Apparently, all Americans over the age of 45 are Republicans. What! You didn’t get the memo?
But there’s data! Data and a bit of extrapolation on my part. Now tell me. Are you over 45 years old? You must be a Republican, right? And are you planning on taking your children to a parade tomorrow?
You thought sparklers were the only hazard you had to worry about?
Well forewarned is forearmed. Best take the kids only if you want to increase the likelihood that they will become card-carrying (and contributing) members of the Republican Party!
Ah, data. What’s not to love about studies and stats to support almost any claim?
This morning I read a nifty piece from Time.com’s feed reporting that young children who attend Fourth of July parades are more likely to become Republicans. Moreover, the assertion was backed up by research from Harvard. Now who would argue with that?
Well, clearly, I might. Since most of us who are 45 or older were gleefully glued to the fanfare of Independence Day parades and ensuing festivities – waving flags, eating hot dogs, applauding as our military and veterans marched by along with local high school bands, drum majorettes, and any number of amiable organizations.
So – given that missing an Independence Day parade would be like going a year without peanut butter and jelly, can’t we conclude that all Americans over 45 are Republicans?
Now, now. Don’t find me unpatriotic. I’m as respectful of my country as the next mother, but what could they have used as a sample size? A control group? Was there participation of Swiss citizenry residing in Wisconsin for purposes of neutrality? How might this research correspond to quality of life measures in, say… Danish or Norwegian children who grow up with higher marks in the work-life balance department?
Don’t Scandinavians watch parades? Eat sticky sweet goodies? Receive exposure to political symbols?
Lest you think I am making this up, may I quote from the article? Researchers found that:
kids who attended one rain-free July 4th celebration before the age of 18 were four percent more likely to vote Republican before the age of 40.
Four percent! Imagine that! (Hmm. Might the margin of error have been five percent? Might one wonder who funds this sort of Harvard study? Taxpayers? Alums? And was rain a Democratic ruse to skew results so they weren’t more definitive?)
I admit – I am concerned, given that both my children have enjoyed many more than a single parade or patriotic gathering in July. Were we entitled to Parade Disclaimers?
- These fireworks not intended to sway your political persuasion. Please pick up stuffed toy elephants upon exit.
- Overexposure to political symbols may cause slight leaning to the right.
And when it comes to long-term impacts, must we post warnings of another sort?
- Current results are not an indicator of future performance.
- Side effects may include but are not limited to impaired vision, political insensitivity, and intermittent loss of cognitive functions.
Not to worry – all you Democratic and Independent parents out there who still wish to enjoy the fireworks and family get-togethers along Main Street. I also have it on good authority from undisclosed sources – apologies, but I cannot reveal their names due to journalistic integrity – it seems that Canadian laboratory rats used in this study have defected to parts Southwest, including Area 51.
Yesterday Crunchy Frogs, today Parades make Republicans. It must be summer time (and we can be happy for it). Do they have any stats for kids whose parent flew a peace flag on the 4th? Democrat, Republican, Socialist Labor Party (http://www.slp.org/), or just hopelessly screwed up? Have a good weekend.
Yes – summertime! (Is there a “Hopefully Screwed Up” flag? A nice colorful one?)
The ideal study, where you choose a random sample of kids, expose half to a 4th of July parade, and follow both groups into adulthood, is not possible to perform. So this study, like most, uses clever statistical methods to simulate a random study. Because of this, it’s vulnerable to all kinds of bias.
You pays your money, you takes your choice.
Oh, just chuckling, Wolf… but do note that apparently the RAIN is a huge factor! (Does that mean that attending parades in the rain turns you democrat? Or maybe… Green?)
Count me as a proud Democrat who loves fireworks and July 4th parades.
Hooray deja pseu! (Don’t we all love a parade? Isn’t this one of the silliest studies you’ve heard of – um, lately? Suitable for the Ministry of Silly Walks, perhaps?) Have a great 4th!
This was a fun read. As someone who has to read all manner of studies as part of my job, I got a great chuckle out of the obvious failings behind this one. But there are STATISTICS! FACTS! POLITICS! Of course Time would pick it up.
Hilarious!! I remember the July 4th parade of 1976 – an extravaganza for sure – and am as far left as you can get. We’re going to see the fireworks on the Mall in DC. Does that mean my kids are going to turn into Newt? Yikes!!!
Happy 4th! xoxo
Fun post. These studies?! I often wonder who sponsors them.
This study could cause a major reduction in parade attendance. One could always hope that exposure would be reduced. Then again, there’s always a way to read “data” to get the result you want.
I thought it was interesting that they stated “kids who attended one rain-free July 4th celebration before the age of 18.”
What’s rain got to do with it? (Apologies to Tina Turner)
So if it rained, kids were more likely to become Democrats?
I have been a parade watcher since birth, passed this right onto my children. I live in a very conservative state over-run with Republicans and there are parades and festivals in every city, every weekend all summer long.
I was so proud that my eighteen yr old daughter saw this story on the news and gaffed at the mere thought of such nonsense.
Long live 4th of July festivities and parades for all Americans.
I couldn’t agree more, NAS.
I’m sure it was my tax dollars hard at work to fund that study. Why can’t a Independence Day Parade watcher (or participant) just be a patriotic AMERICAN!?
I’m with you on this one, Lisa.