“I don’t have a thing to wear!” It is the stereotypical line for the woman who is obsessed with the latest fashion, the woman who doesn’t really want to go out, or the woman who isn’t happy with her current body size. Oh, on this last, the closet crying, the dressing drama, the shopping shame… and occasionally, shenanigans.
And it is this reason for staring woefully at your wardrobe that I wish to touch on — when everything you feel most yourself in is too small — knowing how tedious it is going through what is hanging on a rack and still might fit, only to wind up (again!) relying on what is blatantly baggy and borderline basic.
My, my… How often this routine leaves some of us to accepting our “limitations” with a sigh. Or is it just me? (I doubt it.)
All I know is that I’m weary of scowling at black, black, and more black… a little denim, more denim, maybe a blue shirt… a few more neutrals…
I really don’t have anything to wear these days (more accurately, very little). And it’s depressing. I have my go-to black jeans (thankfully, I can breathe in them again), a number of black tops (mostly oversized), and that’s about it. I need more color! More pizzazz! And more motivation to slip into something else.
But wait! Is this really purely an issue of surpassing the size we have worn for years? Might this also be a matter of creeping bad habits? Caring less about how we look? Changing circumstances? Feeling like it doesn’t matter? Is the closet cry, “I don’t have a thing to wear,” an issue more complex than no longer loving the shopping process — instead involving aging, self-image, and a narrowing lifestyle?
Now, I certainly still love my Elle, my Bazaar, and when I choose to indulge — French Vogue. What can I say… I have always been susceptible to the pleasure of a print magazine.
But when I find myself scanning the seductive styles on Elle’s glossy pages and then considering my closet, when I stand in front a mirror and grapple with the past few years’ changes, I am reminded of two things — old esteem issues to do with weight, and the reality that for all the pretty clothes I have (and could fit just eight pounds lighter) — I have no occasion to wear them.
Dare I confess? Oh, gods of fantasy footwear, bodacious boots, and snuggly sweaters, I recently confided that I yielded to seasonal sales in the past two weeks. And frankly, I’m glad that I did since I am most “myself” in fitted black jeans and a flattering top with a cute little bootie peeking out below, or a pencil skirt and jacket with a tall boot (especially as the weather grows cold).
And I’m working on the Field of Dreams approach; if I build it, they will come. (If I use cute clothes to motivate myself, I will create those social opportunities.)
I’m also recognizing that it is so much easier to pack on the pounds in middle age! (And yes, it is a struggle over age 50 to lose the weight.) But while a few extra pounds is normal at this age — and yes, this is an old, all-too-familiar topic for me — I am faced with an overwhelming number of beautiful skirts, blouses, jackets and assorted little tops that I adore, but that are two sizes, three sizes, and even four sizes too small for the current “me.” I may have long ago eliminated my twos, but my fabulous fours? My sexy sixes? My elegant eights?
No! I can’t let you go! I won’t give up!
So… I have been visiting my closet more often as motivation, much as one might visit an old friend. (It works!) And, I have my eye on my jeans in size six…
And then there’s this. When I look on the hangers, on the shelves, in the drawers, and when I see all the options that simply don’t fit, I’m grateful that I have generally invested in classic styles and quality brands. Theoretically, 80% of my wardrobe is still entirely wearable, or would be — and then I wonder if I have become lax about my size in part because I so rarely go out. (I work from home, remember?)
I’m pondering that one.
My willingness to adhere to the discipline necessary to have plenty to wear has been helped along by the few finds I picked up on Black Friday and Cyber Monday… Not exactly shameless shopping; more like justifiable junkets to my favorite stores online, and with virtually no guilt. (And the Contessa agrees.)
Don’t you feel better when you feel you look better? I certainly do. I’m also viewing my purchases as keeping me on the healthy eating straight-and-narrow…
Now, as I delight in two new sweaters and my beautiful booties, how do I scare up occasions to put them on other than for a run to the supermarket?
I enjoy dressing up, at least from time to time, but while I may be accustomed to getting dressed even as I sit at my laptop working on a project, it just isn’t the same as getting oneself ready to be up, out, and about. Oh, the isolation of the remote worker! But that’s another subject, albeit related…
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The worst part of working from home is not getting dressed up. I loved wearing suits.
As for nothing to wear, I don’t think the answer is more choice. The answer is a few choices but satisfying ones–not lesser-of-two-evils variety.
There was a great article in Harper’s Bazaar in April 2015 (“Why I Wear the Exact Same Thing to Work Every Day”) where the writer’s solution was black pants with white silk shirts and nothing else. I like this approach and did it years earlier when I was pregnant–black pants, white (cotton) shirts, easy to look professional for nine months without acquiring a ton of clothes I’d never wear again (actually I tailored the shirts and continued to wear them later).
Although I feel tugs when accompanying friends shopping, I am just saying no to more clothes. Enough already.
Can I just agree with everything you’ve just said? ? Except… weight gain, even a small amount, eventually requires picking up a few new things so as not to feel lousy about oneself even if (and while) trying to return to a more usual size.
I also always loved dressing for work at the office. It is something I miss quite a lot.
I like the discipline of having to dress because I do go to the office. Lord knows I look like a hot mess on Saturdays when I do not have to go anywhere. But there is no denying that I feel better about myself when I am properly put together. About five years ago, I did a wardrobe clean-out that resulted in a greatly reduced amount of clothes. Everything fits and mostly everything gets worn. For some odd reason, I find it easier to dress when I keep a small closet than when I had more than double the number of choices. Go figure! Luckily I am tall so that the extra eight pounds can be somewhat camouflaged. But I know that they are there, and I am about to get serious about it. In my case, it is the wine. :(( And I know I will miss it.
