When addressing the issue of starting over at age 50 or older, we often consider relocation. We do so in light of personal taste, desired lifestyle, and finances — both affordability and earning options. But in middle age, the factors involved in where and how to make a fresh start are much more numerous, with or without involving a move, especially after divorce or widowhood.
In fact, the enormity of starting over in our 50s can seem overwhelming. Typically, we’re dealing with more “baggage” than when we’re younger. We’re facing the growing cultural bias of aging. We’re navigating matters of health, career, education, extended family, and perhaps the desire for a partner a second (or third) time around…
It’s no wonder that any of us in this position might say “Where do I begin?”
50+ Is a Mixed Bag
The nature and extent of starting over at midlife varies, of course. It may include taking on the challenges of adjusting to a marital status change with both obstacles and opportunities; making new friends over 50, following divorce, job loss or downsizing; beginning a new career, of necessity or design; or plunging into an altogether new set of adventures by relocating – whatever your reasons for doing so.
(For my most recent adventure in starting over in a new place, pop by this 2018 relocation tale and this explicit additional advice.)
As for the initial relocation challenge — where to go, based on individual needs — here is a related excerpted comment on starting over, from a reader by the name of Michelle:
… I’m 50 yrs old and [a] single parent of a 17 yr old… I am currently staying with my widowed mother. I don’t like my living situation and I plan to move in 2 yrs after my son finishes his 2 yrs at comm college… I don’t have a good job now, it’s a clerical job at a hospital. If I could I would move out now, but I don’t have the money. I am looking for training in a new career field, but I don’t know where to start. All I know is I can barely survive on what I make now. (My hours were cut twice!!), I have to get some kind of specialized training… feel alone… any advice is appreciated.
How many of us have been here in some way – or all ways? Who would like to jump in with their experience, ideas, or suggestions? Who can contribute to input on relocating over 50, and how to prepare in terms of jobs and logistics?
50 Years Old: What Does it Really Mean?
In our youth-obsessed country, age 50 seems to be a sort of trigger. When you hit the fifties as an age bracket, you may feel as if you’re dropping off the earth.
If you’re in a good relationship or marriage and you don’t need the online dating world, then you haven’t experienced the dating-and-mating conundrum that is fifty-something prejudice.
If you’re successfully self-employed, if you’re secure in a position, if you’re financially independent or supported by a spouse, you haven’t yet (and possibly won’t) feel the traditional career options closing in.
That’s a lot of if’s, don’t you think?
As for health, there are no magical guarantees against accident or illness at any age. Many enter their 50s feeling strong and well. But the likelihood that time will take a gradual toll on the body is higher as we get older. That deserves consideration – whether we’re “starting over” or not.
Education and training? Let’s not confuse the two. Both are options at any age; their purpose, focus and costs will certainly vary; financing may be the tricky part but the benefits (and pleasure), great.
Age 50: Spin All You Want, but the Stigma Is Real
For all the hyper-cheerful spin we see around the web on “50 is the new 40” (and sometimes “60 is the new 40”), not to mention how “fabulous” the 50s are, the reality is that aging stigma still persists. We all practice it to some degree (whether we wish to or not), though in different ways and with regard to different ages.
For many, 50 is the point at which we perceive (or imagine) someone to be “old” – certainly on paper.
But how old is too old for starting over? How old is too old for remaking a career? How old is too old for flying one’s own nest? How old is too old for becoming financially secure?
How do you start over at 50? At 55? At 60? Shouldn’t you combine a “can do” attitude with realistic expectations?
This article from The New York Times takes the realism approach. In “Over 50 and Under No Illusions,” we are reminded that many hitting middle-age find themselves here:
… Too young to retire, too old to start over. Or at least that’s the line… Almost overnight, skills honed over a lifetime seem tired, passé. Twenty- and thirty-somethings will gladly do the work you used to do, and probably for less money… Many people are so disheartened that they’ve simply stopped looking for work.
For millions of Americans over 50, this isn’t a bad dream — it’s grim reality. The recession and its aftermath have hit older workers especially hard. People 55 to 64 — an age range when many start to dream of kicking back — are having a particularly hard time finding new jobs.
New Career at 50, 55, 58… Impossible Dream?
So. Does the article above send us spiraling down into resigned acceptance and depression? Should the reader who commented throw her arms up in the air and accept “barely surviving” while living with her widowed mother?
What kind of work can you get at 50 or 55 or older? Is the sky the limit if you’re healthy, a go-getter, and lucky? Or are there practical constraints no matter what?
The Times article goes on to offer examples of individuals who retooled, took chances, relocated, and ultimately found new and financially viable careers. But the examples don’t pertain to most of us, though the importance of networking, determination, taking risk and “a bit of luck” are essential. Still, what if you don’t have a network? How do you create it? What if you know you need new skills? How do you decide what they are? And if you’re willing to relocate, how do you choose a new city or region?
As Michelle asks: Where to begin?
Naturally, if you can afford it, a career coach, life coach or other advisers can guide you toward some answers. If you go this route, be sure to verify credentials and experience, and check references. All “coaches” are most certainly not created equal!
Do keep in mind that friends and acquaintances can be more helpful than you realize. Be open to their suggestions, their observations of your skills, and don’t be shy about enlisting them to assist in building a network. Most of us get jobs (or work) through personal connections; in my experience, the older we get the more important it is to realize this.
A Note on Further Education
Perhaps you feel that going to college (at last!), finishing college (at last!) or pursuing graduate education — even at 50 or older — will open more doors.
My own mother went back to college – a very fine university in the Boston area at that — when she was otherwise a stay-at-home wife and mother. She began that process at 30, graduated at 40, and was extremely proud of that accomplishment. Since she found herself divorced and on her own in her 50s, that college degree was helpful. Those were, however, different times. The workforce was very much a different place. And the cost of that education, just a fraction of today’s price tag.
In her 60s, she went back to school again, this time in a continuing education program, more than anything for her own enjoyment.
Do do your homework if what you are really after is job opportunity. You may be better off with a training course – and be sure to vet any class, course, seminar, or certificate program (online or otherwise). Or, you may be able to take evening or continuing education classes, far less of a financial investment than a full-blown college program, if you are fortunate enough to live near a university that offers them.
Many excellent universities also offer online courses and programs. (Again — Google and do your vetting and research.)
The reason I suggest continuing ed, more accessible/focused programs, or for that matter community college classes is this. Depending upon your goals, it’s important to see if you can actually stay the course – the rigors of pursuing your education – not to mention the money and time it will take. And, if you are targeting an industry that is predominantly “young,” you’re going to be fighting an uphill battle regardless.
Google is certainly not the only way that you can research, but it is an easy way to begin the process. Likewise, for purposes of researching scholarship money that may be available to you. Once you’ve researched your options, talk to administrators and if possible, graduates. Be realistic about your goals in speaking with them. Follow up on statistics to do with successful job placements, and not just for 20- or 30-year-olds.
New Careers After Age 50
This article on MSN Money, “10 New Careers After Age 50,” points out the advantageous qualities of a mature employee, including reliability and wisdom. Among the fields suggested are:
- coaching (which certainly uses your professional and life experience)
- health care-related (a growth area, adding millions of jobs)
- assisted living/eldercare (again, much needed with our aging population)
- tour guide! (Why not?)
- providing home care
Other suggestions appear as well, some of which make sense if you are already in the profession. Others, in my opinion, make little sense at all. And of course, your physical and emotional fitness for certain occupations must be considered.
That said, ‘tour guide’ is thinking outside the box. And the emphasis here may well be on using your experience, your vitality, your interpersonal skills developed over a lifetime, and also your curiosity.
Stop by here for more detail and expert tips (2015) on reinventing your career after 50.
Specifics When Reinvention Is Overwhelming
Are these suggestions and others like them useful?
I would say yes, in a limited fashion, keeping in mind the note above regarding your fitness for these (or other) jobs. Also critical — how much you will earn and if it is enough.
So how do we tangibly begin when the prospect of reinvention is overwhelming? When money is already scarce? When we feel drained, demoralized by looking for work with no success, and alone?
Michelle’s situation is not uncommon: job cut back, dwindling funds, a single mother not quite “free,” an elder parent, and yes, over the magic number “50” at which bias in our society is prevalent and, especially for women, looks, energy, and perception by others will be very important in securing work.
I wish I didn’t have to state what I just did, and I would happily entertain an opposing view from both men and women, but anyone who is not working a home-based job knows this to be reality.
So here are thoughts I have when it comes to where to begin as you consider starting over. I welcome your comments and recommendations – for Michelle, and for the rest of us.
Reinvention, Relocation: Lists and Planning
Incidentally, before you begin, it’s helpful to clearly identify what you want to achieve through your reinvention. It may be as “simple” as finding a job and keeping a roof over your head, leaving behind a location where you feel stagnant or you’ve experienced loss, or finding meaning after divorce and Empty Nest. And if you’re having trouble with this step, try this: “I want to start over because ___________” and then fill in the blank.
Personally, I like the unimposing nature of making simple lists. A plan can come later, but a list encourages self-examination, a bit of dreaming, development of pros and cons, and maybe a healthy dose of “why not.” My own approach would include the following.
- Make a practical, realistic “wishlist” to begin: The environments you like (office, museum, outdoors/indoors), the people you enjoy, your ideal working conditions, what you know you’re good at, what interests you… the “you” that you envision in your ideal scenario.
- Note that if you are looking for a “career,” that’s different from looking for a decent-paying job with compensation that allows you to live. I make the distinction because the timeframe, compromises, and investment may be different on the former versus the latter.
- For specific fields, search the Internet for the term + “training.” Don’t forget to check out reviews and results on any promises on your investment. Consider volunteer experience if that is economically feasible.
- Make a list of constraints: Health-related considerations; financial obligations; availability of funds to pay for education, training, or relocation; and include the need to get a car if applicable.
- List familial considerations. For example, Michelle has an elder parent and a teenage son. Will she really be able to move in two years? She is considering Arizona with her son at that time. Is this emotionally and logistically feasible?
- Consider housing options – house versus condo or apartment, the need to accommodate a young adult or aging parent, the need for an elevator or ramp, preference for one-story living, building or on-site services; take into account future needs if possible.
- If relocation is an option, target locations and start asking questions. (Michelle’s comment here shows she’s doing exactly that.) Get input from real people who have lived in the locations you are considering.
- Target online or “real life” communities in order to network. When looking at new fields for work, this should include job boards and discussion groups, and I would also recommend local or online training options. Most of us get jobs from connections. Remember that.
These are items I’ve come up with off the top of my head. I would add this: Ask questions, consider unusual options, and yes – as indicated by the referenced articles – think outside the box – dog walking, house sitting, virtual customer service.
Making a Plan A, Plan B, Plan C…
None of us knows what will happen when we head out in a new direction. I’m a believer in planning, but recognize there are always unknowns and a great deal outside our control. This is all the more reason that we need contingency plans – backups for what we have in mind.
Here, I think it’s important to ask oneself pointed questions. They might include:
- If not my “first choice” for relocation, what other areas would suit me now and as I grow older? (For this subject, I suggest this discussion specific to over 50 relocation.)
- Job first or relocate first? (I recommend researching the job market in both existing skill sets and desired careers/skill sets for the areas under consideration.)
- If I target new skills to make myself a better candidate for a new position, do those jobs exist in the locations I’m considering? Can I acquire the skills / experience before I make a move?
- Do I have experience already that I’m not viewing as a transferable set of marketable skills? (Single parenting involves far more managerial, organizational, and interpersonal skills than many realize.)
- Do I know the amount of money it will take to put my plan(s) in action? Am I being realistic in estimating both expenses to do so and gains on the other end?
- Are there communal living arrangements when starting over that would save on expenses and provide built-in “friends?”
- What’s my fallback if Plan A doesn’t come through? People? Savings? Interim or additional earning possibilities? Another location?
- Do I have skills that could be packaged up into a home-based job?
- What are my Plan B, Plan C, and Plan D alternate locations and options?
Again, these are initial questions I would ask myself, and certainly not an exhaustive list.
For more on the issue of deciding where to relocate, visit To Move or Not to Move, That Is (Not) the (Only) Question.
Imagining the Future Over Age 50
In the past decade (since divorce and an unanticipated exit from the traditional corporate world), I’ve found myself repeatedly “starting over” – a sort of process that felt like I was perpetually starting over at starting over. Even considering it can be frustrating and exhausting.
While divorce (or widowhood) is not the only reason women (especially) find they are starting over, when the end of a marriage is unplanned, depending on circumstances, it may trigger a series of events that land them in restart territory.
