When addressing the issue of starting over at age 50 or older, we often consider relocation. We do so in light of personal taste, desired lifestyle, and finances — both affordability and earning options. But in middle age, the factors involved in where and how to make a fresh start are much more numerous, with or without involving a move, especially after divorce or widowhood.
In fact, the enormity of starting over in our 50s can seem overwhelming. Typically, we’re dealing with more “baggage” than when we’re younger. We’re facing the growing cultural bias of aging. We’re navigating matters of health, career, education, extended family, and perhaps the desire for a partner a second (or third) time around…
It’s no wonder that any of us in this position might say “Where do I begin?”
50+ Is a Mixed Bag
The nature and extent of starting over at midlife varies, of course. It may include taking on the challenges of adjusting to a marital status change with both obstacles and opportunities; making new friends over 50, following divorce, job loss or downsizing; beginning a new career, of necessity or design; or plunging into an altogether new set of adventures by relocating – whatever your reasons for doing so.
(For my most recent adventure in starting over in a new place, pop by this 2018 relocation tale and this explicit additional advice.)
As for the initial relocation challenge — where to go, based on individual needs — here is a related excerpted comment on starting over, from a reader by the name of Michelle:
… I’m 50 yrs old and [a] single parent of a 17 yr old… I am currently staying with my widowed mother. I don’t like my living situation and I plan to move in 2 yrs after my son finishes his 2 yrs at comm college… I don’t have a good job now, it’s a clerical job at a hospital. If I could I would move out now, but I don’t have the money. I am looking for training in a new career field, but I don’t know where to start. All I know is I can barely survive on what I make now. (My hours were cut twice!!), I have to get some kind of specialized training… feel alone… any advice is appreciated.
How many of us have been here in some way – or all ways? Who would like to jump in with their experience, ideas, or suggestions? Who can contribute to input on relocating over 50, and how to prepare in terms of jobs and logistics?
50 Years Old: What Does it Really Mean?
In our youth-obsessed country, age 50 seems to be a sort of trigger. When you hit the fifties as an age bracket, you may feel as if you’re dropping off the earth.
If you’re in a good relationship or marriage and you don’t need the online dating world, then you haven’t experienced the dating-and-mating conundrum that is fifty-something prejudice.
If you’re successfully self-employed, if you’re secure in a position, if you’re financially independent or supported by a spouse, you haven’t yet (and possibly won’t) feel the traditional career options closing in.
That’s a lot of if’s, don’t you think?
As for health, there are no magical guarantees against accident or illness at any age. Many enter their 50s feeling strong and well. But the likelihood that time will take a gradual toll on the body is higher as we get older. That deserves consideration – whether we’re “starting over” or not.
Education and training? Let’s not confuse the two. Both are options at any age; their purpose, focus and costs will certainly vary; financing may be the tricky part but the benefits (and pleasure), great.
Age 50: Spin All You Want, but the Stigma Is Real
For all the hyper-cheerful spin we see around the web on “50 is the new 40” (and sometimes “60 is the new 40”), not to mention how “fabulous” the 50s are, the reality is that aging stigma still persists. We all practice it to some degree (whether we wish to or not), though in different ways and with regard to different ages.
For many, 50 is the point at which we perceive (or imagine) someone to be “old” – certainly on paper.
But how old is too old for starting over? How old is too old for remaking a career? How old is too old for flying one’s own nest? How old is too old for becoming financially secure?
How do you start over at 50? At 55? At 60? Shouldn’t you combine a “can do” attitude with realistic expectations?
This article from The New York Times takes the realism approach. In “Over 50 and Under No Illusions,” we are reminded that many hitting middle-age find themselves here:
… Too young to retire, too old to start over. Or at least that’s the line… Almost overnight, skills honed over a lifetime seem tired, passé. Twenty- and thirty-somethings will gladly do the work you used to do, and probably for less money… Many people are so disheartened that they’ve simply stopped looking for work.
For millions of Americans over 50, this isn’t a bad dream — it’s grim reality. The recession and its aftermath have hit older workers especially hard. People 55 to 64 — an age range when many start to dream of kicking back — are having a particularly hard time finding new jobs.
New Career at 50, 55, 58… Impossible Dream?
So. Does the article above send us spiraling down into resigned acceptance and depression? Should the reader who commented throw her arms up in the air and accept “barely surviving” while living with her widowed mother?
What kind of work can you get at 50 or 55 or older? Is the sky the limit if you’re healthy, a go-getter, and lucky? Or are there practical constraints no matter what?
The Times article goes on to offer examples of individuals who retooled, took chances, relocated, and ultimately found new and financially viable careers. But the examples don’t pertain to most of us, though the importance of networking, determination, taking risk and “a bit of luck” are essential. Still, what if you don’t have a network? How do you create it? What if you know you need new skills? How do you decide what they are? And if you’re willing to relocate, how do you choose a new city or region?
As Michelle asks: Where to begin?
Naturally, if you can afford it, a career coach, life coach or other advisers can guide you toward some answers. If you go this route, be sure to verify credentials and experience, and check references. All “coaches” are most certainly not created equal!
Do keep in mind that friends and acquaintances can be more helpful than you realize. Be open to their suggestions, their observations of your skills, and don’t be shy about enlisting them to assist in building a network. Most of us get jobs (or work) through personal connections; in my experience, the older we get the more important it is to realize this.
A Note on Further Education
Perhaps you feel that going to college (at last!), finishing college (at last!) or pursuing graduate education — even at 50 or older — will open more doors.
My own mother went back to college – a very fine university in the Boston area at that — when she was otherwise a stay-at-home wife and mother. She began that process at 30, graduated at 40, and was extremely proud of that accomplishment. Since she found herself divorced and on her own in her 50s, that college degree was helpful. Those were, however, different times. The workforce was very much a different place. And the cost of that education, just a fraction of today’s price tag.
In her 60s, she went back to school again, this time in a continuing education program, more than anything for her own enjoyment.
Do do your homework if what you are really after is job opportunity. You may be better off with a training course – and be sure to vet any class, course, seminar, or certificate program (online or otherwise). Or, you may be able to take evening or continuing education classes, far less of a financial investment than a full-blown college program, if you are fortunate enough to live near a university that offers them.
Many excellent universities also offer online courses and programs. (Again — Google and do your vetting and research.)
The reason I suggest continuing ed, more accessible/focused programs, or for that matter community college classes is this. Depending upon your goals, it’s important to see if you can actually stay the course – the rigors of pursuing your education – not to mention the money and time it will take. And, if you are targeting an industry that is predominantly “young,” you’re going to be fighting an uphill battle regardless.
Google is certainly not the only way that you can research, but it is an easy way to begin the process. Likewise, for purposes of researching scholarship money that may be available to you. Once you’ve researched your options, talk to administrators and if possible, graduates. Be realistic about your goals in speaking with them. Follow up on statistics to do with successful job placements, and not just for 20- or 30-year-olds.
New Careers After Age 50
This article on MSN Money, “10 New Careers After Age 50,” points out the advantageous qualities of a mature employee, including reliability and wisdom. Among the fields suggested are:
- coaching (which certainly uses your professional and life experience)
- health care-related (a growth area, adding millions of jobs)
- assisted living/eldercare (again, much needed with our aging population)
- tour guide! (Why not?)
- providing home care
Other suggestions appear as well, some of which make sense if you are already in the profession. Others, in my opinion, make little sense at all. And of course, your physical and emotional fitness for certain occupations must be considered.
That said, ‘tour guide’ is thinking outside the box. And the emphasis here may well be on using your experience, your vitality, your interpersonal skills developed over a lifetime, and also your curiosity.
Stop by here for more detail and expert tips (2015) on reinventing your career after 50.
Specifics When Reinvention Is Overwhelming
Are these suggestions and others like them useful?
I would say yes, in a limited fashion, keeping in mind the note above regarding your fitness for these (or other) jobs. Also critical — how much you will earn and if it is enough.
So how do we tangibly begin when the prospect of reinvention is overwhelming? When money is already scarce? When we feel drained, demoralized by looking for work with no success, and alone?
Michelle’s situation is not uncommon: job cut back, dwindling funds, a single mother not quite “free,” an elder parent, and yes, over the magic number “50” at which bias in our society is prevalent and, especially for women, looks, energy, and perception by others will be very important in securing work.
I wish I didn’t have to state what I just did, and I would happily entertain an opposing view from both men and women, but anyone who is not working a home-based job knows this to be reality.
So here are thoughts I have when it comes to where to begin as you consider starting over. I welcome your comments and recommendations – for Michelle, and for the rest of us.
Reinvention, Relocation: Lists and Planning
Incidentally, before you begin, it’s helpful to clearly identify what you want to achieve through your reinvention. It may be as “simple” as finding a job and keeping a roof over your head, leaving behind a location where you feel stagnant or you’ve experienced loss, or finding meaning after divorce and Empty Nest. And if you’re having trouble with this step, try this: “I want to start over because ___________” and then fill in the blank.
Personally, I like the unimposing nature of making simple lists. A plan can come later, but a list encourages self-examination, a bit of dreaming, development of pros and cons, and maybe a healthy dose of “why not.” My own approach would include the following.
- Make a practical, realistic “wishlist” to begin: The environments you like (office, museum, outdoors/indoors), the people you enjoy, your ideal working conditions, what you know you’re good at, what interests you… the “you” that you envision in your ideal scenario.
- Note that if you are looking for a “career,” that’s different from looking for a decent-paying job with compensation that allows you to live. I make the distinction because the timeframe, compromises, and investment may be different on the former versus the latter.
- For specific fields, search the Internet for the term + “training.” Don’t forget to check out reviews and results on any promises on your investment. Consider volunteer experience if that is economically feasible.
- Make a list of constraints: Health-related considerations; financial obligations; availability of funds to pay for education, training, or relocation; and include the need to get a car if applicable.
- List familial considerations. For example, Michelle has an elder parent and a teenage son. Will she really be able to move in two years? She is considering Arizona with her son at that time. Is this emotionally and logistically feasible?
- Consider housing options – house versus condo or apartment, the need to accommodate a young adult or aging parent, the need for an elevator or ramp, preference for one-story living, building or on-site services; take into account future needs if possible.
- If relocation is an option, target locations and start asking questions. (Michelle’s comment here shows she’s doing exactly that.) Get input from real people who have lived in the locations you are considering.
- Target online or “real life” communities in order to network. When looking at new fields for work, this should include job boards and discussion groups, and I would also recommend local or online training options. Most of us get jobs from connections. Remember that.
These are items I’ve come up with off the top of my head. I would add this: Ask questions, consider unusual options, and yes – as indicated by the referenced articles – think outside the box – dog walking, house sitting, virtual customer service.
Making a Plan A, Plan B, Plan C…
None of us knows what will happen when we head out in a new direction. I’m a believer in planning, but recognize there are always unknowns and a great deal outside our control. This is all the more reason that we need contingency plans – backups for what we have in mind.
Here, I think it’s important to ask oneself pointed questions. They might include:
- If not my “first choice” for relocation, what other areas would suit me now and as I grow older? (For this subject, I suggest this discussion specific to over 50 relocation.)
- Job first or relocate first? (I recommend researching the job market in both existing skill sets and desired careers/skill sets for the areas under consideration.)
- If I target new skills to make myself a better candidate for a new position, do those jobs exist in the locations I’m considering? Can I acquire the skills / experience before I make a move?
- Do I have experience already that I’m not viewing as a transferable set of marketable skills? (Single parenting involves far more managerial, organizational, and interpersonal skills than many realize.)
- Do I know the amount of money it will take to put my plan(s) in action? Am I being realistic in estimating both expenses to do so and gains on the other end?
- Are there communal living arrangements when starting over that would save on expenses and provide built-in “friends?”
- What’s my fallback if Plan A doesn’t come through? People? Savings? Interim or additional earning possibilities? Another location?
- Do I have skills that could be packaged up into a home-based job?
- What are my Plan B, Plan C, and Plan D alternate locations and options?
Again, these are initial questions I would ask myself, and certainly not an exhaustive list.
For more on the issue of deciding where to relocate, visit To Move or Not to Move, That Is (Not) the (Only) Question.
Imagining the Future Over Age 50
In the past decade (since divorce and an unanticipated exit from the traditional corporate world), I’ve found myself repeatedly “starting over” – a sort of process that felt like I was perpetually starting over at starting over. Even considering it can be frustrating and exhausting.
While divorce (or widowhood) is not the only reason women (especially) find they are starting over, when the end of a marriage is unplanned, depending on circumstances, it may trigger a series of events that land them in restart territory.
For me, the process of starting over was not an explicit choice, but rather a matter of survival, and more than once. In each instance, the experience has required keeping my spirits up, enlisting the emotional support of friends, reaching out through reading and writing, as well as expanding my skill set and knowledge as part of my everyday life. That life includes maintaining a state of “readiness” for new endeavors. This can be exciting. It’s also stressful.
When planning for a major new undertaking (like career or relocation), I find it useful to imagine life in five years’ time, and if at all possible, the framework for life far beyond that. This is especially critical if we’re no longer spring chickens… In other words, those all important relocation factors as we grow older.
On a more personal note, a relationship can provide wonderful benefits, not the least of which is no longer feeling like you’re in it alone. On the other hand, you may find you’re facing new constraints: the other person’s children and parents, his or her location preferences, his or her financial needs or constraints, and similarly, your partner’s job opportunities, job viability, and health considerations.
Imagining your future over the age of 50 now includes imagining his or her future, and repercussions for extended family.
Paris, Anyone?
Strangely, or it seems strange to me now, for many years I was convinced that once both of my children flew off to college, I would feel “free” to relocate precisely where and how I wished. For me, the dream was always Paris – not far-fetched considering I have friends there, I’ve lived there before, and I have a variety of competencies that theoretically would permit me to do it again.
However, here’s what I didn’t expect to happen: the recession, affecting earning opportunities as well as real estate values; how important it would be for my sons to have a place to call “home;” fatigue that would make the prospect of starting over that much more daunting; a relationship that is lovely, yet ties me to where I am in ways I didn’t anticipate.
In other words, we can stay as physically, emotionally, and mentally agile as possible, but there’s much we can’t predict, so adaptability and resilience are critical. Likewise, a willingness to take a fresh look at where we are and what we want as needs and circumstances continue to change.
