Relocation decisions are far from simple, especially if you have children. And if you’re a single mom looking to move, housing choices are even more important, as we aren’t the only ones to deal with the fallout of a false start.
Let’s look at the best places to live for single moms and the factors you should consider if a move is in your plans.
And let’s not forget that we’re dealing with more than basics to do with our careers, our budgets, and the environments we may prefer – urban, rural, small town – not to mention climate. Family considerations, including custody constraints and visitation, if divorced, are major elements of where we move – and if moving out of town is even an option.
Top Cities for Single Moms
If you’re free to relocate and you’re searching for resources to assist in making a decision, this list of top cities for single moms, originally from the Zillow blog, offers recommendations. Among them are:
- Rochester, NY
- Port St. Lucie, FL
- Ann Arbor, MI
Pittsburgh, PA, also appears in the top 10, as it does on many “best places to live” lists with appeal to a variety of target audiences.
Although the information presented dates to 2011, with emphasis on housing and overall affordability, there is mention of “good public schools,” crime rates, and walkable communities.
Best Places to Live: Cost of Living + Quality of Life
While living inexpensively is generally an issue for many single mothers, just as important are the facilities available to our children when we’re at work, backup systems if we’re solo moms, and the quality of public education along with related daycare, after school, and enrichment programs.
This “best places to live” list, while dating to mid-2013, focuses on cost of living, jobs, and quality schools. Among the cities mentioned are:
- Little Rock, Arkansas
- Dubuque, Iowa
- Burlington, Vermont
- Ithica, New York
- Santa Fe, New Mexico
The article cited provides a link to a “find the best city for you” tool, which is interesting to take. If you’re a single mother, keeping in mind what’s important in terms of how you want to raise your children, the tool isn’t truly adequate to cover all your bases. Nonetheless, it includes a few factors I consider important.
My results? A bit of a stretch, but then, who knows… They ranged from Dover, Delaware to Rocky Mount, North Carolina.
Emotional Factors in Relocating if You’re a Single Mom
Whether widowed, divorced, or a solo mom by choice, not every mother can relocate simply because she has a mind to – or an opportunity that beckons.
For a divorced mother, custody arrangements may require that we not relocate, as we’re sharing parenting duties with another parent in the area. Even if you’re a divorced solo (or semi-solo) mom, visitation schedules may require that a relocation be easily accessible to the other parent – which may amount to no relocation at all.
Naturally, the relationship that the parents enjoy will ideally balance all interests – including the best interests of the children involved, which may mean that a single mother wishes to relocate closer to family (to help), or for a higher paying job (to cover additional expenses).
Widowed or divorced, our children may be going through so much emotional turmoil that the last thing we wish to do is add to it. Consequently, it makes sense to factor in how old they are, how attached they are to friends and community activities of their own, and how close they are to completing a key stage in their education (middle school or high school). And we all know that some kids, like some adults, are more resilient than others.
Financial Factors in Relocating for Single Moms
Affordability of a home, much less a town or city, is certainly crucial when it comes to being a single parent. The cost of raising children is always greater than we realize, and splitting a household (after divorce) can be an expensive proposition.
Affordability of a new city should include consideration of:
- housing prices (renting and buying)
- property taxes (if buying)
- additional educational costs (if public schools are poor)
- transportation (availability of public transportation, distances to travel)
- transportation costs for teens who drive (car insurance, if no public transportation)
- cost of babysitters, childcare, special needs services for your children
- other cost of living factors (food, clothing, doctors, entertainment, etc.)
And remember – just because generalized cost of living figures look promising, there’s no replacement for calculating your cost of living, taking into account your budget, your child support if applicable, your children’s specific needs, and so on.
If you’re looking for work, in addition to pay scales in your field and jobs in your field, although it’s not explicitly oriented toward single moms, do peek at Forbes Best Cities for Working Mothers. And as far as flexibility is concerned – always a factor for any parent – employer policies, availability of remote work, travel expectations, and accessibility to other family members (or that “village”) is critical.
Single Moms in a New Town: Dating or Waiting?
Let’s not forget your dating status and your age. If you’re a 28-year-old single mom looking to marry and possibly have another child, you’ll want a thriving dating scene if possible. At the very least, you don’t want to ignore the demographics that make sense for you. For example, moving to the middle of a largely rural state and a community where most of your peers are married is not a good plan!
Or, if finding dating partners of your same religion is important, be sure to check the demographics of your target areas so you have adequate choice in romantic candidates.
If you’re 48 with kids in middle school or high school, you’re already potentially upsetting the apple cart with a move when it comes to your kids’ social lives. You may want to involve your tweens and teens in your decision-making criteria, but don’t ignore your own needs either!