For me, the process of starting over was not an explicit choice, but rather a matter of survival, and more than once. In each instance, the experience has required keeping my spirits up, enlisting the emotional support of friends, reaching out through reading and writing, as well as expanding my skill set and knowledge as part of my everyday life. That life includes maintaining a state of “readiness” for new endeavors. This can be exciting. It’s also stressful.
When planning for a major new undertaking (like career or relocation), I find it useful to imagine life in five years’ time, and if at all possible, the framework for life far beyond that. This is especially critical if we’re no longer spring chickens… In other words, those all important relocation factors as we grow older.
On a more personal note, a relationship can provide wonderful benefits, not the least of which is no longer feeling like you’re in it alone. On the other hand, you may find you’re facing new constraints: the other person’s children and parents, his or her location preferences, his or her financial needs or constraints, and similarly, your partner’s job opportunities, job viability, and health considerations.
Imagining your future over the age of 50 now includes imagining his or her future, and repercussions for extended family.
Paris, Anyone?
Strangely, or it seems strange to me now, for many years I was convinced that once both of my children flew off to college, I would feel “free” to relocate precisely where and how I wished. For me, the dream was always Paris – not far-fetched considering I have friends there, I’ve lived there before, and I have a variety of competencies that theoretically would permit me to do it again.
However, here’s what I didn’t expect to happen: the recession, affecting earning opportunities as well as real estate values; how important it would be for my sons to have a place to call “home;” fatigue that would make the prospect of starting over that much more daunting; a relationship that is lovely, yet ties me to where I am in ways I didn’t anticipate.
In other words, we can stay as physically, emotionally, and mentally agile as possible, but there’s much we can’t predict, so adaptability and resilience are critical. Likewise, a willingness to take a fresh look at where we are and what we want as needs and circumstances continue to change.
Sharing and Caring Communities
I know what it is to be where Michelle finds herself. It’s frightening to be in a position of barely getting by, and it’s dreadful to feel alone and overwhelmed. I also know what it is to be faced with what we love to term “reinvention,” which I like to think of as perpetual honing of who we are, and the skills and knowledge we are acquiring.
But remember: Starting over for many isn’t a choice. It’s a matter of the most basic survival. It may not be easy; it is possible, but let’s not underestimate the enormous work involved.
What can help, in my opinion?
Community — at any age and whatever our situation — allows us to examine what we may consider, to consider what we never have before, to learn from the experience of others, and to share our concerns and ideas.
Starting over after 50?
For many of us, as our children grow up and our focus shifts, we may find ourselves with a narrowed universe of contacts. I venture to say this may be truer for single mothers. It’s certainly true for many of us who are no longer in the “traditional” workforce. And this is what makes social media potentially so helpful, as it can offer opportunities to share online – through Facebook groups, blogs, and other communities, though I caution that we need to exercise care in what we say and with whom.
Still, I hope you will provide your thoughts on this matter and with specifics. Michelle and many others, I’m certain, would benefit.
For more on the issues in this complex topic and ongoing discussion, see the “starting over” series here.
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Starting over in one’s 50s is daunting. But not impossible. I have not HAD to do it, though I do dream, sometimes, about what it would be if I did. I did create curriculum for an art therapy based bereavement group a few years back (I am not a teacher, artist or counselor) and my proposal was accepted and I now teach this series 3 times a year. I discovered that I love teaching! So it would have something to do with that. Kindergarten. Cooking classes. Violin (I have played for the last 15 years). But I don’t really count any of those as completely starting over, except teaching kindergarten.
I have an acquaintance, in her late 50s, laid off from her job as a medical transcriptionist due to technology take over. She has gone back to school to get a degree as a fitness instructor for older adults. (She has never done any thing physical before and wondered if anyone would take her seriously as she is a little bit overweight). I applaud her. I recently observed one such fitness instructor at my mother in law’s retirement home. Everyone was having so much fun doing simple exercises to upbeat music. I could do that too!
I guess my problem would be deciding what to choose for the next career.
The stigma IS real and you’re right–a plan is the way to make change happen. And a certain amount of stick to it-ness. A large amount!
My greatest challenges are
1. Cash flow… Well at this point there is little saved and little to save since we have 2 still at home for the next 2 years. BUT if I can manage some sort of small income during that time, I would hope to put a chunk of it away for… I DON’T KNOW yet???!!! 0_0
2. I do not have much in the area of marketable skills because I chose to be a stay at home parent. I spent 20+ years home educating my children and while I KNOW that took much chutzpa as well as talent/intelligence, HOW does that transfer onto a resume’???
I am down to 24 months to figure out what my next step should be :). I LOVE the *idea* of being a stay at home wife, but I know myself…I will be bored to death since I will have no one to clean up after… haha!
My dream would be to run a successful Etsy type shop both online and in a storefront on Main Street USA. Funds… funds… funds!!!
Hi Donna. Thanks so much for reading and commenting. I think it’s great that you’re thinking about this now, with still 24 months ahead before you’re an empty nester. Here are some thoughts just off the top of my head (and you certainly do have skills after running a household and raising kids).
Could you tutor in a particular subject? (Tutors make decent money.) Is that something you would enjoy?
Are you a fabulous organizer? (Could you sell your skills to one of the closet stores that sends people out to plan and install custom closets?)
Might you use those organizational skills in a volunteer capacity somewhere, that could give you “resume” cred and also potentially lead to paying work?
When you talk about an Etsy shop, what do you imagine for its merchandise? How can you learn more about online retailing? Or might you enjoy trying to find a part-time retail position?
One step at a time… But letting the imagine loose works wonders!
When I read this insightful post, I was convinced that you must have been reading my mind!
During my divorce 7 years ago at age 45 I trained at a law school to become a paralegal after being at home with 3 kids for many years.
Unfortunately, right when I started applying for legal jobs it was Fall 2008 and the job market had just tanked so many young attorneys were then out of work and gladly took what few paralegal positions were available. Due to having children under 18, I have not been allowed to relocate due to custody laws.
After 3 yrs of temporary and miserable low-paying part time jobs with verbally abusive attorneys, I finally had enough and started my own Divorce Guidance Biz in 2011.
Last year I needed to add to my income and started working part time for a real estate agent. I found that I love real estate and so I’ve recently gotten licensed myself. I’m working extremely hard but it’s so difficult at age 51 to recover fast enough from the financial tsunami I’ve been through the last 7 years.
You touch on one of the most challenging aspects of starting over for many women, Nancy. We may have held off on certain pursuits while raising children, or intentionally taken less visible, lower-paying jobs in order to do the work-family juggle. If divorce hits when we’re a bit older, there’s so much less time to recover from the financial mess.
But you also reflect the determination that some of these articles mention, as well as staying open (as you have) to other interests that may lead to new opportunities. As in your case, not only the divorce guidance business, but real estate.
Great article!!! I haven’t had to start over. Rather, I reinvented myself which isn’t quite the same but still took courage to take those first steps.
Well, I have been divorced for 4 years now and I sure would love to start all over and I want to build my world of love with a woman who together we can both build an empire of love.
I am nearly 51, laid off, and starting again. It’s been a little over a year and 3 interviews… NO JOB. Money dwindling. NO retirement in sight unless you count living in the car under a bridge retirement. It isn’t only daunting, it’s horrifying. Trust me. And one finds very few people who show empathy.
When people have their life turned upside down by a natural disaster all sorts of people show up on the scene to assist, provide aid, help rebuild, bring sandwiches, but get laid off and you’re treated like an incompetent fool who deserves whatever they get. Perhaps “a trip to Switzerland” is the best solution.
Believe me, BH, I understand. Everyone points a finger (while smiling) and makes it “your fault.” It’s that much more difficult the older you are, and depending on the industry you’re in. Horrifying, yes. No assistance, but lots of judgment.
Switzerland is very expensive. There’s also Scandinavia.
Drop me a line if you think I can help in any way, even with a few suggestions. (The blw address on the About page.)
Hi!
Yes, I need help. I am 45 now, living in Abu Dhabi Uae with my husband who works, but I stay at home and am bored. I need to do something and I am now thinking of the future, what should I do to prepare myself for tomorrow? At some point we will be relocating back to the US and I will need a profession.
Your advice is highly appreciated.
Thanks!
In Abu Dhabi and relocating back to the US at this age and still need to work? I left there when I was 36 making sure I don’t need to work, if I choose, or ever need to go back there.
Hi Ana,
Forgive the delay in responding. Thoughts –
What would you LIKE to do? What interests you? – Write it down.
What is your educational background? How can you use it? – Write it down.
What opportunities might you have to take courses online – serious, legitimate courses that would lead to marketable skills – possibly for something you could begin to do online? Research on the Internet, and write it down.
Who can you connect with or build relationships with to talk to about their careers and how they got there – first chapters, second chapters, even third? – Start now.
Most of us can learn at any age. It takes the desire, the initiative, and persistence. Turning what we learn into a set of marketable skills that land you paying work – now or in the future – also require the same attributes, along with a thick skin and a bit of luck.
D.A. Wolf, a “trip to Switzerland” is a euphemism for assisted suicide.
lol he means ‘SWITZERLAND!!’
Having been downsized before it became the norm, from many companies, sometimes I feel it is comparable to cancer that comes out of remission. That is how people treat you, when it was/is the MISMANAGEMENT of the company, not USUALLY the workers that cause it. But somehow you become seen an infectious to the general public. Empathy is lacking when you become older, and I dont understand that, probably our youth centric culture. They expect you to die off and offer “no treatment” because you dared to work for an infected company. And the attitude from those that have been fortunate enough to escape such experiences have such smugness. I believe in karma, and I believe those that persevere despite all, are the gems of this life.
I am 49, entirely unsatisfied with my career and life. I worked in restaurants in various capacities for 20 years, then trained as a court reporter 10 years ago because I didn’t want to wait tables when I was 60. I do not like court reporting. I feel as if I am wasting away. No fulfilling relationship, no children, my closest family is in TN, I am in FL. I need inspiration, passion again. So the thought occurred to me, should I return to hospitality? Work in event planning/management? Move to the Asheville area? Is this crazy? Am I too old to begin again in this field? I love food, the art of presentation, watching people enjoying themselves at a party….this stirs my soul. Just need some encouragement I guess….
Hey! You are 49 and you can say that you do something well in the area you can work for yourself! You live in FLORIDA! You are FREE, no kids!! no husband! Freedom is a wonderful thing, but you have to put it to work for you. You can turn this around so easily, you just have to look beyond your fears. They are obstacles you have to overcome, and overcoming them will give you great satisfaction. You are one of the luckiest people on earth, and you are ONLY 49. You are NOT too old to start again, you know why? You are alive and on this earth. You deserve to be here, so just get on with it. Get up in the morning and take a walk, rain or shine. That will get your metabolism going and make you more attractive. Eat something healthy. Limit your computer time. And THINK!
You know, the dollar is really strong right now, you could take a trip somewhere and it would cost you very little… if you want to keep your freedom, get into catering… look for film and advertising facilities and production companies, social gatherings… Take some photos of your best dishes and make a facebook page for nothing… if you are house proud open a little restaurant, but don’t do it til you are in the place you want to be. If you want to meet someone, join Tinder … it’s fun to sit and have a coffee and see for yourself how many avaiable men there are within 20 kms of you!…
Ha ha, come on, lighten up… if you are quite healthy and free, you have everything going for you. Just make yourself look nice, doesn’t matter if you are not a cover girl (or guy) – you can look great if you smile and allow yourself to be happy. (I’m 51 and starting over.. again!) take it easy!!! good luck!
If you really want to explore your inner self try reading the Artist’s Way…it might uncover hidden talents in you and give you the needed confidence to make the world your oyster….
You mentioned the expense of a trip to switzerland…google “trip to switzerland”
When you hit 50 there just aren’t many options. Corporations don’t want you. Options are very limited. So, I cashed out my IRA (now I owe the IRS a large sum) and hit the road. When the money is gone…YEP…time for the “trip to switzerland.”
BH…I hope you are not thinking of Switzerland as the end of the road. You have so much more and will never know with that type of thinking. I hope you find some peace on the road and start over. You are not alone.
Yes, absolutely. That is my retirement plan too. Just blow my brains out when the money runs out. Sounds like the only realistic plan.
Boy does this ever ring true for me. Divorced after 31 years. Just bought a house (yes, bought) that will be paid off when I’m 80! Geesh. Every day is different – I’m either proud of myself and energized, or scared to death. I can never predict how I’ll feel from day to day, so my ultimate mission is to get through the day and maybe even make a few good choices as I muddle through.
