There are subjects that remain taboo for me – to speak of them, to write of them, and if I could, I would chase them from my mind altogether.
I’m afraid I’ll jinx a happy situation, or at the very least, invite the spirits of bad luck to visit at a time when life has been going reasonably smoothly. And do note the qualification of “reasonably.”
I do not wish to tempt the fates, anger the gods, or invite the wrath of jinxed appliances that have yet to go on the fritz, the second computer held together by virtual scotch tape, the agreeable journey of my equally agreeable relationship about which I said little for more than a year. Why?
I was afraid that I might jinx it.
Worried You’re Jinxed?
You may be shaking your head. You’re telling yourself there’s no such thing as a jinx. We make our own luck.
Uh-huh.
That’s certainly pop culture wisdom these days, and I might agree that our choices and attitude certainly influence our chances for success. But can’t we give credence to the notion of the jinx? And in case you’re wondering, a jinx is defined as a type of curse that leaves one subject to a variety of misfortunes that may also be deemed “bad luck.”
Come on, now. Admit it. You’ve known people who perpetually attract trouble. They fall in with the wrong types, they stumble into the most inexplicable dramas, odd or perilous circumstances seem to find them. They may experience true hardships of the sort that no one can possibly predict, and several in sequence in a cruelly compressed time frame.
Aren’t we all familiar with the expression “bad things happen to good people” – and know it to be true?
Wouldn’t you understand if they felt somehow jinxed?
Good Luck, Bad Luck, Making Our Own Luck
So how do we explain these situations of what some might term extraordinary bad luck?
Surely these individuals aren’t “making their own luck” – despite what pop psychology would have us believe. Who chooses illness? Who chooses natural disaster? What if you’re the exception that makes the rule when it comes to the one in 10,000 chance of a database being lost in migration, the faulty engine, the computer glitch? How does anyone “choose poorly” when it comes to events outside their control?
According to Psychology Today, in this column that addresses the ways we “make” our bad luck, we may self-sabotage, which is referred to in the context of psychological reversal.
Psychological reversal is defined as
a subconscious condition of self-sabotage—that is, of making choices that bring you misery instead of well-being and the happiness you think you want.
Individuals who self-sabotage are described as more comfortable with “an underlying state of unhappiness.”
So what do you think? Sometimes this applies, and other times – not so much?
Pragmatism Over Blind Positivity?
At various points, I’ve been accused of being negative. Yes, accused. The word fits.
Ironically, I used to be chided for my excessively positive Pollyanna attitude. I never saw the bad in anyone, I believed that if you work hard everything will work out, and I stubbornly insisted on optimism – even in the face of onerous obstacles.
Somewhere along the line, I changed.
I might trace it to divorce. I might trace it to my father’s untimely death in a car accident. Then again, some changes in attitude and approach are gradual, and major events solidify a psychological process that is already ongoing. Sure, there were the usual ups and downs in a career, in a personal life, and my childhood was no piece of cake. But couldn’t we all say that to some degree?
My inclination toward naive positivity took a trouncing over these past years: raising kids on my own, money always a struggle, constantly fighting a variety of well-entrenched “systems.” Then there was my feeling that for each step forward there were two steps backward. Does that qualify as self-sabotage, an observation reflecting reality, or a little of both?
Still, I recognize that statement about falling back for what it is: a feeling, but not an empirical truth. At least, not a truth in general. My sons are doing well (I’m knocking on wood), and a good man loves me (I’m knocking on wood again).
Two steps backward?
No. Not really. At least… not right now.
Jinxing Ourselves, Rational Thought
Is it superstition or experience that has some of us hedging our bets more than others – backing up nightly, paying for a mechanic on call, keeping multiple computers, hanging on to insurance policies and warranties when others would let them lapse?
My rational mind asserts that we cannot jinx ourselves through thoughts on a page or in private conversation. Then again, the written or spoken word is powerful and subtle. We should never forget there are impacts to what we say, though we may not be aware of them.
My rational mind further asserts that we cannot jinx ourselves through specific actions. There, I must qualify. If the action borders on superstitious ritual (salt over the shoulder, a routine before public speaking), I might agree we can’t jinx ourselves.
Then again, if those rituals put us in a calmer frame of mind to perform well, then if we do without, won’t there be repercussions?
Hedging Our Bets: Self-Protection
Worrying about jinxing good fortune may take its origins in self-protection – for those who have been visited by Murphy’s Law more times than they can count, who have navigated extended painful periods that are out of their control, whose hopes have been raised and dashed too many times. It’s possible that the ups and downs that appear on the surface like anyone else’s include downs that are indelibly etched on their psyches.
As for enraging the gods, defying the good spirits of the universe, or any other belief in inadvertently attracting a passel of troubles, my rational mind offers a hearty tsk, tsk.
