Do you waste time? Do you feel guilty about it? Are you sure the time you consider wasted is – in fact – without use or value?
Keith, of Almighty Dad, mentioned something casually in a comment earlier this week, in reminding himself to be more present. He referred to time he wasted during the year, and toiling uselessly rather than appreciating his family more.
It’s all well and good to realize we should appreciate what we have – including a healthy family – but the idea that pursuing something important to him is useless, or wasted time, has been working on me. I haven’t been able to dismiss what was an off-hand (and likely) common remark that is all tied up in our very American notions of time, value, and seemingly unrewarded pursuits.
Might there be a different interpretation for what constitutes wasting time? Is wasting time a matter of content, or degree? Is time ever really wasted?
Wasting time
So what, exactly, is wasting time? Think about it. Waste implies loss, trash, something with no redeeming value.
If you rush through the days in an office, labor long hours at a construction site, deal with the tedium and stress of cranky toddlers or squabbling pre-schoolers, is 20 minutes to stare out the window or gaze at your holiday decorations “wasted,” or a necessary break?
- Is reading a novel or watching Reality TV wasting time?
- Is sitting in the kitchen at midnight with a glass of wine, and quiet, wasting time?
- Is lying on a beach for a few days a waste of time, when you’re harried year round?
- What do you consider a waste of time?
Time’s a wasting
Part of our crazy culture in this country is an addiction to non-stop work, and a frenzied pace. We define ourselves by “what we do” rather than who we are. We feel compelled to be productive all the time, adhering to strict schedules for exercise, socializing, even relaxing. This is the antithesis of a broader framework of living. A more grounded framework, which I find in Europe: pleasure in the lingering discussion, pleasure in the glass of wine, pleasure in the two-hour meal, pleasure in more playful lovemaking.
Notice that the word pleasure is integral to each of those thoughts. It’s about quality, and taking time. And aren’t we here to exalt in nature, in the arts, in each other? Is our Puritanism so deeply rooted that we cannot savor experiences that cost little to nothing? What if we shifted our notion of time, and considered savoring a necessity?
Waste not, want not
We all know that money does more than purchase goods and services. Our self-esteem is bound to our capacity to earn it, spend it, count it, indulge in it – and yes, put it to “good” use, or to “waste” it. Not having money impacts more than consequences on lifestyle or opportunities; its absence eats away at esteem.
As for pursuing ventures that do not pay but clearly constitute work? Is that time wasted?
Consider how many of us are working for little or nothing during this recession. It’s still work; we’re learning, producing, accomplishing – but without a dollar value on it. And our activities that give pleasure or honor our relationships and environment – is that to be dismissed as wasted, or at the very least, less valuable?
Keith at Almighty Dad researches, writes, and home schools his young sons. It may be unpaid, but it is far from useless.
Reassess, reinterpret
Why do we consider time not spent in pursuit of money (or some recognized reward) as throwaway or useless? Why do we consider quiet time as wasted?
My hours reading and writing are not wasted. They are toil, and pleasure, and I hope eventually to earn an income again using these skills. But even if I did not – I certainly don’t consider writing, learning, or communicating a waste of time. Not mine, and not yours.
My moments zoned out in front of the television, or thumbing an art book, or listening to my son play piano are not wasted. They are vital to recharging, and connecting at a more human pace.
Remember my red balloon on the ceiling? It’s still there. My younger son taped it up a month ago, exactly. Whatever time he spent to fill the kitchen with balloons was certainly not wasted. The positive effects remain; I smile, and I feel loved.
© D A Wolf
Sitting through a movie that is absolute garbage. That is definitely a waste of time!!! I get enraged when this happens–I’m like, can I have my money AND my 2 1/2 hours back?
Yep. I’m with you on that. A botched attempt to relax and enjoy (in a crowded schedule) definitely feels like a waste of time. On the other hand, were you with a kid? Able to rag and bitch and crack jokes over it together? (If yes, cool. If no, that sucks.)
Sitting through a meeting where nothing progresses or is accomplished or decided or no information of value was shared.
Starting a book that is worthless.