Ha! I love your honesty, Karen! Proud of oneself (and energized) or scared to death… That seems just about right.
Glad you stopped by to read and comment. (Please do again!)
I originally started this research for a graduate school project…a “what to do after 50 for women?” I am actually 61 myself and now I’m really terrified about the future.
Don’t be terrified, Rebecca (though I understand completely)… I continue to research this and related topics in increasing depth. There are millions of us. Surely there is power (and knowledge) in numbers. And stayed tuned. More to come on the subject…
Most importantly?
You are not alone in this.
You really aren’t, MANY are facing crossroads they never dreamed, expected they would face, and Baby Boomers are highly resourceful!!! Look at what we CHANGED in the world, when they said it couldn’t be done…our golden years might just prove to be our finest hours!!!!!!!!
Savannah, you’re so upbeat and encouraging. Care to share more details of your experience?
Nearly two years after corporate layoff. 51 years old. No one will hire me. Nothing. I am burning through my retirement funds to keep life and limb together. No insurance. Affordable Care Act doesn’t provide for my age group with no income and yet we are expected to pay for what we can not afford. I was told by IRS “hold on to your hat because the penalty is harsh.” Great. I’ll be on the street before long. Will probably just check out and leave the rest of my funds to a relative. This country has taken a nasty turn for the worst.
No checking out, please. The squeeze on those in your situation is unconscionable. We need to tell these stories and find alternatives. Write me. (Please.) Use the BLW email on the about page.
And that “write me” goes for anyone else in this struggle for survival.
I am 51 and was let go from a child support position 2 mo ago. I have a Bachelors degree in Sociology and all but a completed Social Work degree. I am not getting anywhere after 15 years of working with families and children. I love helping others but realize that it might not be my calling. I’ve considered a new path and don’t know what is the best option. I want to be great so I am not facing this again before I am ready to retire. Any insight?
I too am trying auditions for movement jobs, since I have a BFA in Dance and 30 years of experience. Did a year of waiting for commercial dance/acting jobs. Even my great laugh didn’t get a commercial. I have enough material for stand up, since I have done an interview in the dark at a dance studio. Should of brought green in the dark, night vision glasses.
Mostly frustration is the worst feeling, since rarely do you get calls back, or human connection.
I did try graduate school, I did not find peers, schools pushing for less real life teachers and the teacher hired didn’t teach, but one class. A Master’s in Social Work became not inspiring, even my dance teacher background couldn’t get me an internship teaching movement to mentally ill, but could be a secretary to the music based not for profit.
I did walk some old dogs for a lovely dog walking business, taught special needs people movement at a job workplace. Just be patient, because hours are up in the air.
I want what Robert Deniro had in the Intern – being useful and paid better.
I find I can’t do looking for jobs every day, it gets hard on one’s self and when no one calls, texts or emails, you have to do good self talk.
So – a learning process to get a full time job at 50 when part-time work is available but pays poorly and not consistent in hours. I am keeping positive because I miss contributing. I am a mom of teens, but I need another community besides them.
Sandi
We took it back once, we can again. America has always been trendy, we need to return to the attitudes of the founding fathers…GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH.
BHS – I agree with D.A. – no checking out! What is going on with you is important. People need to know about it. We all get caught up in our own circumstances and our own little worlds. Knowing what’s going on and how things are playing out for people is important. Raise your voice to people who can make a difference. My daughter did this, and it is empowering!
It does get better! Hang in there.
Three years ago I watched my father die in hospice. It was horrendous. Then the domino effect kicked in. My grandmother died. My grandfather died. Then the layoff. Lost my house, car, motorcycle, the love of my life walked out. And now i cant even get a job to try getting back on my feet. At one time the work i did went to the White House and Pentagon. Now nothing. How did I get here? How much more do I have to lose before I start gaining ground? Retirement at this point is an impossibility. So I took money from my IRA early (big penalty) and hit the road. I’ve rented a small room in Santa Fe hoping to weather the storm. No relief in sight.
Amen let me know when u find the answer
I was a married stay at home mother of five for thirty years. I home-schooled all of my kids from kindergarten to graduation of high school. And then after thirty years my husband had an affair and left me. I was totally blindsided.
I will get some alimony and child support for the next nine years, which will put me at 61. I have no clue as to what to do for a career. I love nutrition but am not sure of the cost of education. I have no retirement. It is so scary!
This is such a wrenching place to be, Lisa. I certainly understand your fear and, I would imagine, very legitimate anger.
Please drop a line at the BLW email on the about page if you would like. I am happy to exchange a few ideas with you if you think it would be useful.
Almost the same as me, minus the child support. Stay at home mom, husband left me for another woman the minute our youngest left for college, I didn’t see it coming. Then my house promptly burned down two months after that. I’m 48, soon to be 49, no skills, I don’t even have a high school diploma. I started working fulltime when I was just 14 to care for my younger siblings.
Now I have no home, no car, half the time I have no phone. I’m a good cook, waitress, bartender, that’s what I used to do, but no one will hire me, I’m too old. Those jobs are filled by young people. So, I’m pretty much just up a crick. Yes, I am working on getting my GED, but what then? I’ll be in the same position. I’ve thought about going to a technical college to be a surgical tech, it’s a one year course, but, it seems pointless because who will they hire? Not me, they’ll hire the 20 year old. Julie
The only problem I see with this website & first paragraph is, the writer says her instead of him/her. In order to be fair, especially in today’s culture, both genders should be included in subjects which effect both genders.
I am a 47 year old father of two. I have been a stay at home dad for 18 years, with occasional part time jobs. I don’t have a college degree. My current status is complicated, with a spouse who has a high income but we still struggle with aurging about how much we spend on eating/groceries.
We don’t agree on much of anything, we have no chemistry, we just raise our kids together that’s about it. I’m facing a triple threat of problems to overcome. Not to mention being a man in this situation, everything I read or run across has to do with women, even ads suggesting that your man may be cheating. Been there-done that. I’ve had a previous wife cheat on me, one who was abusive.
Again, it would be nice to read something that related to men once in a while. Instead of articles that make it seem as if women are the only ones in these situations.
Hi Tc, Thanks for stopping by and reading/commenting. You may find there are more she/he articles on this site than you think, but I will address your points on this one, specifically.
First, you may find this article on challenges of Stay At Home Dads looking for work to be of interest. It was written just a few days ago. You may also find SAHD Brian’s cover letter, referenced in the article, very worthwhile.
As you clearly indicate, you do indeed face major hurtles in the job market. Your challenges are worsened by the stigma (or raised eyebrow) that still persists for men who are the primary care givers at home.
That said, generally, this remains an issue for women far more than men, on average women are paid less than men in the workplace, and should a woman find herself set aside after marriage/kids and starting over at 40+ or 50+, her pool of available partners is far less than a man’s as well.
None of this makes reliance on a spouse/partner any less of a serious problem. Nor do I wish to diminish the challenges you face — these are inherent problems in our culture, regardless of gender.
Do read the articles I mention above. I will be interested to hear your thoughts.
I’ve been reading the many comments and I’m there with many of you on many levels. I’m a divorcee in her 60’s, struggling to keep afloat after almost losing my home in foreclosure from being unemployed working temp positions since 2010. I’ve finally landed a full-time job just making over minimum wage. I’m struggling to keep the home and realize if I don’t do something in the smart way (supplemental income or new full time job), I’ll find myself going back down that foreclosure road and that is not an option for me. I’m unable to save for retirement.
I would like to relocate to be closer to my daughter and her family who live 2 hours drive time. This means relocating and either selling or renting my home to buying or renting a new place, working somewhere between a one hour drive to my daughter and a one hour drive to be able to check in on my widowed father who is in his late 80’s who currently lives 5 minutes from me.
Can someone in my situation make such move to live solo in unfamiliar territory? Any suggestions or comments would be appreciated.
Jan,
Some questions for you to consider.
Are you in good health? Is the location you are considering, even generally, an area where you can imagine growing older? What kind of security do you have in your minimum wage job? (For many of us, we have no real security in any of our jobs, whether officially “employed” or working freelance / contract.)
How easy would it be for you to sell your home? How do you feel about doing so? How does your daughter feel about it? Have you asked for her counsel?
Have you considered making a list of the many skills you have? Might doing so help you find that supplemental income?
What kind of support system would you be leaving if you relocate? What kind of opportunities would you have to rebuild a support system in your targeted location?
These are a few of things I would ask myself before relocating. Clearly, health and income are critical.
Please DO stop back and let us know how things stand.
I don’t know if I’m happy to have found this article, or it spun me into being scared out of my mind even further. Been divorced for 3 years, and am turning 48 in July. I had a marketing career before I raised my kids, and was home with them for 15 years. My ex did not want the divorce, we were high school sweethearts. He has brainwashed my kids, and they no longer want to see me. I haven’t seen one of them in 2 years. So now I’m without a career AND my kids.
I started a nanny business last year, but with all the self-employment taxes, I’m not making enough money to financially survive. I’m seriously thinking about becoming an occupational therapist. It’s a 2 year degree (3 with prereqs), and I could still work with children. I was never strong in math or science, but I really need to get a degree in the health field in order to make any money. I have no debt but I have no money, and it haunts me day in and day out. It’s all I think about. I will have a pension from my ex, but very little, not enough to live on. I also think about just picking up and moving to somewhere like Chicago, where nannies are more common, and the pay is better.
Any advice would be great, sorry for the long rambling post. Just very lost and afraid… STILL, after 3 years.
Hi Robin. I’m sorry about how afraid you’re feeling (I get it), but I’m glad you stopped by. May I add – and don’t take this the wrong way – three years isn’t that long to be “still” not recovered after divorce.
In my opinion (and from talking to a lot of women who find themselves divorced in their 40s and 50s), the money situation is a HUGE factor in whether or not there is recovery quickly or a slow, long climb back to a sustainable life.
The women I know who had $$ after their divorces did fine. The rest of us? Long, slow, hard climb… and still climbing.
Here’s the good news (sort of). You’re not alone. Here’s the good news (definitely). 48 is still pretty young! More good news — If you have your health and the flexibility to move, you’re two steps ahead of the game. No debt? Make that three!
Your thoughts on the health care field seem very smart to me (personally). It’s a field where there will always be demand, no?
As for the marketing field and how much it has changed, that’s true, but… It is certainly possible to update your skills (I certainly have, and know others who have), but don’t expect it to happen overnight. We tend to perpetuate myths in this society that we should recover from everything quickly (if not instantaneously), not to mention that if we don’t put pieces of a puzzle back together in a year or two there’s something wrong with us (NOT true).
I think you’re ahead of the game.
For one thing, if you choose a direction at 48 and it isn’t working at 51 or 52, you’re STILL young! You can try something else. Hell, you can try something else at 49 if you want. And at 50. And at 51. What is holding you back if you have your health?
Money. I know. I get it. (Believe me.) But you sound smart. The nanny business sounds pretty smart. And yes, those self-employment taxes are very difficult to manage, but why did you think you’d be breaking even in a year? Is there any way to keep going for another year or two and build your business?
My two cents…
I concur…having started burying family, friends, even coworkers in 2006 and finished so to speak in 2014. I took a year off just to cope, because my life was sickness, death, settle estate, repeat for the last years. And people kept telling me GET OVER IT and get on…ok, until you have BEEN there and experienced that, you have no IDEA what it does to you to LOSE all connections to your past, your history, your associations, then hit midlife and realize you are basically an orphan with no tribe. And hello, my degree is in human behavior-so I know the psychology of life events and what happens to the mind, heart, etc. Everyone heals, copes, and processes at their own pace, and it isn’t the same for anyone, so people need to shut up and let you get through the process w/o comments or judgement.
Oh, and I should add…I tried to get back into marketing. After many rejections, I was finally told an honest answer – it’s been way too long, and the field is completely different. Social Media didn’t even exist when I was in marketing. And they can pay much less to younger candidates. So that’s out…which is fine. Because I honestly had outgrown it when I left anyway. I would have done it strictly for the money, which was probably a bad idea to begin with.
Yup. I get it. True, but… (what I already said.) Social media didn’t exist when I got nudged out of marketing in the midst of my dreadful divorce… You teach yourself, you listen, you learn, you try, you fail, you try again, you learn some more. (I don’t mean to oversimplify; the process is harrowing and hard and not linear and lonely and frustrating and terrifying and infuriating and also immensely satisfying when you realize how much you can still learn and how your life experience makes you a whole lot more valuable than you think or those short-sighted employers think…)
Feeling lost? You have every right to feel lost and frightened. (Money fears are, in my opinion, the worst.)