Timing for Relocating as a Single Mom
I’m of two minds on the relocation issue for single mothers. If you’re children are going through a transition as it is (the loss of a parent through death or divorce), you may decide that change will be good for all of you. The ages of your children are certainly a factor; there are fewer logistical repercussions when changing school systems and childcare providers when children are younger.
On the other hand, you may need the stability of a neighborhood you know, friends in the area, and childcare assistance you can count on.
If you’re looking for a location that can take your children (and you) through high school and on to Empty Nest, look for amenities that will matter to you not only now, but in several years.
And do remember that your desire to relocate may mean putting miles between your children and their other parent, which may compromise a vital relationship they share with their father. Clearly, even if not explicitly constrained by custody, it is necessary to discuss (and manage) the short-term and long-term emotional and logistical impacts.
To Move or Not to Move, That Is the Question
Being a parent is complicated. Being a single parent – with or without assistance from additional family members – can come with special challenges. A relocation may offer opportunities both professionally and personally, not to mention a change that could do wonders for your attitude and outlook. Don’t ignore the benefits of a change, but do keep in mind the extensive impacts on your children, especially if they’re no longer babies, toddlers, or preschoolers.
And if you’re a slightly older parent, you may face additional complications. (Find related relocation posts here and ”starting over” posts here.)
Does that mean you should walk away from an adventure or a measured risk when it comes to finding a new place to live?
Personally, I don’t think so, especially if you’re not constrained by a potential fight with the other parent. As with a search for the best places to live for yourself, remember what matters most to you and your kids, but keep in mind the need for the support of community and other parents. There’s no question that we all need it when we’re raising our children.
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I’m looking to move but I have a few setbacks.
I have a boyfriend of three years who is a great person just not being a man by being supportive of me. Second I do have a custody arrangement with my child’s father. But I just need a new start, a new outlook. Where are some places? Personal experiences of where to go or whats a nice place. Is there single mother help?
Everything depends on your circumstances, Bekah – how old your child(ren) are, your specific arrangement with their dad, your job situation or prospects, where you live now, what your expectations of a ‘new start’ are, and so on.
As for the boyfriend, I don’t know what you mean by supportive (emotionally? Helping with kids? Helping financially?) – is this something you are looking to end (by moving?) or to change (by talking/working on the relationship)?
Many factors to consider, and your children, in my opinion, top of the list.
Forbes lists louisville kentucky as number 10. I have to disagree. Louisville has already broken it’s previous records for murders. It’s march. Also, the public school system is among the worst in the nation. The children are not prepared for college. It’s sad. I’m looking to relocate because it’s caused me more stress as a single parent. The only positive for Louisville is that Family Scholar House was started here for single parents pursuing college degrees. Wonderful program. I have a degree so it’s time to go.
Well, Raleigh, NC was on the list and that is a lie. NC is a marriage state, so not great for a single mom. The job market sucks and it is all who you know to get a job. And there is a lot of discrimation here. They tax you on everything such as your CAR!! Every year…and if you don’t pay you will not get a sticker for your tag. It is just not a good state for a single person or single mom and just trust me, I am from out of state. The biggest mistake I have ever made.
Need to start over single mom of one
Did you do it? If so how’s it going? The need just popped in my head but I’m soo afraid.
I am a black single mother of one son, I have been doing heavy research on where to move and start over, currently I’m stacking up a few chips now in order to get ahead when I get to wherever I am going, any suggestions?
What region are you in now, Ebony, and is your son elementary school or older / younger? Is what you do for a living portable? Have you checked out job markets in various areas as well as demographics that match your age if you hope to eventually meet another romantic partner?
I am also a single mother of an 8 year old black son. We currently live in Missouri and would like to go somewhere that is safe, good schools and jobs, and a place I don’t have to worry about my son being harassed because of the color of his skin. Warmer weather all year round would be a plus but safety for my son is my top concern. Any other single mothers have any ideas? Oh, and I am not a big city type of girl, traffic is not my best friend.
I’m a single mom of four, however my first are on thier own, my two youngest are 11, & 13, all four have same dad , just split for good recently. It’s unhealthy for me to stay around he doesn’t even have anything to do with two youngest, now when I leave he will have a fuss, for the attention & to go on & on about how awful I am. If I want to keep my sanity, we need to move away, & not just on the other side of town, I’m on disability now cause of mental shit, if I stay here I’m going to end up commenting suicide. I’m not asking for sympathy, I’m not asking for help, I’m not even stating my situation for anything except the fact that I need information on good places to move to that’s pretty & peaceful, for me & my two babies. Can anybody give me an insight & small pretty, peaceful & cheap, ya I know I don’t want much but I want to show my babies a better way of life . Please give me some good places thank you seeking some harmony & peace.
