By David Stanley
Sitting in my car at the auto repair center (remember when they were called gas stations and garages?), my phone rang. I found myself talking with my Dad. He’s 82. I’m 55. We talk a lot these days; his son my brother’s death, my pulmonary embolism, his age – our shared sense of mortality energizes every conversation. We were talking about the electric bill.
My parents have a beautiful cottage in Northern Michigan; rolling wooded hills, just enough off the beaten track, a great view. The electric bill was four times higher than it should be. I volunteered to head up with a meter and see if I could sort out the electric leak. My Dad said he had a friend who was a contractor who would be taking a look at the problem.
I said, “So, you gotta guy?”
“Yeah,” said my Dad. “I gotta guy.”
“Good,” I said. “It’s always good to have a guy.”
“You don’t gotta guy,” said my Dad, “then you gotta problem.”
True, indeed.
Last summer, my son Aaron was driving me somewhere. I’d just gotten out of the hospital and my doctor didn’t want me to drive for a few days. Aaron’s brakes needed work. They juddered. They squealed. He drives an old Chevy Cavalier that belongs to his Mom and step-dad Larry.
“You need new brakes, kiddo.”
“Sure do, Dave.”
“I can drive in two days. Follow you to the garage.”
“Nah, I’m good. Larry’s gotta guy.”
“Larry’s gotta guy? But didn’t Larry used to be a mechanic?”
“Yeah, but he doesn’t work on cars so much anymore. So, he’s gotta guy.”
“Good guy?”
“Yeah, he’s good. Pretty cool, actually.”
“Nice. It’s always good to have a guy.”
“So I’ve heard.”
Being the guy is an honor. You get respect: for your skills, your judgment. The ultimate test of guy-ness: Does he get things done? If you are regarded as the guy, you are the one. The guy settles questions. He solves problems. He negotiates deals. His handshake and word count. The guy has honor.
When you’re six, you’ve ‘got a guy.’ Your guy’s your dad. Whatever goes wrong, he can handle it. At fourteen, you spend a lot of your day sulking about how your Dad refuses to treat you like an adult. But when your world comes crashing to a grievous halt, you know you gotta guy. By the time twenty rolls around, you appreciate the Hell out of having ‘a guy.’ Girls, bills, cars, grades – you gotta guy.
As a high school teacher, I always told my more favorite students “Your teachers? We’re just you grown up.” No surprise, I am still as baffled by life as I was at six, fourteen and twenty. Different stuff, sure, but still baffled. At 55, I am thankful every day that I still gotta guy. The same guy. It’s good to have a guy.
‘Cause, you know, you don’ gotta guy, then you gotta problem.
© David Stanley
Originally published at DStan58 – Rants and Mutters.
David Stanley is a voice-over artist and writer, a musician, teacher & science geek, a coach, skier and bike racer. He writes on the oddities of life, sports, kids and education. You can read him at Dads Roundtable, The Good Men Project, or at his personal blog, DStan 58-Rants and Mutters. Follow him on Twitter @DStan58.
Part 4 in a series on father-son relationships. Stop by and visit the series on mother-daughter relationships.
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Great stuff as always David. I particularly like your use of dialogue here and the movement from dialogue to narrative is quite brilliant.
David, this was great to read. Brian tipped me off to it, and I’m glad I did. Sometimes I feel like if I just muddle through life to the end, that’ll be good enough. But I wouldn’t BE the guy so much – I’d always be the guy NEEDING a guy. And that’s okay, much of the time. Really, I’m sure it’s inevitable. But to BE the guy, at some of the times that really matter, that’s something I want to aspire to, just as I hope other aspire to it. This has gotten me thinking, in some challenging but productive ways. Thanks.
My first thought was, “it’s good to have several guys!” and then I read the post. 😉 It’s still good to have several guys. Back up, you know.
A guy? Not to hone in on your guy conversation – but I loved this.
From a girl.
Barbara, I’m delighted to see “a girl” (and mom of four) get into this “guy conversation.” Like you, I love this piece of writing by David Stanley.
We hear so much about the dads who aren’t there, the dads who put family concerns second, the “men” (in general) who don’t understand the complexity of the stay-at-home mom’s world, or the working mom’s world. I think the examples of fine men who are very much involved in family life and wanting to do even more should be heard. And the women should read, engage, discuss – as we’re all in this together, aren’t we?
I couldn’t be more delighted to host these terrific male writers as they discuss fatherhood, each in their own way. And I hope they will return to join the conversation on other topics as well.
Absolutely loved this. Each post in this series is a piece in the puzzle…
Heather, you’re so right… pieces in a puzzle. I hope you enjoy today’s as well, and we finish up tomorrow. 🙂
Really enjoyed this story David.
Thank-you all for reading, and for taking a moment to leave a comment. As DA said, “We’re all in this together, aren’t we?”