I wrote both of my comments back to back, so neither of your posts had shown up yet. It looks as if I hadn’t listened to a word you said, when in reality I guess I hadn’t…because there weren’t any words to read yet 🙂
Anyway, I love what you said, and it made me feel a bit better about the situation. I seem to feel most days as if I’m washed up at this point in my life, but hopefully many (many!) more days ahead! Healthy, happy days! I want to be proactive in case the nanny biz doesn’t pan out. So what I will probably do is go to school, take 2 classes at a time, and go from there. Maybe I’ll find out I love school, as I’m sure it’s different in your 40s than late teens/early 20s. Maybe I won’t, and in that case, I will probably head to a bigger city where nannies are much more the norm. I love being a nanny, but like I said – the money isn’t great, and as a few have pointed out to me before – I don’t know how long I would be able to be a nanny. Many families don’t want a 60 year old nanny, although I work mainly with newborns, and I cook for the family, so I’m not trying to keep up with a 2 year old. But I think the plan will be to pursue school while still working on my business, and see what plays out.
I know you’re not 50 yet, but let me say, the 60-year olds I know are kicking butt. 🙂
🙂 🙂 🙂
I just ran across this website tonight looking for ideas on new career paths for women over 50. I too have been divorced for almost two years after staying home and raising my children for the 14 years. My youngest is now 19. I am still in shock that I am divorced now and have to figure out what to do for the rest of my life. My story starts about two and a half years ago when my husband came home one night and said he was moving out. There were problems in the marriage but I always held out hope there was help for us. He decided he didn’t want help and moved out that evening. We lived in mountain community and three nights later after he left we had a lightning storm. Dry lightning. A forest fire started and by the next day my home was completely burned to the ground. We lost everything. So not only did I not have my husband, I no longer had my home either.
My son and I had to move to town about 40 miles from where our original home was. I tried for a year and a half to make it financially on my own. I did have child support and some alimony, but there were no jobs there for me. We lived in basically an agricultural area. I just couldn’t find any jobs that paid over $10.00 an hour so I started cleaning houses. Still couldn’t make enough to pay my rent and all my bills. So when my son graduated high school last year I had to move two states away back to my home town to live with my mother for a while.
After everything I have been through I was most devastated to have to move away from My children. My daughter is set in her career and my son in college. They couldn’t come with me. I do have a job now, but it pays not that great of a wage. It does come with health insurance so that’s a big plus. But I guess what is bothering me now is this job often required me to work 50 to 60 hour weeks. It’s a shipping job in a warehouse. It’s definitely not a dream job and I am exhausted because I work from 3:45pm to 2:15am. I don’t have much time for more education. I am very scared about my future and don’t know where to turn. I don’t really even know what I would want to go back to school to become. I am almost 49 years old and never in a million years ever thought I would be starting my life over like this. I have been in such pain and mourning over all this loss these last two years. It’s so hard to keep it together all the time so I can move on and figure all this out….
Dana, I hope you are still checking in here from time to time. Your post is literally remarkable.
I know you are not exaggerating about the grief you are still dealing with.
I’ve had my days (months, years) of feeling (and knowing) that I had exceptionally bad luck in life–I’m university educated but my life is like a bad Lifetime television movie that doesn’t end after 2 hours and a dozen commercials. I found this site by googling just as so many others similar words–fifty, start over, employment, and so on.
Dana, what happened to you was every bit as traumatic as what happened to me; the difference is that you got just about ambushed overnight–it was bad enough that your husband walked out, but to have your home burn to the ground in the same week, Dana, you are dealing with serious trauma as well.
My traumas were not overnight life changers–at least not in quite the same way as yours Dana.
I hope that you will take my words seriously. You have got to be very gentle with yourself and despite the very real situation you are in, try ever so hard not to panic.
I am telling you as another trauma survivor (I’m still here, hence I am a survivor), I think you can benefit from some professional trauma therapy. Please google EMDR and then find out if you can qualify for free or reduced fees with a professional trained in this trauma therapy.
EMDR can work quickly with some people so that you’ve got your brain back to yourself, so to speak, rather than dealing with the after effects of trauma. Once you get yourself on higher ground with regard to the bona fide trauma you have experienced, then you can start on the rest of your life.
I hope you see this post. And I wish you all the best.
Oh wow! You’ve described me in this post! 49, divorced, kids in college, aging mother, formerly a stay-at-home mom, job hunting to begin a career, needing to earn much much money than I have ever considered I was even worth.
Sad & Scared
The thing that is hard to know is where to start? I have applied for many jobs but never hear anything back. Nobody wants you to apply in person any longer. You can never put a face with a resume or give a first impression because it’s all done behind a computer screen. Also if you have never been a professional or had a career as a single woman the possibility of finding a job with a decent wage is slim. I went from living in a beautiful home, to my mother’s and am now at best looking to live in a modest apartment. It’s so so hard not to be depressed about the whole situation and keep my head up. I try to hard to keep a positive attitude and move on to just accept what has happened and then all of a sudden out of no where I fall back into that sad place again and take two steps back.
Loss is like that, and don’t beat yourself up about it. You are moving ahead, and making strides. It is true about resumes and the online application process. It weeds out people quickly, and if you do get an interview, most of HR is younger and ageism is ALIVE and WELL. But here is what I have found. You gotta find jobs that AREN’T advertised. Talk to people in places you think might be a better fit…let them know you are LOOKING. Sometimes that is the only way to get in. Get an elevator speech going -a soundbite of what you can offer, bring, etc. quick, concise and to the point, and memorize it so you can rattle it off to showcase what you bring. That has worked for some of the gals I know who couldn’t get through the online deal. They created an opportunity.
Wonderful… Thank you so much for the advice!
this is the most limiting and depressing article… nothing about it inspires… just shallow dead common thinking “realism”. a bullet through the head is better advice than slugging along with a negative limited belief system. nothing makes someone seem older or more unappealing than commentary like this.
Sorry you feel that way, po. I think the discussion has been quite interesting (and helpful). But thanks for stopping by anyway. Cheers!
Po,
There are many people here who are experiencing similar situations at a time in their life, when they did not expect this to happen. If you are in this situation please have hope and faith, and please think positive thoughts. I have said for many years and I still believe that what ever you fear in life is what you draw to you. So, have faith and believe that things can get better then ask God for guidance, and be quiet and listen for him to respond, believe me he will.
I am 50 and I am planning on teaching in Texas as a So. Ed teacher. I am subbing as a classroom assist and I feel that would be a good move for me. I figure I have at least another 15-20 years of work and I would like fulltime work.
I’m 51, separated for years now, good job for the next 12 months, but no retirement. I’ve worked for the government as a contractor for 10 years, but as soon as I train the “kids who don’t want to work, just want a paycheck”, I’m sure I’ll be replaced. I’m worried I won’t find a good paying job without a degree, and at my age. My boys are grown and I’ve considered selling the house I bought 2 years ago and moving. Scary!
So much depends on individual circumstances, Emmes — where you’re located, what your skill sets are, how flexible you can be relative to moving or consulting or juggling multiple projects / gigs, your ability to upgrade your skills to remain marketable, family obligations, health and so on. I wish you luck and please stop back and let us know how it’s going. I like to think we can cheer each other on, and share ideas so we all continue to make a living and contribute.
Can you get credit for what you are doing, that might help in getting closer to a degree. Some colleges offer credit for work experiences. Also you might be able to CLEP out of courses, which might whittle more hours down. Have you talked, visited a college and checked into 2 yr degrees, might be worth it, and there are student loans, grants, etc available that might be an option. Private or charter schools don’t always need a degree to teach in…
Please don’t assume or even hope that anyone can CLEP classes. Unless you have hands-on experience, perhaps in foreign language or if you worked in chemistry, for example, you cannot CLEP courses. And no college or university is going to give anyone college credit for “life experience.” I don’t know how these stories got started–they are urban myths.
Community colleges and vocational schools have programs that might work for some. There are also certificate programs in many universities. Those will not get you college credit, however.
I met a guy on a date when I was first single after my hell years in divorce court. I didn’t actually like him at all as a date, but I recall his words to me: “You’ll be okay. You have to reinvent yourself.” And he had done just that. I didn’t want to date him, but I’ve remembered those words.
I did reinvent myself at age 48, but I see that now as no longer working and no benefits, etc. The self-employment taxes are high. It’s lonely hard work. It pays my bills, so I’m no longer facing a literal food shortage. But it’s time for me to reinvent myself again. I now know it can be done. It’s daunting, but if you’re determined and get creative with whatever strengths you do have, it is possible. I have no family to help me at all. I did it before. I’ll do it again–or so I hope.
It certainly won’t include any CLEP courses.
I will add that 50-something is not as old as it was once considered. I don’t think I’d say 60 is the new 40, but the 50s can still be decent years.
I will add this–please do not let your appearance go. Do everything you can to maintain your looks. And don’t forget that depression is usually visible to others in your posture, your facial expressions, etc. Smile even IF you feel like crying. My youngest child actually told me that smiling will change your brain chemistry–she’s right. So in spite of the fear and the pain, smile. Fake it if you must. Most people don’t want to be around clinically depressed people. If you’re seriously depressed, you’ve got to quell that in order to survive.
And don’t let your appearance go. Don’t do it.
I did college recruiting and you can CLEP out of courses, it is available, it requires testing and it isn’t for FREE but it is an option! And it isn’t an urban myth about getting college credit for real life experience. How you go about it is the key. Some colleges offer an independent study that you have to turn in VALID research type papers on various topics for credit hours and again you pay for the course.. No, you can’t just say oh I did this job for this amount of time and get credits for it. But there are CREATIVE ways to apply the knowledge that you have in a field and get credit for that. I helped people DO that, so it wasn’t a MYTH-still isn’t. And you can only have a certain amount of CLEP work or independent study work applied to a degree, but if it gets you closer to a degree or certification as opposed to NOT having anything, then there is a payoff. And yes certificates can be received that differ from degreed programs, but having a “degree” isn’t always the ONLY way to go either. Certification can open some doors, not all but some. Degrees open doors in different places. That is my point.
Two excellent points in particular that I would like to comment on. First, that reinvention isn’t a one-time-only venture. As you say, refashioning key aspects of our lives at one time may serve well for 3 years or 5 or 15, and then we realize we need to tinker (perhaps significantly) again.
The challenge: That tinkering is typically harder as we get older, though age/health/family and of course financial circumstances impact.
Second, your mention of keeping up one’s appearance. I agree completely that this is vitally important for women especially. That doesn’t mean we have to run to a surgeon (which most of us can’t afford anyway), but the reality in the working and dating world is that we are judged first – and often indelibly – by our appearance.
@DF Concerning CLEP: Many of the CLEP exams only require a 50 to pass. Languages may require a bit more study, but there are plenty of CLEP study guides that can allow someone to pass the tests and save semesters of time and money. While CLEP may not allow you to add to your GPA in college, the tests are precisely for receiving credit for what you already know. I saved a year of unnecessary effort and about $5K in tuition, books and fees in college by taking the exams. YMMV.
Hi, I just left a job that paid me pretty good money (68K plus good benefits.) I’m 58 and don’t have nearly enough to retire on. There were still parts of the work I liked very much, and they would have kept me forever. Plus, my skills are not transferable and there are almost zero jobs in my field. (Definitely zero near enough to commute to.) So, why would I leave such a great thing?
75-90 hours, 6-7 days per week; tons of travel; all kinds of weather; responsibilities and interruptions that hit you like a fire hose all day every day, a boss that is nice enough but not supportive at all. Top heavy organization that is dysfunctional and not very successful overall. Health problems started cropping up: chronic insomnia, adrenals, thyroid, then GI/pancreatic pain (father died of Pancreatic Cancer.) I got treatments from multiple sources for a long time and I woke up in the night for years thinking “Dear God, not another day.” Finally the to do list (avalanche size) and the gut pain (scary) got me. I knew I couldn’t do it anymore and I left.
I’m not relieved. I’m terrified. What the hell to do?
Work-aholic Wanda
This is the breaking point where so many of us find ourselves, choosing between what feels like our health or livelihood. I understand the fear. I’ve been there.
Have you begun a list of all the things you know how to do? (Many skills are transferrable, even outside a niche field. And we are still capable of adding to our skill set, even at 50+.) Have you looked to skinny down your lifestyle wherever you can, knowing you will feel lightened in doing so and, reducing expenses in the meantime?