Sharing and Caring Communities
I know what it is to be where Michelle finds herself. It’s frightening to be in a position of barely getting by, and it’s dreadful to feel alone and overwhelmed. I also know what it is to be faced with what we love to term “reinvention,” which I like to think of as perpetual honing of who we are, and the skills and knowledge we are acquiring.
But remember: Starting over for many isn’t a choice. It’s a matter of the most basic survival. It may not be easy; it is possible, but let’s not underestimate the enormous work involved.
What can help, in my opinion?
Community — at any age and whatever our situation — allows us to examine what we may consider, to consider what we never have before, to learn from the experience of others, and to share our concerns and ideas.
Starting over after 50?
For many of us, as our children grow up and our focus shifts, we may find ourselves with a narrowed universe of contacts. I venture to say this may be truer for single mothers. It’s certainly true for many of us who are no longer in the “traditional” workforce. And this is what makes social media potentially so helpful, as it can offer opportunities to share online – through Facebook groups, blogs, and other communities, though I caution that we need to exercise care in what we say and with whom.
Still, I hope you will provide your thoughts on this matter and with specifics. Michelle and many others, I’m certain, would benefit.
For more on the issues in this complex topic and ongoing discussion, see the “starting over” series here.
You May Also Enjoy
I was married 27 years then went through a nasty divorce. My daughter has a mental illness and couldn’t raise her child. The dad is no where to be found and not father material. My now ex husband and I adopted our grandson as a baby. He is now 9 years old and has some learning disabilities but is a good boy. I have physical health issues and am disabled but no one can tell by looking at me. I am 53 but look much younger than my age. I am taking care of my very ill father in his mobile home. I have great morals, a little old fashion values, and I like to have fun. How in the world am I suppose to even find someone to date that would want any of this mess of a life. My ex remarried right away but he doesn’t ever take his grandson and I can’t make him so he had free time.
Some more information. I can’t move because I need to take care of my dad. I could not leave him at this age when he is dying. My grandson is in a good school and has friends. I feel trapped but I know I’m doing the right thing for my dad and grandson. But I’m afraid I will be dead before it’s my turn.
Sounds cliche but cry out to the Lord. Go to a local good church and get involved in what u can and go regularly:) I’ll pray for u❤️
Hi Susan,
How are things for you now? I hope well.
You are a strong woman! Take care and all the best!
At some point, blowing rainbows and unicorns up someone’s butt stops helping. Some people’s lives are just plain hard and they’re stuck.
Doesn’t mean they can’t find pleasure and joy in everyday things. Just means that not everyone gets to be ‘a strong woman’ and reinvent themselves.
I am 59 and have been working as a litigation secretary full time continuously in Southern California. I want to go back to Philadelphia or its suburbs where I was born and raised. I would like to think I can get employment at a law firm despite age. I am aware in my profession that firms would rather pay someone 30ish less. I know it takes a certain employer to see the benefits of someone with years of current experience. I am able to live alone, without parent or children/grandchildren. What does anyone think about that, any advice or insight? Anyone in Philadelphia who would give a shout out for connections?
JD – Drop an email to startingover50plus @gmail.com. Maybe we can find you some people in PA.
I lost steam when I read the career suggestions for those over 50: home health care provider, tourism, assisted living. Those are all jobs that offer minimal pay. Yes, there will be job openings in these fields, and pretty much anyone can get a job in home health care. It generally only requires a GED. But one can’t expect to make much more than minimum wage at a job like that. It’s certainly nothing upon which one can build a secure future.
You make many valid points. I wish each community had an outreach of women who found success starting over in their fifties. I think hearing that others have done it would be inspiring, and even if it couldn’t give those of us still struggling an immediate solution, it could at least give us hope, which is half the battle.
2 decades ago, I had made a very comfortable living in a position I’d held for 18 years, at the company from which I met my husband. I eventually resigned that position to start our family. Fast forward 15 years and 3 kids later, and I find myself the collateral damage of my husband’s self-focused mid-life crisis. As is fairly common, while my husband had forged ahead in his career, I lost mine, along with the seniority of my position, the weeks of vacation and personal time I’d accumulated, and the opportunites I’d had to add to my 401k. As my job was specialized in my corporation, I lost the ablility to transfer to another company; and my ex blocked every opportunity that opened for me to get back my previous postition.
I now make far less than I made 20 years ago, working a menial position as a shipping clerk. It’s heavy work and it’s humiliating for someone who feels they have so much more to offer. But I see no way to get ahead. I’m low-man-on-the-totem-pole at 53, with minimal benefits and very little opportunity to build up a retirement fund, since many businesses offer little or no matching incentives on retirement contributions. As a realist, I accept that going back to school would entail getting loans for thousands of dollars that would need to be paid back, and by the time I would finish, I would be just that much older and unhireable. Who will hire a 55- or 56-year-old in a starting position for any kind of decent salary?
Add the reality that I still have to work to pay bills survive, and that I still have teenagers living at home, and it feels as though I have no viable options to improve my situation.
I’ve been a proud, hard-working woman all my adult life.
This certainly isn’t where I expected to find myself at this stage in my life. I recently read a post on Facebook from an old high school friend of mine who just graduated from the police academy. I was so impressed and proud of her. Although I’m not in a position to do something like that, it still inspires me. If nothing else, I can, once again, say, “It’s not over, yet!”
Mary, Thank you for reading and commenting. Many commenting here can empathize. I’m curious. What sort of role did you play in your previous company (corporate life)? What are some of the skills that you used that you’re still more or less comfortable with? Are your teenagers all healthy and in a reasonable rhythm of school/home/transportation, etc.?
I’ve had all those thoughts myself and live them and still understand and relate I’m having a depressing time. Painful.
Jobs are very low pay and you cannot survive!
I never finished college and can’t afford that I’m almost sixty and flipping burgers in a fast food place which is really hard work at my age.
Nobody helps or gives real.suggestions and nobody guides you at all they all tell you but career centers etc offer no real help and going to school even with grants will be exactly as you stated I have reasoned that all out also.
Please tell me what you’ve done since your post!
Hi Kar. Well, I have plenty more to say on the subject since writing this, as I have had to reinvent since then and I am in the process of another iteration at the moment.
I will try to come back to your request sometime this week with more specifics, and in the meantime, you can pop by the other ‘over 50 and starting over’ articles here.
I feel your pain. I’m unemployed a year already , although I finished an associates degree I had to be the stay-home-mom and taking odd jobs now and then. Now I find myself divorced, with a child in college and another finishing high school . I’m tired of sleepless nights thinking how I’ll be able to help my children to succeed. Like you, I went at the career centers asking for help, a fast pace class to be able to find a decent job…. no help there.
I’m in exactly the same situation as you. I’m looking into going back to become an elementary school teacher. I think the hardest part is knowing I have to do this alone with three kids to care for. I never wanted to be in this situation.
want to do work from home but dont know what to do
now i am over sixty years old, the money is not there but i want to do something for my living. what shall i do?
What do you like to do? What do you know how to do? What can you potentially be paid to do in your area? Do you know people to help you network and connect?
I relate to everybody here. Can someone comment how we were sold a bill of goods in the 1980s and 90s about women forging ahead, we can be anything we want to be, our mothers paved the way for equality, blah, blah, blah. I was dubious then as I am now. And now we’re suppose to ‘pray’ (Do men have to do that?) Ha!
Do you really think men aren’t in the same boat?? It’s a young person’s world. It always has been. We all make our beds and have to lay in them, particularly as we get older. When we are younger, most of us aren’t thinking about just how fast middle age is coming and what our options may end up being if Plan A doesn’t work out or if health issues arise. We are lucky to even live in a country with any real opportunity at all.
It’s a young person’s world and it always was?
Yes and no. I can only imagine that you are, like me and so many of the others commenting here, old enough to remember something different than this.
Sure, we can say that the economy was very different and that is true. However, the culture was very different. Our parents were not shoved out of jobs in their late 40s or early 50s with nearly no hope of finding others at even a fraction of the pay. Families were not so geographically dispersed as to be unable to assist each other. Income inequality (and our corporate culture of UberGreed) was never so incomprehensibly pronounced. The culture did not make anyone over 50 as invisible and dismissible as we are today.
And where are we, those of us who find ourselves in this situation? Keeping silent. Too exhausted to organize. Too often, bearing shame for where we are. And thus compounding our invisibility.
If we feel shame, we don’t speak out, we don’t reach out. We’re guaranteeing our own demise.
You may come back at me with an argument that we, the baby boomers, are the very ones who first began to dismiss the “older generation”. And I might even agree with you to an extent, just as I agree that youth generally believes it has all the answers — at least to a degree.
And yet even that is insufficient argument for what has spiraled out of control in this culture, as we deal with societal challenges far more complex than purely jobs (or their absence) and the inevitable weakening of (mobile) families.
“We all make our beds?”
Absolutely untrue. And that attitude is a huge part of the problem. Our culture of finger-pointing and blaming the “victim” is an enormous misuse of our old Puritan work ethic. If you cannot find or keep paying work sufficient to cover your expenses, then you must be to blame. Wrong. And God forbid you should run into a family issue, a legal issue, or a health problem that removes you from the workforce for a time or that saps any savings you may have spent decades acquiring.
Even in these instances, we wave the flag and refer to this country as the land of opportunity, all the while there is no social safety net that can keep millions of people alive with a modicum of dignity and hope. And, I might add, actively contributing to the good of society.
Writing is a good stay at home job. Amazon offers a free publishing platform that can get your work seen by millions potentially. Its a learn as you go deal as well. I founded and run a writers group for women over 40 called BloomingLate at shewrites.com, its a low key place to start. But there are also thousands of articles and videos online about any type of writing you want to do.
Then theres YouTube, something I’m trying to gear myself up to do, you can potentially make money in a year if you’re faithful to upload at LEAST once a week. Youtube is sorely in need of those over 50 people that can offer more than just talking about makeup,jobs&dating over 50, we are more than just THAT!
As you can tell Im in the “starting over” area myself at age 49. But to stop boredom I have “reinvented” myself many times in my life,it’s just now I’m disabled and not as pretty so it’s a LOT harder this time around.
ALSO Looking for REAL online friends that likes to chat on the phone if theres such a thing to be had these days.
God Bless all of you.
I’m saddened by ur comment ‘not as pretty’…a throwback to sexist era. Remember, Eleanor Roosevelt, Queen Victoria and Mother Teresa were not exactly beauty queens, and look at what they contributed to the world.
“As you can tell I’m in the “starting over” area myself at age 49. But to stop boredom I have “reinvented” myself many times in my life, it’s just now I’m disabled and not as pretty so it’s a LOT harder this time around.”
It may be a throwback to the sexist era of our lives in our age bracket, however true, nonetheless… We are a society that values youth, beauty, and popularity to the extreme, especially from women. Look at the selfies people make each day on social media, how we make ourselves look as if were standing under the moon when really we just woke the fu*k up!
Making it short but realistic, this era does not appreciate values by our… by-gone parents of our day… They want quick satisfaction to peak their interest and that includes beauty, especially for women. I mean… why is porn so popular? So… so many of the great women over many years of this country and others that were hip at that time are seen as nothing but “old maids of a bygone society” at this time.
I am in my 50’s and it’s real. Women are disposable in this society once they look old, or broadcast they’re old. SAD But TRUE.
As a matter of fact… Women have always been disposable once they hit a certain age, all over the world. Luckily it’s getting upped some in advanced age as an old maid could have been 25 100 years ago…Lol but that’s only because we are living longer, male and female. Can we change it? Can we make people respect us for our brains, wisdom… what-have YOU. I dunno.
We’ll see.
I can relate to the not as pretty comment. My soon to be ex husband who is on a selfish look at how gorgeous I am now mid-life crisis has to remind me everyday how old, fat and ugly I have become at 51. I was a stay at home mom for eighteen years. I took two years of college but did not finish. I gave up a life insurance/ property and casualty position that I had tested for, and the job was starting to take off when I married this Mr. Wonderful. I have one teenager. It feels so hopeless sometimes. Right now I have to live with him while we work on dissolving things. He gets in moods where he tells me I will leave you poor and broke. Hurrah! Never pictured this for my life. I might have it worse than my mother ever did.
Life at any age is certainly filled with challenges. Aging is not for the faint of heart. I thank you for sharing your positive information.
Thanks for posting.
Dea
Hi there Sanantha..I can totally relate to the whole being disabled thing (had an auto accident few yrs back and had to stop working.) Now I’m 47 and I’m just not feeling motivated to reinvent myself, or pretty enough to meet a guy, or organized enough to start over! And I totally envy you if being bored is all it takes for you to start reinventing yourself. I wish just being bored was my only motivation. But I too am looking to talk to new ppl about how we can get our “stuff” together, maybe find some supportive new friends going through close to the same things you and I are. You can reach me by emailing the author of this blog (D.A.) at the email she gives startingover50plus at gmail. For me, I’m hoping that talking with new ppl in the same boat as me (that I don’t already personally know) can prove fruitful and positive. My goal is to meet new ppl with new, fresh, and different ideas and perspectives that my current same aged friends and peers can’t offer me. Hope to chat soon.
I have been inspired by your interview. I am a 51 year old person, interested in continuing my formation as a human being. I come from a banking and political science background. Now, I want to figure what new horizons can I grab in my new inspirational beholding.
I am from Venezuela, even though, I had the opportunity, thanks to my father, to understand the world from a different perspective since a young age. Therefore, I am wanting to hear your comments.
I hope your address and the website I am writing to now is still working.
Receive my best regards,
Mr. Delso Otero
I sometimes think dying would be an easier option
But easier for whom? And what if you’re wrong?
(Drop me a line, ok? That’s a better idea. startingover50plus @ gmail.)
