Curious George? As a child, I loved that mischief-making little monkey, and the curious streak that led to his charming misadventures. I admire curiosity, and individuals who act on it.
Of course, we all know that it poses problems if taken to an extreme. But doesn’t this particular trait offer advantages that offset the potential downside?
I think of curiosity as the insatiable desire to learn. It fuels the pursuit of new activities. It encourages experimentation and innovation.
And doesn’t curiosity hedge against boredom?
Personally, I’m rarely bored. In fact, I could do with greater aptitude in the Beauty of Boredom department.
I’m curious about almost everything, which keeps me constantly chasing after ideas and understanding. I’m less inclined to be curious about solving mysteries, and more likely to pursue puzzles to do with people – what motivates them, what inspires them, what eases their struggles, how best to reach them with the right words or images.
But the underlying trait involved – or one of them – is certainly curiosity.
Is Curiosity a Good Trait?
Is there a reason some children are more curious than others, not to mention some adults? If we can foster curiosity (or at least, not squelch it), aren’t we shaping more interesting (contributing, creative) individuals? Shouldn’t we always encourage questions in our kids – so their desire to learn and think for themselves is nurtured?
Sometimes we let our curiosity get the better of us. We may not go so far as to chase after a Bad Guy (Hello, Harriet the Spy?), but do we poke around in boxes we shouldn’t, where we think a gift may be hidden?
That’s harmless enough, isn’t it?
What about hiding in the bushes, watching the comings-and-goings of an ex? What about scanning Facebook for the latest woman in his life, driven by a need to know that we can’t resist, only to find ourselves feeling lousy afterward?
This excerpt based on research examining curiosity as a personality trait, from a University of Pennsylvania newsletter, elaborates on the psychology of people who are curious.
· Curious people have an ongoing, intrinsic interest in both their inner experience and the world around them. Curious people tend to be attracted to new people, new things, and new experiences, and they are rarely bored.
· Everyone possesses curiosity to some degree. People differ according to the strength and breadth of their curiosity and their willingness to act on it…
Curiosity: Pros and Cons
And the expression “curiosity killed the cat?” Isn’t there a difference between a desire to learn and a need to know – even when that “knowing” is sticking our noses where they don’t belong?
Those who take curiosity too far may ignore risks, pursue blindly, and harm themselves as well as others. An excess of this personal strength can mean Trouble with a capital T.
Spying through the bushes or the blinds? Not cool, and likely hurtful. But a healthy dose of curiosity? We’re eternally exploring. We’re uncovering surprises. We’re discovering. We’re creating.
Curiosity is helpful professionally. Curiosity is helpful in meeting people and forging relationships. Curiosity keeps life interesting!
Aren’t you curious to know what someone will do next?
Aren’t you curious to see how an old friend has changed?
Aren’t you curious about what may happen tomorrow?
Provoked and Poked by Curiosity Online
A recent email from a stranger piqued my interest. As it originated on a dating site from a very old profile, I thought I would let it pass – especially since I’m not in the market for dates.
But, when someone commented – “Aren’t you curious?” – I reconsidered. Oddly, I was less curious about the person who contacted me than I was about the “me” as represented on the site, with a profile I wrote seven years ago.
Finding a way back into an online space I haven’t accessed in so long was a way to glimpse my attitude at the time, confirming how I think I’ve changed – or not. Sure, I was also curious to see who was at the end of those four words: “Are you still single?” – but I was more curious to reacquaint myself with the woman he wrote to.
That “me.”
I dug through masses of emails, and remarkably, found a password. I responded to the man’s correspondence, and explained my current dating status. Amazingly, there were other messages from several years ago that I never knew anything about!
Maybe Curiosity Killed the Cat After All
Reading the missives that went unopened was both amusing and odd. Some were funny, others were dry. I felt badly I hadn’t answered; then again, I didn’t know those messages were there. (Might this service have a few issues with its mail system?)
Reading my own bio was another matter. It left an ache. I did indeed relive the naive optimism, expectation even – that the key pieces of my life would somehow fall into place if I did “the right things” and maintained a good attitude.
Am I sorry I followed my need to know and read the mail that was waiting?
No. It was a lovely message and made me smile.
Am I sorry I was curious about my own profile, and used this opportunity to step back in time seven years?
Yes, a bit. But that doesn’t mean I’ll be less curious in the future. I’m glad to have an inquiring nature, and the lessons that come from pursuing that need to know.
- Are you the curious type?
- Has your curiosity ever gotten you into trouble?
- Have you used Facebook to check out an ex – and wished you hadn’t?
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I have always been the curious type and therefore NEVER bored. But in France curiousity is mal vu because it is considered indescret. However, I am one people confide in, but I never let on…
The older I get, the less curious I become. Is that weird? I think it’s kind of sad!
I’ve never checked out an ex, but I’ve been a leeetle curious about one of them. But I think they can see who has looked them up, and I’d be embarrassed!