This first item is easy to do; the second, harder.
You are not alone.
As for lowering costs of living, can I recommend The Complete Tightwad Gazette – surely available from libraries everywhere. Amy Dacyczyn doesn’t just share tips for living cheaper, her editorials helped shape my way of looking at things, so that frugality became as much a hobby as it had been a necessity. It goes a long way to making it hurt less.
Read blogs in the insurance industry where burnout and mental health from stress is not an “if” it is a “when” because of the nature of it. Many have stated either I get out now, or die in my chair. I am NOT kidding. I left on the advice of my Dr. Suffice to say, I totally get it. And WHY do they keep the dysfunctional people/mgmnt-ugh…I would LOVE to find out, ha!!!! It is a frightening thing giving up financial security for sanity and health. I personally think you made the right choice, because facing the future w/o health isn’t smart. I would rather pare down and have health, than stay in an environment that robs your health. Do you have any people in your field that have done transitions into other stuff you can speak with?
I am 53 about to be 54 in a couple of months, but I been laid off since after the first of the year. A week are two afterwards my four grand daughters was dropped off unannounced in dead of winter on my doorstep with nowhere to go. On top of that the apartment I stay in the landlord went up fifty dollars. So now I have to pay 835 plus light and gas, I have two roommates and my fiance staying with me as well and they do their part. But I need a bigger place and I have no job other than what’s mentioned and no help and in for suggestions. I want to get into real estate but I don’t know where or how to begin with no money or education or license.
Ok, if real estate appeals to ya, have you checked with any successful real estate agents to see if they need an assistant. I had a friend that was in a similar situation, kids returned and her apt wasn’t BIG enough. She talked with some of the top agents, one told her he could try her p/t…he also helped them find a house that was a rental. That way you can get some exposure to the field, see if it is a fit, and then you can go from there. Or check with established property management places about jobs, that gets you showing properties and screening clients-similar to real estate and a stepping stone. Realtors are a networked group, they have to be, try and find one that can sort of mentor ya, or open a few doors. My realtor took a hit when stuff busted with the economy and houses were NOT selling. I got him on at our insurance office (he HATED insurance) but when the market picked back up, out he went. But because of our association, I sent him biz, he sent me biz.
In most states, you must have a license to practice real estate. It’s not as easy as calling someone up and taking a job as an assistant–in many states, even assistants must have a license.
There’s also a reason that those in that business have a running inside joke: “Real estate is an expensive hobby.” It is very challenging to be successful , and most will not be able to afford the long time it usually takes to start making a profit.
Real estate is not a bandaid job.
Property management is possible, but it’s tough to compete with younger applicants.
I think in life you have two choices make your way, or let life have its way. I have never had it easy, but I was determined to have a life that “I” chose. I have always HAD to be an out of the box thinker for the acquiring what I thought I wanted to have on my journey. I was raised that you work hard, don’t expect, and if it isn’t working, then you devise a different way, or if you can’t figure it out find someone who made a way on their journey and ask them to mentor you. This is what I believe, if I was told “no”, which happened a lot, I would keep trying a different route, to find a “yes”. 95% of the time I have found a way through whatever it was. That 5%, ugh, not to be-ok accept it. But give it what I dub the “zen time” Embrace all the emotion you’ve associated with it, let it all out, empty out and get clear. Do whatever it takes to regain the balance and not be ruled by the emotion by the memory or event. Then CLOSE the chapter, don’t let it rule your thoughts, and move on. I figure for whatever reason it wasn’t meant to be. Then go find what IS meant to be and celebrate that, and don’t go back into the emotional stuff surrounded with what you can’t have, fix, or lost. So many get caught or stuck in stuff that they let imprison them. Most of my fears have proven to be irrational, once I have gotten out of the circumstance that brought up the fear.
My mom constantly feared a house fire…she never had a house fire in her past, and she left the planet NEVER having a house fire, but it was her fear. So she had more smoke detectors than anyone, more fire extinguishers than anyone, wouldn’t have a fire in the fire place and switched to an electric stove. Fear is like that, it is usually not rooted in anything concrete, but my mom knew MORE on the subject of fire safety than anyone else I knew, and it helped lots of people be more aware.
I think women are taught, programmed, or whatever to NOT use their God given talents, and that is tragic. I think aging in a culture that worships youth is HARD, but I refuse to be daunted. I will keep looking for opportunities, keep working hard at being creative, and finding solutions. One thing age has taught me, is DUMP those not helping you achieve your goals or dreams.. Life is too short for that junk. Get with people who contribute, not deflate. Everyone has tough times, and it can’t be easy ALL the time, but why choose to camp among the negative. Wish them well, and GET FAR FAR AWAY. They are toxic and harmful in the long run. I am an introvert by nature, and sometimes it is difficult to be in our fast paced society, so I try to be careful to nurture, replenish, recharge myself so I can return to the rat race of planet earth. But I find negative people aren’t energy efficient and must go, ha. I grew up among highly pessimistic people, they didn’t encourage me much, it taught me to be grateful and try my best to encourage others, or help when you are able. We need more of that now than ever imho. Hang in there, if something isn’t working or getting results, redirect and try something else!!!! Even if it it scary, why have ANY regrets???
Hello,
I was looking on the website 50 years and older for more options on ways to live after 50. Most people seem to be stumbling, so instead of getting information I will give people the answers I have already found to help.
1. Go back to school and become a LPN (licensed practical nurse) and then an RN (registered nurse). The LPN is a one year vocational program and is easy to get into and complete. Work a year and then apply to a college to compete RN degree (only a two year degree). The population is aging and employers are desperate to find nurses. Age is not against you here. You can understand the patients woes and worries. I have given this advice to three people who were either stay at home mom’s or people in low wage jobs. One became and LPN, two became RN’s. You can work for many years as a nurse because there are so many avenues. Homemakers do very well with this occupation because they have been giving and taking care of people for years. The job pays well and has benefits.
Now for the list
1. Go back to school. Look for special help from the government in programs for this age group.
2. Relocate to a new and exciting climate.
3. Travel or move to a foreign country. You might consider working for a cruise line for a year and consider that your travel. Low pay, but a completely new experience that cost nothing but labor.
4. Start a business. Look up small business administration and find out what type of programs are available.
5. Find a new partner.
6. Find a new career
7. Take up a musical instrument or physical activity. The local colleges have many one time fee after hours leisure classes.
8. Travel the country with an RV, The national campgrounds will hire you to clean and monitor the park with a six month contract to defray expenses.
9. Adopt or foster children.
10. Buy an old house and remodel it. This should take ten years.
11. Buy a hobby farm and raise animals and vegetable.
12. Write a book and publish it on the internet, start a blog, make your own you tube videos and post.
13. Consider becoming a missionary for a good cause in this or other foreign country.
14. Move to California and become a struggling actor.
15. Try getting a new job every year. Each job should be in a totally different field and be low level. The pay will probably be bad, but it would be a new adventure.
16. Become a politician and run for public office.
17. Volunteer in local organizations
18. Live on a boat and cruise the waterways.
19. Become a comedian and do stand up comedy like the guy did in the old song.
20. Become a funeral director in only two years. They make pretty good money and age is not important.
21. Spend more time with your family and cultivate it.
That’ s about it. I hope this has given someone a few ideas.
Gina
Wow, Gina. Quite a list of suggestions! Indeed, health care is a field destined to grow, and many stay-at-home-moms are certainly comfortable in care-taking roles. (On the other hand, many of the mothers I’ve known, SAHMS or juggling careers-and-kids, had enough of caring for anyone by the time they hit Empty Nest.)
Thanks so much for this input!
Start your own business? Be careful here. You need funds, and a big savings or money to invest. Taxes are a mess for small business, and you better be great at social marketing. Before you start your own business, please take the free classes offered at most SBA offices. Just my humble opinion and my very real experience.
I’m glad you stopped by and added your voice and experience, Stephanie.
Might you share the general (or specific) areas / job functions / industries that interest you or in which you think you excel? Some of those skill sets you mention? Is yoga / health / well-being the field you wish to remain in if possible? Are you able to identify job descriptions in this (or a related) field that would result in the targeted living ($$$) you require?
Are you kidding. Cindy has no money. Please, if you have gone thru this don’t start with hey, start something that takes money !
Quite true, Tony. So often, people suggest taking classes or starting a business as if that is easily done, you have time and money to invest, and you aren’t feeling beaten down by having lost your job or more. Not to mention, you need money to continue on a daily basis. I believe the suggestions are well-intentioned, simply ignorant.
In the meantime, is there anything we can do to brainstorm that might be of assistance to you?
I am 55 and in a carreer path that is not for me. I live alone and work from home on the computer so I am very isolated. I feel my brain is changing from all the time on the computer. I am becoming less comfortable with being around people. I was a stay at home mom to four, for nearly 20 years, when my husband walked out on me suddenly for another woman. I had to sell our home, enroll in college, and take care of the kids. The career choice I made served my family well, but they are grown and gone, and I need out. I feel very stuck because I have what most folks would consider a good job with job security, and I have good health benefits. I don’t feel I can walk away from that without a pretty good plan. I am so exhausted when I’m done working that I usually just stay home and read or watch TV. I am not seeing the point of this lifestyle anymore. I have no other skills, and seem to have lost my creativity. I have also forgotten how to have fun. I feel guilty, especially after reading the post of what some of you have been through. But bottom line..I am not satisfied or happy. I am not living out my purpose, I am just existing.
I have considered going into some sort of ministry which would require school. But, reality is I have to work, and I have to have benefits. I have considered selling my home, even though I love it, to free up some funds while I make some decisions. (Not a huge amount of equity) Problem is, where do I live?
I have also considered opening up a childrens clothing consignment shop. I had a small one years ago and enjoyed it. But, I was married then, and it was more of a hobby. Not sure if I could live off the income from one. So, time flies by and I am still stuck and not getting any younger. Love this article and I do feel less alone. Thank you.
I recently read one of your articles about women over 50 and starting over. For well over 25 years I was a veterinary technician and absolutely loved my career, but I now find myself laid off after employment with my last job of 6 years, and unemployable. Nobody seems interested in my career achievements, just my age. Also I have recently developed severe knee pain that prohibits me from being on my feet for long periods of time, so I’m broke with no insurance and very very worried about my future. I need a new way to support myself and I have no idea how or what to do. I can’t afford school and my license is suspended because I could not afford to pay my car insurance anymore. So that leaves me homebound with no way to get around for jobs or anything else. I need some advice. Thank you.
Cindy, a few things come to mind, along with some questions.
Please don’t feel you need to get too specific, but if you care to share what part of the country you’re in, there are readers here from all over. Someone might have an idea or contact.
I had to look up what a veterinary technician does, and found this description of a vet tech’s job: “These technicians provide many of the same services to a veterinary clinic that a registered nurse (RN) does for a hospital or doctor’s office.” The source I found points out the need for academic training, certification, licensing (varies by state) and so on. Clearly, rigorous training.
I understand completely about the age barriers that exist in the real world, the despair we begin to feel when we can’t get a foot in the door, and the slow disappearance of confidence as money problems strip us of options, not to mention hope.
A few questions.
Do you have any family that can step in? Are you on your own? Are you responsible for others? (Kids, nieces/nephews, grandchildren, aging parents) What sort of animals did you primarily take care of? The usual pets? Something more exotic? Farm animals?
This is a country that loves its pets. (I sometimes think we treat animals better than people.) You must have an incredible store of knowledge and a true love of animals after 25+ years in the field. Could your knowledge be useful to the Humane society? A local branch of the ASPCA or PETA? What about animal rescue organizations of some sort, or any programs at local hospitals or even nursing homes/retirement communities that could benefit from bringing pets into the facility in a therapeutic way? Does any of this spark ideas, or have you already tried these avenues?
I realize you no longer have a license, so getting to/from anywhere is an issue especially if public transportation isn’t readily available and even more of a problem with severe knee pain. But perhaps your expertise could be put to use in some advisory capacity with something along the lines of what I mentioned above.
One more idea. Maybe crazy. And not likely to make you rich, but… Have you ever blogged? You can do it essentially for free, you can do it from home or the local library — feet up. Believe me, blogging (for most of us) is not a living, but you don’t know what doors it could open up. I am a dog lover (our rescue dog passed away a few years ago after a long, happy life with us); I would certainly be more likely to read a pet advice blog written by someone who not only loves animals but brings your kind of experience to the table.