I know what you mean, Lisa. Suicide has become my backup plan because I am too tired to start over again. I have been laid off from 3 jobs in a 10-year span and this week I just heard through the grapevine that things at my current job are becoming less secure and well, I am sure another layoff is on its way. After my first layoff I finished a 2-year program in a field I had researched beforehand and the outlook was very positive, with projections for growth and demand. I worked long hours in an independent contractor position with no benefits and within 20 months found myself out of a job after the hospital that was the company’s biggest customer decided to do their work in house. All the employees were hired by the hospital except me, since I was a contract worker. I was fortunate enough to get hired by the hospital but only after a recommendation from my old supervisor. (I see the word networking tossed out repeatedly and well, what is an introvert to do?) I worked the night shift for over 5 years at great cost to my health. I didn’t miss a shift for over 4 years. I cut vacations short, worked holidays. Then a couple days before Christmas 2014, I attend a department meeting where we are told that the hospital is going to outsource its transcription and had literally sold us to an online company, telling us we should be grateful that they worked so hard for this deal for us, making roughly half pay, with 5x the cost for health insurance. I had gone from working nonstop OT and “thank you so much for what you do” to having management act like they were doing us a favor keeping us on. We also had to sign papers saying we wouldn’t discuss the company in a negative way or it would result in nonpayment of our severance.
I was able to find a job in the same field but making over $30,000 less per year. I have been there nearly 2-1/2 years and have worked thru breaks and lunches because I live in a constant state of fear that I need to do as much as I can before it runs out. I started in this field my first week making $250 and thinking what have I done? To making $70,000, and last year was able to work harder than ever and made $43,000.
During this time, my husband lost his job, started a business, did well the first couple of years, hello recession, business folds. We had started building a home and for the last 5 years it has sat unfinished and I am living in my elderly parents’ basement.
My husband broke his hand working on our home, had surgery (thankfully while I had insurance for both of us) and subsequently became addicted to pain killers and got a DUI. During this time he attempted suicide. Six months later, trying to get our lives back on track, our home was broken into and what money we had put back to finish our home was stolen. I feel like my whole middle age was stolen. I’ve done nothing but work for the last decade and haven’t been on a vacation since 2007.
Now I have health problems, I’m old, tired and fat from sitting 9-10 hours at a desk all day. I don’t have the energy to go to school again, not the money, and I haven’t a clue as to what I would/could do. Every time I am laid off I know im never getting out of the basement. My husband hasn’t worked in 5 years. I feel like we will end up divorcing all because of how hard our lives have gotten. I am so angry at everything I want to explode. If I lose my current job, I don’t know what I will do.
I have worked from home these last 10 years and well, I have no desire to be around others again. I have so much anxiety that I think about suicide constantly. the only reason I haven’t is because I don’t have my affairs in order as I want to be able to help my sister, and I have pets I don’t know what to do with. We are going to have to put our dream home up for sale but it is a long shot finding a buyer now, and just thinking about it makes me sick because we worked so hard to build it ourselves.
I get especially angry when I hear stuff like hard work pays off because it doesn’t. I work harder than I ever have and I have less. I feel like I am running in a race and getting older and more tired. I am ashamed of my situation and feel like a failure. All the time. And it is probably going to get worse instead of better. As well, I want to punch people who say you have to have a positive attitude because I started out with one and have picked myself up repeatedly, but just to get knocked down again.
I understand!! I’m 51, went thru more changes in last 4 years than I ever thought possible. Went from sort of introverted lifestyle working full time living in my own home. Met husband online at 47, got married. Mom died 2 months later. Disabled elderly Dad needed care. Later, had falling out with sister and her husband, relationship now almost non-existent. Dad died last year. 2 beloved family pets died. Sold condo, moved to Dad’s residence to get ready to sell. Took voluntary retirement from 15 year corporate job I hated. 8 months later started job hunting. It is very different now. Applications now all online. Lots of job scammers now. Have to be careful. I have found a temp job. However, jobs don’t pay very high. It feels strange. What is helping me is spiritual growth, trying to simplify life. Changing priorities. Don’t want high-stress, just peace in my life. Peace more important than money now..but, need to invest aggressively for retirement, pare down. Life is hard! No one here is alone! ?
Years of working w/o breaks has taken its toll. Take care of urself first cause ur no good to anybody, husband, parents or ur pets if u compromise ur health. Don’t exercise… just walk, one block, two blocks, daily, or two three weekly. Exercise alleviates agitation and stress, not totally but some. U need to be mentally focused on events to come w/o all the emotional ‘noise’ around u. I am constantly being reminded in subtle ways what a failure I am from others who continually flaunt their homes, their hubbies, kids, trips, homes,etc. I too have had to repeatedly start over amidst crisis after crisis, have lost two dream homes,multiple jobs despite how ‘wonderful’ I am. There are government programs to help with indigent, old boys network to help men, but if ur mid age female, ur suppose to ‘pray’. I too had to live w my widowed mother receiving wide criticism from others telling me i had to ‘grow up’ and ‘get out on my own’, all while she needed me during her illness. Life is nasty, u have to look out after #1.
I am turning 50 this year and am having thoughts of despair as well. Have not been able to save and prepare for old-age because of trying to support a family. Kids are grown now but still have mortgage (on a house that is way way underwater), many other bills. I really don’t like what I do and the thought of being a trapped rat for another 20 years sucks. I am already tired and done. Doesn’t make sense to get student loans..w/e.. to start over. You are not alone. And we pay into this Social security system for what? “They” bank on us not surviving to what is it… 70 now. Retirement is for the rich or for people who had decent inheritances from their parents. Most people are spending all their money in their youth to provide for their children… so how are you supposed to put money away?
It is a shame that we live in a society where you literally can not live without money… at the cost of your soul, it feels like at times. Good luck and God Bless and Stay strong… You are not alone! Others have similar situations. As for me… I am turning to God now… and not the God of gloom and doom, but the God of love.
Too true but God won’t save you.
That is not the answer.
I
That made me smile and sad at the same time. I was just thinking that today… If it wasn’t for my children, I could check out. Most days I feel hope but then reality sets in and I kind of wonder if this is all that is left for me.
I agree Lisa, dying is a better option.
Since we die someday anyways.
Why not die when we feel done and just tired of life.
Cause what’s the point? barely making ends meet day after day , just to get older and sicker and die.
I am 53. Lived a full life and now just feel done.
I am not sick with anything major but have a lot of aches and pains and no energy.
I don’t see the point of life especially living in such an ageist society.
Every night when I go to sleep I pray I won’t wake up.
Let me weigh in. My husband checked out 10 months ago. My life and our adult daughter’s lives have been destroyed. We are devastated as are his family and friends. I had a stroke a year and a half before he died. I have not worked since July of 2014 when I had a stroke. I lost my husband and my home in one fell swoop. I am not telling you this for your sympathy, but for you all to be aware of how your lives impact others. How doing something like what you have brought up can destroy so many others. Your problems don’t go away, YOU GIVE THEM TO SOMEONE ELSE TO CLEAN UP!!!!
I still have problems sleeping and living day to day. I found my husband. I am forever to live with that and all the problems that he hid from me. I am forever broken………
think before you so casually discuss dying like you are ordering breakfast.
Lisa I am very sorry to hear about your struggles and your husband. I get what you are saying but with that said if a person does have family that say they so love and care about, then together the family should help each other to figure life issues out.
And be there for each other.
It’s sad, but the reality is we live in an ageist society. Harder to get jobs when your in your 50’s.
We live in difficult financial times. I lost a good job and my home that I lived in for 20 years.
I don’t have a husband. Been divorced for 25 years.
The only jobs I can get are not enough to live even a simple living.
Two incomes are needed to live, just a simple life. So not only will I have to work long hours in a job that I am not even enjoying with no option for advancement, it doesn’t even cover basic bills.
I have one grown son and no other family. It’s just me and him. When I explain to him the issues I get an answer like – well mom, you need to take responsibility for your life.
Like seriously?? As if I haven’t my whole life?
But yet if I die, it’s going to effect him. Destroy him. Cause him pain.
Certain cultures have it right – everyone in the immediate family work and live together to create a decent life.
If I am thrown out to just figure everything out on my own, then it shouldn’t matter to anyone if I die now or die 20 – 30 years from now.
I totally understand how you feel. I’ve gotten similar comments from my adult children. I’m on disability because I am indeed disabled. My children dont understand,”what’s happened to me?” As if I’ve gotten sick intentionally. I’m in a relationship with someone that seems to really not want to be with me. I feel my purpose here is done. However I try to keep hopeful of tomorrow even though at times I think it has to get better, but maybe…maybe it doesn’t. It’s not really fair to those who love us even if from an arms length. Hang in there, your not alone.
this sounds like I wrote it…. my Son, similar attitude towards me. I know if I died at my own doing it would devastate him…. so I do hope I die in my sleep or some other sudden painless way. I never get to see my 2 year old (only) Grandson either. the distance is 2000 miles away…. I understand you, just wanted you to know that
I’m sorry but I didn’t find her comment “casual” at all. I sensed she Meant what she was saying because She said it! Now don’t you go assuming her suggestion was as flippant and contrite as ordering breakfast. She didn’t share what has or still is perhaps happening in her life w us. She just offered her honest feeling on this subject matter based on how said subject matter has affected her. Let’s be kind. I read what you wrote, and it was so sad. I am so sorry those things are happening with you.
I’m totally down for that these days….and I am not kidding
I can’t believe how your stories are like reading my own thoughts and similar present situation. Am sad that there are others like myself. It wasn’t supposed to be like this!
I have been a career contractor all my life working both here and abroad. I now find myself unemployed with enormous debts and having to retrain as the work simply isn’t there any more. Hubby is trapped overseas and I don’t know when/if I will see him again. I am making some artisan pieces to sell online but it’s not enough to live from. I feel like crying every day.
JM, I’ve been where you are (sans spouse) and understand your situation. You are not alone, if that is any consolation. Drop a line here if you wish to discuss further. startingover50plus @ gmail.
Many heads — and hearts — are often better than one.
Thanks DA. Great information, informative discussion. I too am recently unemployed and looking. And now just turned 55. My last job I lucked out – work from home, professional and well paid for my rural area. The firm lived on federal contracts that were not renewed, and almost half of the staff was let go last fall. My job was a niche type, and there are not many (2 or 3 at the most?) of these positions locally.
Fortunately I have some money saved up, minimized overhead, and only a long term hubby who isn’t going anywhere for dependents. But the long term outlook is not great. Not only are most jobs low pay and part time, but I encounter a syndrome you have not mentioned – I am not “from around here” even though I have lived in the area for 10 years. Even when I have tried to volunteer, I am viewed with suspicion, never mind competing with “locals” for an actual paying job.
I am currently working on an application for a position as a career placement specialist with the state government. It would be an ideal fit with my education and experience, and even though the pay is low, it is not minimum wage, and there are benefits. It would be a perfect job for me, helping others I find in my same position. Especially when I too find the employment offices very unhelpful for my own needs. (I will NOT be mentioning that last bit if I manage to get an interview) I am not very hopeful because I am a realist, however I will follow the advice of RJ Ringer, who advised “assume a negative outcome and proceed with a positive attitude.”
BTW, as an introvert I find networking tiresome and draining, though I comprehend its power. Thanks for the reality check!
Wow! Almost everything I’ve read sounds exactly like what I’m going through. I’m an introvert when it comes to social media also. I guess it’s from the lack of friends I’ve had throughout the years although it’s the opposite when I’m at work or out and about. I like to interact. And I definitely network with people I know or meet but never have had any luck getting a good job that way. Which seems like it should be the best way.
I am 48 years old with a college degree I received at age 32 and never used. It didn’t help me to get hardly any interviews, let alone a decent paying career. I have a bachelors in psychology which I never wanted to get into or go back to school for. But the advisors back then just told me to get a degree in anything because I didn’t know what I wanted to do even then. And it would help me get a job easily. So not true! So basically a waste of time and money in my opinion.
I have been a single mom since I was 25 but my son has been off to college for about five years now, still struggling with what he wants to do also. But I encourage him all the time. But he’s racking up student loans still.
I don’t feel like any kind of example to him at all because I cannot seem to find a decent paying career like the rest of you. It’s so depressing sometimes. I sit at home and cry on my days off. I feel better when I’m out sometimes. But that often costs money. But I stay strong around my son when we visit though.
I’ve had other jobs, not any careers, but have been in the bar business on and off for over 20 years. I don’t like it. There’s no future. But for the moment it’s just paying the bills. What’s really sad is that I found out some of my customers think I’m bartending just for fun and that I must have a better means of income elsewhere. That was a pretty sad realization!
I’ve tried for so long to think of things that I could try that are my so-called “passions” and survive financially. But to no avail. No one is willing to pay enough.
I’ve even gone back to school to take prerequisites for an accelerated ultrasound and nursing program. But again I went with good grades into the interview to get accepted into the actual program and was not accepted. So very disappointing and I am still paying off a loan for those pre reqs. And yes I was competing at the time with all 20 somethings. The candidates who obviously were going to be able to give 40 or 50 years of work after graduation compared to my possible 20 got in.
I feel so hopeless everyday. I have a small family base but absolutely no real emotional support from them. They just worry about themselves and basically tell me to settle for little pay in a full time job so I can have some benefits.
It was not nice to hear all the comments but at least I know my situation is similar to so many. I hope the best for everyone out there struggling to find a solution like me!
So grateful I stumbled on this group of honest and amazing women.
You are not alone. I see all you describe. Learning truths are a gift…if we did not experience these major challenges we might be complacent and take blessings for granted. Now we can embrace the good and truly celebrate every ounce. I have confidence that we will get through this and be better for it.
Maybe we should start a support group for sharing our victories each day.
Julia Cameron (The Artists Way) says…”don’t let the bastards get you down” I highly recommend her books.
“…embrace the good and celebrate every ounce.” Glad to hear you can make lemonade out of unrelenting poverty, unemployment and debilitating depression. I haven’t yet found a lemon squeezer near big or strong enough.
Yesterday your starting over dropped out of nowhere. Just recently well 21/2 yrs ago I was my mother’s caregiver. Alzheimers, dementia and lived here 24/7. In June I turned 59. All of sudden I realize where did all the time go, I have no one to worry about, so much grief. But right before my mom died I lost my oldest son in 3 days, still in shock… I am finishing my mothers estate, but now I have my nephew suing me for part of the estate. The horrible stuff he is saying i have to remember he has to show proof. Well I am packing and for the lst time in my life since I was 18 I will be alone, I have never been alone until now. It’s scary and exciting. I want to find a small little house maybe Long Beach. For me at 59 do I have a chance to start over? Help.
Do you have anyone to talk to, Mercedes, to help you explore living options and the grieving your going through? A friend, a neighbor, community counseling services, clergy? Someone who could be recommended by the legal resource you are using for your mother’s estate?
