We all know that kids rebel. But they aren’t the only ones.
Some of us have a hard time when others tell us what to do. We struggle taking direction professionally, we fume at advice in our personal lives, we resist anyone exerting control over our decisions, our actions, or what to think.
We have problems with authority figures.
Some people have no such issues. They’re fine with a mix of making their own choices, and cooperating with those in charge. They don’t see red when someone higher in the food chain makes a request or passes down a directive.
They aren’t defiant, resistant, or rebellious – at least, not without reason or provocation.
Problem With Authority Figures?
As for those who resent anyone in charge simply by virtue of their position of relative power, they may exhibit disrespect or disobedience.
WiseGEEK provides more on authority problems, explaining the serious consequences that can arise in situations many of us take for granted:
… While it is not unusual for people to chafe at authority from time to time, some people demonstrate a pattern of authority problems… [and] may, for example, have difficulty holding a job because they resent their superiors and become uncooperative at work… even if [the] boss is a reasonable person and is making reasonable requests.
Incidentally, a tendency to be overly compliant (submissive, fearful) also has its drawbacks.
Oppositional Defiant Disorder. ODD. Really.
Psychologists have a name for the phenomenon of children who persistently fight authority: ODD, or Oppositional Defiant Disorder.
I tend to think of rebelling against authority as natural in toddlers (in small measure) and more so in teens (to test limits and learn independence). I’ve never given much thought to kids who antagonize beyond the usual. But isn’t this a judgment call? A matter of degree?
I always encouraged my sons to question assumptions and stand up for themselves. This caused the occasional ruffled feathers, and I generally backed my boys’ right to protest or disagree… as long as they did so politely. Does that make me odd as a parent?
I note this psychological resource that differs from our usual tow-the-line approach:
… ODD young people, according to mainstream mental health authorities… have these so-called deficits in rule-governed behavior… Do we really want to diagnose and medicate everyone with “deficits in rule-governed behavior”?
I quite agree.
Rebelling Later in Life
What happens when rebellion strikes later than adolescence? Is it folly? A better-late-than-never exploration of person power, which we might view as an excess of “coming into one’s own?”
In the workplace, we may view those who resent authority as lousy team players – or mavericks. (We’ve all known a few of those, haven’t we?)
Besides, there are many ways that people defy authority and it may be the “right” thing to do – pushing back against the boss who takes credit for your ideas, contradicting the manager who inadvertently misleads customers, taking on the Big Guns over sexual harassment you cannot abide.
Isn’t civil disobedience a sort of righteous rebellion against authority?
Midlife Crisis… Help!
And if you find yourself confronting an inexplicable transformation of the Previously Nice Guy into a contrarian you no longer recognize? If the behavioral change occurs after age 40, is it de facto a midlife crisis?
Whatever it is, you may be stalwartly trying to subdue it, to manage it, or to deal with being married to it. And thus the midlife crisis can strike fear in the hearts of many, and it isn’t necessarily about rebellion, per se.
Then again, we could easily expand the concept and tie it to this topic. Shall we have a little fun with our ODD acronym? Overtly Defying Domesticity? Open Dalliance Dementia? Operational Discovery Directive?
Are any of these (midlife) states odd, really? If you’re yearning for freedom and feel you’ve never quite had it, if you sense your youth is slipping away (or gone), if you’ve been under the thumb of an authoritarian spouse, if you’ve spent years in a dead marriage (waiting for empty nest), if you’ve always been “the nice guy” or “the good girl” and you’ve simply had enough – can’t we sympathize?
Do You Like to Be Told What to Do?
Do you like it when someone tells you what to do?
Tone matters. So does context. Naturally, who is doing the telling influences our response.
When my kids tell me I’m being unreasonable, I grumble, but I listen. When a close friend tells me what to do, I’m quiet and I listen – more carefully if I’ve asked for their input. When anyone else tells me what to do (or tries), I consider roles, motivation, and hidden agendas. In personal situations, delivery may be the deciding factor in how I react.
I admit, I afford my sons more latitude in this arena than Any Other People On The Planet. And that is because I trust their intentions, the quality of their observations, their competence, and the nature of our relationship. Likewise, when they challenge me (which they do routinely), I find nothing “odd” about it. In fact, I respect the process. For me, this makes sense.
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Thank you for your article! I have a son who is mature for his age, is intelligent, a teenager. We too trust his judgment and give latitude for expression & exploration. We live in an area however where the philosophy that children are seen and not heard is acceptable, and that authority dictates. This is a constant frustration for this middle child. Request and demands of adults are illogical, ill planned and “stupid or mean”. This child has always gravitated to the underdogs in school and acts at times as a protector. He is thoughtful and respectful but has difficulty accepting “disrespectful” behavior especially in teachers or pastors or others held in high regard. I am wondering what advice or information you could provide to assist helping him work through this. I feel sometimes I am just telling him to show patience, choose your battles, don’t worry about what you can’t control, etc… any info is appreciated.
Having experienced parenting of a child with similar tendencies, including protecting the underdog and speaking out for what is right (regardless of the target for his indignation), you have my empathy.
Sometimes, that same message that comes from a parent — be patient, pick your battles — will be taken more seriously from another adult the child or teen respects.
This might be an aunt or uncle or even a grandparent. It could also be the parent of one of your child’s friends. Or, possibly, a teacher your child likes, respects, and ideally (in my experience) is on the younger side.
In other words, someone your child looks up to and might want to emulate but whose years are not so distant as to make the teenager think that he or she just doesn’t understand.
On a positive note, isn’t it wonderful to raise a human being who has the courage to stand up for what feels right?
However challenging it can be, I think this is something to be admired.
Thank you! Yes I agree it is a positive to have an independent thinker and a fearless spirit, it just comes with increased conflict and anxiety. Thank you again! -j
I have a little bit of a unique situation. I have for the most part obeyed rules as a child and teen. However as an adult prob ages 20-present (41) I have had such a difficult time with questioning authority if they are not right and especially if the authority is a joke (doesn’t do work, non supportive, arrives late, doesn’t handle/take care of things that are needed, picks out things like “being 10 min late” yet doesn’t think of how hard you work, the times you stay over 5 p.m., etc.). I have worked for the same company for 15 years and keep getting promoted SOOOO, I know I don’t have ADD or Bipolar. And I don’t mind people telling me what to do if they support me, give me logical reasons for it or if they approach me with respect and treat me like an adult.
What is your input on this? Could it be my boss just sucks? or I don’t put up with BS and I need to be my own boss? I kind of am already. I own a fitness studio and run that in the evenings. I mean THAT could be the reason I am so frustrated with day job-‘cuz I see how a business CAN run and how effective a supervisor can be, yet I don’t get that now.
That’s what I’m trying to figure out.
Do I have a problem with authority or just with bogus ppl who abuse their position.
So true, same situation here.
Tolerate authority, but don’t respect it. Authority is a tool to make society function, nothing more. Individuals and institutions must earn respect, it’s not given. When authority becomes malevolent or if the people in charge are getting too comfortable, then it must be challenged. Power is a tool. It’s not a toy for increasing perceived social status.