I was curious. I found this – just a start at who / what is in the pet advice / pet blogging space: Top 5 Pet Blogs from SheKnows. I’m sure there are many more. Do you think that’s something you could explore? Hardly a short-term fix, but it might lead to other doors opening.
What other skills can you think of that you have that you could use from home over the Internet? Also, are you stuck in an area you would like to leave but can’t? Or are you happy to stay but the age impediments and limited options are holding you back?
I hope this is of some help.
Ideas, anyone?
One idea that came to mind was pet-sitting for people on vacation. A lot of folks really don’t like the idea of a kennel and would prefer someone to care for their dog (or even their home). The deal could involve transportation to their house or their bringing their pet to you.
I don’t know how you feel about children, but here in Britain there are thousands of kids looking for foster homes. It’s not the sort of thing to do just for the money, but perhaps it would work for some people (not for me, though). I don’t know how it works in the States.
Another possibly mental idea, but better than starving, is to look into the Mormon church. When I lived in SLC I saw many examples of how they look out for their own, helping find jobs, providing food, paying utilities and rent (but not handing out cash). My secretary had a job with good benefits, but when she was too sick to work and so had no paycheck, she returned to the church she was raised in and they rescued her (I looked into welfare benefits for her – she had to survive for a full year to demonstrate how down and out she was to qualify, how useless is that?). She wasn’t thrilled about going to church again, but she had a teenaged daughter to support as well as herself.
Reading about the situation in the US for people on the fringe, I can’t help but wonder how they vote in the elections. Growing up there I always understood ‘socialism’ was a dirty word, but after living in Europe for 20 years I’ve come to think that a good government looks after its citizens, not after its banks.
The pet sitting idea is fabulous, especially if Cindy can walk or use Lyft or Uber to get to work.
Cindy, your skills are perfect for pet-sitting and your credentials should give you a big in with clients.
Another suggestion: if you’d prefer to stay off your feet, specialize in cats.
You can work for established pet-sitting services or start your own.
Another possibility: grooming pets in the client’s home.
A third possibility: consulting at people’s homes on pet behavioral problems or for administering mess or feeding elderly pets.
If you can give people expert and personalized services in their homes (use Lyft or Uber for transportation), you could have a good business.
I am replying to a much older post.
I reached out to Pres. Trump just after he took office suggesting that one of the areas he needs to address is 50+ and jobless. I received a reply that the office would take this into consideration. So far NOT.
I started working at age 13 and continued right through till just shy of 60. I held my position for ten years and all of a sudden without warning or cause I was handed my walking papers labelled as a reduction in workforce. As I was the only one doing my job (Celebrity Publicist) I thought it very strange. But no other was given and because I live in a right to work state I could do nothing. That was in 2009. I was very well known as a publicist. I worked regularly with some very well known celebrities.
After my departure I picked up a few freelance gigs; created work for myself but it only lasted a few years. I am now 70, look much younger and my mind is very much alive. I am wasting my life so to speak and because I gave up having a family because I was a career gal, life is empty. I can’t get arrested.
My husband who was a very popular radio host also got the boot a year later due to jealousy. His boss was also the owner of the station and the morning guy and his ratings were terrible compared to my husband. He still has not been able to find another station that will hire so he works freelance under his own company. The monetary value is very limited and small.
If an employee is not a murderer or thief I think companies must be forced into letting younger people go first. They have a much better chance of landing another job. Over 50, well you’re doomed. Great minds are few and far between. It is such a shame to waste them.
I am in the same situation. My name is Cindy as well.
I am in the same situation. I hate to go to sleep at night because I know as soon as I wake up in the morning, I am filled with dread and hopelessness. I had a 30 year career in the corporate world in Houston, TX. I have applied change or many jobs online. I have a top notch resume, but nobody will give me the time of day. I had moved to the country with my ex, and assumed my carreer was over. I had done well in my career with no college degree. So I moved back to Houston after my divorce, and the job market had completely changed in 5 years. Every job has to be applied for online. That makes it very impersonal and th ou do not have the chance to sell yourself or get a foot in the door. It is depressing. I am a very hard worker, and can handle any office job. I was making $30/hr. When I left my job in 2010 to join my husband due to his job relocation to a small country town. I live with my sister and her husband for now. Still looking for a decent job to support myself. But the job market is now paying half of what I was making in 2010. So, I have a lot of things against me. I also cannot afford car insurance. I am destitute. Is there not some type of help out there for women in my position to help me get back on my feet. I feel like I am wasting away, and have no purpose in life. I might as well be dead. I really want a job so bad, but I do not even have money to put gas in my uninsured car, and I no longer have health insurance. I am truly on skid row.
Hello Melissa, I saw you posted this in late April (I am reading it 9 mos later). I am also a “lifer office admin” in Houston and suffer the same dilemma. Pay is half what it used to be. Temp jobs help get by, but the market has changed. I hope you are navigating the choppy waters and doing ok! All the best – your story resonates with me ?
I too am a Cindy and 55. I have started to feel ashamed of my age, like I’ve done something wrong by getting older. I go to interviews but I don’t get hired. It’s getting harder and harder to even go to just get rejected when I’m only looking for reception/office work. I guess it’s younger females that the companies want as the first thing clients see. I’m feeling pretty depressed.
Hi Cindy, I too have been hit with a layoff and find myself home bound. I can’t afford schooling, my car is a junket and my wife is getting frustrated at me just wandering around, I do not know what to do so your story touched my heart. I have to stay away from Facebook, all the smiling faces, have fun and I am just sitting in despair. I can not sleep as my mind wanders about everything, some things don’t even make sense. I am not sure what to tell but your not alone. We just never hear from people like us, hurts too much.
Timeless is how I made my resume.. I customize it for every job giving at least one relevant workskills area filling it up with keywords that would ensure it’s pulled by HR.. And I do get plenty of interviews but no job offers.. I just turned 57 and I landed a job with a cafe recently.. but not my cup of tea.. I enjoyed cooking but when everyone disappeared for 45 minutes, presumably outside during rush hour I couldn’t work with such irresponisble people.. when they got back I grabbed my things walked to my car and left.. Constantly trying to keep a positive attitude but todays culture of unprofessionalism is killing me.. UGGG
Hi Cindy, If you can find any pet rescue groups in your area, that could be a good networking opportunity. It would also give you recent references when the next opportunity comes through. I had a similar experience and found that volunteering made me feel better, helped those who needed a hand and I made some new friends along the way, too. It also got me out of the house, something I needed badly at the time. I hope the right job comes to you very soon. Know that others are thinking of you and sending positive energy your way.
Great ideas about pet rescue and volunteering.
I almost choked on my water when I read your suggestions regarding top 10 careers after 50.
– Coaching (which certainly uses your professional and life experience) – coach who? 20 to 40 yr olds who think they know it all. Trust me on this one.
– Healthcare-related (a growth area, adding millions of jobs) – I hold a master’s degree in nursing and because I haven’t been at the bedside for the past 4 years, I can’t find work anywhere. Besides with all the online – easy to get masters degree programs now available to nurses… we are a dime a dozen. The final fallacy in this suggestion – caring for the sick is physically demanding, mentally and emotionally draining, and horribly underpaid work.
– Assisted living/eldercare (again, much needed with our aging population): See above… until you have cared for the elderly you have no idea how hard it is to care for sick and elderly people. And again, low paying work.
– Tour guide! (Why not?): And how much do you think a person who is use to making $100,000.00 a year is going to want to work for peanuts?
– Providing home care: Once again, see above Hard work + low wages = not a viable option for those over 50 no matter how good of shape we are in.
Hi JHerg. Delighted you stopped by and offered your comments. I am nodding (in the affirmative) on all of them, however…
Please note – these are / were the suggestions of the prevailing “powers that be” (whomever they may be), as plucked from the latest cursory coverage of this subject for the 50-something workers in our evolving marketplace. These aren’t my personal suggestions.
That said, I have seen some individuals successfully transition to teaching / coaching. It required some patience, and I will add, they were not on their own without any resources to tide them over during the transition. I do know a few very “spry” individuals in their 50s who could easily handle fairly physical jobs. Whether or not they would want to (or they would pay enough) is another story.
As for nursing, I will defer to your expertise in the matter (not my field; I have one friend who would surely agree with what you say). As for the eldercare or any type of personal care, I would think that if (and only if?) you can secure a private patient / client, then you might make reasonable pay.
So what are you doing these days? What are you looking for? What do you think are reasonable ways to transition knowledge and skills and be able to make a living at 50+?
Thanks so much for chiming in! We need all the real-world input we can get on this important subject.
Ummm, no re:elder care. Having a private client means you either work for an agency (after the agency takes its fees the pay is not substantial) or that you are paid quite close to minimum wage. Plus: most private clients are not comfortable with providing for Social Security withholding or payroll taxes.
I base my response on reports from elder care workers. Sometimes the pay is best in upper end nursing homes and assisted living facilities.
Exactly right! I’m an LCSW.
Amen J!!!!!
I have an MA in history and wanted to work in museums-ha-they want millennials! Everyone wants millennials-especially millennials!
First of all you are correct about salary (tour guide???). Give me a break that’s a minimum wage job I did that for a summer!
Secondly, you can forget about millennials hiring you when you see their mom’s age!! Haha.
Thirdly: most HR professionals are millennials!!!!!
My fourth point-yes we are tired.
With a diagnosis of rheumatoid arthritis and depression anxiety and suicide ideation-I’ve about had it.
I am a 54 yr old newly divorced woman with 6 grown children and one 14 yr old boy living with me. I have been a stay at home mother until I left my second husband and now I find myself needing to support us. Before I got divorced I had a personal chefs business and had cookies which I made in 3 Whole Foods stores. But, because of an unforeseen situation I had to stop doing this. I nanny a new born 3 days a week but this is not enough to pay for our healthcare, car insurance, rent and all the other bills that are now up to me to pay.
I would like some guidance on resume writing and ideas of jobs that I could apply for. I have three semesters left before getting my english degree.
Thank you, Cathy
Cathy, I’ve personally found that tailoring a resume to the jobs I’m targeting is most effective. You aren’t changing facts, but you are packaging then in a compelling way for your target audience.
That requires that you start from the type of jobs you might be interested in, which in turn leads me to a few questions.
Do you live in a big city or the suburbs of a big city that provides a number of different options in terms of industries and types of positions?
If you are looking to go to an office or an organizations location every day, do you have transportation?
Are you open to working for large organizations or do you feel more comfortable with something smaller?
You sound entrepreneurial — the chef business — is there an offshoot or related activity you could consider developing?
You’re raising kids, you’re working PT as a nanny, you’re going to school… That’s a lot, but single moms take on (and succeed at) a lot — because we must.
Realistically how much time do you think you can make to pursue your job search? What individuals might you know with whom you could connect to have conversations about what direction you might go in? Are there any resources at the school that might provide guidance?
While we traditionally think of people who take degrees in English or other languages as targeting teaching for a career, that’s not necessarily the case. Then again, is that something you had wanted to do?
Last — Are you grown children in a position to help you make connections? Connections are key.
This has been an extremely interesting read, a little disconcerting, uplifting and frightening all at the same time. I am 50 years old and have worked since I was 15. I chose the technical college route after high school and worked as a dental assistant for years in other states, and in other countries, while I was married to my first husband who was in the U.S. Air Force. After we went through a first separation over 20 years ago, I decided I never wanted to feel that vulnerable pertaining to income and raising children alone. I made the commitment to enroll in college, earned my degree while working full-time and raising children. I presented my thesis 3 days after giving birth to my now 17 year old son. I had wonderful jobs and had to redirect myself after the divorce, taking positions that earned more, (including more hours) in order to keep the house etc. It was very difficult, although we survived. A lot of sacrifices were made throughout my life. I have since remarried, held a high level position at a non-profit for 10 years, (that offered some flexibility) and decided to leave after a change in management, that was making my life miserable, thinking I could secure something equivalent in pay, or close to it. Three years later, and after one small consulting gig, I’ve taken a position that pays 90% less per hour than what I had made and worked so hard for all of those years.
I am trying everyday to maintain a positive attitude, but I can’t help but feel anger inside, knowing the time I put into this job is worth nothing, my talent is wasted and I’m working everyday, with no down time to pursue writing a book. This job also has physical demands that leave me exhausted. Feeling very frustrated and scared, because my son will graduate from high school next year and his dad (my ex) will not help with college expenses. (the law in our state is support ends at 18 or when a child graduates high school) Previously when I earned a sustainable salary, we negotiated on child support and I allowed him to pay less, it has increased a little now, but nothing to put away for college after healthcare, car insurance, contact lens, cell phone, and other expenses)
Although my current husband is supportive, my 29 year old daughter still lives with us and I don’t know how much longer he will be willing to help support my children. He has two adult children of his own who constantly want money to maintain their lifestyles.
