, I am hearing the comments again.
One reason I am perceived as younger is that I have very few gray hairs. My genetic legacy will probably allow me to never go completely gray.
My mother hid her age all of her life. Once, as a child, when I accidentally revealed her era (seriously she always looked 20 years younger than she was, and still does), she humiliated me in front of her friends. I vowed I would never hide my age or make a big deal of the fact that I, too, am an older mom. She currently delights in shocking people by telling them her true age – 96. She started proudly revealing her age at about age 80.
A forum I participate on recently had a thread where members could list 50 things about themselves. I noted that the over 50 members had profound accomplishments and deep wisdom in their replies. The 20 somethings would refer to food or clothing or TV shows.
My medical field, Hospice, welcomes older clinicians. This is one place where life experience is necessary. Clients I see have occasionally requested a different social worker or chaplain because he/she was too young! They perceive someone young as being inexperienced.
2 weeks ago we backpacked high in the mountains, a grueling hike, to beautiful high alpine lakes. I delighted that I was the oldest female hiker, by at least 2 decades, up there. Of course I included that fact in my trip summary for friends and family. I am proud of my physical accomplishments at this age – more so with a bum knee and recent shoulder surgery.
I have been very vocal about turning 60! . So far, people seem to be surprised when I tell them I am 60 and I confess that I love those reactions. I truly believes that opportunities exist for all of us and reinvention is possible. I see great things happening for a lot of women I know over 50. I really do not see any reason to lie about our ages. All we need to do is OWN IT!
Pam, I’m curious. Would you feel the same without a predictable income and/or a spouse?
Turning 65 in a month and getting medicare. I don’t look my age and people are shocked when I tell them I have sons 42 and 40. I started young but have been single for 25 years and love it. I am proud of my age. Getting medicare was interesting as I don’t feel old enough to get it but 65 is 65. I remember my Mom telling me that it was impossible that she had a daughter 40, 50 or 60 as she feels 40, 50 and 60 herself. She is totally disabled and 86 and still wants to live to 100. Alzheimer’s has a funny way of letting you live in a fantasy world. That would not be my choice but right now at 65 I feel young and active. I was depressed the most at my 30th birthday with a husband and 2 kids than I do now free of caring for anyone.
I wonder if some of the reluctance to admit age has to do with how a woman perceives herself. Sometimes I think circumstance may influence the decision, but many times I see women lie because of an insecurity within themselves on what age they “should” be for the situation they’re in. And that may relate directly to our culture’s constant messages on beauty and worth! I say whatever the age, own it! I’m coming up on 56 next January and my mom is flaunting 80 this December. Girl power. 🙂
56. Fine with that.
“Turn 68, you re-negotiate.” -Mayer
We’ll see then.
I call myself a boomer and let it go at that. The older I get the less I’m concerned about the response. I think when/if I reach 80 I won’t give a damn anymore. One reason I like high school reunions is that nobody can lie about it.
I’m only going on 35, but I’m certainly proud of that. 35 years I’ve been on this planet: learning, loving, growing….it’s been a great ride so far and can’t wait to see where it goes from here. Here’s to another 35 years and more!
I take on board your concerns about jobs and ageism. Putting that aside, I can’t imagine myself ever lying about my age to anyone. I’ve never felt the wish to do that since I was under-age to drink in a bar. The year Oprah turned 50 a small booklet accompanied O magazine. In it she celebrated her age and listed a fair few people with wealth, background, brains, talent and looks who didn’t make it to 50. Between that and the phrase I saw somewhere and adopted, “Ageing is a privilege denied to many” I’ve never given others’ perception of my age a second thought. I don’t think bragging is a nice thing to do about anything, but owning up without shame? Sure. I can’t imagine wanting another partner if anything happened to Bill, but I don’t think I’d be looking for someone bothered by a number.
Oh, and Happy New Year!
Most women these days are getting facelifts and lying about it, which makes them bragging about how well preserved they are even more disgusting.