Looking for a better sex life? Try this.
Think those people keeping the plastic surgery business booming are going under the knife to crop that crooked nose? Think again! It’s boobs, booty, and more boobs.
Reality TV, ads, films, internet dating, your local Whole Foods – everywhere you look are examples of nip this and tuck that. And it’s usually to get or keep the guy!
I’m not talking about reconstructive surgery, or even the “traditional” cosmetic procedures that used to be the domain of middle-aged moms with money in the bank.
No Sir, no Ma’am.
It’s slice-dice-and-ain’t-that-nice, now running rampant in every age group including boob jobs for teens, Botox for twenty-somethings, and mini-lifts in the thirties – just to get a jump on what’s upcoming in the forties!
Sample the menu of procedures
What exactly is on the cosmetic procedures menu these days? Oh, there’s a selection to boggle the mind… and take a bite out of your assets.
- Boob jobs (bigger, smaller, hoisted)
- Liposuction & body sculpting
- Tummy tuck (full & mini)
- Nose, eyelids, brows, cheeks, chins (various)
- Face lift
- Butt lift (go Brazilian!)
- Dental surgery
- Vaginal rejuvenation (TMI?)
It’s all about sex
Could all these procedures possibly presume to correct fatal flaws? Doubt it. Are some genuinely necessary? Sure. But let’s get real. Most of the time it’s about sex. More sex. Any sex. And delusions over what is a “sex worthy” female form.
Sometimes, cosmetic surgery comes at the tacit (or explicit) instigation of an existing partner after a number of (ho hum) years. Or it’s motivated by a new partner, or the potential for a new partner. Hey – it’s tough out there!
What an elixir: one part marketing, two parts fear.
Lift those breasts, tote that barge!
Three years after my marriage tanked, I dated a man I genuinely liked. It was my first post-marital “relationship.” But six weeks in, and seeing each other three or four times a week, still no sex.
I told myself that perhaps he was a romantic. He might truly enjoy taking time, lots of time. We shared laughter, heavenly kissing, even family activities with my kids. Finally, I just asked. When were we going to sleep together?
Then he said it: He was crazy about me. But… I wasn’t his physical type. He liked skinny women with tiny breasts, and by the way, he didn’t mind scars. From surgical procedures that is.
Say what??
My stats and status
At the time, I was in my 40s (he was eight years older). And may I add, I weighed 95 pounds.
Can you spell S-C-R-A-W-N-Y?
I asked myself – didn’t he notice my very substantial rack when we first met? If he was looking for Kate Moss or Calista Flockhart, why did he call for a second date?? Why did he let it go on for a third, a fourth, and so much longer?
Like many women following pregnancies, I’d been searching for a lower gravity planet – but, alas, without success. Besides, I liked my boobs.
Then:
I know a good cosmetic surgeon, he said to me. Just go for a consultation. See what he thinks about your breasts, and that extra around your middle. Imagine how great you’d look and how good you’d feel.
Coulda woulda shoulda
I should have run right then, but I didn’t.
Silly me, I went for the consultation, tolerated the embarrassing examination, viewed gag-me before and after photos, and left with information on three possible surgeries, their risks, recovery, scarring (permanent) – oh – and the $10,000+ price tag.
Soon after, the man in question was out of my life, but not before I found out that he had a few other little issues that had zip to do with my body type!
I’m not against it
I can imagine a time when I might consider a little tweak. To what? Who knows. It’s a moot point. My kids, my life – are the priority.
As for beauty, I remember my pre-pregnancy bod. Quite nice. Then there’s real life: beauty is not absolute and if we’re fortunate, we grow older.
What disturbs me is our culture in which young women (and those aging like a fine wine) are made to feel less beautiful than they – we – truly are. And it seems to be getting worse.
Since…
Still, I’m happy to say that in the past years I’ve encountered gentlemen who think I’m lovely just as I am. (It’s very Bridget Jones, and reassuring.)
Far from “perfect” – I never was, even 20 years ago – I agree that I’m just fine as is. That’s a good thing, as I have neither the bucks nor the inclination to put myself through surgery without a medical reason.
Can we think about that for a moment? Undergoing anesthesia and all the other surgical risks, not to mention the healing process, in order to conform to some unrealistic standard of beauty?
These days I’m simply glad to be healthy, retain my mirth and moments of mischief, and prefer to share pleasure with a man who sees me as a whole woman, one with a life story still unfolding in my smile, through my fingertips, along my curves, my valleys… a story to be read and savored…
But I’m curious…
Would you undergo the knife for a spouse or lover? Or ask a spouse or lover to do so?
- Is it a question of which parts, and how you feel about them?
- Is it the age-old fear concerning older men and younger women?
- No big deal – other than minimizing risks, recovery, and affording it?
“Ease” by Sharon Shapiro, reproduced with permission of the artist.
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I am so glad to hear that you decided not to go under the knife for the approval of this guy or for anyone else. The reality is that I am sure you are beautiful and if someone is that hung up on what is their physical type then it is time to kick them to the curb! Women are beautiful! Part of the beauty of women is that they come in all shapes and sizes. Viva la difference!