I’m a single mom of 2 kids. My daughter is 8 and my son is 1. I live in Pennsylvania but I want to move to a different state. I’m terrified of moving on my own with my babies so I need some advice. I feel emotionally destroyed and I just want to start over away from this state. If there are any single mom’s out there that have moved and started over in a new state, please give me some advice. I really need it ??
Here’s an initial question for you, Jess. Are there going to be any custody or visitation issues with your children’s father if you leave the area?
I’m also living in pa wanting a fresh start… a change…my kids are 7, 12,13…
It’s scary.. I have no idea where To even start
Hello I am a single mom of 2 boys 7yr/o and almost 2 yr/o no custody issues as both donors are completely absent and no where to be found. I currently am receiving section 8 assistance but where I am in Michigan is a complete nightmare the horrible things I’ve endured here I need to let go and move on I tried for to long I would really like to experience what happiness is one day and not be financially struggling wondering what I’m going to do. There is no help here no programs nothing and this crater I’m in is just getting deeper I need out before I drowned I really really want to go back to New York I love it there yet I was not a mother while living there last. I have no family no friends and no supports so that’s not a factor either I would like to move somewhere that is safe the crime rate here is outrageous we have held the number one spot for murder and heinous crimes for over 10 years. I need to be able to work and or go to school and also be able to obtain safe reliable child care please help with some advice as I have no one to talk to and I’m doing as much research as I can thank you.
Hi Ashley,
I wish I had a magic wand that I could wave and make things better for you. I can only imagine the helplessness you feel, responsible for two young children and in such a position of vulnerability. There are so many questions that I would ask with regard to your skill set, your previous jobs, and the research you’ve done already. Is there any more information on this that you would care to share?
A very kind reader suggested that you look at the following link if you haven’t already, from the Housing and Urban Development (HUD) website. https://www.hud.gov/offices/hsg/sfh/hcc/hcs.cfm?webListAction=search&searchstate=MI
Have you looked there to see if some of the counseling services could provide a hand?
And I will ask if you have any contacts anywhere – friends from high school, any family at all – that might house you / help you and your little ones even temporarily?
Hello,
I’m a single Brown Mom of a 4yr/o daughter. Her Dad my fiancé was murdered 2 years ago. We have a great support system (Family) her Dads Mom keeps her during the week while I work. My step Daughter & I are really close, she lives with her Dads Mom (her mom sucks).
Anyhow I want to move away…. far away I’m not sure where nor how. I’m getting my credit score back up but I can’t seem to save for the life of me. I’ve been at my job for 15 years. I’m very comfy here but someway somehow I need a change of EVERYTHING.
His Mom has Lupus and its getting worse (I WONT LEAVE BEFORE HER)
Can Someone PLEASE tell me where to start, How its working for you? should I even try? Should I take the Grandma?
Hi everyone. I’m 25 I’m a single mother of 1 child. My son is 5 months; im looking to move to Texas, about 8 hours away from my hometown/family & my sons father. He’s 24. I moved back to my hometown about 7 months ago (during my pregnancy) to be closer to family & my sons father. I needed all the help I could get especially being a first time mom.
Moving back to my hometown was NEVER on my list of plans for my future, but like I said, I knew I’d needed the help. Well, IM MISERABLE. Very unhappy & depressed. I’m so over this small town where literally everybody knows everybody & there is nothing here. Just a really small country town with a few stop lights & your small town family owned shops. You have to drive at least an hour 1/2 for malls, movies, nice restaurants, stores etc.
I told myself months ago that if things weren’t gonna work out between his father & relationship wise then I was going to move simply because I know I’m never going to be happy here. Yes, I was willing to stay if me & his father were in a relationship bc that was the person I loved & would’ve stayed anywhere with him since he was a huge part of my happiness, but now that’s not the case. He has standard visitation rights which are every other weekend & told me that wherever I move to he wants me to meet him half way, so in this case we’d both be driving 4 hours to meet every other weekend (yikes)
I want to move to Texas because I have a couple of friends there & a few cousins in that area as well. So I wouldn’t be making such a big move without knowing anyone. Also, since my son is still a baby so I wouldlike to move now rather than later. The older a child gets, the harder it is for them to adapt to new places. I’m looking to start a happy & healthy life for the both of us, because I know as long as I’m here living miserably, crying everyday, etc. then that’s not gonna have a positive impact on my son. I’ve tried to make it work here & I’ve tried to find peace & happiness so I’m ok with the fact that I have put forth effort, but I’m failing as a person the longer I stay.
