What’s Your Position on Sleeping Positions?

So, what’s your favorite position in bed? No, not that. Sleeping position. Are you in favor of full frontal entanglement? Nose nuzzled to your partner’s chest? How about a spooning snuggle while drifting off, then turning in tandem as the night wears on? Do you squirm? Do you sprawl? Do you stake out your space away from your spouse or lover?

Are sleeping positions actually significant? Are they signs or symptoms of relationship status? Are they truly telling of relationship “health” or predictive of their impending demise?

What the Experts Say About Sleeping Positions

After a gnarly night of tossing and turning, I was curious to know what the experts say on the most common sleeping positions, and I was surprised at the extensive analysis I uncovered.

This Huff Post piece not only names each variant — in addition to “the spoon” there is the chase, the tangle, the unraveling knot — but it assesses the state of the union each represents. For example:

… The loose spoon is typically what couples that are fans of spooning eventually do once their relationship matures and each individual wants to revert to a position that produces the best quality sleep…

Here’s another scenario — the way my ex-husband and I slept for years — “leg-huggers” in our earliest years transitioning to “liberty lovers,” explained in this little tidbit:

… you and your partner sleep facing opposite directions with space in-between… ­couples that sleep back-to-back without touching are “connected and secure in themselves. This position shows both closeness and independence in the relationship.”

Now consider “the chase,” as one partner pursues the other, explained as

… the person who is being chased wants to be pursued, or is playing hard to get.

I found myself being “chased” a few years back, my significant other egregiously encroaching on my nighttime real estate, “pursuing” to the point that I was constantly clinging to the edge of the mattress. But I wasn’t playing hard to get. I was hot! I needed more space!

Sure, Time Takes a Toll, But So Do These Factors

Of course, we all know that America is seriously sleep-deprived. As much as we may adore our partners, trouble falling asleep and staying asleep can be a matter of stress, distress, physical health, medications, and issues of sleeping environment.

We may be dealing with pain, a drug that gets us up at night, or something like my little life companion, Restless Leg Syndrome.

Some of us are more sensitive to noise, to temperature, to light, or have a different threshhold for these environmental factors than the person we’re hitting the sheets with.

Another factor — our natural cycles may differ — I’m an early riser and wake exceptionally easily; the man I married could sleep anywhere, anytime, and quite late into the morning if his schedule would allow.

Angle of the Dangle? Side Post-Ride?

I’m not discounting psychological or romantic relevance, but lifelong habits (whatever their origins) can pose pesky problems. For instance, we tend to develop “sides” where we’re accustomed to settling in, and we have difficulty sleeping if required to change them up. Or, we may have unusual positions that are the only way we can catch our 40 winks. So what happens if partner positions are incompatible?

I recall one less than gentlemanly suitor whose sleeping etiquette was incredibly ungenerous. Not only did he insist on retaining his side (which was also mine), he insisted he couldn’t sleep unless I was in a very specific spot relative to his boldly bed-hogging habit — a spot where I couldn’t sleep at all! (I soon learned this wasn’t the only element of relationship expectations where “ungenerous” is the kindest adjective I could apply.)

That said, my preferred position is slightly diagonal, with legs or feet draped off the side or bottom of the bed. Atypical? Perhaps.

Happily, in my marriage and most of my significant relationships, “his” side and “my” side meshed without need of adjustment or compromise. And my angle of the dangle worked out just fine.

Incidentally, one of the post-divorce recommendations I recall was to stop sleeping on your “marital side” and instead move to the middle of the bed — a sort of reclamation of one’s independent territory. (I’ve never managed this.)

Those We Adore Who Can’t Help But Snore!

Snoring. Ugh. Sleeping with a snorer can be brutal. I remember visiting my grandparents as a child and wondering how my grandmother managed a moment’s peace given the volume of my grandfather’s nightly no-holds-barred buzz-saw snore. And yes, they slept in the same room throughout their 50-year marriage.

I must say, an inconsiderate (inveterate) snorer can be most disturbing, and even damaging to the relationship (note the use of the word “inconsiderate.”) Think about it. If you put someone who is sleep challenged in bed with a heavy snorer — nightmare! No amount of couples counseling solves this predicament.

What’s required: ear plugs, nose apparatus, sound machines or something to reduce the decibel level of your cohort in concupiscent crime… or separate bedrooms.

Lips Locked, Limbs Locked?

Don’t we all recall the Sex and the City episode in which Charlotte tries to reform the Bad Kisser?

Once upon a time, I had a lover who wasn’t into kissing. As close as we were otherwise — “in love” as well as “in lust” — without luxurious lip-lock action, the last thing I wanted was a limb-locking enterprise as I fell asleep.

Odd? Maybe. Clearly, some of us consider kissing to be intensely intimate. We are enamored of kissing’s sweetness, sensuality, seductiveness, and just plain heat.

Once upon (another) time, I had a lover I was crazy about, but he wasn’t that into the sexual act itself. Kissing, on the other hand… Well, the man was a maestro. Falling asleep in his arms in any position was comfy and connective.

So, what do you think?

Are you content to hold hands, touch toes, or take comfort in the toasty temperature of your lover’s limbs nearby? Do you prefer a more flesh-to-flesh full-body embrace? Are there practical or physiological reasons you escape to the edge of the bed or an adjoining room to sleep? Is the kissing connection a facet of your positional inclination?

 

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