Funny post. I think the hardest thing for women to accept is how visually oriented men are. There is no analogy for women. Men can get turned on by just seeing a woman’s body part. Can you imagine a woman being turned on by a man’s thighs, for instance? Go to the magazine stand and there are racks and racks of men’s magazines with every sort of woman’s body style features for those interested in a particular style to look at. Playgirl came and went (I think it’s no longer in publication). Women aren’t wired that way. Men are. It’s our achilles heel. When I was single, I saw every form of breast surgery imaginable – from making them bigger, smaller, lifting, or taking out the implants. The only time I was shocked was when I encountered nipple rings. I stared and wondered what I was supposed to do.
So, this is men. Whether a woman chooses to satisfy a man’s particular likes or dislikes, as with that date of yours, is her choice. I think many women do it for themselves and other women just as much as for men and sex. I say if it makes you feel better, fine. Just don’t get like that “cat woman” and go overboard.
As for me, I have always liked a fit woman and that works best for me whether the boobs are big or small. I’m a work-out junkie, I ski a lot, so being physically active matters to me. I only dated women that were basically on the same page and ultimately married a woman who turned out to be a better skier than me! Hurray!
No easy answers.
Bruce Sallan
I would go under the knife for myself…no one else though. If I were with a man who asked me to go under the knife I’d show him the door.
Why would you date someone in the first place if you weren’t satisfied with all the parts and the condition of said parts?
I’m a take me as I am kind of woman and if you are with me I’m going to assume you like who I am…body parts and all.
I’m not a big fan of cosmetic surgery. But I do have my “type” of woman – slim/fit, nice butt. Women like that turn my head, and so I tend not to chase women who don’t fit that category. There’s nothing worse than being on a date with one woman, and having my head turn for someone else. (And yes, there is more to a woman than her looks, and more reasons to get into a relationship than just to look at someone.)
my wife had a tummy tuck last year. She did it because her second pregnancy separated her stomach muscles by about three inches and she therefore could not develop those muscles. Her back began to curve because her core was out of whack. So, she did it because she needed her stomach muscles back. The doctor stitched them back together and 8 weeks later she was back to doing some exercise. (she 5 foot 6 120 lbs so it was not done in conjunction with any liposuction or anything stupid like that).
I sorta can’t understand the whole fascination with super skinny people. I like women with a few curves. It all comes down to healthy for me. I like healthy people, people who can do a pull-up and maybe a few push-ups. That’s how I like them 🙂
Geez,
All those 80-year-old people in the retirement homes who are getting married these days are sunk without plastic surgery. How can they possibly have a fulfilling, rewarding sex life if they simply just don’t look the part of our plastic, superficial, Hollywood driven, hedonistic, entertainment oriented culture? Sucks to be them I guess!
I did have a tummy tuck recently and I LOVE IT.
These days, many women my age are having “Mommy Jobs”… aka tummy tuck and breast lift. I think we all want to recover from the stretching and pulling of skin that occured during pregnancy.
I am 5’5” and weigh 120 lbs. By no means did I do it to lose weight or get thinner. I am also a triathlete and no matter what exercise I did, I could not recover the stretched skin on my stomach. It frustrated me and I kept it hidden.
Two lovers pointed out to me that I kept it hidden. Both of them said to me, “Either you accept how you look or you get it taken care of.”
I wouldn’t say they suggested I get plastic surgery. It was bothering ME and thus bothered THEM that I was bashful about my stomach during sex. But I did take their thoughts to heart and went ahead with the surgery.
I do agree that many people are doing it to be something they are not. But I don’t agree that all cosmetic surgery is bad. I couldn’t have said that a few months ago. However now that I’ve learned more about it, I definitely think its ok.
There are reasons other than vanity for cosmetic surgery. It may help you in your career. We have a client, Dr. David Verebelyi, who does zillions of plastic surgery jobs. You should watch some of the videos on his site at http://coloradoskincare.com to find out how it’s changed people’s lives. For example, there’s a segment from MSNBC on how laser technology is being used on 3 sisters who were burned in a fire, now undergoing treatments to significantly improve their scarring. So touching.
There certainly are reasons for plastic surgery and related procedures (laser, for example, for burn victims). I see nothing but good news in these advances – as well as procedures which improve quality of life for men, women, and children.
I am concerned by social pressures that impact teens and young women especially. All surgeries carry risks; decisions to undergo the knife are portrayed as commonplace and placebos to social awkwardness, lack of sex partners, low self-esteem and more. Add in pressure from partners, and in my opinion, it’s bad news.
T – so great you’re feeling so much better! And Keith, sounds like your wife underwent surgery that you both felt was necessary for her to be well. That’s very different from a man wanting to “re-sculpt” a woman’s body – or even those surgeons who offer (during consultation) an entire menu of procedures they think the patient needs. May be great for business, but bad for our humanity.
I applaud those physicians who make time for pro bono reconstructive work, as well as those who balance the “beauty business” with medical (and emotional) necessity.
I do think some would go under the knife for their spouse. If there is financial stability, family stability, or the old-fashioned “being in love” with one’s spouse, a reason to augment one’s body in one way or another, then they’ll do it. Examples would include breast augmentation or vaginal rejuvenation for women; male enhancement or liposuction for men (to get rid of those “tires” around their midsections).
A very special woman had cancer. We talked, a lot. She had had much surgery and told me she was covered with zipper marks. She also climbed mountains. I wondered how I might respond. She was beautiful. Beautiful memories. Sad.