I have literally lost myself & as much as I WANT a new start, I feel like its NEEDED as well. I know id have to find a job, & day care (my son is being kept by a family member right now so I’m VERY nervous about putting him in daycare.) But I could use all the advice I could get on my situation.
I’m in the same boat. Single mom, 5 month old. I’m from NYC though and moved to PA when the baby came. I’m still here and feeling very unfulfilled. Scared out of my mind to make a move. It’s almost like I’m regressing at my parents. Have you moved yet? I’d like to hear what happened.
I am 26 and have 9 year old twins. I’m also thinking of moving 3hrs away from where I currently live. The new area seems promising. Rent would be so affordable and I could go back to school. I’ve put it off for so long I feel like time is running out. I want to be settled with a career and better job by the time they are 13. If anyone has a success story please share!
I’m separated, filing for a divorce. I currently have sole custodian custody of our two children 7 and 13. I am a career single mom. Their dad has the kids every other weekend. He is not consistent with paying child support and it is well below the state minimum. Anyway, I have always been the breadwinner in the home. I currently have a great job offer on the table. The company sought me out. Problem is, it’s in another state where I would not have any family support. Although my ex and I didn’t work out, I don’t want to tear him into pieces by relocating his child so far away. But, we only hear or see him when on his weekend. Should I be so sensitive to his feelings? I can afford to fly the kids to see him. He also has a transferable job. I’m not as concerned with being on my own with the kids because I can afford after school care, my oldest is a teenager now, babysitters. The job does not require any travel like my current job does now. So, I will be home with them more. There are natural fears of being on my own with them. I am spoiled by my family helping out. I see no reason why they could not fly in if I need help. I would have to agree that wehen you live so close to your family, it could be mentally costly. They are in your business and try to tell you what to do. Well, is there any advice on how to talk to the ex about the situation and how to cope with the natural fears of being on your own as the single parent?
This is just one woman’s opinion, based on my own experience. Take the job. Save every penny you can. Make sure your money stays your money, especially given the fact that your soon to be ex has been spotty in making support payments. Know that collecting support can be challenging – there are all kinds of loopholes – but it’s even more challenging across state lines. And then there’s everything that is not typically included in “child support.” Make sure you have provisions to cover a number of items that attorneys will tell you are not necessarily in child support. And do not accept lawyerly comments like “oh you can always go back to court later“ or “you can always file if you have a change in circumstances.“ That’s a crock. Nothing is that simple.
And you don’t want to find yourself staying behind, underemployed at best and 50 years old, still dealing with a teenager or with one or more kids in college and unable to keep a roof over your head or prescriptions in your medicine cabinet.
And remember that raising kids is way more expensive than you realize.
The data is a little old in this article, but not that old and there are a number of resources provided that you may find useful. https://dailyplateofcrazy.com/2014/12/01/cost-of-raising-a-child-2014/
There is another that I wrote for another site somewhere that may be useful. If I can round it up I will come back to this comment and include it. I wish you luck! And of course, if anyone else has more to offer, please do.
Here is the article that I mentioned. It has to do with hidden child support costs. I think you’ll find it useful. Stop back and keep us posted on how things are going. https://www.divorceforce.com/article/hidden-child-support-expenses-by-d-a-wolf
I just want to share my experience as a single mother who moved out of state to an area completely unfamiliar.
Hi, I’m Deena.
I adopted my nephew at birth and moved us from Texas to Tennessee. I moved for several reasons, but mostly because I was able to buy a house for a third of what it would cost in Texas. Also because I wanted to “start over” with my son/nephew.
I could spend half the night typing an article of why this was a terrible idea but instead I will just mention the few things that made the move a disaster.
First and foremost, I didn’t know anyone and had absolutely no support. Here’s a scenario I strongly suggest other mothers to take into consideration….
At one point I became very ill with what was probably the flu. I had no one to help with my son. I also had no one to drive me to the hospital when my temperature peeked. At this point I was several days into being sick. Unable to groom my son as nicely as I normally did, I did the best I could and called an ambulance. After getting to the hospital, with no one to watch him while they treated me, the doctor assured me everything would be ok. He said social services would keep him occupied and watch him. I didn’t know it at the time but social services involves Child Protective Services in situations like this. Not having anyone to help with children raises red flags and concerns. Six months later, after many tears and a ton of anxiety, and joining a church I had no desire to be a part of the case was closed.
