Do you need to be liked?
If the answer is yes, join the crowd. Oh, most adults don’t need to be liked by everyone, but the younger we are, the wobblier that evolving self-image and the more important it is to feel liked.
Remember high school? Exactly.
Remember those first days at college? Tricky.
At the very least, we want to fit in. We want to make a positive first impression, and then live up to it.
First (College) Days, New (College) Ways
At the moment, I’m thinking about my son – and millions of soon-to-be college students just like him. I’m thinking about that critical freshman college experience.
What must they be feeling, as parents fuss over finalizing forms and budgeting for bursar’s bills, an possibly concerned for themselves about empty nest?
Yours truly is harried and hassled, focused on the steady stream of logistical details – doctors appointments and bank accounts, laundry, laundry, and more laundry. Oh yes – and figuring out what to pack. Oh, my aching back, my hand-wash hands, my crumbling credit card…
But my son?
I imagine he’s worried about workload, about homesickness, about first impressions and fitting in.
Like most of us – adults or teenagers – he wants to be liked.
Tips for Likability
I came across a nifty short piece in PsychologyToday.com, Get Anyone to Like You Instantly, hardly an in-depth study, but handy tips I might want to remind my son – and myself as well.
Largely, the article highlights gestures, facial expressions, and simple mirroring (empathetic) language. These are signs of openness and attentiveness to the person you’re with. The fact is – a smile is one of the simplest and most powerful tools there is. At least, in this culture where it isn’t taken as artificial, and it is received as approachability.
Of course, there are issues of communication skill, personality traits, the (useful) ability to tell a joke if you can – not to mention the tendency to pull pranks. (Might we wait until second semester for any college capers??)
As for starting off on the right foot in college, a host of other skills will be necessary – organization, time management, adaptability. My son possesses his share of charm – and quirks. And everything else, he’ll have to learn – like every other freshman stumbling his way through, and then settling in.
For now?
For now, it’s about more shopping (on a tight budget), more laundry, more logistics.
And the first impression I’m likely to make on anyone over the next weeks?
One tired and distracted woman. But smiling, just the same. We’re almost there, not at the “finish” line but at the starting gate. It’s been quite a road – and soon, it will all be up to him.
I couldn’t be more proud.
- How much does body language affect your first impression?
- Mastered any “likability” tricks that help in your personal or professional life?
- How was your freshman experience?
You May Also Enjoy
As you know, I and my daughter are just a couple steps ahead of you both. She had her first day yesterday. I have been more of a wreck than she has. She is doing great. Made friends (possibly with that smile) and joined study groups and seems to really have it so far.
Other than the apartment refrigerator going out on them… more money… So happy for your son. Good luck to him
I worked full-time and went to college full-time, so I didn’t have time to worry about my likeablity. A good thing, I suppose.
At Villanova yesterday all the new Freshman groups were at lunch with their student leaders. They do lots of games, group cheers, etc. They all dressed alike (from my perspective); short shorts and light-weight scooped tops for the girls, long baggy shorts and t-shirts for the boys. Of course, maybe we adults all dress alike (oops, maybe I’m a weird exception with my message t-shirts or buttons). It’s nice for getting comfortable and meeting one another and “fitting in”, but it was also described by one of my children (mature for the age then) as “forced community.” I’m looking forward to seeing them tomorrow in class — they do look like an eager bunch.
Good to know, Paul… (I would imagine that back to school is “fun” for teachers, and also work, of course…)
It will be interesting to see how he approaches this new stage. It will be a different part of the country, a different climate, and he won’t know anyone, which isn’t always a bad thing.
He mentioned to me recently that he would need to get into small talk mode, which isn’t really his thing, but he learned to do it over the past year or two – and like anything, it’s a skill, right?
NAS – Let us know how your daughter does with her transition – and of course – I’m interested to know how you do with yours. (I need some good role models here, please!)
Pj – my older son carries a full load and a hefty work schedule with two jobs. Likability isn’t high on his list either, but I know even with the workload, he’s having a good time… 😉
When our youngest went to college, she went on a scholarship and knew no one there. It does depend on their personality, but if he isn’t afraid to try new things, I’m sure he’ll thrive in this new environment. Yours may be a harder transition! 😉
Here’s to meeting new beginnings with authentic smiles, even if they are tinged by authentic vestiges of hurt, echoes of pasts that trail so assiduously behind us, perhaps until we smile at them as well.
All Good Wishes for you and for your boys and for new beginnings.
Thank you, Bruce. First the shopping, then the packing, later on the schmoozing, and after that… the settling in and starting something new.
Congrats to you both! Big milestones!! He is going to have a blast. My college years were so much better than anything previously.
xoox
Happy wishes to your son as he embarks on this new endeavor. My freshman experience was an awkward transition, but eventually I learned to find a set of friends that understood where I came from and where I was going. I am hoping the same for your son.