Avoidance or procrastination?
Let’s be clear. Avoidance is not the same as procrastination. Avoidance is a fine art unto itself. A coping strategy. No 12-step program is required.
- I am avoiding the email account I use for “dating.” Thus, I don’t have to deal with the issue of Date Night Guy.
- I am avoiding calling the company where I had the project lead, because the ball is in their court.
- I am avoiding harassing my doctor’s office over test results, because their phone system makes me cranky.
- I am avoiding looking at myself in the mirror, since it affirms that it’s been a rough few months.
- I am avoiding another load of laundry. Just because.
See? Coping strategies. Not head in the sand. Not refusing to listen, even to my adult voice. Just a handful of the many opportunities for annoyance, disappointment, and bewilderment that I don’t need to deal with. Just now.
Okay. “Just now” indicates kinship with procrastination. So here’s a clarification – I’m waiting until the last possible moment to make four sandwiches, wash apples, dig out bags of chips and bottles of water and bag them up, then listen to teenage morning moaning as I knock on assorted doors.
That is procrastination.
Shouldn’t it be considered a sign of good health and stability to avoid negative experiences, or for that matter, to put them off?
Avoidance is Healthy (Sometimes)
I also avoid my ex (my blood pressure shoots through the roof when I deal with him), I avoid rooms full of people coughing (wouldn’t you?), and I’d avoid my own home if I could – on certain days. Who in their right mind enters an adolescent infested storage unit, filled to overflowing with stacks of books and bills, and wacky art?
Wait. I love my books. I love my art. The bills? Not so much…
As for procrastination, I think it’s gotten a bad rap. It’s another coping strategy that’s as easy as pie and much maligned; surely it isn’t the devilish psychological defect we have come to consider it.
Still, I insist on the distinction between avoidance and procrastination, as the former seems proactively self-aware and the latter, at least in common (mis)understanding, is steeped in negative consequences that are likely to catch up in the future.
- What do you avoid doing, saying, or looking at – that helps you get through the day?
- Whom do you avoid, to stay sane or healthy?
- How did avoidance become such a “bad guy” in the bouquet of adult behaviors?
- And what about its cousin, Procrastination – always a problem?
Avoidance and Procrastination as Life Strategies
I can’t say these are highly advertised life strategies, but I’m sure I’m not the only one practicing them (flawlessly) in our troubled times. When searching out a sense of control over one’s environment (not actual control, mind you – but dare I dream?) – these particular behavioral tendencies may be just the thing to help squeak through another day.
Avoidance, procrastination, yes – there’s morning coffee (tactical, I admit) and also chocolate. Let’s add a dose of mindless television, old movies on cable, new movies on cable (the free ones), and a tiny bit of warm and fuzzy when you see that it’s going to be a sunny day.
Frankly, I think we need a support group. You know. Those of us who survive on avoidance – mostly to stand up to those who would insist that we deal with every grueling reality of adulthood on our overflowing plates (of crazy). And honestly, that’s unhealthy.
So I’ll just say no to avoiding my avoidance strategies for survival. At least, I’ll say no – not today.
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Currently avoiding: the mirror, the laundry, packing lunches, administering antibiotics, opening cat food.
Not avoiding: making coffee. Coffee is the only thing that will jump start this hoss.
I think you are right, BLW. When you have a lot of “lifestress” then you may need to just escape sometimes. Watching TV or sitting in the sunlight with a cup of coffee may give you the energy to return to tasks that demand emotional commitment. Surviving on avoidance today doesn’t mean that you are going to do that forever.
Great minds avoid alike! I have a post in the works on a cousin to this topic: steering away from the edgy things I used to embrace simply because I don’t want to invite any stress into my life.
I’m sure that there are benefits to confronting the ugly and the stressful, but I feel much more deeply the benefits of contentment and happiness. So maybe I’ll never be a great artist or a great philosopher, but I’ll have a fighting shot at remaining sane!
“… a fighting shot at remaining sane.” I love it!
I’m so with you on this! Denial, avoidance and procrastination have all gotten a bad rap.
In a world crazy for multi-tasking, there’s something to be said for taking things one at a time. As needed.
