“What’s next – locusts?”
That’s what a friend said to me last week, after hearing about the computer viruses, the broken down car, the hole in my son’s ceiling the night before we were leaving town, the air conditioning that died and required repair – twice, water pouring into my bathroom through a light fixture, the return of critters scampering in the rafters.
Not exactly the ten plagues, technically speaking. No blood, no boils, no hail. As for the plague of darkness, does walking the street at midnight count, searching for someone – anyone – to lend a hand?
It gives me pause. Pause to wonder what next, pause to ponder how I incurred the wrath of gods of any sort, and all wry histrionics aside, how I’ll manage. My daily plate of crazy keeps getting crazier. And single motherhood + home ownership = constant headache.
Money means maintenance
I know. A house requires maintenance. Like a vehicle. Like the human body.
And all of that takes money.
The root of all evil? Don’t think so. More like a necessary part of life. The means to maintain a home, health, raise kids the way we want to. Surviving recession means you take shelter – literally – in a house of cards. Sometimes credit cards. Sometimes a trick deck. And in this case, my house of cards appears to be inhabited by poltergeists, sniveling spirits, and Murphy over Moses.
Fortunately, though I bear no resemblance to Blanche Dubois, I can still seek the kindness of strangers.
Persistence
I’ve always taught my sons that persistence pays. Of course, that’s a euphemism. It’s actually stubbornness, but I’m going for positive spin.
I’ve moved boxes, hauled out bags of trash, and I’m chipping away at critical organizing activities. I’ve been taking care of business in all those nooks and crannies of life that aggravate us – paperwork, cleaning, emotional obstacles. Of course, my back feels like a tow truck ran over it, and one arm is only partially usable. But it will pass, and I’ve been basking in attacking these tedious tasks. And getting somewhere.
So two nights ago, when a swarm of insects invaded through a pair of closed windows, all I could think of was my friend’s remark.
Not locusts. Carpenter ants.
That was followed by more woeful wandering in the dark, eventually ringing a doorbell and asking for assistance moving a 200-year old piece of furniture that I couldn’t budge. Right in the path of the marauding little monsters.
“Hello, God? Plague control department, please”
Yesterday morning started with tears (frustration, anger, exhaustion), one plaintive “when is enough enough?” and then adulthood: the delights of phone calls and price quotes from pest control services. (Have questions about critters? Boy do I have answers!)
And yes, the overloaded credit card will be hit again, as the rescue team heads this way in a few hours. I’m hoping they arrive in superhero costume (or Biblical robes and staff?), and they’ll certainly be bearing traps, potions, ladders and other tools of their trade as they hit outside, inside, attic and basement.
Pearls of positivity?
Meanwhile, I’ll look on the bright side.
- Maybe the bug busters could also feng shui my rooms.
- At the very least, they can mark my door to be passed over. Or perform an exorcism.
- I now know the name of one of my neighbors, and his wife.
- The ants didn’t get into the old wood.
- If I count carefully, I may have maxed out on the plagues.
- If I need to, I’ll count the car twice, the A.C. repair twice, and there’s always hexadecimal.
Ever feel like you can’t win? Like you want to throw in the towel?
I’m not a violent woman, but I’m ready to take that damn Murphy’s tablets, smash them over his head, and cram them down his throat.
Locusts looming?
Go on. Give it your best shot. I’m not going down. Stubbornness, remember?
A pox on all of these plagues! How much more assholery can you take? I’d tell you to send some on to me instead, but my garage door SPLIT IN HALF this morning, so I think I have my fair share.
Hope the ant killers are successful!
Your garage door split in half? Bolt of lightning???
DA – I’m sorry that Murphy seems to have moved in for a long stay, but I DO understand (and he supposedly moves on eventually, here’s crossing the fingers that for you, eventually is sooner rather than later.)
I can’t help with all the “crap” that’s been going on lately, but there’s a little surprise for you over on my new website (http://transformyourchroniclife.com/wordpress/2010/07/12/lovely-blog-award-me/) I hope that it will at least give you a bit of a boost . . .
Wendy
Wendy, thank you! (And love the new site. Will change my blogroll.)
Do I ever get this! I feel like I’ve been plagued pretty much all my life but especially the last 8 years since my divorce. When will life STOP being a constant struggle? When will the efforts being made lead to something OTHER than survival just so I can deal with the NEXT plague? When will I look forward to getting out of bed in the morning? (There’s a lot going on lately that I haven’t been blogging about – thanks to the plague of exes who read.)
Hallelujah to all of this, Mindy! (Maybe we need a theme song? We could start a girl group? Make scads of moolah so we’re finally out from under?)
Oh, honey, I’m sorry!! That just sucks!!
I’ve given up trying to find the positive spins on things. Sometimes, some things just suck.
Well April – when it’s one step forward and two steps back – pretty much most of the time – I’m thinking maybe I need a 180 degree turn, so backwards is forwards in my inside-out upside-down world. Hell. Somewhere in here, there’s another dimension to be probed, a forward-thinking backwards opportunity I’m simply not seeing. Or at the very least, a country song. 😉
After tears, there has to be laughter. And persistence. (And maybe shoes, even if I’m only using them to stomp ants.)
Oh my. This is so not fair – you’ve had way more than your share. Hang in there – it’s gotta get better!!
Sometimes, you’re just trying to keep it from getting worse. 🙂 That in itself, would be a help.
(Cue the violins. . . Or the damn country singers!)
Oh, BLW, not again! I am sending you all of my best wishes for some better luck to head your way. (Or maybe I should just send a gift certificate for an exorcist?)
In the meantime, I hereby give you permission to head to bed, flip on Bravo, and spend the rest of the afternoon watching the Bethenny’s Getting Married? marathon.
Have Bethenny on in the background, while waiting for Personable and Polite Pest Professionals… and trying to make a pathway through the stacks for them to navigate with their spells and potions. Will be in traction by tomorrow. Any nice guys out there who seek satisfaction, filled with attraction for women in traction??
Thanks Kristen. And for the reminder about Bethenny. She makes me laugh.
Ants. I hate ants. Put on your cockroach-killing, pointy-toed heels and do battle until your pest control saviors come!
Lisa, you make me smile. Part 1 was yesterday (for hours). Part 2 was to take place today (waiting, waiting, waiting, and tapping of pointy-toed pumps). . .
I am with Eva. Hang in there. This too will pass. I am sending positive energy your way.
Thank you for all the positive energy! (Now if only the Bug Guy had come back when he said he would. Don’t you love waiting all day for someone who never shows????)
I’m breathing. I’m breathing. I’m breathing. (I’m waiting for a new episode of Top Chef and then Work of Art. . .
Appreciating the synchronities of nature’s assaults at our respective abodes. As for locusts, I just finished reading “Things Fall Apart” by Chinua Achebe in which the arrival of the locusts marks a rare delicacy 🙂
While you might not be going in for chocolate covered ants, I send good wishes for you, your boys and your house.