Reading this story and all the comments made me feel both happy and sad – as strange as that sounds. Happy because I don’t feel so alone but sad because we all share pretty much the same scenario that life goes on in all it’s ways and seems to want to leave us behind. At 50, unless the Good Lord has other plans, I’m hoping to be able to work for at least 20 more years. I would think that businesses would look at our experiences and the fact that we have more years to offer as a positive rather than a negative. Plus I never stop trying to learn. I left a job that wasn’t a bad job – a headhunter contacted me and I went from there. Now I’m in a job that I hate because it was misrepresented to me to get me on board. Granted it pays more but not by much. I’ve been looking and sending out resumes but I have not had at least one reply except one college did at least send me a letter telling me that they had chosen someone else. I feel blessed and stressed at the same time. We all have so much to offer to the workforce but they don’t seem to want to listen. Bless all of you for sharing your stories.
Dawn- all I can say is ditto. I currently work from home at a job that was misrepresented too. I am thankful for the income but dread coming down into my office every morning. I am almost 51 and have 3 children in college. I spend hours looking for jobs and filling out applications and sending resumes with no responses. I am sad and feel lonely. Never imagined I would be in this spot at my age. I hate the field I am in and just want to be happy and have peace.
I’m hoping that my experience might give some others some hope…I’m turning 59 in November and have found myself truly enjoying my second career as a development and outreach coordinator for a nonprofit organization in the Twin Cities.
I was a legal secretary for about 30 years; suffering from the high stress and anxiety that accompanies working for litigation attorneys (but earning a pretty big paycheck) the whole time. I hated what I did for a living, but did a good job and figured, well, it was a good salary for someone who didn’t finish college. But it was eating away at my soul. I had depression and issues with my back and other health items related to stress. Then I got caught up in a firm-wide layoff in 2012 and didn’t quite know what I was going to do. I collected unemployment for a while, then was presented with the opportunity of attending a trade school (for free – a federal program) to become certified as a public relations specialist. The coursework took 9 months and I worked my butt off to get good grades (too bad I hadn’t been that kind of student in high school…but that’s another story….) I did quite well in school; I figured this was my last chance in life to DO SOMETHING, so I might as well try and excel. The classes were geared towards nonprofit work, and I had been volunteering at a nonprofit community radio station for many years and my interest was in nonprofits — it seemed logical that I would wind up seeking nonprofit work.
I am lucky that my spouse is a machinist and was able to keep us afloat while I went to school; I know that that’s the only way I could have done this was with his support. After school was the real test – I completed three marketing and pr communications internships (one that lasted for 6 months with no pay) – then the interviewing for a real job started. I applied for 201 jobs – nice that there were that many to apply to, but geez did I ever need to grow a thick skin about getting rejected. I wasn’t gonna lie about my age – sort of hard to do that – and I tried to parlay my talents as a legal secretary with the schooling to make myself seem more marketable. I would get interviews, thought I nailed them, then wait for three weeks only to hear that they hired someone else. I even had second interviews with two nonprofits who NEVER EVEN CALLED ME BACK. How rude. I got very down and depressed quite a few times; the spousal unit and I had a couple of spats when he suggested that I could “always go back to legal” – I wanted to throw my laptop at him. I finally found a temporary assignment at a college which paid ok money, and then out of the blue another opportunity came up for development and outreach work at an organization which does civil rights and advocacy work for Muslims in Minnesota. Ok, I’m a recovering Catholic, I thought, this should be interesting. I simply love my job! It’s challenging and fulfilling, and the pay isn’t too shabby, either.
Nonprofit work isn’t going to make me rich and I’m probably not going to get to retire at age 65. I’m hoping the old body keeps functioning reasonably well for a good long while so that I can keep doing work that I love. There is stress, but it’s the kind that propels me into action and isn’t eating away at my soul.
Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you can’t shift gears after 50. Career change is possible and we really can do just about anything we put our minds to. Government programs help….
It is wonderful to hear your determination, your grit, your perceptiveness and your flexibility as you made your way to such a successful transition. Thank you for sharing your story!
Patti,
Thank you so much for your inspirational story!
As I was reading through these comments, many of which I found heart breaking and sad, not much unlike my own situation, I felt my depression start to kick in and was just getting ready to close the electronics down when yours was the last comment I decided to read…
What an amazing story you have to tell! I am so proud of you for getting out there and going after something you felt you could do! That takes so much courage and strength and you are a great inspiration to all of us who might find ourselves in unhappy and or unfortunate circumstances at this time in our lives! I truly admire your will power and desire to not give up and not to give in! Additionally your ability to embrace the different and unknown with strength, determination and an open mind, really inspired me!
I hope many readers scroll down far enough to read your story because it may change their outlook and encourage them as it did for me! I wish you the best on your interesting journey and thank you again for taking the time to share your story with us.
Lastly, ladies I realize life can get unrecognizable at times but trust me, this too shall pass. Just remember everything that happens to you good or bad is a gift or challenge and is meant especially for you. You can lay yourself down in defeat and give up, (which I highly don’t recommend as it rarely works out well, as I am speaking from experience, which I will spare you the gory details) or, you can accept that what your dealing with is “your special challenge”. Please remember that only you can work your way into a better life. I wish you all the best of luck ladies. May you look forward to your many challenges in life as they were made to determine who you are and who your meant to become; and may you always find another gift where once there was none.
I scrolled through the comments and randomly landed on yours. Wow! That is exactly the kind of thing we women need to hear, to tell each other and to put into practice. What a clear, do-able, honest, powerful and loving message. I hope every woman who reads your comment takes it personally and shines brighter because of it.
I’m 51 and at the beginning of 4yrs training to become a journeyman electrician. I did not graduate and have been out of high school for 35yrs (my next oldest class mate is 34yrs old). I am the only woman in my class and have an 84% average and my physical skills level is top knot too.
Sometimes life does have to start over. And it might not be easy. But then… Why be easy when you can be amazing?! Life is going to take up the same amount of time and energy (100% of your day) anyways. Why not do something you want to do that will give you what you want to have?! Now is not the time to sell yourself short. Now is the time to gather together all of that hard won experience and conquer the obstacles that stand in our way with the kind of strength only women have. There is only one recipe for success and it is for all people: Do what it takes every day and never giving up.
Hi Val… if you get this message, almost 4 years later. I was just wondering how your training course to become a journeyman electrician is going? You should be close to the end now? Has it worked out for you and can you see it becoming everything you wanted for yourself when you started it? Just curious and I hope you reply.
Thanks!
Patti,
Really great story and I am very happy for you. But with that said, as you said – you are lucky to have a husband that was able to pay the bills while you went to school, until you found a job.
Many of us don’t have that. That’s a big part of the problem.
Agreed. It is an entirely different game when you are riding solo without anyone to fall back on. I am 48 and am fortunate now not to have anyone else to support, but for 20 years I was a single parent with a single income stuck in a dead end job that I didn’t like because it was steady and had benefits. As any single parent without a support network can attest, just quitting your job because you don’t like it isn’t an option. Sadly due to the great recession and the slow economy I was forced to remain at the same job.
I am at the point now where I have become determined to find a new career path, however I am discouraged to see that the OP feels that becoming a tour guide or HHA or clerk are viable options for anyone over 50. I have set my sights higher than that and do not agree that “life is over” or the theory that you will never find a good job after you turn 50. It is never easy learning a new skill or trying a new career path, but it can certainly be accomplished by anyone of any age with enough determination.
Today was probably one of the worst days of my life. My husband of 28 years, disabled by mental illness, was arrested for driving a stolen vehicle. He was in a delusional, psychotic, manic phase (slow buildup the past year) that culminated in a “freedom seeking walkabout”starting 3 weeks ago. Ran up huge bills. Burned bridges with family and friends. A really terrible 3 weeks!!!!!! Received a visit from the local police who wanted to see if we were “okay”. One of the people my husband was arrested with claimed that they were headed back home to “to take care of the problem…………..Me!” Supplies to do so were found in the car. I have an appointment with an attorney in two days.
I am blessed with a graduate degree and a great job, Two kids who are starting out in life and have been hit with this nightmare, and the best mother in the world.
I know I need to focus on the positive, but feel like I am living breath to breath. What did I do to deserve this? I thought if I loved harder, worked harder, cleaned harder, smiled harder, everything would work out. But, it didn’t………I am 53. Grey hair and suddenly old. I used to be pretty and bright. Now I am ugly and sad. Mental illness is isolating. Not many friends, although the ones I have are great, but I just can’t burden them anymore with my problems. I am alone.
Starting over. Who would ever want me? I am damaged, scarred by years of abuse, control, and domination. I wouldn’t want myself so why would anyone want me? Fairytale endings are found in Hallmark movies but not for me.
Nancy
I suspect you won’t mind if I say that you desperately need help. I seriously recommend looking to see if their is a NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) organization in your area. They have the Family to Family, and Family Support Group programs (these may be one and the same), designed specifically for people in your situation. Having been in a somewhat similar situation I can testify that it is incredibly helpful to find out, from others who have been or are now in the same dilemma, how to start saving yourself and what avenues might be available locally for your husband.
If nothing else, you will find that just being able to talk frankly with those who have lived what you have provides tangible lightening of the burden. It may also be (and it does sound so) that you have done absolutely everything you can do and your husband needs to be in different hands. Obviously this is a delicate issue, but I suspect you know that it can and will eventually become a matter of personal survival, and NAMI will help you come to grips with that.
And not least, your current feelings of despair are entirely typical. You will be reassured of this, and that life, and you, can be very different. If there is a group in your area, please contact them, as a favor to yourself.
Fairytale endings are not made for you. You make them for yourself. No one is in control of everything that happens but we are in control of what you do with it. It might be something small or it could be so big it’s overwhelming and seems impossible. What ever your situation, it will improve if you do things every day to improve it and give yourself the credit you deserve along the way.
This is the most cold, dismissive & non compassionate reply.
The idea of reinventing yourself, career and life sounds like a logical, proactive step. However, after 8 insanely long years of attempting to do so, the reality is that there may never be a job that pays a living wage for women over 50. And then what do we do, after we have lost, in this order: 1) life long careers/job, 2) self worth, 3) ability to financially care for ourselves and/or dependents, 4) our homes, 5) our friends (it happens, they get sick of hearing about our struggles), 6) our families (ditto the friends comment, add to it that family blames us for the situation we are in) and 7) our retirement funds, 8) all hope. So, we sell, donate or give away everything we worked our whole lives for, and maybe we live in our car. But then our car starts to break down, falls apart piece by piece, just as our lives have over the years. Then we find a subsidized apartment, but are still barely able to make ends meet & are surviving month to month. Our bodies start to decay, losing teeth, vision problems, no matter, there is no “assistance” for people like us. This is no life. Now we have lost even more; our minds, our willingness to live. Not a single day passes which I do not pray to all that is holy in the universe to please just take my life, I am too weak & cowardly to do it myself.
I could have written this at various points in the past years. I suspect too many of us could have done so.
Please drop a line here. startingover50plus @ gmail.com.
At the very least, you may not feel so alone, and to feel less alone is to feel less hopeless.
Yes yes yes T !!
I couldn’t have said it any better myself.
Everything you wrote word for word is exactly how my life has been going since I hit 50.
Selling and losing everything I ever worked for.
Barely making ends meet.
If I can even find a job it doesn’t pay enough to live off.
Using retirement funds to live just day to day. When that runs out I don’t know what I will do.
I haven’t bought myself anything in 10 years. Don’t go out, no money.
My only “luxury” in life is cable TV.
And soon won’t even have money for that.
Eye sight getting worst, no energy.
Wanted to try to work out, sprained my ankle real bad. Hope nothing broken, can’t afford to go to doctor even though I have health insurance.
I hear you, every night I pray I don’t wake up. Wish I could take a pill that would put me to sleep forever.
Sunny, I know exactly where you are at. I know from my own personal experience, and how exhausting it can be to keep fighting fighting fighting for what seem like such simple things.
Please know that you are not alone. I don’t know if that helps, but so many of us find ourselves despairing at a time in life that should still be – if not quite the same as when we were younger – full and satisfying.
Please write me here. Startingover50plus@gmail.com. I don’t possess any particular wisdom, but I can certainly empathize and listen. And maybe others can contribute ideas and encouragement as well.
Ok, I am reading the same book, in the same chapter, and on the same page. I don’t need to describe myself or share my story. I have such sleepless nights worrying if I will be on a park bench soon. What if this group of ladies were to get together and share a decent place and responsibilities. Maybe then some could have extra to save some $ or enjoy small , very small luxuries occasionally. A pizza is cheaper when the bill is divided, heck everything is cheaper when expenses are shared.
Lori, Thanks for stopping by. I think this is precisely what many of us have been thinking about doing. The challenge is how to facilitate that. I think of it more like the days of college roommates and a sense of community, yet somehow still being able to have our own space in shared accommodations.
Again, the issue is the “how” given that most of us, one way or another, have different (and much more) “baggage” at 50+ than 20 or 30 years earlier… grown kids in various places, elder parents we may be caring for, issues securing / keeping a source of income, and possibly some physical constraints. This latter, of course, would potentially make more communal living much easier.
I can’t tell you how many times I wished to have the $$$ to buy an older 6 BR house and just “do it”… then develop a plan to expand. (That will take more than my idealism. However, if interested in talking to a few others about this (or other issues in the starting over realm, drop a line here: startingover50plus @ gmail.)
Dear DA:
I am a Canadian woman who has just turned 52, not 50, and with that, has waited for two years for something to happen. Anything, actually, to happen. Been single for five years and have no dependents except for my best friend LooLoo, my feline of three years. I left a horrible relationship after 10 years, to find myself living with my aging father. I did go back to college and recieve a honor in counselling. Although, I have not been able to find work for one year. Yes, I am an older woman with a few more wrinkles than I would like to have, never the less, I am alive and I must start over now that my father passed two months ago, 2017. My life is starting over, new home (when I find one I can afford ) new area of the city, and leaving behind anything I had any aquaintences with over the last five years. I have been quite discouraged and realize this is a matter of age in a society that feeds the young. Also, I have gone off of all social media with the likes of facebook, twitter, myspace and others that are just gluing my body to a seat all day, with bits and pieces if time for outside. I realize today, that this must stop, my lifestyle has become secluded, isolated and very quiet. This is all so new that I actually feel more alive than ever! cause of this clean slate I am about to start.