But that doesn’t mean I won’t back up my databases nightly, refuse to write or speak of certain subjects, much less ignore my personal taboos… just in case.
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I don’t worry about jinxes, but I do often stop to take note when things are going well. I take the time to appreciate the good times rather than take them for granted. Losing a mother at 17, getting diagnosed with breast cancer at 39 while the children are still young — maybe that felt like a jinx. How well I remember musing out loud to my husband, whilst in the midst of the full menu of cancer treatments, “Its weird to think that some people are just living normal life right now….”
Eventually my life did return to normal and I feel extraordinarily lucky. Like you I knock on wood that my two sons are healthy and doing well and that I have the love of a good man — also healthy. But I never take it for granted.
As for making your own luck, I do think that when a person makes the same mistakes over and over again in love and work, and/or continue to stay in situations that make them unhappy … and I’m thinking of a friend here….. I don’t know, are they to blame or are they just more comfortable with unhappiness and its accompanying drama….. Thinking out loud here. Love the questions you raise.
I’m too rational (as well as too romantic) to put weight in the Jinx notion. But speaking thankfully of one’s blessings can irritate and even anger some listeners, and I try to balance gratefulness and giving public thanks/acknowledgement, with the feelings and experiences of others. Whenever I give public thanks for my parents/family, and thanks for my good health, I always acknowledge my wish that all could be as fortunate as I have been in this regard, and that we should be looking for ways to make this happen. One value of my giving appreciation is that some people seem to want to deny that such good things are possible in life, and it may be appropriate for them to learn that other scenarios are possible because they really do occur (i.e., folks saying that marriage always means that sex will become boring and a duty, that all families are unhappy, that all old people need hip replacement and knee replacement, etc). It ain’t so, because here I am.
I stress that we should learn from the past and work to insure that marriages and families be improved in the future, and that we take good care of ourselves and provide good care for those who are not healthy. I’ve faced my share of challenges in different ways, of course, but that’s life. Sometimes I was stupid, not jinxed.
My eureka experience in this regard was some decades ago when I joined a free support group offered by my employer. One evening there had been individual after individual reporting on what a terrible family experience they had endured. There were tears and hugs. Eventually, and with some hesitation but my usual feeling that truth must be told because it is the right thing, I said how I was blessed with my family and found it a loving and supportive experience that had stayed with me throughout my life. There was total silence, and I felt their…I don’t know what to call it… anger, unhappiness, distress, whatever. The leader (a licensed clinician) said something about how we must be sympathetic to those who have suffered. I had already said that, very specifically and intentionally. I dropped out of the group and was much happier not being a part of their pity party.
Yesterday we went to Lancaster County and brought home our three chickens. They are really sweet and very healthy. Coop seems secure. Hope I don’t jinx anything by saying this :)
I’m a total glass-half-empty sort of person. I knock on wood all the time. I don’t believe in superstitions so I have no idea why I do that, but I also don’t like to tempt fate. It’s like for me, if I cognitively say to myself that everything is going well, then something goes to hell by mid afternoon. If it crosses my mind that no one in my house has had the stomach bug in a while, then of course by midnight someone is puking. On the contrary, my lovah is just as much an optimist. I make him crazy sometimes and I roll my eyes at him daily because he is so positive that everything will be fine. There needs to be a joke, “An optimist and a pessimist go into a bar……”
Just smiling as I read this, Cuckoo Momma. It’s like looking in a mirror. Except you’re funnier. 🙂
Much of the Jinx phenomenon can be explained by the principle of regression to the mean.. If you give thanks for some particular good fortune or good luck, your good fortune or good luck may then go away. In fact, it is statistically likely to do so. There is a natural variability in life (thank god), and if we rejoice when we are temporarily at the top of the fluctuating curve, it is predictable/natural that we will go down (even if we didn’t give thanks for our good fortune). Sometimes called the Sports Illustrated Curve (if you’re on the cover of SI, you won’t do as well next year.) That’s natural/predictable. See http://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Regression_to_the_mean I used to discuss this when I taught critical thinking re apparent success of alternative medicines — you may tend to utilize them when you’re at your worst/achiest, etc..
Fascinating, Paul!
I keep trying to tell myself that there really is no such thing as a jinx but my everyday behaviour proves that I truly believe otherwise…I am a tapper on wood, an avoider of black cats, 13, the works!
There are often situations where I just won’t give voice to something nagging or negative. As if giving it voice will materialize the fear. Not superstitious, but not giving it an outlet either.
I admit to being an optimist… Does that mean I am first into the bar Cuckoo Momma ;)?
Strangely enough I still believe in the jinx… or all things are going to well… therefore, beware… Sometimes I suspect it’s to do with self confidence but mostly I think it’s just habit… When did we learn all this ‘knocking on wood’ and ‘fingers crossed’… I can’t even remember …
Great thoughts , D.A xv