I used to marvel at his patience, wondering why I couldn’t muster the same tolerance for lounging on a bed and laboring over storytelling though I adore reading and being read to.
So what was wrong with me that the father of my children was so far superior at bedtime routines, and so much more relaxed when it came to manning a book?
It was years before I clearly understood that my time with the children, even relaxation time, was generally sandwiched between household responsibilities and a serious pile of work.
Their dad traveled, I was juggling a full time managerial job, and my day typically ran late and started early.
But might there be more to this picture than I realize?
The Importance of Dads Reading to Children
The Telegraph UK asks “Are Fathers Better at Bedtime Stories Than Mothers” and I’m newly curious, especially with regard to boys.
David Atkinson cites psychologist Dr. Emyr Williams on the subject, who:
… believes that fathers can have more impact on a child’s fledgling grasp of literacy. In a preschool world dominated by female figures, dads are different – hence they exert more potential to influence social learning.
… The role of father figures is, he says, particularly important to encourage boys to read independently, a group that traditionally loses interest in reading faster than girls.
While this is testament to the influence of dads reading, is it relevant to ask if they’re “better” at it? Are we well advised simply to note the need, along with their critical influence in raising both sons and daughters?
Better Bedtime Routines
I also recall that my ex was better at the bedtime routine in general. More accurately, he was insistent that it never drag on and invariably, both boys had a tendency to play on my emotions. My little one in particular never wanted me to leave the room.
Of course, that was a period of time when he was adjusting to a space of his own after sharing a room with his brother for seven years. It was an arrangement I think he would have happily enjoyed On the other hand, my firstborn on the other hand was thrilled to settle into a 12×12 spot of his own, ever an independent kid and at the time, fairly fearless.
In the wake of that adjustment, bedtime wasn’t easy… with or without reading, as he nestled into my arms to feel cradled and safe. My memories of those days (and nights) are bittersweet; there were tender moments, many worries, and enormous fatigue.
Dad Time… More Than Bonding
Citing research from the UK’s Fatherhood Institute, Mr. Atkinson continues:
… “Evidence suggests that when dads do bedtime stories well, they can have more impact… dads talk round the story, respond to the child and ask more questions.”
… [The Fatherhood Institute] found… that preschoolers whose dads read to them a lot behave and concentrate better at nursery, and do better in maths… At age five, these children know and use more words, can pick out letters more accurately, and are better at problem solving.
Food for thought.
Single Dads and Bedtime Routines?
I wonder about the single dads and in particular, solo dads – those with primary custody or on their own entirely with young children.
Are they coming home and scrambling to get through the day just as I was for all those years? Do they find themselves as tired and impatient by bedtime as the single and solo mothers may feel? Does reading with a child at night become just one more chore?
More food for thought.
Yet none of this negates the potential power and pleasure of reading with our children, grandchildren, nieces, and nephews – or any other bonding rituals that encourage their questions and conversation.
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I don’t remember my Dad ever reading to me at bedtime. Then again, we were a reading household and most of our leisure time was with a book, all three of us. When I had a step-son I was constantly working at setting up and keeping a bedtime routine. If I was out, though, I’d come home to husband and step-son asleep together on the couch in front of the TV. His dad was a very early riser and so rarely made it much past 9 or 10 pm. He was generally gone or leaving about the time I got up at 6 am, so I had the morning chores of getting the kid to daycare before I could go to work. Bath and reading at bedtime only ever happened when I was at home. God, I’m so glad those days are gone!
No “dad reading” at my house, but I wish there had been. In fact, I don’t remember Mom reading to us, either. But I do remember my own joy in avidly reading everything, including cereal boxes. I think it was innate.
Cereal boxes. 🙂 Reading is good, no matter what!
I’m sure my dad never read to me either. But I don’t remember my mother reading either. Yet, I grew up reading everything I could get my hands on. Funny observation about moms maybe juggling all day into the night and being too tired? I used to read to my kids ALL the time and my boys laugh when they recall blowing on my face to wake me up when I’d dozed off in the middle of reading. Yep. That’s how tired this mom was. Apparently it happened frequently.
I have always tried to make a point to spend a few quiet moments with the kids at bedtime. It has always been among my favorite moments, a quiet opportunity to hear what is going on in their life and to try and answer any questions that have been bothering them.
That’s such a gift to kids, Jack. The time to listen, unhurriedly.
This article title caught my eye because my husband handles the bedtime routine 80% of the time, and I thought this was interesting. I am a SAHM and my husband loves coming home and getting that time with our 10 month old.
I also don’t remember my mother reading to us as kids, but I recall my Dad reading at bedtime.
Thanks so much for reading and commenting, Suzanne. How lovely that you have memories of your Dad reading at bedtime, and that you and your husband are passing along the same tradition to your own child.