Sincerely,
Ms. Catherine
T, I couldn’t have said it any better myself. You described my life exactly.
This is a great blog post. I have been struggling with personal issues for 10 years and have found reaching out online to seek the advice of others has helped me through the good and bad time. I have always had relationship issues and have started to follow the advice of Dr. Robi Ludwig. I saw her on a tv show once and I really appreciated her take on current psychological issues. She has written two books but my favorite book is “Your Best Age is Now” I have read it and loved it! I highly recommend it to anyone out there struggling.
I’m 57 years old. I was married at age 19, had a child in 1981, and during the third year of his life, I was diagnosed with a seizure disorder. The tumor causing the seizures wasn’t found until 1987, at which time I had a craniotomy and my husband left to be with the woman with whom he had been cheating. My son and I moved in with my parents, and I went to nursing school. I graduated and passed the RN boards in 1991. My son died a year later in 1992 at a school bus stop traffic accident. I had to keep working but also returned to school and finally got a MBA. I married and divorced 2 more men over those ensuing years, finding I preferred my independence over the institution of marriage. I recently was working as a Director in a hospital until we parted ways in June 2016. I sold my house of 24 years and am considering either moving to the other side of the state I live in, moving to California or somewhere in the Pacific Northwest (a long time dream) or becoming an interim traveling Director in healthcare. I’m right in the midst of choosing, and all options are open to me. I’ve reinvented myself many times over the years, and now several friends have warned me about leaving a secure existence for the “unknown.” I’m very healthy and active but, as I said, 57 years old. That fact is not stopping my pursuit of change and reinvention one more time; maybe I’m just used to it and need it like an addict needs her fix. Fear is not the emotion I feel but anticipation. I like the idea of starting over where no one knows my history and just perceives me as the strong, single, independent woman I am today.
Thank you for reading and commenting, Sandy. It sounds like you are a survivor (to say the least), and your forward-thinking approach is commendable and enviable.
A few thoughts from my own experience, if I may…
Wherever you choose to move, make sure you have even a minimal support system to assist, whether that means to help move furniture and empty boxes or drive you to the doctor if your car breaks down. This last mention raises two other critical issues — medical care and transportation. While you may be in excellent condition at the moment, any of us can be subject to an accident or illness, and the need to find new healthcare options can be pretty complicated. The need to reach the physician(s) to see for diagnosis or treatment, ie transportation, may be something we easily overlook.
Also, if you’re changing states / regions, issues like state-specific insurance options can make life very complicated, at least for a little while. This includes health insurance and car insurance, among other things.
Last, consider the financial issues including cost of living very carefully. Re cost of living, not only such items as housing (and insurance), but food, gas, and “everyday” services we may come to rely upon — particularly as maturing women expected to keep up certain “appearances” as professionals. Clearly, your overall financial picture is a key element of the peace of mind you will have when “starting over,” especially re the extent to which you can minimize risk should a change in job not be what you want, and difficulty arise in finding employment after for a period of time.
Starting over can be very exciting, I agree! But preparation is multifaceted, and leads to maximizing the likelihood of a successful transition.
Keep us posted! (Or drop a line to startingover50plus @ gmail to join the private FB discussion group.)
This article has been very helpful to me. Thank you!
I’ll be 46 in a few months and am currently in the middle divorcing my husband of 22 years. It was an emotionally & sexually abusive relationship that has left me in a personal and professional limbo.
I have friends online but only one real-world friend who is VERY different from me. My parents are elderly and almost completely emotionally detached from me. The past few years I’ve noticed that I am almost always alone no matter how many people are around me. I’m an introverted extrovert who makes people laugh but whose interests tend to alienate people, logophile, Jane-of-All-Trades, cranial, geek, aberration of normal society. 😉 So I don’t have a very good support group but it’s nothing I’m unaccustomed to.
I’m considering pursuing a Master’s degree but am a bit anxious as the field I want to enter, journalism / editorial, seems to draw new hires from a younger pool of candidates or those who’ve had direct experience in the field. I have the skills required and the experience but not in a traditional sense.
I’ve been exploring the “best” jobs for people 50 and over for options and the vast majority are ridiculous [ private investigator? ] or completely unsuited to my talents and personality.
I think I have a a good plan and some backups per your recommendations but the RISK of investing in such a change is daunting. I know I’m at a deciding point and have taken most of the steps listed above… I guess I’m just posting to put my story out there.
Thanks.
I am so glad I found this blog by accident. I am sorry for everyone’s troubles but comforted that I am not alone. I was laid off from PetSmart’s corporate office in June of 2015 after they were bought by a private equity firm in London. I loved my job, my department was cohesive and I took my dogs to work with me. Not only was being laid off devastating, but my father had passed away two hours before HR called me, My sister and I had gladly taken care of our Dad for 7 years as his health declined and to lose him was also tragic. To make matters worse, my severance package neatly came in the mail with a comprehensive list of the positions that were eliminated and the ages of the people who were let go. That’s CYA since a lot of them were “old”. I am now almost 63, it’s been 16 mos. and I still don’t have a permanent job. Perhaps I am luckier than most in that I don’t have children who need me, nor am I married. What i am is depressed, isolated, and am living off the money my dad left me while I’m in between temp jobs. I have gotten interviews but never get past the first cut. I am suspicious it is my age. Very suspicious. And Arizona is not the most “enlightened” state in the U.S. They don’t court corporations so there are very few companies in Phoenix the size of PetSmart. I am paying out an enormous amount of money for insurance and prescriptions. I’m not much of a networker and I’m seriously at a loss at what to do. I’m not at all ready to stop working, nor can I afford to. I like to work and cannot understand what is going on.
Gail, Drop a line here to connect: startingover50plus at gmail. You are not alone.
Well, searching for any advice…I got married at 16, I have been a stay at home wife & mother the whole time. All’s I have is a GED. Both of my kids are now raised & out of college. My husband is self employed at age 56. We didn’t do all the right things, (no retirement etc). We do own our home with no loans, except for maybe $3000 in credit cards. We live in a rural area in Montana… 20 minutes from a small town where the main business consist of 2 gas stations, a couple restaurants, bars & a small grocery store… It is over an hour drive to a bigger town where there is more work options. I really want to do something with my life, someday my husband will rely on me to keep the bills paid. I have no idea where to start. I really have no friends (my choice) I’m an introvert that hates drama… I don’t know anyone the area… Help?
Hi Darcy
You sound exactly like me! I’m 56 and long ago we made a choice that I would stay home to raise the children. Then my husband’s work took him away from home for long periods, working overseas and I continued to hold the family security together by being at home (it was bad enough for the kids that they never saw their father and besides we didn’t need the small money I would make if I went out to work). But now it’s a different story as I feel I have no experience in anything and nothing to fall back on. I attempted a number of degrees over the years but kept changing my mind and now I feel it’s too late to bother. It’s a long hard slog and besides, I keep reading articles about degreed “young” people who can’t even find jobs – or at least not in the field they hoped to work in but just hospitality jobs. So that’s enough to put me off, considering that it would take me so long to get a degree I would hate to find no job at the end it…(and from all these stories, it seems that nobody hires people at this age with no experience!) I have moved a lot in my life (even countries a few times) and recently another move interstate. Like you, I don’t really have friends, hate drama too and have no problem with my own company and husband (when he is home).. and one adult daughter still lives at home. But more and more it is bothering me that I don’t know how I can contribute to the finances the older we get. My husband works hard and I love him for that, but due to age, it obviously can’t go on forever. I guess I have kind of given up trying to find something, choosing to live each day with gratitude that my husband has in income and just enjoy my life. I am very frugal and always have been so enjoy the simple things in life. Anyway, I know your post is old, but I was wondering if you’ve moved on at all and managed to find anything you can do?
I relocated to my home state at 52 and I looked for a job and after working many temp jobs the only place that would hire me was Walmart, but since I am not willing to be available 7 days a week from 7 am to 10 pm they will not consider me as a full time employee even if I work a 40 hour work week. I only make $ 10.20 an hour and cannot even afford an efficiency apartment. I have still been looking for over a year now for something else but can find nothing. After Christmas I know my hours will be cut and I will lose my health insurance and make less money. I look for jobs everyday and am so discourage. I decided maybe I should start my own company, possibly house cleaning, but everyone tells me I would be crazy to do it. I have also considered working a couple of part time jobs if I can just get an interview. I am really starting to think there is no way except starting your own business or working like a slave at a retail store. I have been living with my elderly parents but at some point they may sell their home and live in a senior home. Then what? Any ideas?
When I turned 30 and then later 40, there was certainly a lot of joking with friends, though really they were just another day in my life. Turning 50 this past summer was quite different. I was already feeling burnt out on my 25 year I.T. career. It’s not fulfilling anymore, but turning 50 and realizing that I need to grind out 17 more years before I can retire…I’m left wondering if anything will be left in the tank then … if I even make it that far. It feels like a catch-22 in that I feel like my career is slowly killing me, however I.T. is my only skill set that someone will pay me for. And my wife and I are no where near being able to afford retirement.
Then, there’s the part of me that feels guilty for the above, because I realize there’s millions of people who would love to be in my situation (good paying job, if not great, roof over head, three meals per day, etc.).
I do have a great, happy marriage, which at times I feel is the only reason I’m keeping it together. Both of us are stressed though because both of our mom’s are in failing health (my mother-in-law has lived 9 months longer than the hospice nurse estimated). It has also been weighing on us somewhat that we were never blessed with kids (and adoption wasn’t an option…long story). We are happy, of course, for our many friends and relatives who have kids, but the lack of them does make us feel like outsiders much of the time and our get togethers have become less frequent.
It does feel like a change is in order, I’ve just never been a big risk taker. /shrug Then again maybe I’m just in a whiny mood today lol.
Just consider if you get rid of your IT job you may not get hired in another since the industry prefers to hire young. Alternatively you would have to contract and start your own business. It could work that way.
When i was 38, i was terrified about what the 40’s will bring to me. So, i conclude my graduation, had pos and mba. I had success in these steps, a good job in a good corporation. When i was 45, i took another step. I went to study abroad on my vacation. The life was almost perfect – good job, i had good investments, i and my wife were buying a new house, she was having some health problems…
Suddenly everything was lost – i lost my job, my fund invest was bankrupt and left all my saved money, we had to sell our new house to pay the debts… we divorced, and in the last four years i had 6 different bad jobs. My incomes are 1/5 of before.
I moved to my mom’s home. In this exact moment i am unemployed and asking “what steps can i do now?”.
I am not confident in myself. Everything about the future scares me. To be worst, i am brazilian and my country is living the awful crisis. Neither simple jobs like waiter, telemarketing operator … i am finding.
Sometimes i think “why i don’t try to begin in another country?”, “why i don’t start from zero?” – But i know – no country employs people 50 +.
That is what i am reading in many comments here. People that gave their blood in their jobs, people that studied, people that save money… people like me. People that are living in good countries… and thinking about suicide! Cruel! Good professionals that are forgetting their own value. Good professionals that are losing for the system.
What can we do?
I don’t know… i am working to discover the answer. But i figured out that the market doesn’t want us.
I’m 48 in 3 months! I’ve been a stay at home mom for 16 years. I do not have a college degree, but need to go back to work. For the past 6 years I’ve been living a nightmare! I and my family, (i have two teenage high school girls) have been the victim of a smear campaign! Everything we do, and i mean most everything, we’re given a hard time, treated poorly at dentist and doctors offices, restaurants we eat at, items we order, people we call for service at our home, the school system etc. My girls dont get information needed in school like other students do, we get treated like we dont belong to live here or live on this earth. Our church pushed my kids and us out by doing pyschological things to us and not responding to our questions and concerns, making us feel like we dont exist and dont belong to live here on earth. There are many more things to say, but too long to go on! Need help! Cant find a job, nor can my older child. Cant find a counselor because everyone knows each other!
Thank you for this article, it was quite helpful. At 52, I too was disheartened at the part about the jobs we can look forward to at 50+ – care givers and such. I did not finish college because long ago my career was going at a pace that wasn’t being impacted by the lack of one… till now wanting to reenter the workforce. I was lucky in my 20 year career to have proven myself as a court administrator for a small municipal court and even a ministerial recorder (municipal judge with limited powers) in SC by passing a state exam. I am proud of my accomplishments as I always felt I had to prove myself against those with college degrees. Unfortunately, I have been unemployed for nearly 3 years now due to my husbands employment in a rural NC location.
Trying vehemently to fight depression. I refuse to give in to it. But I do feel lost. We live in a remote, middle of nowhere, area and finding a job will be low pay and not worth the travel or hassle of today’s workforce and my lack of degree. I hope this didn’t sound like a poor attitude but I have no desire to take on a low paying/ stressful job as I don’t need to. I have ample skills to offer a decent job if one would have me but since that seems unlikely in the meantime I would like to finish earning my degree. But like your article mentions at my age it isn’t financially feasible as I’ll need about 3 years as some credits won’t likely work out now. My earning potential and the loan payback would never make sense at this point unfortunately. I feel that anyone over the age of 50 should be able to attend college for free in this country.
My husband has a great job 5 minutes from home. He likes his job and the people he works with. He also has an opportunity to apply for a job at the headquarters in Philadelphia. I don’t think he realizes how sad I am here. Perhaps its because he may feel that even if we relocate my opportunity to work there is slim as well because there are two universities graduating students all the time and he may not like his new position and our change would have been for nothing. Clearly he is not a risk taker. And I do understand, age is a huge factor for him too when considering a change. The reason we ended up here was he lost his job in MI due to the economic downturn in 2008 and he was devastated and it was costly. It was 5 years of temp positions before he landed this permanent position. Age was definitely a factor ( he’s 5 years older than me). I wish something would be done about age discrimination.
Meanwhile, I have tried to make things work here. Usually I am a determined, resourceful, driven person. I have lost 75 pounds by line dancing, I tried some volunteering. The people I have met at dance here in the Bible Belt are very nice but…we are Agnostic and they don’t know how to accept me. I am definitely a foreigner to them. And they are also on average 15 years older than me. I have 2 married children in 2 different states and no grand children. We live a pretty quiet, boring life. I’d like to rejuvenate my career, or at least “A” decent job. I’ve tried contacting the unemployment office for suggestions but his outlook was just as dismal without the degree. Shame.