There are some things in my life I’m avoiding. But honestly – it’s usually better to face things. When you avoid, your mind and body build up fears and anxieties, which can have toxic affects on the physical health of your body. (See Carolyn Myss: Anatomy of the Spirit, and Eckhart Tolle: The Power of Now)
Often when we face the things we fear, the horrible parts dissolve into the nothingness from which they came…
Wow, DM. I do get what you’re saying, but the cultural differences between Left Coast and Right Coast are notable. And then again, some of it is you… and your special charm. 🙂
Um, can I join that support group? I am currently avoiding doing the dishes in hopes that they will do themselves.
It must be in the air… see my post today!
I (try to anyway) avoid toxic people. There is too much black inside me to begin with. I don’t need anymore.
I procrastinate rewriting and completing started manuscripts. I prostrastinate/avoid cleaning the house. I avoid coughing people just like you, and I avoid traffic and stressful situations. It’s such a fine line…I don’t know which is which, but I definitely do them both. yep, that’s how I cope!
Suzicate, Rebecca, Abby, Amber, April, Elizabeth, TKW, Kristen… HOORAY! I’d say we’ve got enough for a starting lineup! Or a book club! Or lots of coffee and cocktails along with a writer’s group!
(Um, DM… why is it that all the feminine energy seems to be leaning towards the Avoidance/Procrastination Theory of Coping? Any comeback? )
i avoid talking about all the things i am avoiding
procrastination? i look at it more like motivation, just wait long enough and you will really need to get something done, or realize it wasnt important to begin with.
i applaud you dadshouse for taking on problems head on. it seems with your zen attitude you must avoid the headaches
Jason – you always make me smile.
I think I’m starting to come to terms with my procrastination tendencies. The fact is, I do well under pressure. So maybe procrastination is simply giving myself time to process things, to fully prepare for actually doing. I’m building up to it.
I also feel that we each have a limited amount of energy, resilience, patience (and time!) in a day, and sometimes have to make tradeoffs. Some days are very stressful, so you do what you have to and let the rest wait until tomorrow.
Eva I think you’re on to something relative to procrastination. When we’re overloaded and tired, of course the things that we’ll let slide are those we least want to deal with. This makes sense to me.
you are my new personal hero.
never before has anyone been able to capture just the exact right slant on avoidance and procrastination.
clouds are parting and sunlight is streaming.
Ah Stone Fox. Lovely to see you here!
(And I’m laughing.)
I always thought Scarlett O’Hara was a woman ahead of her time. “I’ll think about that tomorrow,” was it? Then again, those green curtains turned into couture… Um, not so much.
Enjoyed your post very much and you are so right. One slight problem with a support group for avoiders like me is that we tend to be the ones who don’t show up. Or respond. Hmmmm. Now that I’ve responded, am I unqualified to join?
We’ll make an exception in your case, Kerry. Since you didn’t procrastinate sharing your avoidance problem with us. 🙂
I would love to be able to avoid things. I have plenty in my life I would prefer not to do, but I am one of “those” people that is high strung, in your face, got to mark you off my list of crap to finish by the end of the day. I don’t know what its like to sit and relax. Even if I allowed the time to it. So sad.
I heard somewhere that procrastination is a form of perfectionism – that if I can’t do something completely perfect, I don’t want to do it at all. This would make it very different from avoidance, which I also engage in, and which has to do with the things I can’t face doing unless I’m under duress (or at gunpoint). Like cleaning out my closet (hasn’t happened yet!).
But I will say I no longer have to avoid the laundry, unless it’s my own: the kids now wash, dry and put their own away! Liberacion!
Until now, I hadn’t really contemplated this important distinction between procrastination and avoidance. Thank you for calling my attention to this dichotomy. These beasts are indeed cousins, but they are also individuals.
Perhaps this doesn’t come as a surprise, but I am very skilled at both. Now you have me wondering whether we bloggers blog – in part at least – to procrastinate and avoid things in our respective lives and worlds? Could be. Could very well be.
This remark makes me chuckle, Aidan. You’re so right. The good thing about blogging as either avoidance or procrastination, is that we can also convince ourselves we are being productive. (It’s writing, it’s building community, it’s learning… and it beats opening the bills and doing the dishes!)