I could just cry, knowing how I worked so hard to remedy this situation and here I am years later, older, back in the same place, asking myself what went wrong. I have been applying for positions for 2 years that were a match with my level of education and experience, but nothing has materialized. I’m scared that my current position is dumbing me down, but I felt I had to take it to contribute to our expenses.
On top of this, my mom has terminal cancer and I am struggling with not being able to see her as much due to my work schedule. I also have a grandson and a married daughter who I try to see and spend time with, but very limited because of schedules.
My children were witnesses to the hardships I went through to obtain my degree and they see where I’ve ended up at this point. Needless to say, after squeezing in a few college visits, my son is a little reluctant to attend college. He is earning almost as much as I do per hour, if not more, at a summer landscaping job and he’s in high school. I feel like a failure, who still has some crazy optimism left, but not sure if I have the energy anymore to pull all of this together and reinvent myself.
Suggestions would be appreciated and welcomed. Thank you everyone for listening. I recognize that a lot of people are in the same position and commend you for your strong, determined spirit.
This is a very interesting post, especially when reading the comments. I wonder how many people could gave started over at 50 and not had a divorce. I understand that the author is focused on what to do after a divorce, but it seems that it is focused on such a narrow set of individuals. How many people could have found happiness within by starting over within the framework of their marriage? Not everyone was / is a SAHM or SAHD or felt the need to start over with divorce being the only path. I may be reading too much into this, but many people think divorce will make them happy. They desire to rework their life and will toss out their marriage, many of their old friends, and sometimes, career. They say “I’m not happy,” and sees ending the marriage as a way to re-establish independence and
seek the happiness that has recently eluded them. Yet, they do not plan anything. Just get the divorce and then everything will be okay, right? What I see is more people struggle financially and emotionally and for what gain? Could they have not sought reinvention or personal improvement while being married? Not everyone has an supportive, cheating, ‘deadbeat’ or abusive spouse. I just find the article missing the point.
Some people DO get abused and have to leave a marriage – like me, with 3 kids, one in diapers. No alimony, no child support – I spent $20k on lawyers trying to get my ex husband to pay, garnished his wages – he just quit job after job. So I raised the kids myself – became a real estate agent and bought my own home. Then 4 years ago my middle son was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes which in turn led to 3 other related diseases. I had to sell my house and leave my job to find one with benefits we could afford. Since then I have had 5 jobs, in 4 years. Three I lost due to time missed to care for my son. My other two sons went into the military to work and also get a college education. My sick son lives at a center now. We are all in different states and I have a grandson I have only seen once. My dad just died and I finally went over the edge.
It’s ridiculous really – I’m educated, experienced, attractive, energetic, have lots of friends and family….but 2 weeks ago I had a nervous breakdown, stood up at work and told my boss I was quitting. Then I called my landlord and said I’m moving out. I was out of my mind, but very calm about it – I just could not take ONE. MORE. MINUTE. Now here I am, 50 years old, living in a little room at my mom’s house, with my dog. Obviously very, very depressed – it’s like someone pulled the plug on me and all the lights went out. But hey, time to reinvent myself! Yeah, I’m going to get right on that!
I’ve been trying to figure out how to “go to Switzerland”. Because I am so very, very tired. All the years, all the work, all the overtime, all the horrible bosses. I am so pissed off right now and I don’t even know why.
I know why you’re pissed off, Lisa. And if you ask me, you have every right to be pissed off, to scream your heart out for days and nights on end. You did everything you were “supposed to do” and the system — or rather, systems — failed you. Over and over again. We can only take so much, but please know that you aren’t alone in going through these inexplicably dreadful times.
Do you have anyone you can talk to? How is your physical health? Can you stay at your mom’s for a few months to get your bearings?
I don’t know that anyone reading here can help in a tangible way, but many of us can listen and nod and understand. (If you want to write – if you think it will help at all, please do. Use the email on the about page.)
Lisa, I think I know what you are talking about. When the lights went out on me I called it a complete and total loss of “spirit.” I was so low financially and emotionally I found it difficult to put into words how I felt.
Focus on getting back on your feet emotionally. Then you can focus on the reinvention stuff. Do you have a plan for yourself moving forward?
All,
My heart goes out to so many of you who are struggling. As a boomer, I thought by now better paying jobs for women would be a given. Sigh. Don’t ever give up; it’s never too late to find the career or the relationship of your dreams. I (finally) found + married my best friend in my 40s, got laid off from corporate America in my 50s and became an entrepreneur. It wasn’t easy for me. It is possible. While I don’t have children I know this makes everything so much more challenging. Don’t go it alone. Keep trying until you’ve created a get-a-better-job support network for yourself.
3 suggestions:
1. Add at least one new, self-development activity to your life. Find a church or local group that has support groups for women. Google is your friend. Search for “free career development resources” in your city. Here is a list: http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/243672
2. Find women who are working toward the same things you are. Try Meetups for your city. Many of these events are free or low-cost. http://www.meetup.com/
3. Don’t stop until you have a mentor. Ask EVERYONE you know to recommend 2-3 women or men who can mentor you. Everyone’s journey will be a bit different. Practice asking for guidance.
Thank you D.A. Wolf for such an insightful article and your ongoing responses.
Cynthia, Thank you for your ideas and advice, especially on how to find free ways to learn career-helpful skills. At nearly 50, I wonder if it would be worth it for me to learn medical billing-coding; school would take a year, and then I know it takes a few years of experience to be trusted. I won’t go into my situation–it’s nothing like the rest of yours, and I just wish I could help, or knew what to say. Except that I really suck at finding work.
I’m starting over at age 53. My husband recently died of cancer. We married late in life (in our 40’s) and neither of us had children. My husband’s illness bankrupted us. We lost our home, our car, cleared out all our savings. I had gotten laid off and couldn’t find work and exhausted my unemployment insurance. Then I became chronically ill with auto-immune problems and a herniated disc in my back and bone spurs in my feet and nerve damage in my feet, hands and arms. We had to move in to my husband’s parents’ guest house. Then it burned down and we lost everything, all our clothes, furniture, important documents, family pictures, etc. including our beloved cat. So after the fire and my husband dying, I’m now living in a guest bedroom of my in-laws’ house. I have no family alive and really no friends to help me. I’m on food stamps and Medicaid and I have less than $5.00 to my name. I have no car and I’m too ill to work, have only a high school education and haven’t work in 10 years. The last job I held was a minimum wage job helping out an elderly woman in her home. But now I don’t have the physical ability to do that as I can’t stand or walk for very long and I have no car. I live in a rural area in a forest in the mountains and there is no public transportation. My in-laws want me to move out but I have nowhere to go and no money. The county I live in doesn’t have low income housing help, nor does it have financial cash aid to the poor. I have no income at all. I filed for disability 2 years ago and am still fighting to get it. In the meantime I don’t know what to do. I don’t know where to move to and I don’t have any family alive or any friends to help.
Mrs. RG, I know what it feels like to be so alone and have no family to turn to. Do you have anyone to talk to? Any online communities that might at least help you feel less isolated in your situation? Do your in-laws have any suggestions for you?
Hospice said I can speak to them or a minister through them if I want to. I have some online friends that I can chat with if I want to but they are people I’ve never met in person. I’m not the type of person that wants to talk about things with others, especially people I don’t know very well. What I really need is help figuring out where to move on my budget. I’m absolutely clueless. Looking at online articles about various areas around the nation only paints a positive look about these areas and one can’t judge an area and get it’s “vibe” unless visited in person, which I’m not able to do. I have no idea which areas in any given state or city are “bad” areas. Online rental ads are all for apartments that I can’t afford. Roommate ads all seem to be for college kids, stating they want a roommate between the ages of 18 and 22 years old. They don’t want an “old” lady living with them and I don’t want to live with a bunch of kids. So it’s a challenge for me to find a place to live. I’m not on good terms with my in-laws. They are letting me stay in their guest bedroom only until my SSI comes and then I need to move out. I try my best not to speak to them because we get in arguments. The area where I live has shut down the low income housing program for seniors and disabled and they aren’t taking any new applicants.
I am 58 years old, divorced after 32 years with nothing – no house and little money. I am scared to death of starting all over. I have managed to put a little money aside but can’t even seem to think clearly about what I can afford for a place to live, bills,etc. I am living with my sister but need to get out on my own. Anyone know where I should start? I live in California!
Are you looking for work as well, LadyDeeET?
It is a HUGE challenge. After 2 years i am still looking for a job. I did work that went to the White house and the pentagon and now I cant get a job making coffee and that nasty chain coffee house. We’ve been cheated. After raiding my 401k I will be homeless soon.
Let’s NAME the companies that laid us off at this age. It is age discrimination. Information should be available about lay offs and the age of employees and the company names so everyone can see the data. They RUIN lives.
Mine wasn’t a lay off due to my age, it was the company was closing down completely and everyone got let go. The company is no longer in business in my state and the company didn’t offer to transfer any employees to the company in the other state.
Thank you for this information. I feel like I stepped in a time machine. I imagine, I am on the Anti-aging committee, but the sad reality is that I am getting old and don’t want to face it. With this economy and coping with the age and living with elderly parent does tend to drain me. I am wishing the new President would make the retirement age 55 and make that a law, thus helping the economy. It’s nice to know you’re not alone!
I sure do empathize, Rita. It is hard to face. We may put on our “best” face, but it’s hard in many ways. Community definitely helps! (Please do stop by again…)
Yes I am, empathizing with others, that have no house or money too!
And again I am wishing the new President would make the retirement age 55 and make that a law, thus helping the economy. It’s nice to know you’re not alone!
Just coping with is another reality!
Rita, I’ve walked in similar shoes – and it sucks! But here’s what I learned that allowed me to dig myself out of that swamp.
Empathizing with others who were in a similar position and wishing the powers that be would pass laws that would give me some respite just kept me stuck in that swamp. When I turned that wishing and frustration into action, I reclaimed some control over the situation. That gave me the determination needed to get myself unstuck.
Courses of action you could take are actively lobby for getting the retirement laws changed, so you can all benefit. As D.A. says connecting helps. Trying to do it alone is deadly. But consciously connect with those who have found a way out of this “swamp” or at least genuinely WANT to – not those who are still stuck in it. Otherwise you all drown!
If you were to gather a team together who all have the same problem, and TOGETHER focus on ways to get unstuck, you can do it. Whether it’s getting the laws changed or whether it’s following the lead of others who’ve managed to get out of a similar position, in spite of the laws that are currently in place.
Hope this helps.
It’s pretty shocking and intimidating to be forced to reinvent yourself (again) – especially when you thought you were on the home run.
I’m 52 years old with 4 sons. My one son has cerebral palsy and also has seisures. I really need extra money. My husband works but it’s not enough to pay the bills. Could you please let me know if there are any stay at home jobs that are lucrative. I’m desperate.
Hi
I love your comments. I am a 51 year old male that just returned to university after a 25 year absence. Basically I am setting the clock back 25 five years. This is with mixed emotion. Most of the class doesn’t care but the profs seem to be in competition.
Reading some posts is heart wrenching. I wish I could help. I’m in some similar situations. Age 50, separated 2 years, waiting for crazy stalker ex to sign papers, 2 divorce atty’s, $8,000 in lawyer fees, father recently passed from cancer, 80 yr old mom lives alone in another state(a constant concern). I have 2 teenage girls, one was molested as a child by a neighbor and has been self destructive for years needing $200,000 worth of medical/psych care. Had to sell our house. I’ve been steadily draining my retirement savings. I live in a tiny 1 bedroom apt with my girls. I’ve reached low points and felt suicidal too.
But….I’m finally happy with my life and looking forward to my future. Here’s why:
After a nervous breakdown 7 years ago over my failing marriage, I got help. I found a therapist and psych. I needed medication and therapy. That got me strong enough to look at my future and realize I needed a plan. I returned to school, worked as a sales clerk p/t. Studied healthcare at a community college. There is financial aid available. It IS an advantage being older and wiser in the nursing field. Nothing makes u feel better about yourself than helping those less fortunate. My father left me some money. I’ve taken all I have and bought an affordable home in Fl which I will rent out and make money on the next 10 months till I move there with my kids. In this field I will earn a nice salary in FL. I will be OK, my kids will be OK
Some advice: please seek psych help, it made me stronger. There are free clinics out there. Look at getting financial aid for 2 year degrees. I’m in school with kids half my age and it’s a great experience. I graduate in a month. Never be ashamed of your situation, only if u don’t try to change it.