Sadly, we had our dog put to sleep last month, he was 11 and had cancer. I told my husband maybe if we move to Philly and live in the city I’ll try opening a dog walking business for working people…that would be a win, win, win, for them, the dog, and for me as I’ve got to keep this weight off!..Trying to think positive and outside the box. Suggestions?
Thank you for reading my rant… :O)
Depression is one of the toughest parts of unemployment, Lisa, as I know from my own experience. And I believe this is true regardless of gender. Women of our generation, many of us, are as tied our identities as providers as are men, not to mention the necessity of being a provider. Personally, I think your husband is wise to hang on to his job – particularly if it “feels” secure – in our social and economic climate of ageist employment. However, if the Philadelphia opportunity is with the same organization, is there a downside to his throwing his hat into the ring? (Philadelphia is a great town, I certainly agree.)
As for feeling like you don’t quite fit culturally, I get it. (I’ve just spent two decades in the South and very recently relocated elsewhere, partly a matter of that cultural fit not feeling right once I was (finally!) at Empty Nest.) And your challenge it seems is also that age difference relative to others you are meeting. Where are your adult children located? Would the Philly move bring you closer? And suppose that relocation still didn’t net you a job of any sort?
Another factor — cost of living. Don’t underestimate the breadth of expense differences as you consider other areas of the country. And, keep in mind that as we age, it is inevitable that most of us need more medical care, more transportation options (not fewer), and so on.
What can I advise?
No easy answers. Just keep asking the questions — including discussing with your husband and children. And please do continue the conversaton here if you would like (or here — startingover50plus @ gmail.com).
Thanks for the informative response. Well after great and lengthy deliberations my husband cast his hat into the ring for the opening in Philly. It would be a promotion, pay increase & moving expenses paid…so why not? Hopefully we will hear something soon. If this one doesn’t come through, we would hope something will eventually and that does excite us. Maybe me a little more than he but I think he will be happier in the long run.
I looked into scholarships for women over 50 and they are all very specialized or (mostly) income based. Didn’t see one I think I would qualify for. I mean, we do pretty well on one income, but with what tuition is today, nope, not going to happen. I just don’t know what planet some people live on who make up income guidelines.
One child lives in south Fl and the other in MI. I will still need to travel to visit them often but that has become a way of life. We have 3 elderly parents between us in MI too. Definitely feeling the sandwich generation…
My best friend in FL worked for the same company for 28 years was let go last month. They were downsizing offices and kept the 30 something, college degreed male they brought on board at a different location 7 months prior. She is 55 years old and devastated. She didn’t plan to retire until she was 59. She called me today and mentioned feeling the dreaded four letter word already “lost”. My husband and I are 5 years apart and I think of this scenario when I think of this friend- who is 60 and discovered she needs to return to work after 4 years unemployed (by choice) as her husband is 65 and wants to retire now with Medicare eligibility but she needs the medical coverage so she needs to find a job with health care coverage. Could be a problem. They said they tried to get Obamacare but did not qualify for enough subsidy to offset the absurd monthly premiums. They never realized it would be like this they said. They figured Obamacare was the answer. Unfortunately, much to his dismay, he may need to keep working 5 more years just to cover her health care. I’m sure plenty of people between 50 & 65 are working full time solely for the health care coverage to get them to Medicare age. That’s too bad as an alternative could free up jobs and lower company health care costs if there were options for gently older people so they could leave their jobs and get reasonable health care. Another friend has been a high level executive assistant for 30 years and has tried to find a new job but at 60 her (few) interviews go no where. If 60 is the new 40 and 50 the new 30 then why won’t they hire us?
I recently read an article on VOX.com about a 47 year young man and his struggles to find work. We do so much in this country to protect the discrimination’s of many, but nothing about age. With or without a degree if you are over 40, the competition is real.
Lisa,
60’s is not the new 40’s and 50’s is not the new 30’s ….. all that is a false Hollywood bubble that the rich and famous live in cause they have the money to pay for many things and treatments that keep them looking and feeling young.
And I am not talking just plastic surgery.
They lie making it sound as if you eat healthy and exercise, that is all you need.
Lies, lies, lies.
Not to talk about who can even really afford to eat healthy with a minimum wage job?
Even $10-$12 an hour isn’t enough to live off, unless maybe one is living with no car, no phone, no health insurance. As if these things are some big luxuries. One might as well be living in a 3rd world country.
An ex con can get help with job placement or free federal training for a job skill but an aging person gets discriminated due to their age and unless they know someone, that knows someone who will give them a job, most likely that person will remain jobless or forced to take a job that still doesn’t allow decent living conditions.
Gosh I couldn’t imagine being Agnostic living in the Bible Belt! Yikes.
Hope Philly pans out. Much better place to live, even though it probably will be more expensive.
Sunny, I will likely be accused of having a “poor attitude” for saying this, but… I agree with everything you said above. We should be ashamed in this country.
My husband did apply for the Philly job job but oddly, even though qualified, and an internal candidate of excellent standing he barely had a 30 minute phone interview. We think the hiring manager had someone already in mind. He is going to try and get some feed back. Hopefully another position with the company will open up soon. Meanwhile he is going to contact a recruiter soon. Don’t really want to go that route but who knows when another position will open and we don’t want to wait all summer. We have decided we want to move, time for a change, fingers crossed. He also wants to take some graduate classes in Data Analytics.
I believe there is something in Philly for me too, it is a much larger city than where we live now. I have no desire to go back to what I was doing before so I’ll likely have to start with volunteering or entry level, but with something fun and different. But I’m keeping an open mind and positive attitude that there is something out there for me.
We will sell our current house, our tenants leave our rental house May 1, we will sell that too. We will have zero debt.
The quest is on! 50’s aren’t holding us back!
After a very long term marriage of 36 years ended with my husband walking out suddenly, I was not only hurt but felt the floor beneath me give way. I knew my life was now going to change and had no idea just how much. I didn’t work during the marriage, raising 2 sons basically by myself due to my husband’s military and corporate careers away from home. Both our children had emotional and educational difficulties and one is mentally disabled and on SSI now and lives with me.
I never knew just how difficult life could be while married because I always had the safety and security of my now ex’s career- pension through the military and more. But now, 3 years after he left, I am still struggling to stand up again. Both my sons and I moved away from a place in the north western part of the country that was gloomy, rainy and lonely for us in WA state to a sunny place in California to begin our new lives again.
Recently last year, my left eye retina detached- not only once- but twice- leaving me legally blind now in that eye. Trying to cope and figure out what I plan to do next is cause for concern for me, but know I am a strong woman and things will eventually fall into place for me and my youngest son.
Is there anything we can do to help?
Well finally, i too have health issues. Not that they are by any means a good thing but ive not heard one other person say they had health issues. I feel like i can really relate to your struggles. I too have a son with special needs, hes almost 21 and we are trying to get him SSI benefits. He lives with me on my tiny diability check and my alimony. Im so sorry about your eye. That must hurt and probably drive u crazy not being able to use it. I recently had my muscles corrected on both eyes again. They still arent working too good but i can drive now and not feel like im going two diff ways. My ex left us after a bad couple of months maybe longer of depression and self medicating with alcohol. He dedided he didnt want to be married or a father and walked out the door. Told me next day he was selling the house we needed to decide where we were going. i came home to Ks with our 2 children. That was 2006, its been a journey downward mostly for the past 10 yrs. Id love to talk to u as im ready to start moving bk up to good again.
need some guidance. scared and alone.No job or career. Nothing but depression.
Hi Maria, I feel you. I need guidance too, I’m not sure where to turn to. I don’t have a job but I do search every single day for hours. I have a BA in education which I never used. Have a partner but feels like a brother…I don’t love him and he doesn’t love me either. But I have to stay in his house because I have nowhere to go and don’t want to shack up in no ones sofa with my 18yrs old daughter. I also feel depressed, but sometimes a hot tea and a good book helps me. Try a little mint tea in the morning and go for walks… it’s easier said than done, right? If you must pray, pray. Sometimes when I pray I fall deep in darkness and fall asleep and wake up feeling better. Everyday when I wake up I thank God for giving me the gift of the day and a opportunity to make it right. It’s not easy ok, but as women we have to help each other. I wish I can find a group around where I live for we can get together and talk about our concerns and worries, but yet I haven’t found non. Keep searching inside you what is it that you have to do to keep going, it’s a continues battle but together we can beat it, we can do it. It’s Women’s Empowering each other the way to go.
I am overcome with sadness hearing the considerable circumstances that are expressed here. I see myself in many of these life storms. I am considering my own Plan B, C, etc. being over 50.
I like the list of questions in this article (things to consider when making your plans).
I would like to hear success stories, and I fully realize that as bad as I may have it, that others are hurting deeply. I am looking for those that have made it through planning their way through the difficulties and made it to the other side (a fulfilling transformed life (at least as it relates to profession)).
Please, please share!
It’s much appreciated.
Thank you for this comment, Donata. I too would love to hear success stories! And of course, “success” is a matter of both opinion and (I believe) quantifiable measures. I appreciate that you specified professional success, in other words coming out the other side at least in terms of work.
I do think there are several factors at play here, in terms of the deep and broad discussion that is taking place. What I think many have found in the comments is a sort of commiseration. Perhaps that is not the right term, because it is more like finding a way to finally express what is going on without reservation, without fear of judgment, or so I would hope. And seeing all these stories of struggle, and the way that readers reach out to each other to provide suggestions as well as consolation, at the very least, perhaps this feels like a place where people can share openly.
Another factor: Those who arrive at this and related articles do so because they are searching for what to do when you are starting over after 50. The very nature of the question suggests that they are at the beginning of the process. They do not necessarily return when they are in the midst of it or much farther along in their journeys.
I have been writing on this subject now for a number of years — sometimes more directly than at other times. Using myself as an example, eight years ago I would have told you that I was a success story following my own process of starting over. I was in a serious relationship a number of years after a difficult divorce. I had restructured my professional life, and although it was difficult and I wasn’t making anywhere close to the kind of living I had previously, I was doing something I loved, and I was paying my bills. Six years ago I went through a period of underemployment and unemployment and had to refocus my work life yet again, which I successfully did, though it took considerable time to achieve. Change takes time. Transitions don’t necessarily have clear starts and stops.
Throughout all of this, I was constantly teaching myself new skills and then putting them into practice, whether being paid or not.
Of course, because of the underemployment and unemployment, and the expense load of being a single parent, debt stacked up. And when debt accumulates through rough patches in one’s working life, financial recovery becomes an increasingly elusive goal. The financial challenges become a high hurdle when we are 50+, as realistically, we have less time to recoup, more “baggage,” and possibly a narrowing set of options. We also have less that is being contributed to any sort of retirement or Social Security account.
I would say that I was a success story once again some 36 months ago, and 24 months ago, and 18 months ago. Client work was flowing in (I was, nevertheless, exhausted from working around the clock taking every gig I could get — ia that success?). My sons were doing well. I was in a wonderful, stable relationship. And all felt — if not perfect with the world — manageable.
But life throws things at us whatever our age. Medical events. Breakups. Family issues. Clients who decide to go with other resources that might be cheaper. Younger. Located elsewhere.
I don’t especially feel like a success story at the moment (2016 was filled with challenges on every front), but this is what life is about. Ups and downs. An economy and labor market that little resembles the workplace of our parents. But I have embarked on a pretty significant period of starting over once again, including a relocation I had been planning for a number of years.
Ask me in six months or nine months if I have a success story to relate. I hope I will be able to answer in the affirmative.
Recently, I heard from an old friend who is embarking on a new venture in a very different field from that in which she has worked. I am inspired by her courage, and I think her skills and talent and resolve will make it “successful”. And I look forward to hearing from others she might know who are doing the same.
No doubt I am due the task of clearly asking for success stories, something I’ve poked around with a bit for a while.
Thanks Ms. Wolf for your response. I am challenged to call myself a success story, but from certain angles I am. For a point of reference, I lost my mother (to heart ailments) at age 4, began attending the public school system on my own (father and siblings were too busy). I was always considered an unlikely (or unwanted (as my father termed it)) person in any endeavor, but I found satisfaction in playing music and wiring up computers (new field at that time).
I did make it to community college and worked full-time at a factory (while caring for my stepmother and family). It was rare that I got over 4 hours of sleep. That kind of pace takes a toll. I ultimately succumbed to mono (which sets the stage for my later in life resurgence of EBV). I was always very active (taught aerobics). I went on to a 4 year degree in computer science (taking a 2 year hiatus to save money).
I now work in the aerospace industry (over 30 years), so on the surface it appears as a success story, but my health which impacts my quality of focus, my ability to do regular activity as fibromyalgia has taken hold. Although recently I was told that my numbers are in the normal range, I do not have Lymes, however, I am tired as heck, have trouble concentrating, sleeping and am in pain (similar symptoms). I have had to reduce my hours, which means less pay, while healthcare has skyrocketed to 11 x its original cost since 2009.
So as I contemplate the need I have (earn more with less) so as to alleviate the debt that has been incurred as a result of treatments, I am grateful to be standing, but have concerns about maintaining the pace given my conditions/age. I don’t have a strong relationship circle and it seems as if a lot of my mentors/friends are retiring and moving on with their lives. That is why I am here. To gain ideas for getting through to the other side of a job transition (contract “renewal” is always worrisome for those of my age). I just don’t know what I want to be when I grow up other than having enough to enable me healthcare and quality of life.
I am grateful to have found a place to share the changes happening in my life at 58 years old. I’ve always considered myself young for my age, very active, optimistic … I was a single parent to two young girls beginning at ages four and six. When they were young teenagers, I opened up a hair salon, a career I have enjoyed most of my adult life .. although it was a success for much of nine years I had to end that partnership due to a difficult relationship. Moved to another state for a relationship shortly thereafter and continued working for others in the field I so loved and believe was very talented in !!!
Nine years later I’m 58 years old, daughters are doing well, just had first grandson, but this past year has been a challenge. Was working like crazy to help my oldest with her wedding two years ago, made it through a bridal shower and baby shower … in the midst of all of this my youngest who is 33 also got divorced after 13 years with the same man. Six months ago I was leaving work and took a bad fall, had a double fracture in my left elbow, much pain and fingers, wrist and shoulder as well, needless to say out of work. Other than some short term disability that I paid into for three years which now is gone, I have absolutely no income. Luckily I do have a roof over my head but I will owe them money for that down the road. Due to the industry I’ve been in, there is no disability or Workmen’s Comp. unemployment benefits.