Always so nice to hear from you, Cornelia. You lucky thing you, being so tall that you can camouflage 8 pounds! (Don’t be a stranger!)
Make a lunch date with a friend, or two, and wear your new booties and sweaters. Sometimes we have to create the opportunity.
I gained weight due to health reasons and bought a few new pieces to carry me through until the problem was addressed and the weight came off. Carrying extra weight is not good for our self confidence. Whether working from home, or being retired, we need to keep motivated to exercise and watch portion controls. Our happiness and self esteem is balanced on not just our mental and physical health but our body image.
Yes… to creating opportunities. Yes (sigh)… to the way weight gain impacts confidence. Yes… (two sighs) to the ways medical issues and injuries can derail one’s usual weight.
Glad you stopped by to add your thoughts. Please do again!
Funny, I read that article in Harper’s Bazaar. I believe the woman was an art director in NYC for a major advertising company. She said she was confident in her job, but when it came to choosing the right outfit for meetings and presentations, she always doubted herself. She cleaned out her closet, went shopping and bought 15 silk white shirts and several black trousers. When she had to make a presentation, she would add an artsy necklace to dress things up. In winter she would add a black blazer.
I remember the article vividly because she was the inspiration for me simplifying my wardrobe. While 15 silk white blouses weren’t in the budget, I did narrow my color scheme to black, navy and grey, with tops in those same colors. I use jewelry and scarves to add interest and color. Oh, and I did buy a couple red blouses for special occasions. It really has made a difference in how I feel when I have to dress for an appointment, or just to meet a friend for lunch. Those colors flatter any complexion and accommodate those extra pounds. I won’t deny those extra pounds tend to sabotage what I like to see when I look in the mirror, but I also know I’m capable of addressing that. My most difficult struggle, at the moment, is deciding if I’m confident enough to stop coloring my hair…I think not!
Just smiling at your response, Angela. At the thought of the classic suits and white blouses, not to mention the decision of whether or not to stop coloring your hair. (Gray? What gray?) ?
Interesting to read this just as I’m putting together a carry-on wardrobe chosen to get me through the next five weeks of travel. It includes the two pairs of jeans I’ve bought in the last three months, to replace ones that I just didn’t love the fit of anymore (27 rather than a 28 waist, I bought them the “year of my marathon”). Also included a brand new black cashmere mock-T pullover, a big splurge, but I love it and won’t mind wearing it often. Also a two-year-old pair of pants, and two sweaters I’ve had for a while but still love. . . Won’t bore you with the whole packing list, but I will say that retiring (this is my third year) and moving to the city/downsizing by 1000sf) has meant some serious culling of my closet. There was a half-year there where I felt as if perhaps I was stepping away from caring much about fashion or even style, but I’m gradually finding my way back, finding what suits a slightly reconstituted identity. I’m much less concerned about variety (which used to seem important when I was making my professorial appearances all term, trying to interest young minds in literature via my new boots — #kiddingnotkidding), but I do care, again, about having a few pieces I really love that always feel good to wear. Discarding what doesn’t fit that description, finding replacements that do is a work in progress, still, but I’m starting to “have a thing to wear,” even if I can pack it all in a carry-on 😉
I realize I haven’t really addressed that issue of clothes that weight gain stops me wearing, but I’ve gone on long enough already — the short answer would be that I don’t have room to store clothes that make me unhappy and I’m lucky enough that I can afford to buy a new core wardrobe that dresses the body I have now. If you know you have the discipline to lose the weight in time to enjoy those clothes you still love, good for you!
I like your short answer! Very well said, “…would be that I don’t have room to store clothes that make me unhappy and I’m lucky enough that I can afford to buy a new core wardrobe that dresses the body I have now.”
It seems to me that all of my life my wardrobe changed along with the various changing of my life.
My short answer would be that I didn’t and still don’t have the emotional energy to store clothes that made or make me feel unhappy for any reason; and I’m mindful enough that I chose and choose to let go to a small core wardrobe that would care for my body and life phase that I had or have now.
I’ve had to purchase new clothes this year due to gaining 10 more lbs on my mid-section-
why does it go straight there? I guess because I’m in my 50s now!
I am attending a Realtors Awards Dinner/Ball this weekend with other realtors in my office because
I’m receiving a sales award.
Since I rarely wear fancy dresses I’ve decided to just “Shop my Closet” where I luckily found a
black skirt with an elastic waist and a blouse/jacket that could work with it. I know the other ladies will wear long dresses for the Ball- I just don’t want to spend for that for just one night when I’m not taking a date with me. Rare special events are frustrating when it comes to getting dressed.
YES!We have ALL been there or are there!
Why can we not LET GO of a blouse that is TWO SIZES TOO SMALL?Because we have DREAMS of wearing it again and it cost the earth when we bought it!
Do you follow THE GARDENER……?
Go look at her last BLOG POST she had a closet company come in……..
She lives in an OLD HOUSE NO ROOM etc….. WELL, she has been tossing for a YEAR!!!!
SHE IS DOWN TO NOTHING!!!!!!!!
I am certain this will be a quick and easy way to DRESS ONE’S SELF but GOLLY GEE I’m NOT READY FOR THAT!!!!!
I found in the ANTIQUE BUSINESS women would PURGE AT 60 their household items, decorative,family heirlooms!!!!!!!
WHAT ARE THEY DOING? THIS IS THE TIME WHEN YOU WILL ENJOY THESE THINGS THE MOST!
MEMORIES…… Why do people think sitting in an EMPTY house will make them FEEL BETTER?!!!!!!!
I AM NOT THERE…… PROBABLY NEVER WILL BE……. then again I’m NOT USUAL BEING!
XOXO