Don’t ever give up, every day is a gift.
Here’s my vent to the ether: I’m trying to get courage up for ending this craziness. I turned 55 a couple months ago. Last worked full-time in 2000. Asked for layoff since facility of where employed in shutdown mode anyway, and both children had serious medical issues that required lots of dr. visits. (Younger one has tethered spinal cord and volvulus resulting in 9 surgeries through age 12.) I have 2 masters, both from a highly ranked universities, the last degree obtained back in 2003. Tried since then to find full-time employment. Two kiddos now 18 & 20. Older one was in college and was in rollover accident back April 2014 as a passenger – now bi-polar. In down cycle since June; hasn’t left house – LITERALLY in over a month, who has over the course of the last 1.5 years gave up seeking help from broken mental health system. (Held a job as a mover all summer but no more work in last 7 weeks; can’t focus to study and dropped out of college…) If you could imagine, when in the manic cycle the mania is WORSE!
Husband, age 62, has progressive MS, symptomatic since 2008, diagnosed in 2010, in constant pain and severe fatigue, barely able to move, still working but getting jerked around by medical ins. co’s. Rx plan provider, WellDyne & their subtractor that cancelled his symptom mgt. meds because of costs. Don’t know how much longer he’ll be able to work. Short-saled our house back in 2013 because too many stairs for him to navigate…
I continue to apply to both the lower paying positions, and the ones that pay well and complement my experience; offer to intern for free. I tried county workforce assistance but realized they’re geared for people out of work less than 5 years. Also tried “employment/career consultants” and career services through university. I’ve been told my resumes and cover letters are awesome, need to network MORE.
I’m tired of the craziness of beating my head against the brick wall of age and looks discrimination, (yes, I’m well kept, relatively attractive, but over weight), so more strikes for me… I grew up in the throes of the Baby Boomer generation, trained like everyone else to embrace youth, thought education was the key to success, never took seriously the warnings of my female, single, no children peers to never choose raising my kids over employment, and, regretfully, never spent much time contemplating becoming the old crone. Our society has no room or respect for aging females, unless we’re one of the very well-monied and demand by default to be respected for our money, thus have the ability to shroud ourselves from the real world order. I’m disgusted at where I am and who I’ve become. I was once a technically astute well-respected, well-liked, mid to upper-level manager and consultant. I wish I could voluntarily undergo sanctioned euthanasia, but instead shamefully have to resort to becoming one of the weak, disappointing, hated ones for breaking some male’s fabricated God’s law. My family must endure yet another failure of its matriarch.
Yeah seeing psychotherapist, but there really aren’t any answers to fix my age and the lost 15 years with only volunteer and part-time employment. Oh well, I don’t feel sorry for myself, just embarrassed at my poor decisions, and for being duped for thinking I have a niche and can be a productive member of society. As I said, trying to get up the courage…
Really is everyday a gift? Really I should never give up? Really continue to wear the leather underware? Really I should embrace that I created two society rejects? Really I should be looking forward to being one of the homeless scourges? Really I’m that vacuous, “sinful,” clueless and stupid??? REALLY???
Linda
I sleep on my parents couch after divorcing the narc husband. Kids did not speak to me for 3 yrs.
Lost my biz in 08. My kids love. My home. My ex husbands friendship when he remarried one year after a 20 yr marriage. She wouldnt allow it and was a 49 yr old never married no kids golddigger.
I work for an insurance company that does not offer benefits while I coach policyholders on the importance of proper diet and nutrition and regular medical check ups.
My family is disgusted with me and blames me for not being employable.
I did not apply for food stamps. I used up all my retirement to survive and I have CC debt from living off them, due to not being hired.
I have tried to commit suicide when my kids continually rejected me and I lost friends who didnt want to be mine after I lost my biz and money.
I left all my belongings behind and moved in with my parents and even they did not want me here.
My siblings hate me and call me a loser.
My ex Doctor bf wouldnt even hire me as his receptionist when he needed one and cheated on me left and right.
I sought out 12 step programs for free help, and finally applied for medical assistance and have a therapist. No meds nor counsel can get the therapist to really understand the severe suicidal facet we find ourselves in. I agree – right to die.
As soon as my parents pass – I am pulling my own plug. Enough is enough.
While I am now able to talk to my kids, they still treat me like I am worthless. Ironically – this is why I left their dad. He was a workaholic who insisted I stay at home to raise the kids – had affairs which actually didnt bother me I was so beaten down – and that college edu meant nothing. I couldnt even land a job at tj maxx knowing two employees.
Nobody knows how bad we feel until they have been as low for AS LONG as we have been. Have great support – then the impact is lessened. For me, I am ashamed daily.
I worked in a shelter last winter – it was awful. I identify with them more than idealisms of my upbringing.
I no longer see the value in commercialized highly promoted sensational holiday undertakings. I see the poor and homeless while I look for a bridge under which to live.
My sister got laid off after 20 yrs with McKesson. She was out of work on severance and became more understanding as she lost her mind in the scramble to find work. She actually finally understood what losing your SH&t meant at long term unemployment, and also started imaginging life under a bridge. And she got two offers in two days – both amazing. She stopped speaking to me.
Coinkydink?
Its abunch of shit. I want to pull the plug. I am done.
Candy, What small, tangible ‘something’ could help? Who do you or can you talk to? Or have a cup of coffee with?
That may not sound like much of a solution, and I’m really not in a position to give you solutions, but maybe the conversation here can, in some small way, help identify options to ease the horrific pressure that you are under. The world can be terribly cruel, our systems can fail us over and over, and even our families are no guarantee that we won’t be judged and dismissed. If anything that judgment and dismissal is the cruelest when it comes from the people we expect to be there for us.
How can we help?
Is there any way to repair the relationship with your sister, for example?
I have been dealing with my parents rapidly fading health – both elderly. One is an alcoholic. The other a toxic narcissist who likes to rage. My alc. mom vacillates between falling down and ending up in ER from drinking, and my dad enables her, taking her out to parties or out to drink. He refuses to change.
Every so often I get my stuff packed and ready to leave at her latest drinking nightmare and their turning on me. They will not accept they have a serious problem with her drinking and his dysfunction. Always have.
One of my sisters who got the job recently – still not talking to me at all. I called her one night when I was sleeping in the park and she didn’t answer or return my texts. She knows whats going on here but texted back she was busy w work and school and visiting w her daughter. As I said – I knew this would happen when she worked again.
Anyways – my mom realized she needs to go back to AA but not after me having to pack as my dad screamed at me to shut up spitting in my face and drawing back to hit me.
I see a therapist and attend ACOA. Problem being I am in recovery from having been raised by two sick people. The rest of my family is not and basically tells my parents they are completely awesome, while telling me they know they are sick but offer no help.
My kids are coming to visit me for xmas. It almost did not happen as I was on the street after my mom was in ER for hip after drunken fall and my dad falling on her.
I went to ACOA that night I left – and it helped me cry and I was understood and not forsaken.
I got into a Masters program which shocked me but I don’t have the money to go – not with me needing to be able to run if the shit hits the fan here again. An act of God is what it would take to stop the insanity of alcoholism and narcissistic entitlement of these sick parents. It saps my strength but I am trying. Hard to be the only one truly working recovery from the effects of alcoholic parents.
I did get health insurance through the govt and I feel badly doing it but I have to. My health is failing as I age and I am worn out from the walk. I am blessed in many ways – very small but meaningful to me. Coffee. The sky. Breathing. I am sorry to be so down. I am scared. I want to know if anyone else besides me feels afraid?
I think a lot of us are afraid, Candy. And as much as we are afraid, we’re afraid to show the fear not just because we don’t want to be judged, but because of the practical aspects in our society that so values the trappings of success and, at the very least, an upbeat and positive face. It’s the “everything is fine” response that is so automatic for so many of us. “Never let them see you sweat” taken to quite an extreme, to the point of absolute falsity.
Please don’t apologize for being down. I’m glad you feel safe enough here to express how you feel. It certainly seems like you’ve been through a terrible time and are still in the middle of it. I might also suggest that you not feel guilty for taking health insurance “from the government” as you say. We all contribute through taxes for the purpose of resources being pooled for those of us who need those resources. That can be any of us at any time.
How are you spending the holidays? Will you have someone to talk to or be able to go to ACOA as some sort of outlet?
I’m 52 and looking for a stay at home job. My husband works but it’s not enough to take care of our family of 6. Our one son has cerebral palsy and sometimes seizures which scares him. I really need a legitimate job. Could you help me with it I’d appreciate very much!
What sort of educational, work or volunteer experience/background do you have, Terri? Have you started the job search prep/process yet? What have you tried thus far? You might pop by this article and see if it gives you some ideas. Then please do stop back.
Thank you for this informative and encouraging article, and even though many of the comments were sad and depressing, I found them helpful as well.
Charles Darwin was 50 years old before he published On the Origin of the Species. Julia Childs didn’t become a star until she was 51. Just sayin.
Age is a state of mind.
Yesssss! I’m 51 so that gives me hope :o)
I empathize with most of you, I do. Tell me, where does a man 53 who is dumped by an alcoholic wife go for help? Most posts I read and sites that I go to assume or infer that men are always to blame for all the problems in a divorce. I am a straight, white, protestant male in America… which means to most people that I meet that I am the cause of every atrocity and evil committed against humanity since we started walking upright. My question is simple: how do I start over again? I just want to provide and care for my children who mean the world to me. I do not mean to be purposefully rude, but we aren’t the enemy.
Thanks
I’m glad I came across this article. I’m 54 and actively looking for a career. I opened a Yoga Studio 3 years ago when I no one would hire me because I did not finish my 4-year college degree. It’s been a lovely three years of volunteer work, as this is not a career that offers any income.
I have years of experience and several skill sets, yet I can’t get my foot in the door anywhere, just as a starting point. I’m willing to relocate; I’m prepared to start a job and get further training. I don’t have small children at home that need my constant attention, and I’m not married. I’m willing to learn and re-educate. I need someone to give me a chance. I schedule time each day to sit, research and apply for a minimum of 3 jobs a day. All job searches are online, which I realize means never connecting to a human being, and I’m 100% sure my application and resume don’t even get seen. That is the way job application is today. It’s frustrating not meeting a person face to face.
I don’t look at my age as a problem, and I don’t get depressed about anything. I’m running out of funds to sustain my life, and I work very hard looking for employment. I won’t live in fear, yet I have concerns. It seems there should be a non-profit or such, that helps to guide women/men at this point that can’t afford fancy “Career Coaches” (average consultant fee is 300.00 per hour) into a career, even if it’s entry level.
I’ve applied to three Universities thinking finishing my education will get my foot in the door somewhere, however, I’ll be 58 when I’d be done, and thousands of dollars in debt. Where is the win/win here?
I’d love more resourses if anyone out there has any to share.
Thank you again for this piece.
Stephanie
Stephanie,
I turned 55 last week. I live in a mid-sized city in the South, about 300,000 people if you include all the surrounding suburban towns. In 2011 at the height of the Great Recession, my company experienced such dire financial problems that I quit before they went under. I had worked virtually for the company, which was based in London, as a full-time contractor for more than a decade. I was 50 years old.
Although I have always been keenly aware that in business, it’s “who you know,” I was truly shocked by how important that phrase was in my city, but I didn’t know anyone in a position to help me get a job. After 7 months of unemployment and another 2 years of extreme under-employment at a museum, I was able to turn things around. Here is what I learned:
1) Take any job that you can get where your city’s “movers and shakers” congregate. (For me, it was a museum.)
2) While trying to get that job, go to the events those places offer. I found out that almost all art museums and other museums have cocktail parties for $15 entry, etc. 3) Volunteer at those same places, and also volunteer at places that you feel passionate about.
This sounds crazy, but it worked for me. While I was under-employed, I met so many movers and shakers that I was “known about town” when a really good job in town came open. NOTE: I am specifically speaking of your local art museum, film festival organizations, philharmonic or symphony, downtown associations, historic tour places– organizations that the “movers and shakers” want to support either because it matters to them or because they “keep up with the Joneses.” I have a feeling that you already know some of these folks from your Yoga studio work.
4) Additionally, by continuing to volunteer for orgs that I was passionate about, I kept my hand in with those folks, who are not movers and shakers but do work I care about. Incredibly, a job opened in that field, and now I am well paid to do what I love, after almost 5 very hard years.
Good Luck to you and everyone on this page!