Are you a closet romantic? An unabashed romantic? How’s that been working out for you… so far?
Like most little girls, I grew up with the notion that love makes the world go round. Divine concept, isn’t it? And not wanting to rain on your parade (on my own) – on Valentine’s Day, especially – I will certainly give a nod of my most playful hat to the importance of love in our lives – romantic love, and erotic love.
And might we please remember that “erotic” is not a dirty word? It derives from Eros, the Greek god of passionate love, companion of Aphrodite. Care to know a bit more?
… depicted as either a handsome youth or as a child. His attributes were varied: from the usual bow and arrows, to the gifts of a lover–a hare, a sash, or a flower. Sculptors preferred the image of the bow-armed boy…
Winged putti or capricious Cupid, anyone? Don’t we all enjoy a bit of mischief-making now and then?
As to romantic love, it’s intoxicating, isn’t it? Until we hit a rough patch, or a bad breakup. Is there anyone whose heart hasn’t been bruised or battered at least once?
Hopefully, we pick ourselves back up, dust off the dancing shoes when we’re ready, and re-enter the amorous arena all the wiser. We may take our time truly getting to know the object of our intimate interest, attentive to not filling in the blanks (of ignorance) with what we want to see, but rather with what is.
Of course, there are all kinds of love: the love of a parent for his or her child; the love between friends; familial love for a sibling, a grandparent, the special person who becomes like family; passionate love (might we say, limerence?), and enduring romantic love.
I’m sure I’ve left out a few types of love, the effort that it takes to find much less honor and sustain – and I haven’t broached the passions we immerse ourselves in for all that dazzles the mind and the senses: be that cooking or art, sports or travel, fashion or politics – all those pursuits that fill us up and make us feel, well… alive.
So. What do you think? Does love make the world go round? In your life, what sort of love sustains you – family, friends, children, romantic partner, love of sex, love of gardening, love of reading, love of basketball?
I’m happy to have fine friends in my life, and two healthy kids who, while not angels, have only turned half my hair gray over the years (best I can tell). I know love of many sorts, and feel most fortunate that’s the case. But what drives me at this stage in life – my sons having flown the nest – is the pursuit of meaning. Contributing. Learning. Giving and giving back. Writing. Reading. And yes, naturellement, fabulous footwear.
Meaning makes my world go round, and of course, love is meaningful to me.
What else?
A Valentine from me, to you, and my heartfelt thanks for continuing to read and share.
I’d like to offer a little love in exchange – some of the intriguing individuals whose sites and blogs I read – among them, old friends and recent discoveries. These are only a few – there are so many good souls and terrific writers out there.
So Joyeux Saint Valentin – stay safe, feel loved.
- Une Femme d’un Certain Age
- Lost in Arles
- Filling in the Blanks
- William Quincy Belle, Just On a Whim
- Privilege of Parenting
- Just Add Father
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I’m the less romantic of us, I am embarrassed to say. I’m prickly, not cuddly.
You, Kitch? Prickly? 😉 I bet you’re a softie…
Happy Valentine’s day Wolfie. Here’s hoping that you enjoy as many kinds of love as you can in one day.
Thanks, Gandalfe! To you and Susie, too!
I’m a hopeless romantic…tempered with just enough sarcasm to be a little sassy! Happy Heart Day to you and yours. I hope it’s filled with many sweet, sweet memories. xoxo
Good questions, as always, BLW. I suppose my experience of love has morphed and changed with each year (decade?!) of my life. Now, the smaller things, the more thoughtful fill me in powerful ways. I know that I crave connection and love–whether through writing my own words and having others read, through reading other’s books and essays, through conversation, through long relationships with people who just *know* me, through a smile, a hug, a shared experience.
@Denise – Yes, here’s to the small things!
@Lisa – Romance with sass. What a great combination…
“I think I’m falling in love. Is it possible that there is a man out there who really wants just one woman … and it’s me?” Maybe that’s a question we all ask from time to time in our lives. And I’m asking it right now in mine. On Valentine’s Day, the centrality of love becomes even more central. To love and be loved for who we are inside and for what we bring to the other … is there anything more important in life than that? I wish everyone the Valentine’s Day of their dreams. Thanks D. A. for your continued attention to the most important things of life … at the end of our lives we won’t think back on the meetings we’ve taken or the paychecks we’ve earned, but on the moments of love we’ve inspired or been inspired by. Love to all.
Bronte, I couldn’t agree more. We will surely look back on our relationships as central – what we lived, what we missed.
Wishing you all the good moments that count. And I thank you for your kind words, and for continuing to read and comment.
I, unfortunately, am a romantic and I was passionate about almost all things. That said I don’t think | will have great love or love madly again. I loved, trusted, gave and endured too much. I am honestly not sure what love is in a romantic relationship anymore. Sure I understand the psychology and physiology, and sure I understand the romantic notion, but really what is love? I admire and am jealous of those madly in love, but at the same time thank my lucky charms that I am not so vulnerable and delusional.
BLW thank you for the links and Happy Valentines Day to you and all. I have a date with Madam Chateau Latour, much less expensive than my past great love.
Mme Chateau Latour sounds just fine, Curtis. And I understand what you’re saying. Some of us need a good deal of distance from our marriages and divorces before we can even imagine being vulnerable again. Happy Valentines to you, too.
On behalf of my wife and myself, I would like to echo Charlotte’s thanks to Ms. Wolf for the hard work of this blog, which deal with such important issues in an open and thoughtful way. It takes a lot of guts, and she deserves a wide readership (tell your friends!).
Ms. Wolf, if today is not your birthday, it ought to be. For a working stiff like me, who doesn’t have a lot of opportunity to talk or hear about this stuff, this is great. (My wife says: not too much mis-information considering it’s the Internet, so I’m good with it. Now come to bed, but first put some cream on those rough hands again, if you know what’s good for you. [The travails of the plumber’s life.])
Mandelstam
Thank you, Mandelstam. You’re most kind. My best to you and your wife, and I hope it’s a lovely evening.
How grateful I am to have read this “We may take our time truly getting to know the object of our intimate interest, attentive to not filling in the blanks (of ignorance) with what we want to see, but rather with what is.” This, being, what I have done too many times. I struggle with determining if I am not being attentive, seeing the best in others, or simply wanting a physical relationship and become willing to settle.
Thank you for reading and commenting, MCMorris, and welcome. Some lessons we have to learn the hard way, and re-learn until they sink in.
Thanks for the valentine, BLW. I hope you kicked those shoes off.
Hello, BLW. I’m a late-40s lesbian, and I freely admit to the usual love issues with my partner in a challenging/fulfilling LTR. Your blog (which I wish I’d seen two weeks ago, if not a long time before that!) really “hit home” with me. I just recommended it in my blog —
http://devifemme.livejournal.com/1323980.html
Thanks, Justine
Justine, welcome – and thank you for the recommendation. As you can tell, I write about relationships often. We need to talk about them, and talk about how to talk – to each other. That also means we listen to each others’ stories and experiences, and try to learn from them.
I hope you’ll poke around, visit often, and join in the conversation.
Many challenges to keeping a Long Term Relationship fresh and sustaining, yes.
Yes.