I’ve looked in the mirror today.
Once.
I was brushing my teeth, then dotting moisturizer under my eyes. I did not look in the mirror the entire time. There was no need. And then I went on about my morning.
Now, if I I’m about to have a photo taken, or if I’m headed out into the world, it’s a different story.
And if I’ve got a date?
Not looking in a mirror to check my makeup, hair, and clothes would be unthinkable. Yet one woman went for a year without looking in a mirror, intentionally, leading up to her wedding day.
How strange is that? Or how courageous?
Having experienced an eating disorder when she was younger – and toughing it out through therapy to make it through, Kjerstin Gruys decided to spend a year without mirrors to divorce herself from the preoccupations of so many brides-to-be. She didn’t want to slip into a crazy diet regimen, just to fit into a fantasy dress. She wanted to be sure to focus on the person inside, and not worry about what others thought of her, much less what she thought of herself, purely from the outside looking in.
And here she is, one year later, having succeeded at her objective.
I am fascinated by this story, and impressed with this woman’s commitment and extraordinary discipline. What better way to call attention to female obsession over body image, much less that of the media? What better way to exemplify the need to view ourselves as a total package?
Thinking back to the decades I never felt “good enough” or attractive enough, I consider the ways in which I use the mirror. I do feel better when I believe I look good, and I hope my own days of distorted self-image and odd eating patterns are long behind me. I try to judge my physical self by the fit of my clothes and the energy in my limbs, and only occasionally by a number on a scale and, yes, the reflection I see in the mirror.
A friend nonetheless remarked to me, quite recently, that we never see ourselves as others do, and no doubt, I’m no exception.
Still, there are many days when I glance in the mirror for less than a minute or two and only in passing because frankly, I’m so involved in working or writing that I couldn’t care less, and I like that this is the case.
But a year without mirrors? No catching a glimpse in a display window or a rear-view mirror? A year of not looking at myself as others do – whether or not I could ever see what they might (and I don’t)?
I’m not sure I could manage that. Could you?
I love the idea but my mirror checking is more a quality control check i.e. no lipstick on the teeth, no mascara running, making sure the jacket is smoothed down, the skirt isn’t tucked into the knickers etc.
If people are looking at me I always wonder if a zipper is undone or my hair has gone haywire….
Otherwise I don’t look in the mirror at all .. often get a surprise if I do and wonder who is that woman!
Vicki Lee, do check out the second link (on how she met her objective). There’s a video clip, and it’s quite interesting. To a certain degree, it was as though she were “blind” with regard to her external self, which altered her focus in positive ways.
I know what you mean about “checking” more to be sure there’s nothing undone. (Might that be because we’re always in such a hurry, and doing too many things at once?)
I use it only to put on makeup and when I am shopping and trying on clothes. Not a big mirror person, now the scale, I step on everyday.:)
The video isn’t accessible outside the US.
Love the name of her blog, Mirror Mirror Off The Wall :))
Check out her blog, A Year Without Mirrors. This is a message we should all be sharing.
I love this story! What an interesting challenge. It is almost impossible not to catch your reflection in so many different places. Kjerstin Gruys seemed to develop a sense of humor about going out with something in her appearance amiss. I wonder if we might develop a better self-image, if we weren’t faced with the mirror every day. Might we laugh at ourselves a little more?
I’m not sure if I could trust my husband to be the final judge on what I wear, and I’m not sure he would want the responsibility. He does let me know if he really dislikes something.
How would my eyebrows get tweezed without looking in a mirror? They need almost daily maintenance. Other than that, I don’t spend much time looking in a mirror.
I hear you, Robin. The one thing that was in the video clip that was slightly off message to me, though it may have been the editing, was something about the reflection that mattered was that of her fiancé / husband. I believe I understood the intent. We all want those who love us to find us attractive, beautiful even.
But it’s that all-critical self-image that is the tough nut to crack. That’s where we still struggle.
I… can’t… stop… looking… ;0)
No doubt, at Suzy, Gandalfe. (Sounds pretty healthy to me!)
What an intriguing project. We look without thinking, we look to check for something not in place, we look to groom, we look at rear view for, again, everything in place? We try on clothes in front of a 3-way, twisting and turning for approval or disapproval. A year without looking? Wow. I was JUST perusing a book in the library’s new non-fiction about distinguishing who we really are from who we see in the mirror. There was a quote from Gloria Steinem in there down the lines of every time a woman looks in the mirror with disgust, a young girl is watching. Good to remember.
I have a kind of large mirror hanging above my phone at work. I was just thinking about how much I look at myself on the job. I was on a 3 hour teleconference on Thursday, looking at myself practically the whole time. I think I’m not that way at home, yet there are at least four mirrors in my house that aren’t in the bathroom. Without access to a mirror I’d probably stress most about food stuck in my teeth. Or how my bun looks. ~smile~
About 10 years ago, I met one of my best friends, who had moved back to Peru. We decided to hike the Inca Trail to Machu Picchu alone. It was a 7 day trip, and obviously no mirrors or reflections anywhere. It was only one part of an incredible journey, but this reminded of it in many ways. When we finally reached our destination, I went to a real restroom and saw my reflection in a mirror. Judgments began immediately, and I hated it. It was a very enlightening experience. I congratulate Kjerstin for such amazing courage – a whole year!
Fascinating, Kathy. Perhaps when we deal with more substance (climbing Machu Pichu? a very different cuture?), we move away from our preoccupations with image.
I like the mirror… it gives me a sense of control. I can fix, paint, hold my head just so, etc., and things look a little better. It’s photographs that make me flag… when you get caught with your neck folds showing, or the angle is such that your thigh looks like a large pale fish, or you have your eyes half closed and your mouth hanging open. There’s nothing you can do except hit delete or request to be untagged. Too late— those “reflections” are burned into your retina. You DO look like that.
All good points, Madelia.
Who needs a mirror? I have my wife.
Ha!
I wish I could remember who it is–Gloria Vanderbuilt?, Hmm–who doesn’t have mirrors in her house for this exact reason. Actually, we only have small mirrors and that is fine with me. I know what I look like when I get dressed because I can feel how my clothes fit. But I agree with Robin–I need it for the eyebrows! 🙂
PS. Il fait super chaud ici et je suis très, très over it!!
Very brave young woman. What a brilliant experiment. I happen to love mirrors, not to see myself necessarily, but for what vignettes of my home they reflect. My brother has no mirrors in his house at all.
I now need a 10X magnifying mirror just to put on my makeup, thereafter everything is in soft focus and I like it like that. I’m certain I look better than I probably DO look, and that keeps me from obsessing. I have friends who are fanatical about their appearance and I see nothing but heartache and plastic surgeries in their future.
What an interesting story. Thanks for bringing this to my attention. I think it is so unusual this experiment isn’t getting much more publicity. But it doesn’t surprise me.