I live about two hours away from my daughters and my grandson and friends I’ve known most of my adult life, have been desperately trying to figure out a way to move back home. I know I have a friend I can stay with but work is the problem. Where do I go now? I’ve been doing some work on the side to make a little extra income just to live on day-to-day and help pay a couple of bills, but with pain in numerous areas of my shoulder right down to my fingers I finally had to realize I will never be able to work an eight hour day in my industry again.
I have some ideas of employment, problem is I’m not really trained in anything nor do I have a college degree. I don’t foresee myself making anywhere near enough money to be able to live on my own at some point. Truth is I don’t know how to work the system that I paid into my whole life. Apparently people who didn’t pay into it know it all too well. There should be something out there for those of us who have given back, there should be a way to have some sort of income while we figure out what we can do again in our new life.
So happy to have a place to share and hopefully someone will have some good feedback and maybe some suggestions. I have worked in the people industry for 40 years, I am told I am a natural with people, love the feel good stuff. I believe in sharing all of that. Thank you again look forward to future reading … have an amazing day …
I am 54, male and pretty much up the creek without a paddle. Two years ago almost to the day, my wife of three years gave birth to a beautiful little baby girl. My first child. Completely unplanned. I have a small structural carpentry business which I bought from my then employer several years ago and it produced enough to keep me going in my bachelor lifestyle. But wholly inadequate to support a family. The economy is in tatters and our socio-political situation is very frightening and uncertain. We have really struggled the past two years. Short of money every month and working like maniacs to just get by. I was a functional alcoholic for thirty-three years so I made a real mess of my life. No tertiary education, no savings, no home of my own and now with a child to feed, clothe and educate. I am in fairly good health and I realise that I cannot change the past, nor can I blame anyone for my situation. I have to take stock and make the very best of my life and my business. It is better for my child to see the example of love, passion and resilience, than to watch me worry and fret my way through my last years. I try to remember that I am young at heart, hard-working, and loving to my family. I also have deep passions for a number of interests. Why should my age or my financial situation make me feel depressed and hopeless? How will it help me or my family if I constantly dive down into a pit of fear and despair? I try to leave the stuff that I cannot change in the hands of the universe. And I try to focus on living a life that is filled with stuff that I love, whether I have money or not. Stay fit, stay healthy, serve others and never ever give up. I know that many of those who have posted here do not have their health, and that I am very fortunate to still have mine. But for those that are able, and can, keep doing the right thing. Forget the pain of yesterday, it cannot be changed. Tomorrow isn’t here, so deal with it tomorrow, not today. Today just deal with today. As best you can. Make plans for the future for sure but always remember that the way we live today will determine our path tomorrow, and no amount of worry or anxiety for the future will solve any of our problems. All it does is to rob us of the opportunity to be happy today. At the end of it all, the only thing that matters is how much we have loved.
Thank you for the honesty and the M inspiration, you have strength perseverance and most of all a partner in life that you love. Between the two of you You will manage. It is an easy that’s for sure, thank you.
Laura:
I have a friend (over 50) who was laid off. In the past it was a long stint of non-employment. She is the main provider for 8 people and has always been the motivator of her family. This time she has taken the opportunity to join forces with her 26 year old daughter (who has a 18 month old) to go into an endeavor with her daughter. They are spending more time together and they complement each other in their strengths. Is this something (or something like it) that you might consider with your grown children?
For her, timing was key (both of them needed to earn money).
I can always see more possibilities for other people than myself.
Thank you Donata, very inspiring and a great idea. My oldest is 35 and actually is in the same industry but many different aspects of the industry. To be honest I’ve mentioned to her before about doing something together. I think we would have to iron a few things out but I believe both of us are talented and driven and would be very successful. I don’t know, I’ve mentioned it, she doesn’t seem to take a bite and she just had a baby about 4 1/2 months ago who I adore and it’s a bright spot, it’s also been great because she and I have spent more time together and it has strengthened our relationship. Who knows maybe down the road. It’s been a very crazy year with changes for all of us. I wish my girls were there for me as much as I’ve always been there for them as I am alone, but maybe as their life settle in a little bit more they will have the wherewithal to put a little more out there for me. Trust me, I have been there for everyone and continue to be just would be nice to have a little more coming back in my direction at a time when I could really use it.
Any suggestions are greatly appreciated. Laura
Thank you for this article. I hope that everyone who reads it as well as the advice in the comments can find some hope and comfort in reading it. It saddens me to know about some of the things that others have had to suffer through. Getting older and life in general, is not at all how I envisioned it as a child. I noticed that concern over “losing one’s looks” was mentioned. I hope that women over 50 realize how truly beautiful they are. I draw daily sketches, was looking for my daily face to draw with a google image search and stumbled upon the model that heads the top of this article with the glasses. Wow! What amazing beauty. I clicked on the page and saw what the actual article was about. I’m not quite 50 yet but if I get to be married I look forward to my wife becoming 50, ageing to me doesn’t make a woman look less attractive. Beauty comes in stages, too bad some people refuse to just recognize it and see it. There are things that are beautiful about women in their 50s that a person in their 20s just doesn’t have, and I wish everything on TV wasn’t so youth obsessed. I will continue to enjoy the beauty and wisdom of the women over 50 that I get the lucky chance to be around!
You made my day with this comment, Bryan. Thank you!
That makes me happy to hear 🙂 You are welcome!
Hey Bryan, that was very sweet and I’m sure all of us women over 50 are happy to hear that it’s not just the women in their 20s and 30s that are admired. My life is been so crazy I haven’t even put myself out there and I used to really enjoy being in a relationship. People show interest, I’m just not in the right place just yet, I forget that world exists. Thank you for reminding me :-)). Laura
I just want to add I would love to spend time chatting with everyone but sometimes the best thing to do instead of worrying is to just move forward, that’s what I need to do tonight with my list in front of me, chip away. But before I go I wanted to mention years ago I used to go to meetings and one of their slogans was take what you like and leave the rest. I really like that they might be someone else that can use what I can’t use at that time I used to judge, but I’ve learned that sometimes when I’m impatient and judge others, one day I end up in their space or similar situation so I am grateful to have found this little plate of crazy. I came here hopefully to find some good feedback or suggestions but believe me I am someone who loves to share my experiences and hopefully help someone in their journey. I also believe one of the reasons we are in the place we’re in – politically – is everybody wants to get something out of something without giving something back. It doesn’t work that way. Success doesn’t come from just taking. Any way, thank you for all of you who share here, pretty cool.
“I hope that women over 50 realize how truly beautiful they are. ”
They do, Brian. Unfortunately very few others do – and, whether we want it or not, it’s “the others”, their acceptance, who largely determine our life.
It’s not how it “should” be, but that’s how it IS. Admiration for *youthful* beauty – its promise (more than mere aesthetics) – is hard-wired into humans.
SO sorry for misspelling your name, Bryan. Forgive me.
Long story… I just started some schooling for a different career at age 34, but I got divorced, had custody of my 2 kids and went through rough times with a layoff a month after the divorce. Had to sell the home because of the layoff and my dad died a year later. All that within 2 years… My x made my life hell. My kids wanted to be with mom and she had her life better on track now so I didn’t stop them…. Well my life is my fault I guess. I am now 50 and kept the same job for 15 years so I could pay child support. I could not afford schooling and support both. I have remarried now and it is a bit better. My career is not what I wanted…. Schooling at age 50 I don’t know.
These comments are exactly what I’m going through, hoping things get better. I’m going to take my Zoloft pill and go for a walk.
Somehow, it both amazes me and scares the crap out of me to read these posts. I just thought it was me! I have been an elementary school teacher for 30 years. When my marriage fell apart I made the decision to move closer to my sister for moral support. I never thought finding a job would be a problem. I was told flat out by a school employee that they could hire two first year teachers for my salary. So three years later, I have resorted to plan B, C and D. I sub on days when my schedule allows. This does not pay well, but does pay enough to afford me some savings. I do 24 hour care for a 90 year old woman on the weekends and overnight private care for a mentally challenged lady. All three jobs still do not pay what I would be making using my teaching degree.
Bright side is, I have insurance through a caregiver provider company, and I am able to pay living expenses.
No more dreams of retirement, or vacations in exotic places…
This whole post makes me realize, we are from all over the country. There needs to be much more awareness on this subject. Too much potential talent and knowledge cast aside.
I pray for all who have posted. I accept prayers in return. 🙂
Ditto. That’s all I can say. After turning 50 last month, being unemployed for 9 years with arthritic knees, having a husband who is very sick and a 23-year-old son with developmental challenges, I feel the pain of everyone on here. It’s tough to “Keep your chin up” when ageism, difficulties in reinventing and picking yourself up constantly weigh you down because you keep getting slapped down by continual disappointment. Lately, I myself have been having suicidal thoughts, something I never would have believed could happen to me, but it has. I really don’t think I’ll “buy it”, but I understand the stress-driven intensity of these emotions and the thoughts that come with them.
I give you all hugs and encouragement. That’s all I have to give, and I hope it will at least give you a few seconds of peace, knowing that someone out here really does relate and hopes we can all find the strength to stay above ground and keep going.
D.A., I wonder why neither you nor any other who’s commented your otherwise excellent article has used the word “politics”. Shouldn’t we, with all our experience as well as bitter knowledge of the world, finally try to fulfill our dreams of youth and start improving our societies? In particular, by getting involved in (not exclusively) local politics and political activism? Is it really so that all social problems have already been solved? Or that there are no people in the world suffering of hunger and/or persecution?
I think the answer is only one: let’s do it, in spite of all!
I bow 108 times for all those who posted here.
Maciej
I agree! (I think if you poke around some of the other posts, especially those since the election, you will see how frequently the issue of political engagement arises.)
So glad you stopped by to read and comment!
Maciej, I wish I had read your comment before posting my own (first one), but I didn’t.
I agree, totally, and think that “positive discrimination” legislation (in the workplace) should be introduced for people over fifty or fifty-five. Like I said in that other comment: Other groups have benefitted from it – why not us? Especially in an economic climate where people are being told they’ll have to work much longer. If so, let the “system” do something to help them GET work.
I was a kite, flying in a bright blue sky. I enjoyed the sunshine and dancing among the clouds. My tail was beautiful. It held the passions in my life: my children, my animals, my work, my home. There was a man who held a string which connected us. Over the years he let out more and more string. I was still dancing but sometimes in the rain and thunder. I was becoming tattered. One day I looked down and found he had tied the string to a rock. He sat in his shelter and forgot about me. I tried to get his attention, but to no avail. I knew I couldn’t remain there; lonely and becoming tattered, I had to find a way to be free. I tried to cut the string, but my tail would get in the way. My only option was to cut my tail! I cut off the first section and lost my home. With that gone, my work was also, and my animals needed new homes as well. I was able to cut the string. When my children realized what I had done, they cut themselves from me.
Now I was free. Free? I was flailing. I had been bright and beautiful. People would watch me flitter in the sunshine. Where were they now? Watching the other, more beautiful kites.
I’m still flailing. I have learned to soar with the updrafts and glide with downdrafts, but I’m becoming more and more tattered. I’m not finding a safe place to land. Being tied to that rock was killing me inside, but the world loved to dance with me, so I danced! Now everyone is gone. Going back is not an option. Overhead the sky has turned dark and stormy.
I’ll weather the storms because that is who I am. I will become tattered and torn but I refuse to become bitter. I hope to dance again and maybe, just maybe, I’ll be able to show others the way to find the blue skies and sunshine!
This is beautiful, and sad, and too familiar a tune yet your spirit does shine through, and that is very special.
What can we do to help?
A beautiful written heartfelt description of letting go moving on your journey into the unknown of possibilities.
Yes
It has been a challenge starting a new career over 50. I went back to school and got my MBA in 2015. Family members and some relatives laughed at me and told me it was foolish. My husband included has been unsupportive. I have been working to get into the investment business where I had all of my credentials 30 years ago. I have passed the federal exam but failed the state exam. This caused me to lose my position.Unbelievably I missed the exam by one point. However at a major company they will not keep you. I am out again and trying to regroup. My friends are great support and I am hoping for another chance with a great company.
I held high hopes for this article until I realized it was a nothing-burger.
Good explanation of what we know, but little in the way of practical advice. Change the title as it is misleading. As other poster have noted, we are asking specific quetions about what to do, and do not want to read an essay as to what it is to grow old. We know that story already.
I’m sorry you feel that way. I believe the ability to talk about the difficulties is helpful. The comments have many specifics that people have tried, what is or isn’t working for them, and descriptions of what they are encountering.
By way of helping others, what specifics would you offer – to pursue or not?
Let us be each other’s support systems.
Hello everyone. I stumbled upon this post and wanted to share a few ideas. I was a single mom most of my son’s life and he is now grown and I’m ready to make some changes. I work in a very specialized industry and there are few jobs available, so I’ve been learning new skills to try to move into another field. I wanted to mention the tech field for those who want a change and don’t have a degree (or even do for that matter!). There are many programs/bootcamps available to learn coding and other valuable tech skills that can propel you into an industry with higher paying jobs. And they are reasonably priced (compared to an undergrad or graduate degree!) and some are free. Here are a few:
https://www.codecademy.com/
https://teamtreehouse.com/
I also think the idea of shared living spaces where women (and men!) can share expenses and support each other is a fabulous idea. This appears to be an idea that is taking off.
http://roommates4boomers.com/
I would encourage everyone, regardless of your age and situation, to NOT give up on yourself. Society does want to push us out into pasture as we get older, but we must refuse to let it happen. You can change and improve your quality of life. Get support if you need it. Learn new skills. Consider new ideas and ways of living. Read books. Help others when you can. There’s always someone in a more challenging position and that can provide much needed perspective.
Did I mention don’t give up? 🙂
Thanks for listening!
