Yesterday, I accomplished a goal against all odds. It was big. Really big.
My first response?
The body crumpled. The mind went blank. I slumped, sat, and stared out the window. That lasted about 10 minutes. Then I began running the mental checklist of everything else that needs to get done – under deadline – in the next few weeks.
I know, I know. When you achieve something BIG you should celebrate, reveling in the sense of accomplishment. You should cut yourself some slack and maybe even congratulate yourself in some small way. And as it turns out – last evening, I did.
I went out and enjoyed a glass of wine with a friend, listened to a little live music in a neighborhood club, and then came home to get down to business.
This morning. This afternoon. The rest of the weekend.
The business of making a buck, of working toward personal goals, of thinking about the future.
The Catch-22 of High Achievers
I’m a Type A personality (no surprise), and I’m more than a little addicted to achievement (ditto).
I do know how to relax, though I don’t do it very often. Last night was an unusual occurrence – spontaneous, and delightful. I need to do that sort of thing more frequently.
But here’s the dilemma: I’m used to setting the bar high, never resting on my laurels, and frankly – never resting. If I’m not working toward a goal (or many), I feel as though I’m stagnating. I feel far more alive when I’ve got my sites on the prize, and the prize may be about accomplishing something vital for one of my kids, some onerous task to do with my (perpetually?) disorganized home, a personal goal, or a professional ambition.
I’d like to be able to celebrate my victories more often. To unwind more often.
Parenting Legacies
My sons come from a long line of high achievers, and on both sides. We’re about the process, the learning, and yes – reaching the goal, though not so concerned about the trappings of success that might accompany accomplishments. I suppose I ought to speak for myself, but in observing my sons (raised primarily by me), they seem to enjoy the intrinsic value of meeting a goal and producing fine work – as do I.
My sons have learned the importance of setting ambitious objectives, and pulling out the stops to meet them. And yet…
They are much better at enjoying their wins, at taking their downtime, at giving themselves the necessary breather to pause, and to have fun. And I have rewarded and encouraged that as well – in them.
Essentials (The Necessity of Play Time)
Ironically, my younger son has been encouraging me to go out more. To stop pushing myself so hard. To have some fun.
Last evening I let my hair down – just a little. It was great!
Yes, I have project goals, writing goals, financial goals, socializing goals. I have personal goals to do with my jeans (um, a little tight at the end of winter), and “lifestyle” goals – including, once again, making progress on the infernal household organizational challenge so I may be more comfortable in my own home.
Part of getting down to business (and getting things done) means paying attention to essentials – healthy eating, exercise, sleep, managing stress. And fostering my own downtime.
It is that last item that is the toughest, but I’m determined to do better. I have the discipline, the desire, the work ethic – yes work ethic – which I need to apply to play as well as to other areas of life.
- Do you short-cut your essentials when it comes to healthy habits?
- Are you all work and no play?
- Are you diligent about your planning?
- Do you live to achieve or achieve to live?
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Life needs that balance, you know. Taking time for yourself, for pleasure, makes it easier to deal with all of the “musts” that life entails.
So hard with kids, Carol! But yes – quite right.
Planning to succeed for me involves setting sub-goals, achieving those and then adding new sub-goals (with the main goal as the destination). It is a reductionist philosophy, breaking down a goal into its necessary requirements. For my health, my recent (in the last two years) sub-goals were to exercise three times a week (twice during the week, once on the weekend), reduce snacking, drink less coffee, drink more water, eat less but higher quality food, no junk food unless I cook it from scratch (a great idea from the author Michael Pollan) and always walk to the grocery store. Each goal by itself isn’t very difficult and by accomplishing them one at a time sequentially and forming habits, they build on each other.
I use the same philosophy with my financial (plan for the future, keep my head above water in my present with my support obligations) and musical goals (learn one new song that teaches me a new technique, repeat). Where I do fall down is in a goal of female companionship, it is not an endeavour that fits my paradigm; any suggestions?
Balance, yesss. Drinking too much water, for example, can kill you. You are driven to over achieve; what a curse! ;o)
Here’s hoping you enjoy your driven moments as well as your downtime. For example do you enjoy your steak dinner as much as your fru-fru dessert? Sometimes, have or enjoy just the dessert or just the steak. Variety is indeed the spice of life me thinks. Me, I’m trying to make this weekend last more than two daze… again.
I’m extremely prone to be all work and no play, which drains the finite quantity of emotional/physical resources I (like anyone else) have. And I know what it is to be against that wall, with no more time for delay of any kind, feeling like the hour you’re stuck in is always the eleventh. I’ve worked for several months to change — gradually — that way of working. But last week, in deadline panic, I went back to the tried and true methods that worked (or used to work, I should say). I paid for it mentally, lashing out, at the end of the push, at everyone and everything in sight.
Then I gave myself a break, gave myself a way to recuperate, even if it was, like your night out, brief. It made such a difference in the way I felt about what I still have to do now.
We do need those moments of celebration or, if we don’t feel there’s something to celebrate, a treat for working hard, at the very least. I’m glad you were able to give yourself one. It’s something I’m going to have to keep working on, but I know the evidence says it’s necessary if I’m going to cross the finish line in one piece!
Fru-fru dessert? Moi? (I wish.)
And batticus, I’m ruminating…
I read the line where you sat…for 10 minutes. That is so me. Unable to stand still, which is why no TV has had its challenges!
Relax some more. I’m confident you won’t over-do it!!
Good for you and your hair is lovely down! And, the jeans look fab but ok then, get going as we want them to feel lovely too. Me, same goal as spring advances.
I am impressed with your self-discipline in writing a professional post on a daily basis. I write whatever/whenever (emails to friends, brief lectures on Facebook, etc). When seeing a new doctor years ago, I checked my papers when he was out of the room. In a corner was written “Type A Personality.” Rather than take offense (“Not me?”), I was the epitome of mellow when he returned. My family was achievement oriented around values, which is much more challenging than working for worldly success. My family excelled in values, and part of growing up was to learn to put this in perspective (not always easy). Personal values tend to free us; it is society that tends to enchain us. They were also very loving and forgiving. My father once sent me a card on which he had written “Do your work with honor, not for honor.” Only thing missing was that it wasn’t in Latin.
I am smiling at this comment, Paul. I love that you check what the doctor writes when s/he is out of the room. (I do the same. It seems entirely logical.) I applaud you for not taking offense at Type A as a personality, any more than some might take offense if someone called them Type B. I think the terms are, like most simplistic classifications, useful in certain contexts but not more than that. We all wear different facets of our selves in varying circumstances.
I love what your father told you. Thank you for sharing that.
I absolutely short-change the healthy essentials – and when you put it like that, it’s more clearer than ever that I shouldn’t do that. Between the day job and the homebuilding job, though, it’s hard to carve out space for fun. And on the Saturday night when we do have social plans, I’m often so tired I wish we didn’t have them!
Glad you got out last night – cheers to accomplishments and little celebrations, and here’s hoping the next round comes soon.
Force yourself to relax, that’s my motto.
It’s hard for me to relax too, but when I do it is rewarding. I question why I don’t do it more often. It’s probably the restlessness in my mind.
Do you think men are more wired for relaxation than women? Just curious. The men I know seem to relax more easily than the mothers I know. Might parenthood have something to do with it?
Wow. This is very impressive. I am probably anti-goal-oriented. Glad you were able to relax and actually enjoyed it!
Very important for a balanced life.