Do you know your neighbors? Sadly, I don’t know mine. At least, I only know the first names of a few of the nearest. I rarely see them due to schedules that don’t sync up, and life stages that are very different.
In my old neighborhood, we were raising our families at the same time, grabbing a gaggle of children (not just our own) on the run after school, and all involved in the same work-life juggle.
We knew each other well. We relied on each other. But that was another life.
Happily, the Internet offers neighborhoods to each of us 24/7, crossing communities and stages, and all for the better.
But does this mean we don’t need real world neighbors?
Not at all.
Online Communities
Thank goodness for the web, which has filled an enormous gap for a round-the-clock society with special needs and special interest, rapidly addressed by a breadth of online communities.
Do you suffer aches and pains due to a chronic condition? Are you dealing with mixed feelings about growing older and trying to age as gracefully as you can? Are you burdened by elder care and hungry for ideas from others in the same situation?
What if you’re on the brink of divorce, and uncertain who to talk to and what to do next?
Perhaps you have single parenting issues you’d rather not discuss in your social circle, but nonetheless you would benefit from airing them and soliciting input.
Anyone who thinks our online communities and their influence are unimportant is, well… wrong.
Their value may not be quantifiable in dollars (or other measures) in a definitive fashion, but their assistance is undeniable. You can find communities in which to access professional, qualified advice. You can also find communities in which to commiserate, and more importantly, exchange suggestions and solutions.
Likewise, the Internet is an incredible resource for sharing your passions – without having to get out of bed! Interested in politics? Cooking? Extreme dog grooming?
You’ll find your peers – your Internet neighbors – offering reliable recommendations and references for products and services. More striking still, these cyber pals provide the proverbial cup of sugar expressed in chats, messages, tweets, emails, and quite possibly – genuine friendships that form over time.
When Trouble Drops By
As delightful as our online connections are, every now and then, a Real Life neighbor comes in handy. A few evenings ago I was taking a short walk, brisk and energizing, and out of nowhere my knee popped. Okay – not a pop exactly – just off, wrong, and painful!
I stopped short, rubbed the offending area, and tried to continue on. More pain! I was two blocks from home and figured I could limp it, but after a few more steps, I knew that was a No Go. I was standing in the street – stymied, hurting, and wondering what I would do.
Hop?
I happened to find myself in front of a house with a welcoming wrap around porch, potted plants galore, and evidence that its inhabitants actually used their outdoor space rather than designing it for show. In fact, when I stopped the second time I noticed there was a woman raking her front lawn. She looked up and asked immediately if I was alright.
I hobbled another step or two and stopped again. The woman, about my age, walked over and introduced herself. She asked if she could help.
Real World Neighbors
“I live down the street and around the corner,” I said. “I have no idea what just happened to me knee.”
“I can run you home if you like,” she offered.
“I’m sure it will be fine, but thank you,” I said, trying to take a step. Again, not an option.
“Actually, I’d like to take you up on the ride if possible.”
The woman smiled, went inside and fetched her car keys, and drove me home. That took about two minutes. We chatted, exchanged a little information as well as phone numbers, and she told me that if I had any difficulty during the night I should call.
How lovely is that! How neighborly, in the finest sense of the word?
Asking for and Accepting Help
I limped into my bathroom, took an Advil, then stretched out in bed to finish my evening work. The next morning my knee was fine.
But I am reminded that for most of us to offer help is natural. To ask for help, or to accept it, may be harder – and neither is a sign of weakness.
I am reminded that we create connections out of need as well as the chance encounter. And we all benefit from neighbors and communities of many sorts, both in the Real World and online, looking out for those we know and extending a hand to welcome strangers.
In addition to meeting a kind woman my own age, my neighbor has since encouraged me to drop by and say hello, joining her and her husband on their porch some evening for a glass of wine. I just might take her up on it.
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Nice reminder of what community can mean. I will often volunteer to help out, but I have a problem asking for help–it feels like such an admission of weakness.
It does feel like weakness, I agree, Walker. But that’s something we’ve been taught, or a response perhaps to others around us. I remind myself how easy it is to give help, and I never think of the other person as weak. Why don’t we act as kindly toward ourselves, I wonder?
For years when I was working, I had no time for neighbours. When someone new moved in I would go around and introduce myself, but that was it (and that was a starkly American thing to do judging from the suprise on some people’s faces). I always want to be on speaking terms, but wouldn’t like everyone just dropping in at will. Bill, who worked shifts and did the garden work, was far better acquainted with the neighbours, often having long chats with the elderly folks who happened by. On New Years Eve quite a number of them gathered in the street to watch Dave’s fireworks, then went circled and sang Auld Lang Syne, followed by nibbles and drinks at George & Elsie’s. We joined in the circle a few years ago and then went to George’s. We’ve had them to Thanksgiving ever since and have participated more fully in New Years Eve gatherings, meeting more neighbours. We were invited to a Queen’s Jubilee party this summer and this Thanksgiving have invited a dozen or so of the people we’ve met. Many are still busy at work like I was, but we all seem to enjoy the social occasions and it’s lovely to meet people and stop for a chat.
This sounds like such fun, Shelley. I will admit, what I found is that a single woman in a neighborhood is “odd woman out,” period. Not at all like being part of a couple when, indeed, you’re invited round.
All the more reason it was absolutely lovely of this neighbor to invite me to come by and socialize with her and her husband. Friendly – and unusual!
As a kid, my family always knew our neighbors. For a couple years my childhood best friend lived on the same street, and our moms also became best friends. On another street, a neighbor became my little brother’s godmother. But as an adult living in apartments or condos, I rarely know my neighbors’ names. I know the ones who are active in the homeowners association, but I don’t know the ones who live next door.
It sounds like you are on your way to befriending some neighbors. Have fun!
Because we have moved so often, I rarely got to know many of my neighbors, except in passing. I usually made friends through church or clubs I joined. In our current home: Because I walk my dogs three times a day, I am very visible to my neighbors, but I know very few names.
My best neighbor experience was living in the city, where I formed friendships with people living in our condo building. Our group would get together for wine tastings, dinners, and holiday parties. What I find so extraordinary is that our group of friends crosses four decades – ages ranging from the 30’s to 60’s, includes married and single people, and is diverse – politically, racially, religiously, as well as a couple of women from other countries, making for an interesting group from different life perspectives. We still get together with them, even though we have moved to the suburbs. I miss the city and my neighbors.
I am happy to hear that your knee is okay. It is always nice to make new friends. Sounds like you might have found one.
First of all, I’m so glad that your knee was okay. What a wonderful story about your neighbor and potential new friend. I didn’t grow up with any significant neighbor/community experiences and it was only in these last 3 years that we moved into our current neighborhood that I feel I am enjoying all those things I used to only dream out: block parties, kids ringing on each other’s doorbells to go out and play, carpools, etc. But as you said, maybe this is only unique to this stage in our lives where we have young children. Without our son, I actually wonder if we ever would have even gotten to know the other adults on our street. I hope you enjoy getting to know the new friend. I love my on-line friends but sometimes it’s reassuring to know there are caring people nearby.