I came across this probably like a lot of other people while trying to get information about being jobless and homeless or about to be in my mid 50’s and while some of the ideas and such are reassuring, some of us don’t have the access to things we need to help achieve goals in order to sustain a balanced well being to keep us from deep depression. I’m 55 and recently lost my job have run out of savings and now my family tells me i have to leave, i have no friends or anyone to turn to for help, and worse is it is now beginning of winter and i will be on the streets with no possible way out it seems, shelters are out of the question, i have stayed in a few before and it is not worth the trouble or hassle for the things that happen in them. i have to leave tonight my so called family says and its going down into the 40’s, Ive never been in a situation like this before, yes i stayed in a shelter a few times but only while traveling from 1 spot to another but not from being without a place to stay or help from someone, i have no clue what to do or where to go, im at the end of my rope and see no way out, thanks for reading or listening Ive probably gone on to much, thank you for your time.
Donald,
if you are reading – how are you doing now?
I can’t help, I wish I could, but – for what’s it’s worth – I do care about you.
I think this is a great article and the comments are amazing. I’m in the same boat, almost 60, divorced after 27 years, no children but no money either. I have reinvented myself too many times to remember. I ended up on disability and nearly dead from the stress of dealing with aggressive coworkers, mean supervisors, low wages layoffs etc. It doesn’t matter how good a job you do, you can always be replaced. Always. I ended up moving overseas, I am sharing a house in a small village in Germany with two other women. I have no car, I don’t have much of anything anymore. I could never get anyone interested in sharing expenses in a large house in the U.S. I was even laughed at by people who complained all day long about rent expenses etc. I had to go overseas to find this living situation. I will never have enough money to live in the U.S. again and I will never go back. It is far from perfect here to but at least I can live.
My suggestions for employment possibilities:
Teaching English online, for example at https://www.dadaabc.com/teacher/job
(It’s a company I saw online, I have no personal experience of it, as always you have to check it out for yourself.) Usually, you don’t need prior experience as the company will probably train you. But if you have experience in a particular field, you could teach English for lawyers, doctors, business etc, or English for people aspiring to study at academic institutions.
There is also the possibility of editing journal articles and Phd theses. Every day (!!!!) 7,000 new journal articles are published all over the world, most of them in English. There has to be a market for that.
Or for the more mobile, teaching English in a foreign country. I know someone who picked up at 60 to go and teach English in China.
Another angle is to learn a foreign language. Please keep on reading before your eyes glaze over (I’m no good at languages, too old, no money, no time etc, etc, etc). Language learning has changed dramatically since you were at school.
The U.S government has a list of “critical languages” for the security of the U.S., which very few Americans speak, and for which they desperately need bilingual Americans.
For the adventurous, I would suggest choosing a language to learn and teaching English in a country where the language is spoken. Once you have acquired a critical language you will always find employment, regardless of age or looks.
Here is an indication of languages to consider:
https://www.nsep.gov/content/critical-languages
https://owlcation.com/humanities/Best-Languages-to-Learn-According-to-the-US-Government
I would suggest learning a language with few native speakers in the U.S, and if possible with opportunities in business as well as in government. The choice of language is something that you have to research well. Also bear in mind that not all “exotic” languages are equally difficult. For example, I understand that Persian and Indonesian are considered to be easier than Arabic. Portuguese could also be a good option. Best to avoid Spanish and maybe even Chinese given it’s complexity and the abundance of bilingual native speakers.
These days it is possible to learn a lot from free stuff on the internet, FSI courses and duolingo for starters. If you do choose to go abroad you have to take into account the implications of being a single foreign woman in a very different culture. So make sure that you choose a country that you would feel comfortable and safe living in.
Learning a language is hard, but if you persevere, you will succeed. Just never give up! Google Luca Lampariello or Benny the Irish Polyglot for ideas on language learning in general. They are part of a community of internet polyglots who are keen to encourage others.
There are other articles and sites like https://www.gooverseas.com/blog/am-i-too-old-to-teach-english-abroad and https://www.internationalteflacademy.com/faq/bid/104599/Are-there-age-limits-or-restrictions-to-teach-English-abroad – CHECK and VET first, always.
I read through these comments, many of them heartbreaking and I just want to say whoever you are, wherever you please do not give up on yourself. Blessings to all.
There are some interesting suggestions here, certainly worth considering. Thank you for sharing with those who read and comment!
You’re welcome! I only hope it might be of help.
Another aspect would be to become a translator, for which “only” a passive knowledge of the written language is necessary, as professional translators translate only into their native language. Of course one needs an excellent passive knowledge, and it is really best to have a specialist area. And you have to have excellent English writing skills, and generally get the idea that you are conveying meaning, not translating literally.
Again, if this is of interest to anyone, they would have to research the topic carefully before choosing a language and specialist area.
If anyone is at all interested in exploring this possibility I will try to give some more tips. (I worked as a freelance translator, with a niche area but no translation qualification, for many years.)
Some links that may be of interest. this on becoming a translator and this on translator salaries.
I am a forty-seven-year-old healthy and energetic man, having 3 school going children and monthly income is less than $ 1000. Despite having 18 years professional working experience with the national/international organization I could not find a right job now.It is very difficult for me to survive with very limited income. Should$ I continue this job or go for small business with an investment of up $5000. Please advise some solutions.
I am 53 and out of work since 2011. Divorced, living in house owned by my parents who also support me financially.
I have searched for work without success and have come to a point of hopelessness, failure and guilt. My 25 year old son lives with me. He works a low paying job in his field of study and pays on student debt which is his only debt thankfully. I know I am a huge burden to my loved ones who don’t understand why I don’t just get a job. My depression has become increasingly worse over the years after a divorce, then a fiance’s suicide, loss of 3 jobs in the 25 years I worked in the Property and Casualty insurance industry, loss of a home, property and savings. Just functioning is a constant struggle and I often panic when faced with leaving the house, so presenting myself confidently to interview for jobs is seemingly impossible. I don’t see any answers or hope. It helps to know I am not alone but it is also daunting and sad to realize there are so many of us in this predicament.
Your son might want to consider a career in the military service. Just a suggestion. Best of luck to you.
Dear D.A. Wolf
Thank you for your article and for providing a safe space for honest sharing. I have found both enormously helpful.
Your article is the first I’ve read to acknowledge the reality of many of the challenges faced by those starting over in this age bracket. Bravo for admitting there is a stigma attached to age in some industries. Having it named in a published article reduces its emotional power for me. Thank you.
Thank you also for the practicality of your overview and its suggestions, including having plans B, C, and D. The calm, organisation of preparing several contingency plans – my fear and tension reduced just reading about it. I also appreciate the very practical considerations you mentioned in reply to those considering relocating.
In the comments section, I want to thank everyone who shared their situation honestly, and D.A. for providing the forum. I found it very healing to read what people shared. Knowing one is not the odd-one-out in all the world is empowering. I send good thoughts to everyone who wrote here. I note to myself that there is certainly room for changing the way society treats talented working people. Thanks again.
Genevieve
Like others have stated, I was reading the above posts and had to look to see if it was my name written there. I live in a brutally expensive area (Seattle) but don’t work in a tech industry. I got pregnant my senior year in college, graduated, but never used my (now outdated) degree. I started a job just to pay the bills. 27 years later, I’m still there – stagnant. I’m paid decently enough (50k/year) for an admin role but there is no possibility of moving within the company or moving up. I have let my job skills go stagnant but college courses to upgrade my skills are cost prohibitive. Since I have a degree, I don’t qualify for Federal loans. I’m turning 50 and starting to feel trapped. I live in a rental home owned by my parents. There is no way to afford a home on my salary in this area, nor could I afford the upkeep. I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up.
On the plus side, I made sure my children learned from my mistakes. One went into the Army after community college, and is working in the tech industry now. The other is graduating with her Masters in Accounting.
Just a thought.
Instead of saying “I made sure my children learned from my mistakes” which is great. IMO, learning from someone elses past failures is good, but why not twist that comment around to read “I’m going to show my children that no matter the age and thru hard work and determinition, you can turn your life around and achieve what ever goal that you have set for yourself.” IMO, how we talk to ourselves plays a HUGE role in what we do with our lives. It might sound like a fairy tale, but research has shown that negative self talk can keep us back from achieving what we truly want in life. It’s not going to be easy, and there are no guarantees. But, I’d rather believe that thru hard work and a being patient that it’s possible.
Hello Everyone,
I’m 48 years old. I’m a late bloomer as many here. I acquired my education degree when I was 35. I was in a teaching position that I didn’t like, so I decided to teach in South Korea at 41! I’ve been to China, Thailand, SK, Japan and Cambodia. I did this for a few years and now I’m home working as an aide, and I work at a gas station on the weekends. I’ve been sad, depressed and lonely. Everything that many people here are currently going thru. Now, I don’t have children so I just want to make that clear. Children are amazing, but it’s hard work and I’m a bit selfish. lol. Not really, but having children wasn’t in my picture when I was younger.
I’ve read many of the posts here and the one constant thing I’ve noticed from many is you people are living in the past. STOP FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELVES! It will literally ruin your life. For one, it takes up too much energy. The past is done. It’s over. The only thing I want from the past is to learn from my mistakes. That’s it. I don’t want to live there, and I don’t want to think about the good ole days. In fact, the past is imaginary. The past was once the present. Just like today. Every second that goes by is now the past. I’m looking forward to a better life. Something that inspires me to reach up, not down.
The best thing that you can do is to take a day to yourself and to think. That’s what I did. I’m currently learning internet marketing, and my goal is to be a super affiliate. To get to that end goal, I’ve had to punt my excuses and my leisure. Everything is my fault! No more gaming. No more TV shows and no more laying about. No more feeling sorry for myself. I’m going to learn, grow and take action everyday. I also love delving into personal development. I’m reading books on mindset, spirtuality, procrastination, and productivity. In fact, I’m cureently taking a course on productivity. Did you know that the highest achieving producers have on average a 4.5 work day? The book is called Deep Work. Other great books are the Power of Now, Mindset and The Checklist Manifesto. Finally, taking care of my health was huge! Eating more nutritious clean foods and exercising was a game changer.
What can you do today to move you towards whatever goal that you want in life. Please remember that we have the internet. This is something that we didn’t have growing up, but it’s something that we can all use to our advantage. You can learn marketing, which can then translate to being a seller on Amazon, Ebay or so on. You can start your own podcast, or YT channel. In my case it’s marketing, When I lived in Thailand I met so many 20-30 somethings who were living the laptop lifestyle. That’s the world we are living in now. Get inspired and start creating. Find other 50 somethings who are doing what you want to do, and get on with it. With modern medicine you have another 30-40 years of life easily! Wouldn’t you want to do somehting that you love, and to stop living with regret?
I felt different when I was 48. Had a lot more hustle in me, and curiosity could carry me through the darkest hours. It is hard to be enthusiastic when you are too down to detail a goal, never mind a new life. And navigating into a new community of like-minded people sounds great, but is hard to map out.
I DO like the emphasis on avoiding pity parties, and not living in the past. And every single reaction we have is our own choice, this is so true. The book “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a *&^k” was a bestseller for many reasons, and this was one of them.
I understand your enthusiasm. I also understand that when life feels over, and all the signs of it being over are there to the individual, how death seems like an option. Sometimes just knowing there is an out can help.
I tend to agree with you, Lucy. And one’s physical condition makes any enormous difference in mindset, whatever the age. My mind, the one thing that can help no matter what is a strong support system. Unfortunately, many of us find our support systems disintegrating as we get older, a matter of many circumstances.
I’m sorry but how in the world does one make a living selling things on Ebay or Amazon? There is no health insurance connected to that. I studied advertising and podcasts are great – but they are also everywhere and to even make a few dollars you need a minimum of followers – just like on YouTube- I believe somewhere around 10 thousand followers and you can start to make some money off the advertisers. These options are not easy, and extremely competitive. They are a full-time job for which you must come up with all the money, equipment etc, and you somehow have to keep it going. I am not trying to be negative but realistic as to what is involved in YouTube channels, Podcasts look simple but are very competitive and may, if at all, have short-term success. I would also much rather be someone who works for themselves but while these may be options (selling things on eBay or Amazon – after taxes, their cut, and shipping costs) for some short-term cash – long term?
It’s now impossible to dance around the age issue. Employers Google your name, have your address, and then see your age, a picture of your house, maybe your old car in the driveway, they zillow the value of your house, what you paid for it, who your relatives are, etc.
There is no avoiding the age issue. It’s information found in under a minute, and it results in your CV being deleted immediately. They can’t ask but don’t need to.
I graduated last year with a degree in advertising design. I went to school with kids half my age to get this degree. I am now in my late forties. Over the past six months, I can no longer even get an interview. This was it for me. I gave up my last chance to have a child because I thought I should have a degree in order to survive. I spent 8 years being sick in my thirties because of bad health insurance and doctors messed up and derailed a good 8 years of my life. Now, of course, I find out it’s impossible to be hired. I graduated at the top of my class but am the ONLY one not hired. I’ve networked like crazy, asked friends for help (to no avail) and so now I am waiting to lose my apartment and be homeless. I have seriously considered ending it. I am talented, smart and in great shape but apparently, my life is over. With no way to earn a decent living, having to go on Medicaid, it is only a matter of time before I am homeless. I have no desire to go back to working a minimum wage job – esp after all the hard work I put in. I’m not even asking to make much money but that doesn’t matter. After a year of looking and reading these comments – there is no hope. And honestly- the shot at doing something in my life that I have talent at was all I had left. Wait to die, wait to be homeless. Never be able to be anything. these are my options. I never expected to make huge money but I didn’t expect that I couldn’t work at all.
Jennifer, I understand your fatigue, frustration, and sense of despair. Many who have commented here do, clearly. I have lived some of the circumstances you are describing, as have others who have commented here, including years of being derailed by a healthcare system that is broken and frequently unavailable to those of us without sufficient funds. (Broken long before Trump and long before Obama.)
Many of us here struggle to hang onto hope; the inability to find work is a significant part of that. It becomes even more difficult if you have any health or mobility issues. Not only is it virtually impossible to survive without paying work, unless you have a large support system or money from another source, but it is an erosion of dignity and sadly, in this country, to be poor is filled with shame. This is wrong. This is so terribly terribly wrong.
Many here have also talked about solutions or at least a life preserver of sorts, such as attempting to connect with others and live in communities that would be supportive as well as less costly. Should you wish to continue this discussion, drop a line here: startingover50plus @ Gmail.