Seriously?
I just came across this news brief from The Telegraph: A 99-year old Italian man is divorcing his 96-year old wife of nearly eight decades. Marriage is no bed of roses, but what could possibly prompt this sort of action?
You got it. An affair.
An affair which he uncovered a few days before Christmas.
An affair which took place in the 1940s.
Apparently, nothing his wife could say or do would dissuade the cuckolded spouse, though it does give one pause relative to what this family split will mean to the children, grandchildren, and great grandchild – much less what it says about a sense of proportion.
I can’t say that I’m familiar with Italian divorce laws, but might this not justify a mandated cooling down period?
Incidentally, The Telegraph also cites a 98-year old couple (in 2009) as the (then) oldest divorcees. I daresay that if this Italian couple proceeds with current plans, the soon-to-be ex-husband in question will become the newest (oldest) record holder.
- All derision and head-shaking aside, were you to discover an indiscretion that is long-since over and done, how would you feel and what would you do?
- Despite the prevalence of Gray Divorce in the US (baby boomers leaving long-time marriages), is there an age at which divorce becomes ridiculous?
- Would you hold it against your spouse, or put it in the context of whatever was going on in your lives as a couple at the time – or for that matter, in the world? Like, say, a war-torn Europe some 60+ years ago?
- Do the reasons for infidelity ever justify or mitigate the act itself?
As for me, I can only imagine being terribly hurt initially, but if five years had passed? Ten? More? Emotional affair or sexual, I’d like to think that I’d forgive. And frankly, if I’m in my 90s, can’t I reasonably assume that I would very quickly forget?
This is wild.
That’s for sure!
Maybe he forgot it was 60 years ago? I don’t know. It sounds to me like he wanted out and this gave him the perfect “excuse.” Unfortunately, to a lot of people, divorce is only acceptable when there’s cheating, drugs or abuse involved.
You may be right… on one count or the other… I’m trying to imagine his profile on the Italian version of Match.com…
At one point, I would have said an affair would mean instant divorce. Yet, an affair from over 50 years ago? While I might be hurt that my husband did not tell me at the time, isn’t there some room for compassion and forgiveness?
I agree with April. It sounds like he wants out of the marriage for whatever reason (maybe HE has a woman on the side) and the affair is as good a reason as any.
Forgive me, there’s a joke about a 96-year-old couple who went to a lawyer for a divorce.
“Why now?” said the lawyer.
“Well, we wanted to wait until the children were dead.”
*groan*
Haha, I don’t know if I should laugh or cry over this, but I chose to laugh, haha.. She had an affair when WW2 were surrounding her, and her husband were in war. Sure it was wrong, but after 6 decades you’ll think that they could solve it!
You would indeed think so!
I read this and like everybody else was amused because of the age of the couple. I tend to agree with the idea that the gentleman is using this as an excuse to leave meaning he wanted to leave, not that he’s really upset by the affair.
However I could also see in this story some larger issues we individually and collectively have not dealt with. Is sex sometimes just sex, a normal human need, and not the end of the world scenario as we ofttimes see it? If I was the guy, I would have made light of it. “You devil! And you didn’t let me watch!?!” Okay, my (perverted) point would be that I’m not defining myself as a man by fidelity. You have your needs; I have mine. (Heck, if Angelina Jolie walked by and took a shine to me, would I feel better if my gravestone read, “Here lies a man who refused…”?) Maybe I failed to meet your needs and should be asking myself what I need to do to better meet those needs. (Get off the couch, work out more and make “some” attempt to look like Brad Pitt?)
I’m trying to be funny while I’m being serious. We come to the table with expectations thrust upon us by tradition, family and society. We more than likely fail to communicate (I mean really communicate) with our partners especially about intimate things like sex. Watch? Heck, isn’t sex supposed to be something that is done in dark, in bed under the sheets? Eew, it’s dirty and disgusting and we should all feel ashamed afterwards.
Actually, it’s one of the most beautiful expressions of love, or “connection” if you will, between two human beings. Yes, it’s dirty and disgusting and yes, there will be bodily fluids involved but only if it’s done right.
This story is amusing because of the age of the protagonists. However how many divorces have taken place in similar circumstances because the people involved felt there was no other option to deal with the issue and never even figured out why the issue cropped up in the first place? An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. I’d love to be chasing you around the dining room table at the age of ninety. Of course, we’d have to make sure there was enough room between the table and the sideboard for our walkers.
** clearing my throat **
and remaining silent…
By the way, Mr. Belle, I might take exception to your use of the terms “dirty and disgusting” – that’s cultural indoctrination, no?
And in all seriousness, perhaps part of the problem in this tale of woe is the way the husband discovered the affair. If you click over to the originating article, it seems he found some letters exchanged in the 1940s which led him to discover the affair.
She has letters – still – some 60 years later? A true affair of the heart, perhaps?
I still think he ought to get over it, but I imagine that would hurt. Then again, maybe she forgot they were there. She has (presumably) been busy – as his wife, mother to five children, grandmother, and who knows… maybe another profession as well.
I think I’d be willing to get over it. I mean, that’s a long time of fidelity afterwards, don’t you think?
You’re so reasonable, Kitch. (Did you read the referenced article? It’s really worth clicking over. I believe they may blame the “hot Naples blood” or some such thing… Perhaps that has something to do with it?)
We don’t know who the other man was and what he was to her and to them. That is critical information.
Quite true, Jack. We really don’t know “the story.” Or the many variations of it, depending on your point of view.
I am wondering if this has something to do with Italy. Have you seen the movie “I am love”? It is one of the most beautiful movies I have EVER seen, but illustrates how infidelity in the upper class is not tolerated, at least for a woman.
I haven’t heard of that film, lunaboogie. It might be interesting to get more details about this story. As Jack said (and from the brief snippets I’ve seen), we really don’t know much when it comes to the specific circumstances. And of course, as you point out, culture has so much to do with what is and isn’t acceptable. But what is also fascinating is that many of us are curious about this tale from various perspectives. The age of the couple for one, but also, I genuinely find myself wondering about the letters found, what might have been in them, what transpired as the wife admitted to this love affair more than 60 years ago. From a human interest point of view, aren’t we all intrigued by the complexities of relationships?
This is almost the epitome of ridiculous. And, if she drags out the divorce and settlement, she’ll probably outlive him anyway so what’s the point?
google “I Am Love” and watch the trailer. Even the music is good. And so is Tilda Swinton.
Well, the article says it was a troubled marriage to begin with. And although the affair happened long ago, she still kept the letters. I can appreciate that the man is hurt and upset, but I think he wanted out anyhow. Perhaps they’ve not been really happy together all these years. My main thought about this is the number of years it took me to get through the emotional turmoil of divorce. Does either of them have time to find peace again? That’s my hope – that she’ll be able to sign with relief as well as resignation and that she’ll find comfort and pleasure in her family. As for him? He’s a hothead, he can get what he gets.