Is it naive optimism to believe that a good attitude and doing the right things will make things fall into place? I want to be happy (my true destination, my “in place”) and the good attitude helps with that, and taking action to be happy is self-fulfilling. It doesn’t make things magically happen every time, but it does help.
I’m at the beginning of my divorce journey; perhaps I am now where you were when you set up that profile. I’m holding on to any ounce of optimism I can find!
There’s a difference between optimism – and naive optimism, PollyAnna. The “naive” part impacts our choices, and not for the better. I would say “moderated optimism” or positive attitude with realistic expectations is more in order.
You might find this of interest: Moderating Optimism.
I also strongly recommend the piece that was on the front page of Huff Post Divorce yesterday. It was excellent. On the myth of that positive attitude as magical thinking. From Oprah to Choprah.
I can’t remember the last time I was bored! It seems I can always find something to do; something new skill to learn; something new to try. I think there’s a difference between curiosity and obsession (aka: stalking) That’s what I read into checking the ex’s Facebook page or watching from a distance. Curiosity that improves our lives is healthy. Curiosity that results in obsession only tears our lives apart.
Excellent point, Lisa.
PollyAnna I strongly believe in doing the right thing. In essence if one acts in accordance with one’s core beliefs and principles, one can be satisfied or content (not necessarily happy) in one’s actions at the time and later in life. Doing the right thing is important for internal balance and integrity, but does not always yield the best, happy or self-interested results. I had a health scare at the exact same time of my split (which was momentous). When this happened I had the luxury of taking off over two months from work. During this time I received cards and assistance from people that one would not expect (including people considered heartless and competitors), and in large measure. It was quite overwhelming. In essence all the years of working hard, in an ethical, compassionate and principled manner actually did mean something to others. I can tell you that there were many times I was quite frustrated and a little despondent when doing the right thing, as it was easy not to do the right thing, but rather the self-interested or expedient thing. In fact sometimes doing the right thing made me unhappy in the short term, as opposed to a do what feels good approach. One colleague advised me that most of us have to die before there is such an outpouring of people in my profession. Hence I am lucky to have had such an experience that confirms to me that doing the right thing is never wrong and leads to long term contentment, if not happiness.
BigLittleWolf you made my mental juices flow again. Curiosity is indeed good. I try to instill it in my children by discussing “why” things occur and use a Socratic approach to some conversation to the point of boredom. That said, like you have put forth before, it is all context of whether it is good. Curiosity about an ex seems like wasted time and negative, unless there are safety issues or wellbeing of children at issue. Some behaviour is or can lead to criminal behaviour (such as stalking, harassment or voyeurism) or mental health issues (such as an obsession or depression). So unless there is some issue that needs to be monitored or addressed, the behaviour seems negative and potentially destructive. If the ex is doing better, are you happy for the ex? That is not the usual human behaviour, which is actually to feel “bad”, regret or pity. If the ex is doing poorly, do you feel bad? Perhaps as you once cared for this person and hence this is not positive, but usually there is some sort of feeling of contentment or revenge, which in itself is negative. It is a waste of energy, time and emotion.
In essence, there is little good or any reason to check up on the ex.
There is one other thing. There is a Jewish expression: “you’re dead to me.” That seems like a more positive negative approach than checking up on an ex.
That only works if your past isn’t actually your present, Curtis. But I understand your point.
apparently our first two words were:
“WHAT’S THAT?”
said in baby-curious-astonishment.
and then we repeated it ad infinitum on every single car journey for the next (hmmm) many years.
curious.
yes.
about the world, in general.
smiling and waving from the Other coast!
_tg x
tg, Always lovely when you stop by. And judging by your stories and utterly glorious photographs, I can well imagine that “what’s that?” was just the beginning of an insatiable curiosity.
And we’re the happy recipients of its byproduct!
(Still sunny on the west coast?)
xo
I don’t think of myself as curious so much as hungry for knowledge. I think I’ve always had a strong sense of boundaries, though; I never investigated presents under the tree too much as I didn’t want to spoil the surprise.
I was always amused when I would see shows on television showing people (women usually) “snooping” when a guy wouldn’t be there. I never quite understood that one. To me, that’s an example of curiosity going beyond those boundaries – and infringing on someone else’s privacy.
Never did it. Don’t get it. I think the boundary issue is important, Shelley, I agree. (Like you, don’t peek at gifts, either!)
In my journalism program for high school, I teach them that curiosity is a must for a good reporter….they should stay curious and always ask WHY?? In my class, it is an absolute must!!
Curious? Yes.
Important? Yes. I taught in the public school system for years and always encouraged curiosity. My mantra to them over and over was, “I see you’re thinking,” “Ahhh, I see you’ve thought about this.” Etc.
I’m more curious, I think, as I age. There is so much I want to see and know about and try.
Have I looked up an old friend or ex on FB? Yes.
If I’ve pushed curiosity to the point of snooping – I could have gotten in trouble. I knew the difference and at times I crossed that line. Not good. Haven’t been caught. Don’t do it anymore – it’s not worth the stress it causes me hoping i wouldn’t be.