There are lots of things that seem like wasted time, that actually are not and I love them…though I accomplish nothing except some good thinking time or relaxation when doing them. Sitting in front of the fire with a cup of coffee spiked with peppermint schnapps and catching up on all my favorite bloggers is one of them…but the laundry doesn’t exactly get done this way.
Yeah, worthless books are annoying. Screw the laundry. Keep drinking the spiked coffee.
If you don’t like the movie, but your kids do, you can catch up on the sleep you didn’t get over the past week or two. Put me in a dark room or the theater, and I make excellent use of the environment. Now, if only my kids wouldn’t poke me and say loudly “Mom, are you asleep?”
I do remember those days… 🙂
Wow, if I had a laptop and could sit in front of the fire with some peppermint schnapps…. That’d be totally not a waste of time 🙂
Excellent analysis into my statements, Wolf. You mentioned our American puritanism which is funny since I spent from age 5 to 12 attending a congregational church (The direct religious descendants of the puritans) in New Hampshire. I have always divided activities into two categories, useless self indulgent ones and sacrificial good ones. I have never stopped to think about the implications of that. I spent 2 weeks in Amsterdam last year just tooling around trying very hard to only concentrate on the many museums and art houses. When I finally did decide to to just sit in a cafe and do nothing I felt a strange sense of guilt about it.
We Americans have a very unique culture. The Japanese are all about sacrifice too, but they do it for the betterment of society. We Americans sacrifice in the name of self worth. I can’t say one is necessarily worse or better than the other, but it does highlight that we are a unique people. Not European, not native.
Having grown up in New England, like you I am very steeped in that same work ethic. I recognize the extent to which it “owns” me, and I’m grateful for the time I’ve spent overseas that mitigates those very stubborn roots. We really do need to rethink our approach to time, and our pursuits, and the intrinsic value of a breadth of experiences – including hanging out in a café in Amsterdam, or Paris, or Chicago, or at the kitchen table. Without guilt.
And by the way – what you do every day is enormously valuable – the writing, and what you are giving to your sons.
The only time I ever consider truly wasted is when I’m messing around on Facebook rather than sitting in the floor with my kids or I lay on the couch watching crap tv marathons when I should be cleaning … because then I’m cleaning when I could be doing something more fun with my loved ones.
I guess I think of it as: the time is wasted if you piddle it away and then don’t have it when you need it. My problem with time management is a direct result of screwed up priorities. I wish I could do drudgery-type things now so that I can savor pleasureful things then. One day!
Just a thought – maybe you need the break of that “messing around on Facebook.” You could still do it, just not quite so long. As for cleaning, that often feels like wasted time! With kids around, everything is trashed again an hour or two later.
I guess I have had five years to think about that one. Before that, I was doing nothing.
Waiting in line at the DMV for 30 minutes with the kids only to find you’ve been waiting in the WRONG line, is a waste of time. Notice how I wrote, “with the kids” because honestly, if I did this without the kids, I’d view it as a break and NOT a waste of time. Writing, watching trash TV, sitting on the couch with a glass of wine… definitely NOT a waste of time. Anything that will refresh and rejuvenate me is worth my time. I agree on the movie though… if I’m going to be out doing something that I planned on being “enjoyable”, it better be enjoyable.
Chuckling…
Now that I’m done my (time waste) posting play, out I must go – still some errands today!
We’ve never had TV (as in cable, channels) as I personally find it a total waste of time. We buy what we want to watch on DVD and then do so when it suits us -commercial free.
I recently finished a short manuscript, and after my daughter/son in law read it, he replied “Wish I had time to waste writing.” And it wasn’t a compliment, either. I could have kicked him. But I make a living writing, he hates his ‘real’ job, so whatever.
I figure, life is not a dress rehearsal, you cannot have a do-over, so whatever you’re going to waste your time doing, make sure your wasting it doing something you love. Then, not one second of your life will be a waste of time!
Funny how those who pursue the arts are often considered “wasting their time.” Not only does it reflect what is valued in our country, but I suspect the lack of respect has to do with the fact that learning and practicing are not remunerated in the same fashion as other careers / pursuits.