I couldn’t resist this 1999 Esquire bucket list with 175 things every man should do before he dies. I was astonished by some of the items (and curious about who makes up this stuff). I was even more intrigued when comparing the list of manly must-dos to a briefer and more updated version – 2008’s 75 things on the man’s bucket list.
Would the passing of roughly a decade reflect a changing economy? A more “sensitized” male? A more frustrated one?
Do you have a bucket list? (I don’t. Never thought about it.)
I wonder if men create bucket lists more often than women, or if that’s simply my impression because women already run ragged with tiresome to-do lists. Hell, our listing is legend! (But it can leave us listless.)
Still, it’s both fascinating and amusing to see what made it to these (apparently) gender-defining activities. Some of the items are predictable and others, quite surprising.
For the Esquire sort of man – (who might that be, exactly?) – suggestions range from piloting a Cessna to making a perfect omelet. But before you take to the air – or the kitchen – there are the requisite sexual conquests and adolescent experiences. They include losing your virginity to an older woman, being seduced by an older woman, being seduced by a French woman, and having a threesome.
Hmmm. Are threesomes still a staple of the standard male fantasy list?
Taking to the open road – solo – seems to be another theme, whether by car or Greyhound bus or sailing the open seas. Perhaps this is the modern-day equivalent to striking out into the forest or outback, with little more than your wits and a walking stick, and challenging yourself to survive.
Women may be inclined to take more emotional risk, whereas men (am I assuming?) lean toward physical risks to do with strength, danger, and speed.
Speaking of risks, you will also find daring deeds like a back flip off a high board and aggressive tobogganing, which begs the question of how to define passive tobogganing…
As for recommendations to repair an appliance, milk a cow, learn to play the accordion, and cultivate a reputation “as a rake or a reprobate,” I find myself (as a woman) more baffled than anything else. However, the item that describes the delights of living in a hotel suite for a week – complete with flowing cocktails and luxurious balcony?
That’s one I could enthusiastically get behind – for any of us.
Others I like for either sex?
- Start something that scares you. (And might I suggest – try to finish it?)
- “Grow a set” and live in another country – long enough to struggle with the language and culture, and open your eyes.
- Stand up to a bully.
- Live on tips for a month.
- Tend bar in Reno, or drive a cab in Boston.
- Eat until you’re fat. In Italy.
- Call someone you’ve wronged – and apologize.
- Have a hero. Be a hero.
- Save a life.
Both lists make entertaining reading, and a bit of wishful pondering may be in order. If I did possess a bucket list, I’d be drawn to those possibilities that deal with accomplishment and facing my fears, not to mention reaching out and contributing in a tangible way.
Then again, there are so many places in the world I would love to see and experience – not simply by passing through for a day or two, but by immersing myself in the way of life – the language, the culture, the food, the drink, and of course getting to know the people. And that leads back to booking the hotel suite mentioned above – preferably with a Frenchman standing by, perhaps in a sunny seaside town along the Mediterranean coast…
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I don’t get that a manicure is essential for a man but most of the other ones reduce to get out and live, always learn and master new skills, and do something for other people; all of which are worthwhile endeavours. I don’t have a formal bucket list but I do try to travel off the beaten path to weird places (neolithic site north of Scotland close to the Arctic circle) and/or visit touristy places with a little twist added in (I sat on the Lincoln Memorial step where MLK gave his “I Have a Dream” speech and listened to an MP3 of the speech I had saved, try it next time you are there). I think the important aspect of a bucket list is to dream some dreams and work to achieve them (scaling Mt Everest doesn’t just happen by itself nor does a threesome 😉 ).
Ha! Love your perspective, batticus! (Where does the threesome fit in, category-wise?)
I have a professional bucket list. I’ve been checking things off it.
Ah… A whole other story, NicoleandMaggie. But not so easy, either!
OOO this is delicious! The only sort of bucket list I like is the movie with Morgan Freeman and what’s his name. I suppose my “bucket list” would be to make the best out of this life that I can–which means make an impact on those who are suffering, poor, etc–because I only have one life to live.
Although…the thought of living in a hotel suite for a week sans children does sound mighty delightful.
I’m thinking that hotel suite could be in Paris… 🙂
Great stuff! I have to applaud the “live on tips for a month.” You’ll never treat waitstaff the same again.
Absolutely, Kitch!
There’s a list in the Talmud, I think. Plant a tree, write a book, have a child. Simple, yet effective.
I looked at the 175 item list, and discovered that I had actually already done 59 of the items. Many of the other remaining items are not likely to be achieved.
But as a man of a certain age, many of these things on the list -both those I did and did not do- now appear to be very juvenile pursuits. The whole list seems to me to be superficial and lacking in any meaningful substance.
This isn’t to say that there aren’t things I’d still like to experience. I just know that my circumstances make them very unlikely to be realized.
59 of the 175! Sounds like you’re doing well in this arena as well. (Did you pilot a Cessna? Indulge in Mescal in Mexico? Have you been someone’s “hero?”)
It was an odd mix, for sure.
I generally dislike lists, but they seem to be popular. Glanced at Esquire and found nothing that inspired me or that seemed both important and new. I thought about “work for food” because, yes, I am back from my 100 mile hike to DC for GMO labeling and glad to sleep in a real bed and not a skinny pad in a small tent. However, good food was provided by Everybody’s Kitchen. They feed anyone who asks, they take donations. They work for food. And when I wanted to take a picture of the crew, one or two asked not to be photographed. With names like “ghost” and “nameless” you wonder if they care anything about lists from Esquire; and having met them, I wonder if they should. Hardly.
Glad to know you’re back, Paul. Nothing like a little perspective. I imagine you have plenty of stories to tell after your adventure…
I’ve never thought of myself as an “Esquire Man” but I was surprised to see that I’ve done more than a few of the suggestions, wanted to, or they are still on the list. On the other hand, as you say, some of those suggestions were underwhelming. I have the strong impression some of them were for whimsy, just to “F” with the readership.
So yes, I have milked a cow. Since a grandmother had a small dairy operation, I’ve also shoveled clean the walkway of its toppings (droppings?). Perhaps this makes me a deluxe Esquire Man?
I’ve built a fence, too. And repaired an appliance, or two. Which makes me wonder – Is this really about “All the escapism a man might want to experience while living on this planet, and then some”, or about earning your gender identity card? I mean, I’ve done roofing in the Texas summer heat and humidity too, and I still didn’t feel like an Esquire man. Maybe it’s because I haven’t become an expert in foreign lettuces….
I’ve done something dangerous in a foreign country (riding in a race car in Mexico without even the minimum safety equipment). Although this was dangerous to the extreme, the thrill was from the sheer exhilaration. Although I’d never do it again, I wouldn’t trade anything for the experience.
On the other hand, although I’ve never cultivated or acquired a reputation as a rake, I can check the boxes on the “older women” requirement, all three of them. At least if five years is “older”, which it seemed at the time.
I’ve ridden a horse, although this may give the wrong impression of who was in charge. I’ve driven the Pacific Coast Highway, and agree it was worth it.
Some items from the article remain. For years I’ve told myself I’ll learn the guitar “one of these days”, and I’m realizing the time is now. Living in another country, same situation.
And that threesome thing? Is that really on anyone’s bucket list, or is it a fantasy about a fantasy? I suppose I would prefer to keep my list to something I can achieve. Besides, I’m usually more about quality than quantity. I guess I’m truly not an Esquire man…