Then there was the fact I was unable to get out to meet anyone. I couldn’t afford a babysitter very often (They are expensive these days) and I didn’t know anyone who babysat anyhow. Not having any family or friends to help made me realize how valuable they actually are when you are a single parent. Trust me on this.
The third major thing was not being able to acclimate to the area or the mindset of the people which ended up causing many problems. Frustration and irritation soon turned into depression, which is not good for mother or child, especially when there is no one nearby who cares enough to help you pull yourself together.
There were several other challenges also. Being constantly lost, feeling out of place, and even worrying my son would develop the local accent just being a few of the lesser challenges.
I ended up moving us back to Texas four years later. It is not the perfect scenario here but after going through four harsh years by myself with a child, in a completely unfamiliar place, I have realized the importance of support and the beauty of familiarity. It turns out to be true what they say, the grass is not always greener on the other side.
I read these articles and see how single mothers with the itch to move are concerning theirselves with cost of living, demographics, and schools in states they’re considering relocating to. I urge you to consider other very realistic issues as well. Before you know it, you could find yourself in some pretty serious spots you don’t want to be in as a mother.
When I rolled back into the small Texas town I had left 4 years prior it felt wonderful to be home. I even see the town differently now and can finally recognize the benefits of raising my son here.
Thank you so much for sharing your experience with us. What a frightening situation to find yourself in! This is a lesson for any single parent and really, anyone who is starting over in a different place on their own, without support systems or even one person they can count on in an emergency. I am glad that you have returned to a place that feels familiar and where you and your child are able to be together and manage to go on. It just isn’t easy, we get it.
I wish you all the best. Again, your story will be helpful for others to read, so thank you for sharing.
I am a single mom of five and looking for a small town to start fresh with my kids and was wondering what good places would there be to move too. The only family I have is my sister and brother and they live in Kentucky.
This decision was complicated before the pandemic. It’s even more challenging now, given that kids are not in school in so many places around the US, and the job market is very much disrupted as well.
So… the factors described in this article are both more essential than ever and altered (by coronavirus).
Money — How you pay for your life with your kids is, clearly, fundamental. Are you financially responsible for them on your own? Do you have sufficient income regardless of where you live? Are you able to work from home and pay for their necessities and your own? If not, have you considered how you will work and what you will do?
The ages of your children — School systems (in the long run) are important, but over the remainder of 2021 if many public schools are not back in session (pandemic), how will you manage homeschooling and working if you need to?
How important is it to you that you be within, say, a day’s drive to your family in Kentucky? Or a half-day’s drive? (If important, consider the maximum distance you’re comfortable with and imagine a circle drawn around their location of, for example, two or three hours’ drive away in any direction. Then look at what towns/cities are located within that area. Google them. Read any reviews by citizens that you can find.)
Here are a few more links (as current as I could find) that may be helpful.
SmartAsset’s Most Livable Small Cities in the US 2020
Wallethub’s Best/Worst Small Cities 2020
Note that this sort of listing (above) focuses primarily on income, though “quality of life” is also discussed.
You need to seriously think about life in the short-run (2021, with pandemic) and beyond (assuming we have something resembling “normal life” in 2022 and beyond). Are you fine in cold and snow? Are there jobs you could work in the places you’re considering? Is their transportation? Are there decent healthcare facilities? Do you prefer a place with all four seasons or the heat? (These are just examples of considerations.)
Again — money is essential. But for single moms, as I don’t have to tell you, there’s so much more to figure out. A support system is such a critical lifeline. If not family, then friends, other mothers, the means to meet people (even virtually) through Meetup or other, faith communities, and so on. Friends for your kids as well is critical.
These are especially difficult times to consider a move in any circumstances. No more so than when on your own with kids. I wish there were easier answers. But I hope this is helpful in some way.
I really need advice. I have lived in Indiana for most of my life, but was born in Colorado. I have been thinking of taking my teenagers and leaving this state because it is an absolute dead end where I live. My marriage is basically over and I have more stress being here with an alcoholic than I do with a move. I have to make a choice because I am not getting any younger. I don’t know where to even start to plan for this. My husband has been the money maker and I’m just now about to start a job where I will making my own money. I know I need to get prepared completely before even finding a state to move to. If anyone has been through this and give me the steps to do this, please I am at your mercy.
Good Day,
I do not have an arrangement with my 4 year old daughter’s father who in which we share 50/50 custody as best as possible upon our own agreement as well as our work schedule.
I am a 27 year old mother who currently lives in New Mexico, where I lived my whole life.
I am beyond unsatisfied as well as feeling stuck being here.
I would like to move.
I also do not want to psychologically effect my daughter with this move.
Any Recommendations are greatly needed, Thank You!
Best Regards.